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Relapse. Again.

E

elatchaw

Greenlighter
Joined
May 26, 2013
Messages
3
Hey everyone. I've been on suboxone a little over a year and was weaning my dose down to jump off at 4 mg. When I tried to do so the wd symptoms were so bad I entertained and followed through with the idea that a little pot would help. I had 14 months clean in NA. I came out and told mi live-in boyfriend what I did, openly and honestly, and he has told me I relapsed, our relationship is over, I need to do 90 meetings in 90 days and I'm being asked to move out of our home.

I have never felt this bad in my life. I am scared. I don't know what to do. I thought I had unconditional love but somehow this is betrayal. I feel awful about myself and about life. Former teacher with a master's in education, unemployed, single, stay at home mom (divorced) mother of three little one's. They are my everything. I was truly dead in my recovery in NA though, just dead.

Thanks for any insight.
Many blessings.. :)
 
Maybe I'm one of those people who can't recover in NA without being 100% drug free. No celexa, clonidine, or suboxone. I continue to rely on something to make me feel better. Sometimes it does, and sometimes not. Sure would be nice to have a medical opinion too.
 
I am right there with you. At one point I had two years clean in NA and when I relapsed all the people that I was "so close" with just cut me out of their lives.. Now I'm thinking I should get on subs and go back to my family where I know they really love me. I feel ya tho, I always want that something to make me feel a lil better.. no matter what it is... thats just being an addict tho :/
 
Thank you! Seriously, my suboxone treatment center doesnt see that as a relapse. I dont have to embarrass myself by getting a white keytag in admission of my defeat. I was also wondering, how do people recover without NA? I cant seemyself doing this alone. I have no family here. All my friends are my NA friends.
 
deidara said:
I am right there with you. At one point I had two years clean in NA and when I relapsed all the people that I was "so close" with just cut me out of their lives.. Now I'm thinking I should get on subs and go back to my family where I know they really love me. I feel ya tho, I always want that something to make me feel a lil better.. no matter what it is... thats just being an addict tho :/
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Shit, you hit the nail on the head with that one. When I relapsed, everyone from NA cut me out of their lives like I was a walking talking drug myself, & when they found out I was in the suboxone program, they wanted to tell me I wasn't truly in recovery all along. Yeah ok bitches.. anyway, to the OP, I think ur boyfriend needs to be a bit more understanding & not so quick to cut you out of his life. He needs to work with you, not against you IMO. Go to some meetings, keep up the good work & don't let em get you down. You could have done a whole lot worse than smoking some weed.. I mean shit, its even legal in some states! ;)
Much love, xoxo.
 
Is smoking weed ur relapse? Jus curious if it's the subs or the weed that ur relapsing on.
 
elatchaw said:
Maybe I'm one of those people who can't recover in NA without being 100% drug free. No celexa, clonidine, or suboxone. I continue to rely on something to make me feel better. Sometimes it does, and sometimes not. Sure would be nice to have a medical opinion too.
Click to expand...

The wd from Subs can be pretty bad so be prepared. Ur wd is coming. The subs jus delay it. I'm not saying this to be like fuck u ur not doing a good job. I'm saying this so u know ur still gon have wd.
 
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