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An update to previosu thread, man thinking hes bisexual..confused..need advice!

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dazed53

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 10, 2012
Messages
21
Hey everyone,

So, I have had great feedback in regard to an older post i posted on here:

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/636901-Am-I-Bi-Does-my-wife-suspect-it-How-do-I-tell-her

I wanted to give an update, and ask for some opinions. My fantasies and thoughts have not gone away, and I have been talking way more to a female friend of mine who knows of my confusions. I am having a hard time dealing with the amount of judgement I am getting from people who I thought were my friends.

People seem to be picking up on my interest in men alot, even though I dont act in a way in which i think someone would suspect it. I still havent fully sat down with my wife yet, as I am able to make comments on social network sites, and over text..but i freeze when i get the idea in person.

I guess what I am asking, is what do i do? I am tired of not knowing if i am bi, but I could NEVER cheat on her. The girls I work with, and female friends all have either picked up on things in the past, or ask me about it.

any thoughts?
 
No, just super sexually curious about sex with men. Did you read the forum posts on the link? My sex life with my wife does stink tho, we dont have sex often
 
Well you don't want to cheat on your wife, and you can't talk to her about it. You're at a stalemate.
Make a decision or continue going on this way, there are no other options.
We can't decide for you.
 
yeah you're not gonna get a justification to cheat.

if you want to have sex with men thats up to you but its not fair to your wife.

if you're going to stay together then whats the problem?
 
Why is this bothering you so much OP? I mean why do you need to know exactly what you are? Can't you just have thoughts about men once in a while without needing to define yourself in one way or another?
 
Ah, sexual confusion... One of my favorite pastimes.

Let me tell you a little story... First off, I am bisexual, to put it very simply. (It's never that simple, I don't care who you are. Labels are useless ways of trying to simplify people into groups...)
Just looking at me, you'd probably never guess if you weren't "part of the family" yourself...

I used to be a contractor. I was installing some windows one day for this woman, who happened to be a lesbian. (Fun fact: Her dog's name was Harley...) There was Pride memorabilia and pictures of her and her girlfriend everywhere in a one-bedroom home, so it was pretty obvious.

I lived not even five miles away from this job, so my boyfriend at the time drives by one day while I'm working to say hey. (You'd never be able to tell with him either.) We talk for a couple minutes, nothing special, and he drives off...

Soon as I walk back into this woman's house, she says "Hey, your boyfriend's cute!" ... and my jaw hit the damn floor. Here I am, sweaty dude with a beard and a tool belt, having given NO previous indication. I start to ask "How did you...?" but it turns out she had zeroed right in on me from the moment I first walked into her house...

Point being: Women in general seem to have MUCH more sensitive 'sexuality' radar than men. ([Especially lesbians.] This is actually only one of several times something similar has happened while I was working.)
... so if several of them are picking up on it, that should probably tell you something.

The issue here is that you're married... 'Most' people aren't really too keen on their partners sleeping with other people. There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about whatever the hell you want, do not be ashamed of that... "If it harm none, do as you will," as they say. Simple information can be hurtful too, so keep that in mind about telling your wife about your inclinations...

It's a complicated situation. I've been in similar ones myself with dating guys while I wasn't sure whether I'd be happier dating a woman or not. I ended up ruining a very good relationship because of my own confusion. If you're happy with someone, you love who they are and spending your life with them, then stay... If not? It hurts to hurt someone, but there's no sense in living an unfulfilling love life just for their sake... That goes for just about any relationship.

--It helps to be DAMN sure before making that kind of decision though... :|

... I feel like most of that was just pointless rambling, but I hope at least some of it helped.
 
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Pagey said:
Why is this bothering you so much OP? I mean why do you need to know exactly what you are? Can't you just have thoughts about men once in a while without needing to define yourself in one way or another?
Click to expand...


Well, I guess I just am so tired of being confused. I mean, I find the idea of giving oral to a man very enticing, but not dating a guy. I guess I just want to know if i like it or not, and it would help me figure things out i guess. If the thoughts were just once in a while, I would not be so bothered, but they seem to get stronger and stronger as time passes.
 
Well, you can't keep running away from this conversation. I think you're going to have to talk to her eventually. It sounds like you're not happy with you're marriage anyway, so there's no point in staying. If y'all end up separating or even divorcing, you'll be free to experiment.
 
Your confusion over this seems to me like you want to cheat. If you actually love your wife and if she truely loves you then you must talk to her about this. I wonder if you think she won't understand, she'll leave you. True love is about communication. Also do you actually want to have sex with another man or not? I think you explore what fantasies you have with her first. Talk about this with her. Hell my wife loves that I have my own vibrator to use on myself. She doesn't think about it being sign to being gay, she knows that I enjoy the sensations I get from using it.
 
Why can't her soul mate be him? Tamarinds you have a very narrow view of things there.. I found my soul mate and he is Bisexual..I do not see what the two have in common with one another..
 
Didnt say it was cause he was bisexual. No problem there.

To me soul mate means someone you are completely satisfied with, not looking at anyone, not thinking about anyone.

Its a fairytale I suppose
 
Abs-

Got your message. I agree with everything. From reading my situation, do you think i am bi or gay? Do you think she knows..? Can you elaborate more on that? I am thinking the amount of people ive asked about it is a bad idea.
 
Fills your soul like no other doesnt mean much to me. No soul.

I didnt only mean sexual, albeit it has something to do with it. Makin love is pretty important.
Guess Im fucked huh?


Sounds like youre 100% gay to me bub. Time to break the news to the misses
 
Ahh shit here we go. Im outta this cancer ridden thread.

Good luck dude, dont not break her heart ;]
 
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