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Roommate obsessed with my recovery

A

Alikat

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
70
Location
Atlanta
Help!!! My roommate is obsessed with my recovery! I'm a recovered heroin addict. I been on MMT FOR 8 months. I've had a few slip ups, n one incident my bf od'd .... Yes it's bad but it was my business to share with who I felt I needed to. I shared with my cousin n he told my roommate . My slip ups have not been severe n it takes time !! I stumbled across her open FB n read her n my cousins msgs... She is "watching me like a hawk" and "determined to keep me clean" and they both blame my bf n r trying to keep us apart . Currently we r in different states and she is a flight attendant , which means she had promised me her flight benefits to visit home n him. This was a lie to get me away from him. I know she just cares n is trying to help but she's driving me crazy and pissing me off!! I know she lost her X to addiction but "saving "me isn't going to bring him back! Help how do in nice but tell her back off???!?all her "help" is doin is pushing me closer to using :(
 
Thanks! I'm just not sure whether to b angry ,hurt, or comforting... I'm very conflicted. She's always been there for me but I'm 30 I don't need a damn babysitter !!!! Either way it's gonna get awkward ....
 
Tell her to get stuffed, that her being a busy-body is stressing you out and makes you want to use, and the fact that she promised you flight benefits that never appeared has broken your trust, hurt you, and put your relationship in danger!

What a bitch, tbh.
 
Ugh...

Alikat said:
all her "help" is doin is pushing me closer to using :(
Click to expand...

Tell her that! You're in recovery, constant stress and feeling like you're nto even 'at home' in your own flat is only going to be counterproductive. Just tell her what you said here, and if she can't understand then yes, maybe it is time to find a new roommate :\
 
Yes that is exactly how I feel! I guess I just needed to make sure it wasn't just my addiction pushing away those who want to help! But trying to tear my away from my boyfriend who is clean n totally focused on sobriety now is beyond ridiculous. She doesn't get that even tho he started using first he didn't MAKE me use! My first time was behind his back ! I got him started on needles! You can't make someone become an addict! Thanks so much for letting me vent!!! Was seriously wondering if I was just being a bitch myself!!!!
 
Oh and I am writting her an email so I can be sure nothing gets left out or said the wrong way, when I finish I'd love to post it here n get some feedback before I send it her way! Thanks again !!
 
No it definitely doesn't sound like you're being a bitch, at all. There is really nothing more frustrating than people thinking you can't take care of yourself and preaching that they know better than you...especially if they haven't even been in your situation :|
Especially if you're on MMT, I mean, you're clearly on the right path already...

And yes feel free to post the e-mail here when you're done!
 
No one's responsible for your recovery besides you, alikat. I agree with you that what your roommate did was very rude and inconsiderate. However, did she leave her computer on with the expectation of privacy? How was it that you found out that she was corresponding with your cousin? Very few people just leave their facebook open so their messages can be spied upon. I'm wanting to believe that you really did *just* run across this, though.

My continued best to you for being on MMT - keep up the good work. :)
 
The people around you and family will alwyas be concerned. No matter how long yo have been sober. I got sober at 19. Nearly 30 years later, my father doesn't want me taking the pain pills that keep me from blowing my head off because of the physical pain of degenerative disc disease. They never will fully understand nor do they absolutely have to. You have to be okay with you and what you are doing.

When I was confronted about behaviors early on in sobriety, I learned something. The madder it made me, the more likely they were correct about what they were seeing.


Question 1: Is the boyfriend using? If so, they are very rightly concerned and you don't need a using boyfriend early in sobriety.

Question 2: Are you tapering off the methadone yet? Why not?
 
I have just begun tapering, everyone (including my clinic ) thinks its too soon. Also my boyfriend IS NOT using. N yes I did spy on her FB because she had already confronted me on info that only my cousin knew n he wld not admit to telling. It was wrong yes, but I had to know the truth...honestly I have had several relapses but they've been because of me NOT the bf. I know she cares but I hate feeling controlled. I was in a controlling abusive marriage and it's a sensitive spot for me, so someone "watching me like a hawk" sets off big time triggers. It's also been hard for me to express my feeling or let many people in, including her, so this feels like a big betrayal, even tho I may be exaggerating. I'm struggling with writting hr the email but I will commit to finishing it and post it here tomorrow. Thanks everyone!
 
some people genuinely want to help you

some people only want to serve their own personal crusade, convinced that they are in Right action

dont assume the latter if youre simply uncomfortable with confronting a problem you have, and more uncomfortable when there is someone else there to force you to acknowledge it

dont assume the former because that level of honesty isnt common

how does one "know the truth" when deception and dishonesty are required to achieve it?
 
Making a drug user not get high is like getting a cat to not hop on the furniture when you're not home.....
 
difficult situation

one problem with a shared addiction in a couple is that it only takes one persons relapse for both parties to go back to the drug

honestly though they should stop giving a shit and just let you get on with it. its your life to live/destroy
 
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It really is your choice over how many eyes you want watching you. If you want your own space without someone around to keep an eye on you, that's your call. That said, you're still
not out of the woods, and with or without her, there is a real chance that it can happen again. So, annoying as it may be, it might be better to have an obsessive roommate than an apathetic one.
 
sounds like she's filling her own void with you; i'd just leave if you can and never speak to her again. I cannot stand those kinds of people, i'd rather be covered in spiders in withdrawal the rest of my life than deal with a busy body who has nothing better to do than watch you like a hawk. That's so messed up but happens often, some people are like black holes.

good luck with your email, just express what you have here, that her actions trigger you and you cannot be successful in recovery if things are this way. She probably can't/won't change due to her own issues, so i'd just let it go and move on unless you're stuck with her. That's just an outsider's view though, i don't know all the fine details.
 
exactly

watching someone like a hawk=awkward situation/no trust

did you rob your roomate/cousin to pay for your addiction?
 
i'm lucky as fuck b/c my roommate somhow tolerates my insanity w/o thinking he's my boyfriend. it kinda suxks cuz he brings less cigs n booze free over since he git hi sg/f but ny b/f o s coming back on the 3rdd....i was like.....no trust me.....my roommie actually likes it cuz i am better. when you are better. you fuck like half the crazy out of me
 
Jean-Paul said:
i'm lucky as fuck b/c my roommate somhow tolerates my insanity w/o thinking he's my boyfriend. it kinda suxks cuz he brings less cigs n booze free over since he git hi sg/f but ny b/f o s coming back on the 3rdd....i was like.....no trust me.....my roommie actually likes it cuz i am better. when you are better. you fuck like half the crazy out of me
Click to expand...

what are you talking about?
 
Ugh, she sounds annoying. Don't you just hate people that like? Makes your problems seem like their problems so when you actually become totally sober---they claim all the credit. Anyhow, just explain to her how her facebook statuses bug the heck out of you. Be like, I know that you have my best interest at heart and really want the best for me and I totally respect that" "But honestly, it's been putting extra stress on me--I don't need someone to "watch me like a hawk" and be paranoid that I'm going to relapse". If you want to hep me through this, lay off a bit, have some faith, and lets go out to , <insert activity> to keep my mind off of it! Thanks for being so understanding and working on smushing me less with your love.
 
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