I feel you on that addictive personality bullshit. It's a cop out. Even sober people have an addictive personality. We're naturally wired to do things that feel good hello haha. And of course if something feels good, we're gon want to repeat that experience. Some people are addicted to shit like exercising and not eating. Others are addicted to their morning cup of coffee. Mine jus happens to be frowned upon by society. Oh yeah and it's also ruining my life and my relationships with other people.
What Do You Blame For Your Addiction?
- Thread starter MsPilly
- Start date
I feel you on that addictive personality bullshit. It's a cop out. Even sober people have an addictive personality. We're naturally wired to do things that feel good hello haha. And of course if something feels good, we're gon want to repeat that experience. Some people are addicted to shit like exercising and not eating. Others are addicted to their morning cup of coffee. Mine jus happens to be frowned upon by society. Oh yeah and it's also ruining my life and my relationships with other people.
dopemaster
Bluelight Crew
The PAs or physicians assistants write the scrips. I have never even seen the doctor that runs the practice. I was there for two years before I met any doctors that worked there. The only reason I met a doctor was because the PA made a huge error with my dosage and threw me into sever drug withdrawals to the point where I had to go to the hospital. I called the next day and they had the doctor handle the situation and this was just because he was the only person with the authority to let me get a different prescription. Its common practice to have PAs write all the prescriptions and do all the work. I have even asked to meet the doctor and it has never happened.
I find it to be the most unethical field of medicine. The things they do to patients are both unethical and degrading. I am actually writing a book about my experiences with pain doctors. I am using my experiences and those of people I know that are also on chronic pain management.
As far as my medication I get high doses of CII medications. I think that its absurd that onyone besides a doctor is writing these prescriptions and I think its downright wrong.
People come into the office looking ghetto fabulous with gold chaings with diamond charms and 250 dollar limited edition nikes, ecko/lrg/coogi atire, and tattoos on their face and hands even. Other people come in looking dope sick as hell shaking and sweating. Its a spectacle to say the least. Even though I am heavily tattoed I always wear a dress shirt and clothes that fit me when I go to the doctor. They will give anyone medication. They dont care about anything other than how fast they can get you in and out of the office.
I actually have the Xrays, CAT scans, MRIs, and notes from specialists to back up my pain and the fact that my injury is inoperable. I think surgery is possible but Im on medicaid and I think that is why I cannot get surgery.
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QUARE
Bluelighter
Something that I've been thinking about today. I blame myself and only myself for my addiction to opiates. I know that with any drug that u get high on, there is always a comedown or aftermath. I knew exactly what I was doing the entire step of the way and I take responsibility. I've heard other users in the past say oh my bf/gf got me hooked on (fill in the blank). Or i didn't know what it was going to do to me. You can research anything on the internet these days (and in the past decade) so I can't see being uneducated about a particular drug as a reason for ur addiction. In the 90s there wasn't so much info out on the long term use of prescription pain killers but with every high, comes the price. I knew very well what i was doing and i'm not surprised i'm an addict today. What do YOU think? Who or What do u blame for ur current addiction?
I tried Cannabis at age of 12 and I stoped because I didnt wanted to do drug anymore. At age of 18 some of my freind was smoking weed and offered me some... the first few time I was saying no but eventually I say yes and then it all started. After a few months of use I started to be intrested abotu other drugs, I started research on internet and found some website and started trying everything I could find. At first it was natural drugs then I tried pharmaceutical and then synthetic drugs. Now Im using research chemicals. I have tried every class of drugs, psychedelics, sedatives, opioids, dissociatives, antidrepressants, antipsychotics, stimulants and deliriant. My favorite are opioids for a simple reason, im anxious and I like to relax and forget about stuff that bother me and opioids makes me feel like that.
Its true that if I didnt knew those guys who offered me weed I probably never tried it again or meaby not I cant know BUT I cant blame them because I choosed to tried it again. I made that choice.
I sometimes think that if I had stuck w/ weed I might not have such an opiate habit today. My damn curiosity got the best of me. I have to agree with you that I prefer the opiate high over any other high I've had. Well, except for a mighty good roll 
Too bad you can't live your life in a constant state of bliss from rolling face. That's completely unrealistic. Damn opiates.
Too bad you can't live your life in a constant state of bliss from rolling face. That's completely unrealistic. Damn opiates.
chrlefxtrt
Bluelighter
The addictive personality has always been there; long family history of drug and alcohol abuse on both sides. That being said, when i messed up my back royally in the army at 24yrs old (2003) my opiate addiction really took off. By the time i had a 360degree spinal fusion two years later i was a full blown functioning junkie. I didn't get rid of my daily ritual until this last year.
I was addicted to pain killers way longer than my back was ever fucked up.
Once you have those surgery scars, most doctors seem to give you the benefit of the doubt.
All that being said it was MY FAULT and nobody elses. I am just glad my wife has the patience of a saint.
Now i just stick with buds.
I was addicted to pain killers way longer than my back was ever fucked up.
Once you have those surgery scars, most doctors seem to give you the benefit of the doubt.
All that being said it was MY FAULT and nobody elses. I am just glad my wife has the patience of a saint.
Now i just stick with buds.
limonov
Bluelighter
Availablity was what I blame for me developing an opiate addiction. Not in the sense of being able to get it- I've always been able to get a few pills to turn into heroin or some methadone...and failing that poppy seed tea is is available 7am-12pm 365 day a year. What it was was buying, say, half an ounce of (initially) O-desmethyltramadol and just having it sit around my house...then I got 3.5g of methadone & half an ounce of morphine powder which was turned into heroin on a shot-by-shot basis.
I had been a dedicated chipper for years and years and years without getting a habit after kicking my first addiction about 8 years ago, it was no problem only buying a little bit and using no more than a couple of times a week...that was no problem at all, but once I had enough junk to kill a batallion stashed around my house there was just no chance.
It took about two months, which is kinda impressive, but just having that much gear was too much & I caved. The thing that actually played the biggest role was actually my heavy methoxetamine abuse- after plugging say 250g over an evening I'd be so stimulated and manic at 5-7am that I'd take junk to come down and sleep. It synergised/potentiated the opiates a great deal, so I quickly started usng them together...which was super addictive!
Add a whole load of ketamine just for good measure and I was in no state to make the sort of rational decisions needed to avoid addiction. The fact that prefer methadone to smack also meant that I was taking quite a bit of methadone- the insane halflife makes it so much easier to 'accidently' get a habit. Sorta like it's easier to get addicted to diazepam than to triazolam, simply because you don't have to take it as often to get a habit.
Actually the whole thing was just a series of bad and ill-advised decisions. Only a madman would buy that much gear- it was always intended as being solely for personal use, this wasn't some dealing attempt gone wrong- I have no idea how I thought I'd be able to consume that much shit and not get addicted. So I guess I blame myself...but it specificly was the 'right there' availability that did me in.
I had been a dedicated chipper for years and years and years without getting a habit after kicking my first addiction about 8 years ago, it was no problem only buying a little bit and using no more than a couple of times a week...that was no problem at all, but once I had enough junk to kill a batallion stashed around my house there was just no chance.
It took about two months, which is kinda impressive, but just having that much gear was too much & I caved. The thing that actually played the biggest role was actually my heavy methoxetamine abuse- after plugging say 250g over an evening I'd be so stimulated and manic at 5-7am that I'd take junk to come down and sleep. It synergised/potentiated the opiates a great deal, so I quickly started usng them together...which was super addictive!
Add a whole load of ketamine just for good measure and I was in no state to make the sort of rational decisions needed to avoid addiction. The fact that prefer methadone to smack also meant that I was taking quite a bit of methadone- the insane halflife makes it so much easier to 'accidently' get a habit. Sorta like it's easier to get addicted to diazepam than to triazolam, simply because you don't have to take it as often to get a habit.
Actually the whole thing was just a series of bad and ill-advised decisions. Only a madman would buy that much gear- it was always intended as being solely for personal use, this wasn't some dealing attempt gone wrong- I have no idea how I thought I'd be able to consume that much shit and not get addicted. So I guess I blame myself...but it specificly was the 'right there' availability that did me in.
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tightlywound
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2013
- Messages
- 405
genetics(family history of alcoholism, addiction, mental health trouble etc) and my intrinsic mental structure. I made it my goal to use drugs when I learned about them in elementary school D.A.R.E ...
the systematic abuse i suffered as a child/teenager, my tendency to always look for a quick fix to a situation where there isn't one, depression and anxiety issues that definitely stem from the aforementioned abuse... ah well. fuck it.
For along time I blamed my parents for my coke addiction. My father abandoned me as a young teen for my step mother and my mom was a partier. We had a band of junkies living with us, I was taught about banging heroin in the 3rd grade. It was a wild child hood, my mom forced me to deal drugs at school to be able to buy school clothes. Drugs and drinking became the norm. When I started dating a coke dealer at 18 my mom encouraged it telling me he'd b able to take care of me and coke would keep me skinny.4 years later I finally cleaned up. Using occasionally at best.
My cousin was an opiate addict and I had always hated the drug. I went thru a horrible divorce, then met the man of my dreams. He knew my feelings on drugs. What was ok and what was not. Ironically heroin hit our small town in the form of his BFF returning from Seattle.he started using behind my back. I caught on and was devastated. He would not believe me on the consequences of using. In an attempt to keep him I started using. He eventually quit. I can't find the strength. Now he's begging me to quit. Funny how the tables have turned.
In the end tho, I know it was my decision to use, and to continue to use. Many factors effect or decisions but ultimately they are ours.
My cousin was an opiate addict and I had always hated the drug. I went thru a horrible divorce, then met the man of my dreams. He knew my feelings on drugs. What was ok and what was not. Ironically heroin hit our small town in the form of his BFF returning from Seattle.he started using behind my back. I caught on and was devastated. He would not believe me on the consequences of using. In an attempt to keep him I started using. He eventually quit. I can't find the strength. Now he's begging me to quit. Funny how the tables have turned.
In the end tho, I know it was my decision to use, and to continue to use. Many factors effect or decisions but ultimately they are ours.
verso
Bluelighter
I believe that we all knew exactly what we were doing when we were doing it, and what we were getting ourselves into...
I mean, doing dope and smoking crack... while we may not have known just exactly what the addiction experience would be like or entail, well, we all had a pretty good idea of what would come from it, right?
I don't blame anyone else, but I have come up with a certain sort of explanation; I had never learned proper coping skills and I had been born with a sort of lousy genetic "hand," so to speak. I've got the depression and the anxiety and the obsessive compulsiveness that my mother and my mother's side of the family suffers from, and I've just always sort of observed her behavior and considered the way that she copes with life's little ups and downs as normal and so took that all in.
She sleeps, goes right to bed whenever something upsets her, and she abused her anxiety medication for a long, long time. I sleep as well whenever something upsets me, using a certain substance or substances (heroin, muscle relaxers, etc.) to help me achieve that end, but, it's relatively the same thing, and of course I've abused anxiety meds as well and it's all just very similar and it's what I've learned as coping mechanisms.
So do I blame my mother? No, absolutely not. And do I blame my genes, my genetics? Not really... I may have been somewhat predisposed to substance abuse and addiction, but, at the end of the day, it's on me. I made the decision to put a straw in my nose, put a pipe to my lips, so on and so forth. That's just the way it is, and I have to take responsibility for my actions.
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dopemaster
Bluelight Crew
Another justification I sure forgot to mention was living amongst people with whom drug and alcohol abuse was the norm. Drinking seemed like the way to deal with problems. Recreational drug abuse was an activity. I figued that if I worked a job I was an adult and adults had drinks before work, duirng work, on lunch breaks, and most definetlly after work. I lived in a small town for a bit during high school. I could order a drink at the bar when I was still in high school most days out of the week. It was normal to smoke pot on the street. Often times people would smoke cigarettes in which the tobacco had been replaced by marijuana. Going camping always seemed to entail halluciniogenic drugs. I mean who the fuck would want to sleep outside if you were not taking mushrooms, lsd, or both. There was only one cop in the town and when I got caught drinking in public my parents where phoned and he would say something like "come pick up DM, hes had a bit much to drink today and I think he wont be able to walk home." The alcohol would be returned to my parents and then to me. My peers often dranks before class and between classes. Smoking a cigarette was a simple as asking to use the restroom and either stepping outside or crawling up into the ventilation shaft if you were strong enough to pull yourself up which I was. It was not uncommon to spend a good half an hour in the ventilation shafts and smoke a bowl and a cigarette. So all that type of behavior seemed so normal. Often times I would walk into a bar and people would be doing coke off the bar and lines were offered to anyone tall enough to get up to the bar. All the student athletes would take amphetamines before the games and this was encouraged by the coach along with steroid use. It seemed to make everyone perform better and if the Yankees did it and won, well we should be winning games to. A doctors visit often yeilded steroids, amphetamines, benzos, and pain pills for the young male demographic. I guess it all seemed so normal. Its like you were considered to be a homosexual (no offense) or pussy among peers if you were not a daily drinker by 16 in this town. The most amazing thing about this town was seeing my teachers, public officials, and friend's parents all smoking pot on main street and even offering me a toke and than asking me how my day was and how things were going for me (ie so were would you like to go to uni?). I certainly dont blame these people as its a rather nice place to visit, it just left me and so many other youngsters with the impression that drug and alcohol abuse was normal. To be honest it was considered quite rebellious to not drink, smoke, and use drugs.
manboychef
Bluelighter
My addiction came from self medicating my problems.The key word is self. Did it to my damn self. I can agree with the coping skills thing.
ecstasyboy717
Bluelighter
Myself first. My environment. My family. Genetics
GodSpeedK
Bluelighter
The drugs, for being way too much fun.
Grrrr, those pesky drugs!
Grrrr, those pesky drugs!
itsok
Bluelighter
I believe I chose to be addicted for many reasons:
1) I needed to suffer somehow
2) I wanted to associate and empathize with as many ppl as possible. Like why should I stay away from felons, prostitutes, homeless people. It just seemed wrong to be taught to judge.
3) I always routed for the underdog so I became the thing society hates, junkie
4) I feel like "normal" life is so out of balance with nature and opiates help close my heart so Im not so sensitive to the destruction of earth and sickness of system life
5) curiousity, set intention to experience many different mindstates, even negative ones to increase empathy
6) perhaps change my family and friends prejudices against junkies, considering that I am still am a caring moral and forgiving person...
7) i enjoyed the incredible quieting of my mind and gained that ability to chill and be present and to accept so much more in life.
1) I needed to suffer somehow
2) I wanted to associate and empathize with as many ppl as possible. Like why should I stay away from felons, prostitutes, homeless people. It just seemed wrong to be taught to judge.
3) I always routed for the underdog so I became the thing society hates, junkie
4) I feel like "normal" life is so out of balance with nature and opiates help close my heart so Im not so sensitive to the destruction of earth and sickness of system life
5) curiousity, set intention to experience many different mindstates, even negative ones to increase empathy
6) perhaps change my family and friends prejudices against junkies, considering that I am still am a caring moral and forgiving person...
7) i enjoyed the incredible quieting of my mind and gained that ability to chill and be present and to accept so much more in life.
Carl Landrover
Bluelighter
The Jews
This is obviously a joke answer
This is obviously a joke answer
xstayfadedx
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2011
- Messages
- 20,559
Myself, and my self destructive ways. Yes, I've been through a lot but I can't blame anything or anyone else. I can only blame myself for not getting help or finding more positive things when I needed them the most. Instead I said fuck the world and my so called life... I'll just get addicted to pills and later heroin... That was the easiest thing to do.. now its the hardest thing to fix and my other issues are still there too. So more problems overall.