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Women and telephones? Or am I just a fool?

bingey

bingey

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Ok , folks wanted to do this anon first but I guess there is nothing to be ashamed of.

I am in my middle twenties and I recently met an older woman in rehab and really love(d) her I guess , I'm not sure if i meant as much to her as vice versa. Anyway the thing is that during our stint we used heroin heavily and I guess I just had to get away and get clean (which I did about 2-3 weeks ago) , the thing is ever since I went back home and tried to call her she doesn't seem to want to pick up the phone. She asks me to call , says she will call , when I call she doesn't picl up , when I dont call she sends me texts. Now she is going back to rehab and asks me to write.

Am I being strung on? While I was with her I noticed her voicemail consisted of at the least 2 other guys desperately trying to get in touch with her, in rehab she showed off a love letter like it was a trophy (and made the guy look like a fool , which he probably was).

I really want to see her again , especially if she gets clean . I'm the kind of person who has real difficulty bonding with other human beings , once I'm in I'm in all the way however. Should I give it a chance or is she just toying with me.

Is it possibile she has some kind of phone-related anxiety? If I write her I'm going to ask her but if people recognize this situation please fill me in.


thanks in advance
 
I don't know if I'm weird, but I prefer text message, so I can go about whatever I'm doing while talking. Some people say this is distant and not cool, but I'm cool with it. I can't talk for hours on the phone, but I can chat for hours in text message.
 
Sounds like the type of person who just uses people and hooks up with them to boost her own self-esteem.....You have plenty of evidence of that from what you say....

What can you really expect out of a rehab romance? I would just move on.....Some women like that always like to have a bunch of different guys "on the hook"....It makes them feel wanted and desirable IMO...
 
although you can only find out from asking them

i hate talking on the phone but i will still at least pick up sometimes or call back / text back

can you read her body language when she's around you? that how i can tell if a girl genuinely likes someone

mature women tend to know what they want and she might not necessarily want a relationship idk man

just from the vibe of what you said i'd say she isn't reciprocating -> not very interested
 
i hate talking on the phone but i will still at least pick up sometimes or call back / text back

can you read her body language when she's around you? that how i can tell if a girl genuinely likes someone
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This is exactly what she does - the calling, when I was around she liked me a lot I guess , but just to be factual I'm considered pretty attractive by most women, so maybe on the phone I become just another boring guy/suitor.

Bluehues:

This is really fucked up but almost all my romances were in rehab , which is not to say I haven't been clean for long periods of time. It's as if I have to be physically imprisoned with women to fall in love , maybe society is just too fast for me or maybe taking opiates before getting laid permanently fucked up my cerebral reward system.


Anyway I wrote her a letter, and asked her what's the deal , maybe she's just using me but I'm still going to give it another chance , I literally can't stop thinking about her.


thanks for the replies folks.
 
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Sounds like she's stringing you along. Sorry.
 
You need to evaluate what you look for in a woman. I have a friend who's got 5-6 Years clean yet chases after women who are still using and fucking their lives up. He wants to be a Savior, a fixer, chasing broken women so he can fix them. Maybe you look for "broken" women as that is what your familiar with. Evaluate your choice in women.

Back on topic:
Sounds like my rehab romance. She strung me along really. Told me she loved me, we talked on the phone for hours, wrote eachother Valentine day cards, etc. I don't talk to her anymore (she's in Cleveland and I'm in St Louis). She even wanted me to stay in Cleveland when I got out of rehab so we could "pursue a future together"
 
You got sober I would not hang around with this woman especially if she still uses drugs or if in the past you and she used drugs. The way you wrote how she had other dudes trying to talk to her but she was ignoring them and she showed off the love letter from the other guy is showing how she's one of those people that claim they want a relationship but really they do not at all. Go out and meet other women who don't use drugs or who actually want to date or have a relationship, or even a friendship.
 
In my day, I've had plenty of drug-friends that were fucking HOT girls, I hooked up with a few of them, although you never know where a strung-out girl you just met has been....Point is, I've been a huge drug-addict in my life but I'd never date one.....Maybe that's hypocritical, IDK....I've turned a few truly nice girls into junkies though, although never meant too....that's my karma to live with I guess.....

I can understand that in rehab, you feel vulnerable, you're at a low point in your life, you're starting to feel emotions again....and, you feel a bond with the other people in there with you going through the same thing, but you don't have to settle for some random girl with fuckin major baggage outta rehab! You say you're a good lookin guy! don't sell yourself short...You can find a girl from the "real world" that was never into all the bullshit! Probably better off that way.....It's kind of strange, when you're a heavy drug user and end up with somebody who's not, it can show you life from a completely different perspective....

I'm not you, but from what you say, you're lettin this bitch fuckin own you man....and it sounds like she aint nothin but a ho who gets off on playin games....there's plenty of dudes like that too...and sex is sex, but makin someone feel like you really care about them and stringin them along for no reason, that's just unecessary and fucked up.....I can fuck plenty of girls without pretending that I wanna marry them....don't waste any more time on this shit!
 
DrunkardsDream said:
You got sober I would not hang around with this woman especially if she still uses drugs or if in the past you and she used drugs. The way you wrote how she had other dudes trying to talk to her but she was ignoring them and she showed off the love letter from the other guy is showing how she's one of those people that claim they want a relationship but really they do not at all. Go out and meet other women who don't use drugs or who actually want to date or have a relationship, or even a friendship.
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I was going to say something like this ^ She needs to sort out her drug problem first and foremost. It's fine to write to her. But I would quit calling if she's not responding. Let her work on herself (seems like she needs to) before continuing to pursue her. If eventually she comes around, great but now is not the time.
 
Ok I'm getting the message. I am going to try to change my attitude and try to be open to other"normal" woman . I'm going to send her the letter but if I don't get any answers it will be the last I I already stopped calling her about a week ago. I know that getting clean is something I can't help her with and even if clean we we would be a permanent risk to each others sobriety.

. Bluehues yes I guess she is/was owning me. Might be time to wake up.
 
BingeBoy said:
Am I being strung on? While I was with her I noticed her voicemail consisted of at the least 2 other guys desperately trying to get in touch with her, in rehab she showed off a love letter like it was a trophy (and made the guy look like a fool , which he probably was).
Click to expand...

hmm if this doesn't show you whats going on then nothing will. have you ever heard of a cat toying with a mouse.

sometimes people validate themselves with the attention of a string of people they have no genuine interest in.

also shes on heroin and you are not so you are fairytailing the time together in your mind due to being on drugs at the time.

you can connect with other women. connecting with people is difficult for everyone, stop trying to make yourself seem different (e.g. woe is me, life is so hard, i have things difficult, where is that heroin?). you can meet other women with things going for them like jobs, a social life, etc.

junkie lifestyle is not the way towards good health and good future options for yourself

i'm not being judgmental as i regularly have recreational indulgences but i would never use up my rent/ mess up my career for a moment of pleasure. you can do better with your life!
 
Oh man I missed the letter part. That's just mean. I know you don't need to keep hearing it, but stuff like that should be a red flag. How would you like it if that was you and there is nothing that says it couldn't be you.

"Normal" girls or just nice girls don't do that stuff. Even if she never loved him and maybe he annoyed her or whatever, you don't humiliate men like that. She might be very beautiful and maybe she has lots of men fawning all over her, but I can tell you that a nice girl wouldn't humiliate these men.
 
I'm not trying to make myself different pofacedhoe, fact of the matter is that I am different from most men at the least in the whole relationship/sex thing . If I had to stick a label to it like the shrinks did it would probably be asperger .

And I'm not fairytelling the time we spent together , the time we spent in rehab was great and once we started using it all went down the drain. I understand that your somewhat harsh words are meant to set me straight, don't worry the message got through. Also I never use my rent for heroin , not all junkies steal, lie rob and cheat !Stop generalizing!

Lysis I know the letter and the messages are a red flag , but I feel like I still have to give her a chance (it's not fair to judge people by their actions in the past/ towards others), she might just turn her life around.

you can close this thread now , I want to thank everybody for their solid advice , maybe it just needs a few days to settle in my mind or maybe ill go on playing the fool I seem to like that.
 
BingeBoy I don't mean to be harsh but honestly you have to judge people by their actions if you're going to date them. Her parading a letter around was mean and you have to judge those things if you want a nice girl.

It's no different than when I go out with a guy and he's just a total asshole to the wait staff. I really hate that because I don't want to date someone who is an asshole. If he is an asshole to wait staff he will be that way with me too.
 
^
Well actually she told me the guy had a crush on her and she felt like it was entirely one-sided and that he was kind of ignoring her and basically sending a letter to some version of her which only existed in his head. God I wish I could be around when she gets my letter hate to be used as a crutch for impressing the next sucker. Don't want to be childish but she behaves very nicely towards waiters etc. , in fact she is a social person which I am not , maybe I'm the asshole is all I'm saying.
 
lol @ "maybe I'm the asshole." Ha!

I would just hate to see you get involved with one of those soul sucking mean girls.
 
Maybe the fella who wrote the letter really had feelings for her. She may say it was one sided and that sort of makes it worse.
With her flaunting it around and attitude about it seems a bit attention-seeking. If that happened to me, I would keep it to myself.
 
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