My story X

[Vikingdancer]

Hello my fellow users,

first of all Im not British or American so my English isn't good. I probab make some newb mistakes but forgive me on that one.

Now my story.
I started to use X like 2 years ago. I didnt do it very frequent. But when I used I mostly did like 3-4 strong pills. I once did 9 strong pills. Thats the only one I regret so much. I was on my own in my room and I just kept takin more and more. Stupid but I've done it. That happened april 15th 2012. In octobre 8, 2012 I did my last dose of MDMA. And in december all this weird shit happened. I became anxious, had racing thoughts. I thought I would faint and was afraid my heart would stop bouncing. Im pretty depressed atm and I have a HUGE knot in my stomache. And I just feel SHIT all fkn day. These symptoms seems to relate to my X use. Though when the symptoms came and my last Xuse there was 2.5 months in between. Hows that possible?

My lifestyle was really stupid. Worked at night, drunk a lot. I slept sometimes like 3-4 hours in a row for four nights. SICK.

But now im having all these problems. And I can relate to so many stories on this forum. I'm getting pretty scared that I have perm damage. Next monday, i have an appointment with a addictdocter. In my country(The Netherlands) they have those type of doctors. Specialized in party drugs and the (opposite of cause).

What do you guys think.

Greetz.

Edit: To give an example of my Xuse. I used in 2 years like 12 times. Max 30 pills.

 

[WhatIsWrongWithMe]

Hey man I feel you bruh, I've been exactly the same for about 5 months. I only did mdma ONE time and the dose was not even that big 200 mg (guess i'm sensitive to it).

I have all sorts of problems... anxiety, racing OCD thoughts, minor erectile dysfunction, weird state of mind like DR/DP, sleep problems, digestive problems, memory problems, etc

I have no idea if I will ever 100% recover, but I DO realize that I can still laugh, like... really hard sometimes. Sometimes I feel very happy, and I am so grateful for that. So I decided, I will live because of those happy moments. Of course, I still have anxiety that comes and goes very often... but please try to remember times during your comedown where you laugh and feel happy. Focus on that if it EVER comes.

Just remember, a lot of it is anxiety/depression which takes a long time to get better.

Good luck mang, keep this thread updated.

 

[MazDan]

I doubt very much that this has anything at all to do with your use of mdma.

Not 10 weeks later..............just does not make sense.

Sounds to me like you have an anxiety problem or maybe even some other medical problem that you have conveniently put 2 and 3 together and come up with 9. Be careful that by doing so you actually miss what the real probnlem is.

I would definitely advise seeing a doctor, psychologist etc and seek help however do not try to tell them what is wrong with you, simply answer there questions, including thoser related to drug use and let them make a decision without your bias.

This is important to give you a chance to get to the bottom of the truth of the matter.

Good luck, eat well exercise well and sleep well.

 

[weirdfish]

Such a delayed reaction does seem unlikely, but I don't think it's impossible. You'll never really know for sure, so the best thing to do is just try and live healthily and lay off the drugs for as long as possible.

 

[Maya]

Wow that is bizarre but there might be a possibility.. I did abuse mdma as well took too many last year dec and had a really bad comedown after. I think my lifetime use is 37 pills nothing more.. The very first question that people here on ED will ask is if you had tested the pills you took last time.. If you havent it coulda been some other chemical being passed on as ecstasy.. I hope you feel better keep taking care of yourself. Like what Mazdan said it would be best to see a doctor as well just to get a proper evaluation of your symptoms etc.

 

[MrPorter]

Sleep deprivation & stress can combo and just make you feel like shit constantly.
Are you currently exercising regularly?
Are you stressed or under a lot of pressure?
Are you getting plenty of sleep?
Have you used any other drinks recently, or significantly at the time the problems started?
How is our diet? Healthy with lots of fruit, veg and meat?

 

[augustaB]

Seeing as you are in NL, I suppose the gear was relatively pure. I tend to agree with Mazdan on this. Talk to the doctor, you might have anxiety problems completely unrelated to mdma.
Het beste toegewenst!

 

[Vikingdancer]

Sleep deprivation & stress can combo and just make you feel like shit constantly.
Are you currently exercising regularly?
Are you stressed or under a lot of pressure?
Are you getting plenty of sleep?
Have you used any other drinks recently, or significantly at the time the problems started?
How is our diet? Healthy with lots of fruit, veg and meat?

I'm not exercising at all atm.
I've had a lot stress and pressure due to work and school. But in december I just had all things rollin and it's goin quite good now.
Currently I'm getting plenty of sleep. Thou still chillin twice a week with my mates and then I drink alcohol. But the prob is, if I don't drink alcohol I keep gettin stressed out. Sometimes I'm shakin ><.
I only did alcohol and MDMA.
My diet is pretty healthy atm. It has been terrible thou.

Sorry that I waited long to answer all y'all questions. I had some busy days. The only symptom I have which most X users don't have is Tinnitus. Which started in december. But the ironic part of that is. In december everything went better had more rest. I connected with a REALLY beautifull girl which im still in a relationship with. She worried about my habbits and slowly start sayin me what to do and don't in a good way, but then I went completely mental. Restless and racing thoughts, it was bad.

Yesterday and today are pretty good, i'm still overthinking my past habbits too much. I had a 8 hours straight sleep.

I made a mistake in my opening threat. The last time I used wasn't october. It was 8 of august. But I blame the X because so many symptoms of these people Iseem to have to. The most annoying symptom is that I keep worrying, keep thinkin and thinkin. It's exhausting to fight this war in my head. Though I stay positive, I will never let this get me. For sure.

Greetz and I will keep this updated.

Edit: I'm seeing an addict doctor monday. I will tell him my story but I won't put him to much in a direction. Addictdoctors here are basicdoctors but specialized. He did a freakin 9 year study and has loads experience, especially with MDMA users. Anyone else who has a question for him? I can try to get your answer.

 

[futura2012]

With there being a gap of taking MDMA and then 2.5 months later symptoms started it seems very unusual the drugs are the specific cause.

As others have already said.

Pretty much all long term comdown issues I have discussed start with a session and the person wakes up feeling "altered" the negative effects are fairly instant.

To have these symptoms come on two months later seems other factors could be at play.

Having had anxiety and depression now myself for 18 months I have met many other sufferers and in many cases anxiety and depression can just start for a number of reasons not always drug related.

It seems that the drugs can trigger the anxiety and depression which then lingers for months later. In your case it would seem the anxiety and depression has been caused from other factors. The drugs have probably not helped but I dont think are at the route of your problems.

Addictdoctors here are basicdoctors but specialized. He did a freakin 9 year study and has loads experience, especially with MDMA users. Anyone else who has a question for him? I can try to get your answer.

I am interested to hear what the MDMA doctor has to say. I would be very interested to know what the doctor advises for people suffering from lonterm MDMA related problems such as anxiety, panic attacks, depression etc. With particular emphasis on any suppliments he may advise.

I would also be interested to know what Antidepressants or medication he would advise to people suffering from MDMA related depression problems.

Good luck please report back.

 

[Vikingdancer]

18 months seems really long. Though hold your head up. I read in multiple studies that almost any symptoms caused by MDMA fade away in 3 years.

In your case gens can cause your dep/anxiety problems aswell right?

Your question will be answered and don't worry, i'll definately report back.

 

[xxxyakinikuxxx]

Vikingdancer, it'd be great to hear what your doctor has to say about this. I'm also interested in what your doctor has to say about people who have trouble feeling normal emotions after (ab)using mdma. Is it common to not be able to feel positive emotions (like happiness) after using ecstasy? Let us know what you hear when you get back from the docs. And best of luck to you.

 

[Maya]

me too me too! I would like to know if the slight head pressure and dizziness relates to the ecstasy abuse thank you

 

[futura2012]

18 months seems really long. Though hold your head up. I read in multiple studies that almost any symptoms caused by MDMA fade away in 3 years.

I dunno my symptoms are really bad to be honest. I dont work anymore - most days I spend in my room as I have a fear of going outside.

Im not sure how im going to play this out. I thought I might give myself some kind of deadline for recovery if I havent recovered by X date then I might consider a fatal opiate OD. I see that very pure heroin can be ordered online my only worry with this was I might not die and then might get hooked on the stuff :D

18 months is really long for sure and I really hate feeling like this who knows how its gonna pan out.

In your case gens can cause your dep/anxiety problems aswell right?

Yes 100% drug triggered anxiety and depression + a host of other symptoms caused by a coctail of MDMA and Piperazine. A night I will never forget

Your question will be answered and don't worry, i'll definately report back.

Awesome will be very interested to hear his thoughts

 

[Vikingdancer]

I dunno my symptoms are really bad to be honest. I dont work anymore - most days I spend in my room as I have a fear of going outside.

Yes 100% drug triggered anxiety and depression + a host of other symptoms caused by a coctail of MDMA and Piperazine. A night I will never forget

Awesome will be very interested to hear his thoughts

Not being able to go outside is bad and a severe psychiatric condition. You need to talk with your parents and GF if you have one. Get help and live your life.

I would never let that happen, how shit I feel, I'll go outside.

Your symptoms are similar to mine but yours are worse i guess.

Hang on and keep your head up!

 

[Vikingdancer]

Well, I talked to my MDMA doc. Doc is in his late 40s and has loads of experience dealing with MDMA (ab)users.

He said,

the most severe symptoms caused by XTC is DR/DP and HPPD. There are people who used so much MD they can't see at all and who are having DP/DR symptoms all day long for months. So I asked him if people recover if they really REALLY abused MDMA like that. He said yes but it takes time. Most symptoms fade away in 6 to 12 months. What he also told me is that anxiety isn't really a symptom that comes with too much MDMA abuse in general. A small percentage of the abusers is having anxiety issues but he doesn't relate anxiety to much to MDMA abuse but more like personal gens. What he also advised me is to stop taking MDMA in the future, even like 100 mg. What he also said he's a bit sceptic about the perm braindamage because he saw the most insane abusers recover to almost 100% in time. Anyway it was nice to talk to him, he calmed me down and I feel a lot better already lol.

Greetz fox.

 

[futura2012]

Hello viking dancer cheers for getting back to us. very interesting to hear what your MDMA doc has to say.

the most severe symptoms caused by XTC is DR/DP and HPPD. There are people who used so much MD they can't see at all and who are having DP/DR symptoms all day long for months. So I asked him if people recover if they really REALLY abused MDMA like that. He said yes but it takes time. Most symptoms fade away in 6 to 12 months.

I have never come across symptoms this severe but not to say it cant happen. I would find it difficult to beleive however that someone could go from this kind of non reality to full recovery within 6 months. Most of the DP/DR discussed on here in even in mild forms can often last 6 months +.

What he also told me is that anxiety isn't really a symptom that comes with too much MDMA abuse in general. A small percentage of the abusers is having anxiety issues but he doesn't relate anxiety to much to MDMA abuse but more like personal gens.

The majority of the people suffering on here have anxiety as the primary symptom many users having zero history of mental illness. I dont disregard the idea genetics come into play but I think definitely MDMA is linked to long term anxiety. MDMA has a direct effect on the amagdala and hippocampus very closely related to anxiety so I am surprised he has said this.

What he also advised me is to stop taking MDMA in the future, even like 100 mg. What he also said he's a bit sceptic about the perm braindamage because he saw the most insane abusers recover to almost 100% in time.

Good call Dawglaw recently revisited taking about this dose of tested MDMA after a longterm comedown and has been experiencing anxiety and DP/DR again so I think once you have obliterated your serotonin network once it seems the brain gets very sensitive to it.

The longterm brain damage is an interesting debate. I think full recovery does happen ie you feel normal as he has stated but I am not convinced no cognotive function is affected after this.


Thanks very much for reporting back very interesting to hear someones opinion who has so much experience.

Shame you cant persuade him to come on here and answer some questions.

 

[Vikingdancer]

The majority of the people suffering on here have anxiety as the primary symptom many users having zero history of mental illness. I dont disregard the idea genetics come into play but I think definitely MDMA is linked to long term anxiety. MDMA has a direct effect on the amagdala and hippocampus very closely related to anxiety so I am surprised he has said this.

Uhh ye I know was surprised as well. But he definately has people with anxiety issues though in his experience (almost) ALL heavy users mainly having severe DP/DR and HPPD. And with anxiety it doesn't seem to relate as clear as with DP/DR and HPPD does. Anyway that's what he said.

No problem for reporting back. I was a bit late because the man had no time till now because there are so many people suffering from symptoms. Oh he advised not do drink alcohol to. And to take it easy in general for the next 3 months.

 

[futura2012]

No problem for reporting back. I was a bit late because the man had no time till now because there are so many people suffering from symptoms. Oh he advised not do drink alcohol to. And to take it easy in general for the next 3 months.

No worries my friend just very pleased you took the time out to come back to us.

As well as avoiding alcohol did he have anything to say about use of suppliments? Also did he say anything about use of antidepressants and MDMA issues?

So what is this place like a clinic sponsored by the goverment to help MDMA and party drug users? or does he just specialise in MDMA. Amazed he is so maxed out with patients I assume this place must be in a big city?

 

[Vikingdancer]

So what is this place like a clinic sponsored by the goverment to help MDMA and party drug users? or does he just specialise in MDMA. Amazed he is so maxed out with patients I assume this place must be in a big city?

Uhmn it is a clinic where addicts kick-off in first place. They are highly educated and studied medicine before. In their master specialised to help addicts. So at first they didn't helped MDMA abusers but 10 years ago more and more people were suffering because of XTC abuse. So they started with "party drug office hours" on monday and now they are helpin loads of people because now they are pretty specialized. In the Netherlands drugs use isn't really a bad thing tbh but probably a small part is sponsored by the government. It is in a pretty big city, Haarlem near Amsterdam.

http://www.brijder.nl/Verslaving/zorgprogramma/partydrugs

I know you can't read it. I can give you the phone-number thou if you like or e-mail. But they mostly work by phone due traveltime and it's quicker then mail.

Greetz.

 

[xxxyakinikuxxx]

Hey vikingdancer. Thanks for the update. I was looking forward to hearing back from you. Man, I would love to talk to that doctor. Maybe I'll have to take a trip to Amsterdam sometime to pick his brain.
It sounds like they have a lot of experience with this kindof stuff. I live in Japan and drug knowledge is ridiculous out here. I've met people who think weed is a drug you shoot up. He didn't happen to mention anything about emotional issues, did he? For example, emotional blunting, inability to feel happiness, or lack of normal emotional responses to external stimuli.
From the way it sounds, I feel like I have it worse off than hardcore abusers. And I've only taken like 7 pills total, with one weekend binge, which is what messed me up.
I'm surprised he said the dp/dr and hppd are the worst symptoms that he's found. All those were bad and have mostly went away but the emotional issues are what really bother me. Feel like I'm physiologically incapable of experiencing any positive feelings and I can't imagine out of all the people he's seen he's never met anyone with these issues.
Anyways, thanks again for the update. If you ever go back to see him again be sure to let us know what he says.
Take care