some advice on a fragile matter

[LucidShroomDmtier]

lets put it this way . the girl and i have both bad social anxiety ,we met at tango clasess on our campus .
i had many chances to declare my feelings for her in the clubs we occassionally met afterwards our first meeting, we danced toughether we had alot of conversation about our difficulties adopting to new social eviroments which seem very same for both. and i could have kissed her long ago but something holds me back when im around her i want to be tender and am so carefull to not ruin anything that it makes me dive into her friend zone i think, and i dont like that i deffinetly want her to be my girlfriend . ,
she complains about her peers manipulating her into things and she wants to make her own deccissions and stund up for herself and i seem to have the same problem .
the other night (todays night) i walked her home from a party and she was saying me how sad she felt about herself not being able to speak out what she felt right for her . And i felt like a friend and when we reached the door iwas thinking about the kiss i should land but i didnt knew if she would expect it and we were looking the insides of the other;s eyes and then goodnight i huged her and kissed her in both cheeks (toooo much friendly actions i think) . but some voice from the inside tells me that keeping calm and building up some tension will make things better but maybe i just losing my chances with her . she obviously likes long walks and dislikes nightlife , i also dislike nightlife with exeption trance dance expirience where verbal communication is obsolete .anyway i can tell her in couple of hours to go out we will be be probably alone .. so when is the right time to express my flirty loving kissing self you might advice me .

peace

 

[Bearlove]

If you ask her out (not to the tango class) then its really going to be your first 'date' in a way. You both have social anxiety so you both know what its like not being able to express yourself openly etc.

If she is already opening up to you about her parents and troubles she may have similar feelings towards you but having the same conflicting feeling should I / shouldn't I etc.

Ask her out, gauge her reaction based on how you know she reacts and then take it from there. Go somewhere where you can both talk and walk (making it a bit easier to talk about anything you see[and keep the conversation moving]), INSERT FLIRTING around about now. She how she reacts to some genuine compliments, you look nice, nice to see you with your clothes on, it's great being able to talk to you openly etc.

 

[LucidShroomDmtier]

You both have social anxiety so you both know what its like not being able to express yourself openly etc..... she may have similar feelings towards you but having the same conflicting feeling should I / shouldn't I etc.

thank you Bearlove ,


i was thinking that might be just it,(but it also might mean that she wants to be friends) .With other girls its alot more easier causethings flow easily , that girl makes me feel like am 4-5 year old boy(even despite i was on amphetamines on which get rid most of my anxiety ) sex became something unimportant ,and i feel genuialy allright around her,i dont feel in love either but i feel deep sympathy and i would like to fall in love with her . when i tell her that we might go for some walks or something she reacts really eagerly to go and she seems to like me but am afraid thats because we have the same social problem it might be just friendly reaction 8). the inner voice to which i fail to listen almost all the time advises to flirt or to kiss at points but continue to keep up the conversation about something not even funny o o jesus i suc ) . and am also afraid that somebody might to be first and this wont' be right at all
how can i build up some romantic tension ..........8) ??

 

[llama112]

Yeah, just ask her on a date, something simple (movies and dinner?) and just take it slow. I'm sure she's fine with taking it slow. But kiss her next time, so she understands your intentions!

 

[Bearlove]

The only point in building - romantic tension could be misunderstood as you just being her friend. If you make you intentions clear but delay your next step could build up excitement, flowers, chocolates go somewhere a bit more romantic one night, surprise picnic etc

Were are you uncomfortable / what situations do you not like but she is ok with - maybe suggest one of these places as this will show her that you trust her/she is special to you.

Just don't wait too long to show affection!

 

[Corazon]

asking her out is a great idea.

I was going to suggest maybe taking a short break from her, and then being more intimate/serious when you renewed. That can be tricky to pull off however.

If possible maybe skip the amphetamines or take as small a dose as possible.

Good luck you are definitely toeing the line between friend zone and carefully establishing a good relationship.