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Boyfriend's weed addiction

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warpaint

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2013
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74
my bf smokes pot and he is pretty much addicted, he acknowledges it himself too. he wants to not be addicted, without having to quit completely. i usually see him making goals to reduce it, but he never follows thru cus he gets so agitated and stressed and sad when he's not smoking it. it is kind of annoying and saddening to see tbh. i smoke with him most of the time but i dont find myself acting like that when im not high. i can do without it despite having smoked with him since we started dating (over a year).

today the building management called him and said they received complaints about the smell going in the hall of our floor. they said we'd probs be evicted if they receive complaints again. i started to worry and it makes me mad that he seems to make weed his top priority, and that he thinks i "over worry" when i have every right to worry abt cops or being evicted. it makes me fucking pissed cus he thinks i always worry too much, and that weed isnt a big deal. he doesnt take things seriously when people have dont wnat him to smoke it. he just gets angry and says its just weed and he gets so depressed and mopey abt how unfair it is for people or society to be ignorant about weed. while i agree that weed is no big deal, it is still illegal so wtf can you do abt it. he talks so much shit abt cops but in the end they still do have authority you know? i feel like my boyfriend is being a big fucking baby about everything but at the same time im starting to sense that he may be depressed, or at least depressed without marijuana. he smokes for every reason, every emotion. he says if he is occupied by something else like work than he is forced to not smoke. but at the same time, he gets so depressed abt having to work and it just gives him more reason to smoke more after work. it's so cyclic i dont even know what to say to him. i dont want to tell him to suck it up because as i said before, he might be dealing with depression or some sort of depressive disorder. what do you guys make of this? how should i help him?
 
Tell him to take it down a notch and smoke like twice a week. Honestly i don't know i've never met someone addicted to herb
 
Yep.. definitely an addict..

First off.. you've got to express to him the very real danger of eviction if he (/you) carry on smoking indoors.. It's not fair on you if he carries on smoking indoors after the complaint..

It's true that he may be self medicating but you and only you can judge whether or not you are close enough (you live together.. i guess you are?) to him and also the kind of person he is as to whether or not, overall, a "you need to get your shit together" talk will help.

I have had and kind of do have a problem with alcohol and when my girlfriend tells me to sort it out I take it in, I know she's right.. It never escalates.. It's a nice swift, well needed, slap back to reality.. although in the past I have become defensive of my (ab)use it's never been a long lived delusional belief that everything is ok.. If she never brought up her feelings of concern I'd probably be a lot worse.. At time i may not care about myself but I sure as hell never stop caring about her.
 
Ah and working out the air flow through your place will help (if things carry on).. Smoke out the window where the air is leaving your place.. Incense is also pretty good at covering up the smell (as far as I'm aware)..

But seriously how hard is it to go for a walk to smoke a joint?
 
My God, warpaint, your boyfriend sounds like he could've been my identical twin separated at birth.

I still haven't figured out how to completely cut weed out of my life... I enjoy it so much that I always rationalize to myself the pros of smoking outweigh the cons. When I'm sober I can see that I'm really just deluding myself with that rationale but I always come back, whether for celebration, stress relief or just trying to get some better-than-normal Zzz's overnight.


By the way, when you live in an apartment you should definitely learn to manage the smell before you make it a habit. A lot of older urban building (at least in DC, Baltimore and much of NoVA) will have rooms that won't ventilate the smoke out of the building, but rather out of your room (if even that). I'm guessing that since there were complaints, though, your building/facility is relatively nice and it's nothing like a project, so your guy might want to look into odor eradication methods if he's dead-set on continuing to jeopardize your residency.

I don't have much advice on how to help him manage his issue, as I still haven't found a way to manage mine. I just know that if you are interested in staying with him you probably won't want to give him an ultimatum while he's still heavy in the habit. The end result could be very unpleasant for the two of you as a couple.



Best of luck in whatever you do decide, and if you want help dealing with the smell then shoot me a PM and I can point you in the right direction. I can't post it on the forum, though, the link in particular that I'm thinking of would be a violation of the BLUA.




rickolasnice said:
But seriously how hard is it to go for a walk to smoke a joint?
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Well, if they're in an apartment on a busy city street then one of the stupidest things to do would be to roll up and hit the sidewalk (depending on the city and country, obviously). If it's the suburbs then there should be absolutely no problem, and if it's an apartment over top of like a barn or a garage out in the sticks then there wouldn't have been complaints, so I'm thinking their location is not very weed-friendly given the situation as it was described.
 
I second the need for ventilation. When I used to live in a hotel we put a big box fan in the window blowing out. Then I cut out a piece of insulation and fit it around the rest of the window. This created such a suction that it would slam the door when you meant to gently close it. So we got air coming in from the hallway and going out through the window rather rapidly. We chain smoked ciggarettes in a somewhat small hotel room (500 sq. feet). With the occasional spray of some commercial deodorizer and a scented candle every now and then people could just catch a hint of smoke only when inside the room. And this was a room that we smoked at least a pack a day in for months.
 
thanks for the tips on ventilation guys but what can i do abt my boyfriend?

he tells me he wants to not smoke as much and only at night, but this morning he just threw a tantrum because he's trying not to smoke. and plus he has to go to work at his familys restaurant, where things havent been going well lately. im trying so hard to not say "suck it up". he's just being very negative about everything as if there is nothing to be happy about, which is a little upsetting for me because we have a great relationship and i would like to think our relationship counts for something. im trying to be sympathetic, but at the same time he's being immature. he doesnt want to do anything but smoke. he says if he quits, then he would have nothing to do with his friends which to me, is sad. his friends dont smoke as much as he does but ive noticed that he doesnt ever have much to talk about with his friends unless if its about weed :/
 
warpaint said:
thanks for the tips on ventilation guys but what can i do abt my boyfriend?

he tells me he wants to not smoke as much and only at night, but this morning he just threw a tantrum because he's trying not to smoke. and plus he has to go to work at his familys restaurant, where things havent been going well lately. im trying so hard to not say "suck it up". he's just being very negative about everything as if there is nothing to be happy about, which is a little upsetting for me because we have a great relationship and i would like to think our relationship counts for something. im trying to be sympathetic, but at the same time he's being immature. he doesnt want to do anything but smoke. he says if he quits, then he would have nothing to do with his friends which to me, is sad. his friends dont smoke as much as he does but ive noticed that he doesnt ever have much to talk about with his friends unless if its about weed :/
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It is sad. He's heading down the road I've been traveling lately. All but three people I associate with outside my family smoke, and when we're together that's normally the activity. If smoke isn't involved, it almost feels like there's no common ground. That's why lately I've been calling those folks "people I associate with" and not "friends." Truthfully, I feel like I've made more true friends here on Bluelight than I have in my real life.

It's a reclusive lifestyle once a pothead decides to not smoke, and I'm not sure if your boyfriend is aware of what's happening to his social life... Personally, I'd've gone insane or pure criminal by now if it weren't for my dogs, little sister and most recent interest. They're my anchor to responsible living and without them I don't think I would feel any obligation in any situation to look out for anybody other than myself (in other words, I wouldn't be a safe person to be around-- at least I don't think I would be.) Also, all of them want me to quit smoking and I haven't been able to completely. I'll go a week here, a week there without anything in my lungs other than tobacco but I always come back around.



Self-rationalization is a fucked up thing, man, and apparently I've gotten fucking amazing at deceiving my own mind when it comes to drug use. It's kind of shitty that there's a few people weed can catalyze into reclusive hermits in their own little weed forest, but hey, we've all got our strengths and weaknesses... Just keep in mind your boyfriends' strengths, warpaint, and try to remind him of them. He doesn't need weed to be happy, and if he does than he's self-medicating another issue altogether and should seriously consider the cause of his unhappiness whilst sober.
 
warpaint said:
thanks for the tips on ventilation guys but what can i do abt my boyfriend?

he tells me he wants to not smoke as much and only at night, but this morning he just threw a tantrum because he's trying not to smoke. and plus he has to go to work at his familys restaurant, where things havent been going well lately. im trying so hard to not say "suck it up". he's just being very negative about everything as if there is nothing to be happy about, which is a little upsetting for me because we have a great relationship and i would like to think our relationship counts for something. im trying to be sympathetic, but at the same time he's being immature. he doesnt want to do anything but smoke. he says if he quits, then he would have nothing to do with his friends which to me, is sad. his friends dont smoke as much as he does but ive noticed that he doesnt ever have much to talk about with his friends unless if its about weed :/
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This is bound to happen if he has seriously cut down.. Cannabis withdrawals are real..

His relationship with his friends will probably gradually change.. when he isn't so fixated on weed he will find real hobbies and interests.
 
Well, for the odor, he should at LEAST only be smoking bowls(no joints, no blunts) and blow the smoke through a paper towel roll stuffed with fabric softener sheets, and spray a little air freshener in the air between hits. But, it would be better if he bought a vaporizer(cuts down on smell tremendously, and the smell won't travel as far and will leave faster) and an air filter(combination carbon filter/hepa filter, although for smell the carbon filter is more important). And he shouldn't be bringing groups of people to the apartment to smoke, period. And as far as his relationship with his friends, they should really start trying to go out and be active after they toke up(go bowling, fishing, arcade, movies, amusement park, ANYTHING except waiting around for the next blunt to be rolled), instead of just sitting around getting high watching tv(or whatever they do). Weed should be used to enhance other activities, it shouldn't be THE activity. Using marijuana like that is what gives stoners a bad name, and how marijuana negatively impacts someones life(it makes it feel ok to be boring and do nothing, which is not ok).

Since he is clearly dependent on marijuana but wants to cut down, my best advice to would be for him to make some edibles so he can get out of the habit of smoking without going through any type of withdrawal. I've found, and I'm sure many will agree, that the act of smoking is just as, if not more, habit forming than actually getting high. And since edibles last so long, he can eat one in the afternoon and be good until he goes to bed(or if hes the wake and bake type, one in the morning, then another in the afternoon). This way he can break the habit of smoking, and once he breaks that habit decreasing actual thc consumption should be much, much easier. And of course this would also solve the odor problem.
 
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I almost feel the same way, I almost think you're my girlfriend secretly posting...
My anxiety, insomnia and occasional depression keep my coming back for more. Its like magic for me, honestly. It's not even that I like getting high or 'fucked up'. It's just extremely alleviating. I used to smoke about 8 grams a day. Now I smoke about half a gram to a gram a day. Which is nice. But when you've been high for a year straight and just stop. You're gonna feel different, and not you. Because his body is used to all the THC, he's not used to being sober. Not a withdraw though. Tell him to slowly ween himself off and tell him how you truly feel.

As far as smell goes...Ozium. So reliable I have friends who blanket up the door, smoke some bowls and immediately sprayed Ozium. Just kills the smell with a lemon scent. Was strong enough for us to make brownies in my old apartment. And after simmering weed in oil your whole house/apartment smells like vaped weed.
 
Alrighty, so here's what you do:

Get a toilet paper roll (after you used all the toilet paper) --stuff it full of like 3 dryer sheets.
Put some toilet paper in both ends of the tube sealing the dryer sheets into the roll.
WHenever he smokes, he exhales into the toilet paper roll which will filter out a lot of the smell.
THEN, he grabs some febreze or lysol and sprays the area he was smoking.

Another thing that he could invest in would be a vaporizer which has a less strong smell.
 
Good ventilation will definitely stop most of the smell from filling the building.. with only maybe a small chance of it travelling into a neighbours through the window (if the air flow is right and it is being blown out one side of your building.. it's unlike to blow back towards it into your neighbours)..

If I open the right 2 windows, one on one wall and one next on the wall joining it.. it's almost guaranteed that the smoke will be sucked out one of them (depending on the day)
 
He's not addicted rather he's choosing to stay high 24/7 of his own volition....his choice not the herb. Blame him not the herb. Get him to start smoking cigarettes then he'll know and feel what a real addiction is.
 
Well... if most substances that are used for self-medication do really help in the beginning, once you quit for a longer period, you can start to see that it's really the substances (in this case weed) that are making the condition worse. Even though I don't know your boyfriend at all, it does seem very likely that his being depressed is not at all helped by his smoking weed all the time. It's pretty hard to make someone see this, but he could also have a chat with a professional if he does see that his using weed is becoming a problem.

By the way, Anon610:
Anon610 said:
Because his body is used to all the THC, he's not used to being sober. Not a withdraw though. Tell him to slowly ween himself off and tell him how you truly feel.
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That's the definition of withdrawal. Cannabis withdrawal is generally not very severe, but can be veeeery annoying.
 
He'll probably have to quit completely for a good few works, then start a few times a week again and try extremely hard to not let his usage increase past that point.
Once he quits using to self medicate it will e easier to control, but once you've found out how to self medicate with drugs it's hard not to go back
 
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