Hey BabyGurl.. Sorry you find yourself in such a way. If you want to know where to go from here you may want to explore whats important to you. If you were to make a list of what's important to you and just take into consideration what you know, in your heart, to be important to you and do your best to minimize the effects of what the world and her people have told you about what should be important to you, then what does it look like?
So for instance if YOU came up with a list like this..
My children
My Family
The location where I live
My Health
A Loving Partner
etc
etc
Ok now when someone initially looks at a list of everything that is really important to THEM.. they MAy feel a little overwhelmed, anxious, scared, and a bit hopeless.. When I initially identified and looked at a list of MY life goals I was intimidated, fearful, and a bit apprehensive. I mean looking at such a list can be a bit daunting. I mean these are such big things and there seem to be a bunch of them. I thought this is going to be impossible, and I will never be able to get this done. The truth is is that life is a journey and there is never going to be some magical destination or list of goals that you will get to to reach some mystical place called happiness, period. The only time you ever have to find happiness is right now. what determines whether or not you choose to control your happiness is weather you realize and choose to control your perception of the world. How you choose to view the experiences in your life determines how the are. Did you ever wonder why so many bad things happen in the world, they don't
I man was walking his dogs down the road one day and he came across what used to be a beautiful house. He could tell buy the yard, nicely manicured and lovingly cared for that the person who owned the house really must have liked the house and took care of it. Now the house had billows of black smoke and fingers of fire licking out of it. The entire house was going to burn to the ground along with everything in it as it was totally engulfed in flames and he noticed that it looked like nothing had been pulled out of the flames. even the vehicle was still in the burning garage. As the man with the dogs took in the scene he suddenly noticed a man standing in his pajamas watching the scene, he could see the mans eyes flashing orgish gold from the flames flashes. The dog walker approached the man. He was in his late sixties and didn't even turn to look at the onlooker. It was obvious that this was the man that the house belonged two. The dog walker asked if everyone had made it out and the man reported that he had just gotten home from the hospital after sitting with his loving wife who was dying of cancer and had only been asleep for fifteen minutes before the fire started. The dog walker didn't even know what to say to the man. So he decided to simply say that he was sorry the man was having such a unimaginably terrible day. The man finally taking his eyes from the fire, turned and looked at the dog walker and smiled lovingly, as if to a child, and a little quizzically asked the dog walker, "I'm sitting here watching a house I love, with everything important that I have accumulated over my entire life, with no sleep for days because I have been spending the last moments with a the love of my life, who I will loose in no time and there is nothing I can do to save her.. Why with all that would I choose to also have a bay day?"
In other words we don't control so much of life, but we always control how we look at and perceive of what happens in life. So once you realize that there is no magical physical place that anybody gets to called happiness, if there was a destination you could get to called happiness, can you imagine the line of people; You would probably be able to see that line if it existed from google earth given the lines to get into a big amusement park. The door to happiness has been there the whole time, its in your head, how you choose to make something is how it is.
So if we realize that in life all that there EVER is, is a new day of the journey, that day or a segment of the whole journey will be filled with experiences, the vast majority of these we will not be in control of, but we will always be in control of how we judge these experiences, that judgement determines our perception, and perception is the dial that controls how well our life is going, and how well our life is going as well as our preconceived judgements on life determine our emotions, so if we are able be become accepting of life and are always doing good then our emotions should be peaceful, chilln all the time. So in truth we are in control at all times of how we are doing.. If you are able to wrap your head around this and implement it into your life you will chuckle like I do when someone else asks you if you are having a good day, because you will realize that you are always having a good day and will wonder why so many other people choose to have a bad day. People may say thats insanity at first, but if you think about it, driving yourself crazy and making yourself miserable over things out of your control is insane
.
So anyway back to the list of goals to get you to a life, set of experiences, that fits you best. As I said if you look at the list it may seem impossible. to accomplish the impossible all you have to do is break it down into small easily accomplished tasks or goals. Once you have gotten all the little small goals done then you have reached the big goal and accomplished the impossible.
So since I valued my health I would then list things that I think might help me to get to my value of health..
eat better
get sober or control my drug and alcohol use
exercise
get good sleep
etc
etc
now if some of those are still a little unclear I would break them down.. get good sleep
set a sleep schedule and follow it, so I would set a bed time and a wake time and make a real effort to stick to it
make sure I have a good sleeping environment.. remove all things that impede or distract sleep from my sleeping area such as a tv, a running computer, mess in the room, desk where you do work..etc
make sure i sleep in a bed and no longer sleep on the couch
make sure if I worry about missing a wake up[ time that i have a seemingly full proof way of waking in place.. good back up battery in two allarm clocks
asses my bed.. formulate plan to get a new one if ai determine a new one would be beneficial
make sure that my bedding was clean and comfortable..
etc
so as I broke down all the levels that came up down to tasks that were easy, this is done buy just exploring each idea down and down untill it ends at an easy task then I will be left with a bunch of easy things.. then just relax and accomplish a few easy things and watch your life magically transform and experience the feeling of accomplishing the impossible
its a decent to devise some way of organizing this if you decide to do it. Life is always changing and so are we so it is a good idea to make this or something like it, that you design for yourself, a part of your life. You might consider putting it into some sort of journal that way you can keep track of what you have accomplished and add new goals or values as they come up. It will also provide a convenient source to look at to pick out what easy task you plan on getting done when you have a minute or are planning for the next day..
I hope some of this may help you on your journey.. If an individual decides to wait and see what life gives them, then realistically they will have to take what they get. The hardest part of anything is starting.. You can't control where your life goes but you damn sure can aim it.. Best wishes
