G'day, so I've got a pretty strange story to tell,and not sure whether anyone else has had the same experience. Ok so it started at 16, i was the after party with a huge group of close friends, i got offered and a puff on a joint, never touched the stuff before so thought ok lets see what all the fuss about it is, (was a big deal at 16 to us). Ended up having the whole thing and being totally put on my ass, but extremely relaxed and talkative. Anyway ended having a quality night. But this is where it got kind of strange, ever since that night i had a puff on some green i became extremely dependent on it, in a way that i couldn't sleep without it, 'can i get weed tonight?' constantly played on my mind, i couldn't do anything without knowing i've got bud at home. And ever since that night i had been in the same mindset as when i was at 16, without realizing i was growing up and things around where changing. I still saw everything the same as when i was 16, felt the same age and acted like a 16 year olss schoolboy. Thinking to myself that i'm 18 years old never brought me back to reality, it's extremely hard to explain, but my clothes where the exact same as when i was 16,in a way its like i never wanted to let go of my school years in fear of growing up. Holding a conversion with someone the same age was near impossible without me acting immature and trying to impress them.
So 2 1/2 years on i had been offered some mdma, i was extremely interested in seeing what its like, (previously been told how amazing it was), so i took 2 lines by myself, because i had no one to do it with. This was down to me not holding my friendship with my close friends, anyway so half an hour in i felt the light headed feeling. After an hour i was rolling balls, my eyes where in the back of my head and i was just groaning haha. And after every roll i would toke a few bowls, which felt incredibly good for 5 minutes until extreme paranoia kicked in. The morning after i was extremely paranoid of everything, thinking everyone i know was talking shit behind my back etc. 7 weeks went by with me buying a Gram of molly every weekend doing it by myself, which resulted in constant paranoia but i was addicted to the good feeling sensation that you get as you know.
Recently ( 3 days ago ) i bought half a gram of molly, after the roll i had a spliff and just sat there thinking if anyone is out there listening and gradually getting more and more paranoid of my surroundings, at this point i headed to bed, put some music on and just thought about my whole life. I thought about how people treated me when they saw me, and how they had said things which at the time i thought where normal but in reality they where mocking me. It then got deeper, i started thinking about who my true friends where, and how i looked from their point of view and what they must be thinking when they saw me. Then i went onto my parents view of me and how my brother used to react to me, and that all the arguments at home where because of me not growing up and still acting like a pubescent teenager to my parents. Then started to realise that people treated me differently and that my dad would be with me everywhere when we used to go out to bike meets and that everyone was child like towards me. Then it hit me, i thought that tomorrow i am going to be a complete different person, and i told myself that in my mind, and that tomorrow would be a new start for me.
The morning after i woke up with paranoia as usual, but gradually through out the day i felt like a new man, i was able to hold a conversation for more than 30 seconds. Social anxiety and awkwardness dissapeared as if it never was there! The old me had completely gone, everything had a new perspective, my thoughts where different, everything about me had changed and i soon realized who i used to be, but everyone was still treating me like the old me, which made me realize how much of a child i was acting, and that in many occasions i had been made fun of but thought that was normal when i was there at the time.
After this super self realization i'm now realizing who i am, and what i'm truly about, not trying to impress everyone all the time. In a way i've been overwhelmed at who i used to be and how i used to be treated. The night i had the super self realization i had chewed my top lip which had swollen to a mother fucker haha, but in that one night everything i had known had changed, my perspectives on life and who was truly a friend had hit me in the face.
This probably sounds extremely strange(which it is) but i can assure it is all 100% true, anyway, anyone had the same super self realization?
So 2 1/2 years on i had been offered some mdma, i was extremely interested in seeing what its like, (previously been told how amazing it was), so i took 2 lines by myself, because i had no one to do it with. This was down to me not holding my friendship with my close friends, anyway so half an hour in i felt the light headed feeling. After an hour i was rolling balls, my eyes where in the back of my head and i was just groaning haha. And after every roll i would toke a few bowls, which felt incredibly good for 5 minutes until extreme paranoia kicked in. The morning after i was extremely paranoid of everything, thinking everyone i know was talking shit behind my back etc. 7 weeks went by with me buying a Gram of molly every weekend doing it by myself, which resulted in constant paranoia but i was addicted to the good feeling sensation that you get as you know.
Recently ( 3 days ago ) i bought half a gram of molly, after the roll i had a spliff and just sat there thinking if anyone is out there listening and gradually getting more and more paranoid of my surroundings, at this point i headed to bed, put some music on and just thought about my whole life. I thought about how people treated me when they saw me, and how they had said things which at the time i thought where normal but in reality they where mocking me. It then got deeper, i started thinking about who my true friends where, and how i looked from their point of view and what they must be thinking when they saw me. Then i went onto my parents view of me and how my brother used to react to me, and that all the arguments at home where because of me not growing up and still acting like a pubescent teenager to my parents. Then started to realise that people treated me differently and that my dad would be with me everywhere when we used to go out to bike meets and that everyone was child like towards me. Then it hit me, i thought that tomorrow i am going to be a complete different person, and i told myself that in my mind, and that tomorrow would be a new start for me.
The morning after i woke up with paranoia as usual, but gradually through out the day i felt like a new man, i was able to hold a conversation for more than 30 seconds. Social anxiety and awkwardness dissapeared as if it never was there! The old me had completely gone, everything had a new perspective, my thoughts where different, everything about me had changed and i soon realized who i used to be, but everyone was still treating me like the old me, which made me realize how much of a child i was acting, and that in many occasions i had been made fun of but thought that was normal when i was there at the time.
After this super self realization i'm now realizing who i am, and what i'm truly about, not trying to impress everyone all the time. In a way i've been overwhelmed at who i used to be and how i used to be treated. The night i had the super self realization i had chewed my top lip which had swollen to a mother fucker haha, but in that one night everything i had known had changed, my perspectives on life and who was truly a friend had hit me in the face.
This probably sounds extremely strange(which it is) but i can assure it is all 100% true, anyway, anyone had the same super self realization?
