aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
And this PAWS thing SUCKS BALLS. Just sayin.
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H&R Moderators: streaM Freak
Day three, this sucks
- Thread starter aliencowstorm
- Start date
Swimmingdancer
Bluelight Crew
You're doing so great! 
Also try not to stress about PAWS, it's different for everyone and overly worrying about it can be kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Some people have only minimal PAWS that doesn't last too long, maybe you'll be one of them. I think the important thing is to work on your mental addiction and anything you can do to help your brain/body heal (exercise, hobbies, healthy food, sleep, etc) as soon as you're able - take an active approach.
Also try not to stress about PAWS, it's different for everyone and overly worrying about it can be kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Some people have only minimal PAWS that doesn't last too long, maybe you'll be one of them. I think the important thing is to work on your mental addiction and anything you can do to help your brain/body heal (exercise, hobbies, healthy food, sleep, etc) as soon as you're able - take an active approach.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
I'm actually making a meeting tonight. Crossing my fingers that I can have the courage to walk through those doors.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
Well, I made it through another day (yesterday). Last night was pretty emotional for me going back to my old home group in AA. Thinking about it now, I wonder if it might have been too soon especially in my mental state. But I think it was the right thing and I picked up some numbers I had lost along the way.
Today's exercise will be about breathing and just being clean and sober. Now it's back to work for this clown!
Today's exercise will be about breathing and just being clean and sober. Now it's back to work for this clown!
herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Sending you blueskyfluffyclouds good vibes from the west coast. You are doing so great, alien. One day, one step, one breath at a time.
"Our worst moments are our best teachers".
"Our worst moments are our best teachers".
Sepher
Bluelight Crew
Just read some of your other posts today cowstorm. You sound to be doing really good today. You feeling a lot better physically? How's your eating and sleeping yet? Another day down, keep going, you got this.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
The body is Ok. I've still got some sore legs, but nothing like the first three days. I'm still only sleeping a couple hours a night so that's pretty rough.
Outside of those two complaints I'd have to say things are great. I'm really going to have to relearn how to live. But I'm going to take things really slow and not make any decisions about life altering things for at least the next few months.
Went to my second NA meeting tonight and those are some remarkable people. Just experiencing their strength has humbled me tremendously.
I've actually been able to cry a couple oof times now. I really like having these emotions. For the longest time I've been walking around a shell of myself.
Day six is coming to a close. I still can't really meditate to try and quiet my head before bed.
Thank god my wife is here with me supporting me through this. Hell, she's stayed up late with me through the insomnia and through it all she's been a rock.
Maybe it's my turn to be there for her. But later, much later. She's had a tough ride with me. She doesn't drink or do dope, thank god as I'm sure I would have gotten a dui by now.
We'll, I'm going to stop the ramble as I still can't really keep a focused thought for more than a couple of minutes.
Thank you everyone for everything. Reading older posts and listening to your thoughts and stories really has made a huge difference. Just thanks.
Outside of those two complaints I'd have to say things are great. I'm really going to have to relearn how to live. But I'm going to take things really slow and not make any decisions about life altering things for at least the next few months.
Went to my second NA meeting tonight and those are some remarkable people. Just experiencing their strength has humbled me tremendously.
I've actually been able to cry a couple oof times now. I really like having these emotions. For the longest time I've been walking around a shell of myself.
Day six is coming to a close. I still can't really meditate to try and quiet my head before bed.
Thank god my wife is here with me supporting me through this. Hell, she's stayed up late with me through the insomnia and through it all she's been a rock.
Maybe it's my turn to be there for her. But later, much later. She's had a tough ride with me. She doesn't drink or do dope, thank god as I'm sure I would have gotten a dui by now.
We'll, I'm going to stop the ramble as I still can't really keep a focused thought for more than a couple of minutes.
Thank you everyone for everything. Reading older posts and listening to your thoughts and stories really has made a huge difference. Just thanks.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
Sending you blueskyfluffyclouds good vibes from the west coast. You are doing so great, alien. One day, one step, one breath at a time.
"Our worst moments are our best teachers".
Yes they certainly are.
keep it up my friend. you got a good woman it sounds like. my ex's left me when I couldn't support their habits. you'll probably sleep a bit tonight. by next week you'll be getting 4-6 hours easy. to be honest after I derided good, my sleep schedule became great. I got 6-8 hours by the end of the 2nd week maybe beginning of third. I was going to bed at 11 and getting up at 7 everyday in treatment without much issue. just keep putting one foot in front of the other, even if you don't know what's going to.happen. have faith as if we can do it, you can as well. we're all here for ya. pm me if you want to shoot the breeze or wanna talk recovery as I check BL frequently on my phone during the day.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
Today was a very special day for me. Today I:
- Worked a full day
- Went to my old AA home group meeting
- Didn't have a drink or a drug (7 months and 7 days respectively)
- slept 3 hours (a personal best since getting off dope)
- Was able to look in the mirror with a sense of pride that I'm still sober by the grace of my higher power
SL, I owe you a great deal of thanks. Whether I could have stayed clean without this group is debatable. What I can say is that it made it bearable and in those moments where I wanted to go out, I was able to hit up SL and TDS for that little extra something.
For those of you who have been able to stay clean and sober, I say thank you for helping your fellow man or woman (drugs and alcohol sure don't discriminate). For those of you still fighting those demons, keep on fighting for a freedom, a freedom of the mind body and soul. For today I was able to experience those three things. And for that I am truly grateful.
- Worked a full day
- Went to my old AA home group meeting
- Didn't have a drink or a drug (7 months and 7 days respectively)
- slept 3 hours (a personal best since getting off dope)
- Was able to look in the mirror with a sense of pride that I'm still sober by the grace of my higher power
SL, I owe you a great deal of thanks. Whether I could have stayed clean without this group is debatable. What I can say is that it made it bearable and in those moments where I wanted to go out, I was able to hit up SL and TDS for that little extra something.
For those of you who have been able to stay clean and sober, I say thank you for helping your fellow man or woman (drugs and alcohol sure don't discriminate). For those of you still fighting those demons, keep on fighting for a freedom, a freedom of the mind body and soul. For today I was able to experience those three things. And for that I am truly grateful.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
And it looks like I'm now a bluelighter!
another clean serene bluelighter. Congrats on your day my friend. lets make it one more tomorrow :D
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
It's tomorrow where I'm at. I'm going to do some reading in the hopes that I can get some sleep. Sleep is a dear friend of mine and I'd like him back.
Swimmingdancer
Bluelight Crew
Wow, you're doing amazing! Glad we can be here to support each other
Wishing you a pleasant sleep
Wishing you a pleasant sleep
well then keep it going man! when you get your first full night of sleep, its better than sex lol. also, masturbation/sex makes life a lot better. helped me fall asleep too.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
I got a full nights sleep yesterday and it sure was right up there with sex. When I woke up I had to do a double take to believe it was actually 8am.
Its another day and it's lights out. Had some of the RLS crap this afternoon, but it's been a couple of hours since they've died down. Now I've got a headache that I hope doesn't keep me awake tonight.
G'night BLers. You all are wonderful people. I'm proud to think of myself as one of you.
Its another day and it's lights out. Had some of the RLS crap this afternoon, but it's been a couple of hours since they've died down. Now I've got a headache that I hope doesn't keep me awake tonight.
G'night BLers. You all are wonderful people. I'm proud to think of myself as one of you.
aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
And today was probably the roughest since day 2 or 3. There were many moments where I wanted to fall back down and just say fuck it.
Without my support group at home and in the recent meetings I've attended I know I would not have made it through the day clean or sober. I am currently writing a letter to my wife telling her how much she means to me. She has been through so much with me and yet here she still is.
She certainly deserves better, but I'm so glad that she's been my soul mate and hasn't given up on me. I knew she was special when I first met her and now 17 years later I can unequivocally say that she is my yin and I her yang.
I remember when we first met, her friends and my friends thought we shouldn't be together. Even our families to a certain extent. But we both listened to our hearts and always put the other in front (well, her probably more than me obviously), has made this relationship last.
Forgiveness, unconditional love, no judging and most of all no second guessing the other. For those things are how we've made it so far. Now it's my turn to stay clean and be the man she met so many years ago. He's changed over the years, but change is inevitable, but changing with each other and remaining best friends through it all is key.
It's now been 9 days and I don't care if it was a struggle. All that matters is that I made it. Much love to everyone on here. I owe quite a bit of what I've done to you all. I intend to pay back these debts by continuing on in this community, to be a part of SL and to be a part of other people's sobriety. For its through others that makes this possible.
Without my support group at home and in the recent meetings I've attended I know I would not have made it through the day clean or sober. I am currently writing a letter to my wife telling her how much she means to me. She has been through so much with me and yet here she still is.
She certainly deserves better, but I'm so glad that she's been my soul mate and hasn't given up on me. I knew she was special when I first met her and now 17 years later I can unequivocally say that she is my yin and I her yang.
I remember when we first met, her friends and my friends thought we shouldn't be together. Even our families to a certain extent. But we both listened to our hearts and always put the other in front (well, her probably more than me obviously), has made this relationship last.
Forgiveness, unconditional love, no judging and most of all no second guessing the other. For those things are how we've made it so far. Now it's my turn to stay clean and be the man she met so many years ago. He's changed over the years, but change is inevitable, but changing with each other and remaining best friends through it all is key.
It's now been 9 days and I don't care if it was a struggle. All that matters is that I made it. Much love to everyone on here. I owe quite a bit of what I've done to you all. I intend to pay back these debts by continuing on in this community, to be a part of SL and to be a part of other people's sobriety. For its through others that makes this possible.
love
this whole sentence.. kinda weird but so amazing.aliencowstorm
Bluelighter
Sero certainly has a way with words!
for a 22 year old Guy I do pretty well 
its good you're continuing to push on. im waiting on your 30 days :D one day at a time. I'm happy you have a loving family. I know how hard addiction is on the family and loved ones. I went through 2 engagements while in active addiction. they didn't stand by me and now they're still out there using. I have found a wonderful woman in the program though. recovery is incredible. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
its good you're continuing to push on. im waiting on your 30 days :D one day at a time. I'm happy you have a loving family. I know how hard addiction is on the family and loved ones. I went through 2 engagements while in active addiction. they didn't stand by me and now they're still out there using. I have found a wonderful woman in the program though. recovery is incredible. I wouldn't trade it for the world.