• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

To stay or go..

S

sugarlips

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 29, 2013
Messages
7
Hey, so recently things haven't been going good with my boyfriend. He is so rude to me then other times great.

We have a 19 month old son together and when he was 4 months old my partner added dating websites, chatted up old friends on facebook and I caught him out going to a brothel. I thought we were going well then but obviously not.

I left and came back after a few weeks as it has always been hard for me to stay away from him. And he is a great dad.

He has been mean for weeks and started not even communicating with me.

Over the weekend I cheated on him. Previously I wouldn't have done that but I had a thing for this guy previously, things havent been good at home, and things just fell into place.

I told my partner it was time to stay at my mum's, when he got home he has been saying a few things trying to be nice then anger come out too, very confusing.

It is very hard to leave him and I think by me cheating that is saying i'm just not happy. It is so hard to leave our family house with and take our son.
He is also talking to another girl.

This is hard because I really do love him when he is happy and I know how good it can be with him.

Should I cut my losses or keep trying?? We have been on and off for about 6 years.
 
I say cut your losses. No sense in being miserable for another 6 years or more. On again - off again just sucks the life right out of a relationship.
 
thanks, it's good to hear an outsiders opinion without all the feelings and stuff involved. I just keep trying to have faith in it. You're right on the money there.

We just lost a baby 2 months ago and it only made us stronger for about a month. We did want the baby.

I don't know what happened it was him that pushed me to cheat but I was the one who took the step so i'll be strong and do what I have to do for everyone to be happy.
 
If he is lying, cheating and showing growing frustration and anger with you - It's a good sign that the relationship is either over or needs some serious TLC.

He's cheating on you, Your cheating on him, he's not happy, your not happy - you were two months pregnant with a child you say both of you wanted (sorry about your loss) but he started looking around and cheating on you then.

If neither one of you can voice your concerns in a constructive way and turn to ignoring / cheating on each other the relationship will just get worse, you will both become so distant towards each other and this could have a negative effect on your son.

Tell him directly your not happy with the way things are working - you need things to change or else it's over between you both. If you have already had 'the talk' and his behavior hasn't changed - leave. (Let him continue to see his son if he wishes though).

Good luck
 
sounds like it's over.

How long were you with him before the lil un came into the pic?

To be honest it sounds like it's over. But we need a bit more info as to whether you guys just need to split or work on it.

Anger coming out - can I ask if he is very attached to his mum, or doesn't get on well with with her? Do they row? What is his standard view and relationship with women?
 
the only thing tying you two together is the kid

if he is nasty to you why do you stay? he doesn't respect you through his behaviour

its up to you though- how does another few years of this cyclical behaviour sound or are you ready to move on?
 
Last edited:
If you can at least stay on good terms for your child, then that is what matters.
It is likely better for the child to grow up with parents who aren't together vs. parents who fight all the time.
 
if he is acting like that, obviously he is unhappy.
No need to stay with a guy that is unhappy, that kills the relationship. Putting your time in as positive effort any longer is a waste seeing all the negativity he responds with.

Relationships involve two people for a reason, and when only one person is working to better the relationship, it is no longer a relationship
 
opium said:
if he is acting like that, obviously he is unhappy.
No need to stay with a guy that is unhappy, that kills the relationship. Putting your time in as positive effort any longer is a waste seeing all the negativity he responds with.
Click to expand...

if the dude is unhappy, then maybe for a SHORT PERIOD the other partner needs to be extra supportive in the RIGHT WAY - just being sympathetic isn't going to cut it - if she wants the old partner back, and then some, she needs to help him get to the root of the problems.

But of course this is not her responsibility if she's not up for the challenge. If she has it in her capacity, then she has a psychic responsibility as his partner and the mother of his child - they are family.

I still don't think though, that this is going anywhere good if you don't (at least temporarily) leave, tell him to get his shit straight or lose you, tell him what his shit to get straight that isn't working for you is, then STAY AWAY. Stop being weak, go stay with your family. Lose his number and make sure the only person who has contact with him is your mum...if she can be civil.

You obviously BOTH have problems.

THis is a time for great cosmic shedding - teh year of the snake - if this has been going on for 6 years then it may be time to go. Either that or you both work on yourselves while apart and create something new and beautiful between you never experienced before. YOU DECIDE.
 
My general outlook is if you even have to ask if you want to be with someone, leave. There can only be a relationship if all parties involved are 100% invested in it.

By the way, I agree with what Llama said. As a little girl, I used to wish my parents would get divorced. They fought constantly.
 
llama112 said:
It is likely better for the child to grow up with parents who aren't together vs. parents who fight all the time.
Click to expand...

Exactly this. My parents have insisted on staying together for some reason I can't even begin to understand - although my mother has implied that it's in part because of us - and I have to say I'm sure we would've all been much happier if they'd just seperated and we didn't have to hear them scream at each other 24/7...which is incidentally why I left home as soon as I possibly could.
Point being, if you're miserable together don't try to force it just for the kid. Yes, you can make efforts to try and make it work, but if it's obvious it doesn't well...there comes a time where you just have to cut the cord. Simply the fact that you've been 'on and off' for 6 years is enough of a sign IMO. I've never heard of an on-again off-again relationship that ended well in the long-run. And when you actually cheat on your partner, well...I think that's a pretty big indication of how unhappy you are with them.
 
Yep, I agree with everyone else. It's over. You said he's a good dad, he can still be a good dad with shared custody. :) Maybe even a better one without you guys feeding off each other's negative energy.
 
he is a great dad and that's one of the hard things along with knowing we can be good. I've been staying with my parents for the last 2 night and it has been such a relief not needing to walk on egg shells and wondering when he's going to get mad.

We both really love each other and I think our arguments are stupid but he is so snappy and I was just sick of living like that and letting our son see it all.

He has a gewat relationship with him mum he views her very highly but his dad is another matter.

There is no way I would keep him away from his son I would never get between their relationship.

I do feel different about him now after cheating, I realise the spark disappeared a while ago. He was the one to contact another girl though and loose interest first without discussing it as people.

When I go around there it is hard to leave and he is nice to me but we still haven't spoken about it and I don't want to in front of our son incase it gets ugly. Also after taking the steps to stay elsewhere I want to work it out before going back. But i'm in limbo if I truly want it or not without having "the perfect family" in mind.
We are both having a nice time being apart he said it was nice to have him time.

Being on and off it was mostly me when I was young and dumb and didn't realise I loved him.
Before our son we had only just gotten back together (i dated someone else but left him because i still loved my partner, he was also too full on for me).
It was then that he changed to not care as much or have the respect for me he use to, when I changed to be good, perfect for him and know what I want. No desire for anything or anyone else.

Since he cheated on me with a prostitute because I guess he didn't have another girl to, when I thought we were going well and had a 4 month old son it has been hard to trust him afterwards. But I did.

Nit sure if it's too broken it really would need to take effort from both of us or seeing effort from him to work through it.

he always seems to be angry over something we have different views and ways of dealing with things in that aspect and times I gave him advice and said "well you need to stand up for yourself with him" or "I'm sure he doesn't get you to help with all his jobs" he hates me for it as if i'm intruding but really i'm just looking out for him. Then the next week he finds out this dude (partner at work) has been doing side jobs when my partner is always considering him as if it's an obligation. Don't know the being there for him is hard of he throws it in my face
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I skimmed through your post....then kind of read most of it, and now, I'm certain that you're just repeating yourself. We know this. We gave you advice on the matter. Thank you for the excessive details... we get it. Same advice still applies.
 
yeah I'm sure he regards his mum well. Maybe a little too well if he got a problem with his pa.

Either way - all oedipus inferences aside - you don't want to be with someone who hasn't got a good relationship with his parents. It's different if one of his parents hates his guts and won't talk to him, that's THEIR problem - but if HE doesn't get on with his old man, that's not cool.

How similar are you to his mother can I ask? And also before the baby came what kinda relationship dynamic have you guys had? It's common if someone hasn't made peace with their parents, negative cycles can run into every other relationships they have in life, especially romantic ones - if you mothered him/treated him like his mother treated him, subconsciously he would be attracted to you, if he hasn't sorted his shit out.

Just throwing a potential out there.

It does sound over. For sure - he's gone to seek the next victim. See him as the baby's father, and move on asap.

Year of the snake - move on.
 
Last edited:
It's over. You're both cheating and being incredibly disrespectful to one another. What are you trying to save?


For the sake of your toddler, you both need to get your shit together. You're providing a very unstable life for your child if you're fighting or running around with other people or moving in and out with one another. Children are sponges and they absorb all of it. Never underestimate what they hear and what they know.

Lastly, for the love of god, you both need to invest in birth control. Do not bring anymore children into this world. Neither one of you seems to know what you want and the kids will suffer for it.
 
sugarlips said:
Hey, so recently things haven't been going good with my boyfriend. He is so rude to me then other times great.

We have a 19 month old son together and when he was 4 months old my partner added dating websites, chatted up old friends on facebook and I caught him out going to a brothel. I thought we were going well then but obviously not.

I left and came back after a few weeks as it has always been hard for me to stay away from him. And he is a great dad.

He has been mean for weeks and started not even communicating with me.

Over the weekend I cheated on him. Previously I wouldn't have done that but I had a thing for this guy previously, things havent been good at home, and things just fell into place.

I told my partner it was time to stay at my mum's, when he got home he has been saying a few things trying to be nice then anger come out too, very confusing.

It is very hard to leave him and I think by me cheating that is saying i'm just not happy. It is so hard to leave our family house with and take our son.
He is also talking to another girl.

This is hard because I really do love him when he is happy and I know how good it can be with him.

Should I cut my losses or keep trying?? We have been on and off for about 6 years.
Click to expand...

Get rid of the asshole. You and your baby deserve so much better. Usually I don't condone cheating, and say to end the relationship first but he sounds like that he's been cheating on you right along. I'm happy for you that you found someone better and hope everything works out with that relationship. Just because that douchebag is a good father does not mean that he's a good partner. You sound like a strong woman, and have a family to support and back you up. Walk away with your head held high, you deserve only the best in life. I just realized that for myself last month and being physically abused by my ex boyfriend, that would verbally and emotionally abuse me everyday, all day. I was stupid, I would forget about all the bad things and remember only the very few good moments. Meanwhile he was cheating on me with his, what I thought was his ex girlfriend but he never ended it with her at all, and I was stupid enough and blinded by "love" for two years. While he was treating me like shit and cheating on me, he had me paying all the bills because he said that he couldn't afford to help because the state was taking so much money for child support every paycheck, but one day on my lunch break I called him and he thought that he ignored the phone call but really had answered it and put it in his pocket, I actually heard him tell the cell phone company that he had just bought a brand new smartphone for her and said that the store had said that they would be able to change her phone number when he called. This was after I saw two texts from her on his phone and wrote down her number and he knew it. So I called that number and amazingly it had been changed, and when confronted he had the audacity to say that he was calling for one of his guy friends as a favor because his friend waved down his car when he was driving by in the city where his "ex" lives (which he had no reason or business even being in the small city in central ny, since we had just purposely moved an hour away from there) and asked him to call the phone company because he didn't know how to do it. Then he decided to punch me in my face so hard that I couldn't eat solid food for three weeks because I asked him to help with the dishes. I then got my order of protection and shocked the hell out of him when he was served with it at his girlfriends house, after telling me how stupid I was and that I'd never be able to find out where she lived, at her welfare scamming, roach infested, scumbag sister's house where she lived with her entire fuckin scumbag family (8 people all on ssi and welfare living in a two bedroom tiny run down house). I'm sorry that my post is so freakin long, it just makes me feel so much better to tell someone and get it off my chest finally. I hope that it somewhat if at all helps you in any way to see what had happened to me so it doesn't happen to you because he was very controlling and manipulative with me and it only escalated. Ok, so good luck and I hope you have a wonderful and happy life.

Nicole<3
 
Thank you for your replies and sorry it has taken so long to read and reply. Yes sorry for the repeat.

Thank you for sharing Nicole, love is a bitch because it can completely blind you. The physical violence is where I would draw the line got me worked up reading that, how is that in any way okay to do to the one you 'love'.

So I left went to my parents to live to was a bad place to have my son with the arguing he would yell in front of him it always drew me out.

I stupidly went back after he got a motel and made me feel special, we had amazing sex and he explained himself and insured I am all he needs.

So we had sex I got pregnant and before I found out I was pregnant again I found out he went to another brothel and rang a transsexual.

I am still contemplating being with him with this new pregnancy (should have been safe but love is blind and it is what we wanted) silly of me!!
Only considering as he is opening up to me about his needs and I love the guy. Grr. But I am not. I am at my mum's and happy and just trying to take it easy. Though he makes this tough.

Don't know if I can ever get the trust back despite how much I love him and who he is.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top