Well I read the link you posted. You sound like you went thru a lot of drugs in your teenage years. The same thing happened to me. I ended up a straight up alcoholic drinking up to half a gallon of liquor everyday. I just knicked it from the store I worked at. I used the stuff I stole from my job and my paycheck to secure places to stay as I had become quite unwelcome at home. Anyways my parents split and me and my mum moved. I quickly developed a daily cocaine habit and starting taking alot of fucking X. Things got alot worse. I did every drug there was by the time I hit 17. My first experience with amphetamine being around 13 or 14. I could write a ten page essay on my drug abuse and what drove me to it. So yeah you story got to me a bit as its rather similar to mine.
It got worse into my early twenties and I ended up very ill with pneumonia and could no longer take care of myself. I was out of my god damn mind after working a few years as a gigalo. The drugs and booze had taken their toll. I had lost my marbles. I ended up on just about every antipsychotic under the sun and finally a large dose of benzos. After I pulled my mind together I realized all I needed was the benzos. The antipsychotics made me gain over 50 kilos or 120 lbs. I lost the weight when I stopped the antipsychotics. I should have just never filled them as they only made shit worse.
When you do get professional help I would NOT include the drug and alcohol abuse in your story. I hate to say this, but getting pills from a shrink is kind of a game. You look up what you want and tell them what they need to hear. Try to find a therapist who is willing not to keep records and talk to your shrink. You dont absolutly need one to get pills from a shrink, just tell them you cannot afford it, unless of course you like therapy. I had a therapist turn around and use my file against me and black mail me into being his drug source. I had to get him large amounts of marijuana on the cheap or he would do this or that. I was so glad when the asshole got fired for sexually harrasing female patients. This man was a sick dude. Im not trying to scare you but its best to keep you guard up when you are fending for yourself.
It sounds like you need to calm down. I think you need benzos for that. I would worry about getting my dick hard through amphetamines later. If you get a benzo scrip and take it responsably I think you will fell alot better. Benzos are also one of the cheapest drugs you can purchase on the street....
You should chill and work on yourself. If you want a meanigful relationship its best to have your shit together. No one can love you until you love yourself. I wish you the best of luck. I truly hope and believe that things will get better for you if you try. Things can get beter or worse. You got to get control of your situation and it takes work.
Damn man....thank you for reading and sharing. I hope youre better now
. Its interesting my drug use actually became abuser when my parents split. I dont know why but i didnt inculde it in my text....i guess maybe it is a contributing factor. Fuck X,it has made some changes in me that are permanent. Since the 2 week binge i described i act like a straight up tweaker. Im always looking out of my windows, investigating sounds, and my sppeech has been altered. THere is something about MDMA that is just fucked up.
I second you on the antipsychtoics, in my opinion they are only usefull if you have acute psychosis, but i dont think they are good as long term medication. And believe me, now i know about ``the game``. THe last times i went to a shrink i didnt tell them shit about my drug use. Because if i would they would automatically try to make me take SSRI and APSychotics insteand of benzos and ADD medication. WHen my breakdown happened 3 months ago, i dont know why but i told the doctor that i smoke weed, didnt mention the other drugs, just because of that when i waas having extreme panic attacks he prescribed me fucking hydroxizyne and valerian. FOr fucks sake. It funny how ridiculous it actually is. And i hate therapy, in my opinion it doesnt work. Also thats hella fucked up about your therapist, sick people these days. GOod he got fired
. I hate black mailing, its really a bullshit thing to do.
I think too i would feel alot better with benzos, i have to learn to contrrol myself. My father was an alcoholic, and im afraid im becoming one. BEcause before alcohol was a complement, not the drug of choice. Now its the one i use pretty much everyday. How could i work on myself? for example what did you do when you stopped everything? ANd thank you for the good wishes, i appreciate it. The only time i actually ditched drugs for a few weeeks was because of a realitionship. Well when it got fucked up guess what i did, back in lala-land. If its no too personal, can you tell me what exactly did you do after you got off the antipsychotics?
