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Before I get in too deep with "H"

W

whenwhy

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 2, 2012
Messages
37
So I have been dabbling for about a month now 4 times with some a class china white. Which is very potent from what experienced users say from an unknown source.

I'm coming off valium And almost off it. But one day decided I will try it since everyone was raving on about it and I've used oxy and done the CWE before and like my opiates.

Well guess what I love it, big suppose hey. I have a extensive drug history but have always held down very respectful and professional jobs like the one I am in now.
I have managed to dabble here and there and not let it effect my work. But I fear this one is going to, this is the one that i dunno " is the one".

It's scary and I don't want to lose our houses, our car and my family.

My route of administration is snorting though I am capable of iv, but due to the strength of this product I'm fearfull.

None of my family know of this and I want to get of sooner rather than later before I've lost all that I have worked so hard for in life.

I also work in an industry where if I was to get some help of sorts from somewhere I could very easily lose my job.

There is also a chance of getting done with possession and there goes my career.

I know I should/need to stop but does anyone have any advice for me before I get in too deep.

Thanks in advance.

Very much thanks
 
The best advice I can give you is this.

Get out before you fall in love with the feeling.

Get. Out.

Once you're in, good luck.
 
I had tried just about every kind of drug by the time I was twenty....I like to party, what can I say?!

When I started seriously messing around with heroin, I had no idea the ride it was gonna take me on.....

I've had years where it was manageable, able to work respectable jobs and make a decent living while using.....I've had years where I had nothing and had to move back in with my parents to survive and just about everything in between....

The big difference? I don't have a family!

When it's just you, or you and your SO using, you can go without eating much or having much of anything....It sucks, but it's your choice!

with kids and marriage and mortgages? It's a very difficult thing to juggle....

I'm 36, and like I said, it's been a struggle, sometimes I've been able to maintain, sometimes its blown up in my face!

Once you get a taste for it, it's hard to just forget about it!

My suggestion: give yourself a short leash! If it starts to affect your family or work life and you sense trouble is on the horizon, in your case I'd go straight to suboxone or methadone! You should try getting off of the shit without maintenance drugs first, but it sounds like you don't have the luxury of being able to "really fuck up!"....

It's not ideal to be on methadone or suboxone, but it may be the only thing that allows you to hold it together if it turnds out that you're "up against it"...

Just my two cents....

Edit:Also, welcome to BL! I encourage you to ask more questions about anything you're going through like this, there's different forums and diiferent people who can offer you a lot of advice that comes from their own experiences...

That's what's great about BL, you can sum up your life and what you're going through in a nutshell, in a few short paragraphs and other people who have been through similar things can give you a different perspective....It's pretty much anonymous and you really don't have anything to lose! It's good stuff!
 
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I consider myself lucky to be alive. I had done opiates for a few years before I tried the H as you say. I snorted it for about a month, all the while saying if I IV'd it, only then would I be too far gone. Well the time came where I did, and it was love at first shot. I have never felt so (it's indescribable) in my life and never felt it again. Once the good turned into the bad, it was horrible. I haven't done it in 10 months, that's why I'm lucky to be alive. If think you can stop yourself before it gets bad, it is an experience you will never forget. Only you know you, but you have to be honest with yourself. I lied to myself and it got me into very dark places. Heroin is some wicked shit.
 
Thanks for every ones comments and invaluable advice. I have just smoked a bit and fuck what a rush I hate it at the same time. The worst thing is I can afford it for now but I hate hiding it from my SO.
I've given up everything , meth , alcohol everything.
How can I get off it ? Cold turkey is surely the way to go but the urge is so great but the consequences are enormous yet I still ponder and seek and go through the actions of buying it and unconciously reasoning to myself that "it's all good, I can handle it"

I never though it would be me, that I could kick everything!! And found this.

I have to keep it low profile.
And thanks for people support it makes a world of difference that people know where I'm coming from.

I'm an addict to everything and why would someone who lives his family choose heroin. As grim as it is that's what I'm doing this is messed up.

Thank you
 
If you don't stop now, you will get caught. At home, at work, everywhere. If you've only been using for 4 months & already have those feelings, it only gets worse. You get more fond memories of being high & that only serves to make it harder to quit.
I recommend going to some NA meetings. You don't have to believe their principles/12 steps, but you will meet people who are staying clean. Get their numbers & call them when you want to use.
 
Sure, you can afford it now, but there will come a day when it becomes prohibitively expensive. But you make a lot of money and think you can sustain indefinitely? You might be able to last months or even years. Good in the short-term, terrible in time. You think it's hard to quit at four months? Quitting at four months is like kicking a one night stand outta bed in the morning. Stay on that for a few years and it would be like divorcing your wife of many years.

Anyway, one day the money will run out and you will wake up sick. What to do? Tap the expenses account a bit? Pawn that old fax machine that nobody even uses? Start selling that Xanax script your wife never uses? You might think that you would rationalize and just stop at that point, but it is not that simple when you are in deep. It is a painful life and you are addicted to a painkiller. It becomes your only salvation left.

I get it, though. I pulled off two degrees, internships, international travel, jobs, etc, all while drinking and drugging practically everyday. I thought I could handle anything. Heroin took it all away real fast. I had a sportscar, money, a good body, fast times, etc. Now I count coins to buy stuff on the dollar menu. When I reflect on that at night, you know what I start to crave...

Buy some Suboxone now. Go out of town for the weekend, shack up in a hotel in a city with no transparent drug scene and detox. Come back and try and go a month before you use again. It might not work the first time, but you will at least be teaching yourself how to run when you have to.
 
Whenwhy, could you just be clearer about how much you've actually used and for how long. Reading your first post you say 'So I have been dabbling for about a month now 4 times with some a class china white.' I just want to be clear, because you're talking about cold turkey, others are talking about Suboxone for detox, I'm personally confused if you even have a physical habit to kick and suffer from physical withdrawal symptoms as yet? It has a bearing on what advice I'd give.
 
Thanks for the replies people much appreciated
" I think this will be the last of my H use" that's what I want to say though I'm Already looking to get my next g and haven't even finished this one.

So I want to stop- I've read a bit about subby, I don't want to go to methadone. Also it isn't a option to go to a detox or rehab again( last time for benzos alcohol)

So saying that subby might be a good idea.
How should I go about it?
The family doctor is already the one who trusts me enough to hand me a script for valium and taper myself off.

And I have tapered of valium from 90mg a day now down to 7.5 mg.

How do I approach this? I'm scared to tell my SO

Many thanks bl'ers
I have been a long time member for about 8 years but needed another username.

Thank you :-)
 
AFAIK, in NC at least, you have to go to a special Suboxone doctor who will evaluate you, get a drug screen, etc. I was put on it not to combat physical WDs, but to help with cravings. I'm not sure how well it worked, because I didn't take it like I should have though.

Once you get off dope, I strongly urge you not to attempt chipping. I doubt the high of a few hours is worth the potential risk to everything you have going, and each time you get bad off, clean up, & go back out, you get back to where you were quicker.
 
I've been in a suboxone program for over a year. I go to the clinic once a month, get piss test, talk to a counselor and doctor. It's killed all cravings and given me stability. You might want to go this route. Also come clean to your family so there's some accountability. I also suggest NA on top of it. I feel 'normal' every day now, which is something I never felt before. It's also helped reduce anxiety. Something to think about.
 
I don't want to tell my SO about my H use. She knows that I do the CWE of codeine regularly and dislikes it.
I've disappointed her many times before, I know I should man up.
Subby I need to research .
Thanks everyone
 
Dude if you are lucky enough to have kids and a wife and a house why the fuck would you shoot smack. If you have only been using 4 months your a tourist. I suggest you go home while you still can.
 
Well at first the habit seemed cheap but tolerance is a bitch, plus I am an absolute pig.
 
I havn't even been using for that long I have maybe had 4 times .2 in the last 2 months then got .5 of the same pure china white. I know I should get out I know I know I know I know but its so alluring and comforting. Should I tell my doc and ask for subby or what I can't lose my family cos I can almost see down the rabbit hole
Thank u
 
whenwhy said:
I havn't even been using for that long I have maybe had 4 times .2 in the last 2 months then got .5 of the same pure china white. I know I should get out I know I know I know I know but its so alluring and comforting. Should I tell my doc and ask for subby or what I can't lose my family cos I can almost see down the rabbit hole
Thank u
Click to expand...

Surely a part of you can see that it's a dead end.

Any benefits to using that you may now be seeing are purely imaginary, figments of your drug craving aspect.

The aspect that is posting here needs to tell their SO what's up, come up with a sane plan, and stop while they still can.

I think, in a way, it was so much easier when I came clean with my wife, because I didn't have to hide it anymore.

I just had to get off it, and I was ready.

The writing is on the wall, you have a whole other life to be lived.

Good Luck!
 
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So you're not physically addicted Whenwhy? Ignore any advice to jump on to Suboxone then. That will give you a habit, a true physical dependency. It would make your situation worse, not better. You're here cos you're trying to avoid a real habit. Do I have that right?

Think we need to look at why it is that you're using. Is it just that you enjoy the feel. Does it help with things like anxiety, or low mood. Are you particularly stressed out at the minute. You said you'd been through rehab before for benzos and booze, is it filling a hole that they've left that you need to address. If you can figure out what it is that's driving you to use, then maybe you can figure out how to put better coping mechanisms in place to help you deal with things without the drugs.
 
If your still under a year of using H I'd highly recommend trying to quit cold turkey before considering suboxone. I'd say to try to taper down with the H but you already admitted you can't control yourself with a bag of dope around so that don't seem like a viable option for you. Only if you absolutely can't deal with the WD symptoms would I start to look at subs if I were you. Also if you do go to subs just use them for a quick detox & taper. Like 2 weeks at longest. Subs are a nasty drug that has way longer hooks than H does. Trust me I was able to quit shooting high quality ECP dope cold turkey many times but just kept picking it back up. Went on the suboxone maintenance 5 yrs ago & now the only hope I have of being truly clean of opiates is to taper down to a very low dose then deal with up to a month (maybe longer) of WDs. Compared to the 7 or 10 days of WDs I'd experience when quitting H CT, quitting H now seems like a walk in the park compared to what I will be facing. Also to get the subs you'll have to go to a different doctor unless your doc is an addiction specialist. All sub docs in the US have to get special training to be allowed to prescribe it for opiate addiction & can only have 100 patients on it under their care. On top of all that if you do get on subs the only way to keep it hush hush is to pay out of pocket, cause if you use your medical insurance that you get from your job your employer can easily find out that your on it. It will be on your medical record regardless. It is also very expensive (definitely cheaper than a raging H habit though) to pay out of pocket. Costs me $232 a month for the doc app & my script of them. Just some food for thought on your current situation.
 
Thank u everyone- I think my reasons are escape- my father died suddenly 4 months ago, I have an addictive personality and I have no vices at all. I gave everything up. I don't even smoke or drink.
I don't have a bad life at all, I'm really successful for my age and have a beautiful family, I'm just an addict.
It's 6:13am public holiday and I welcome getting up because I can sit in the toilette and have me first dose and nod in bed.
I know my partner won't leave me, I think she might know but not to what extent because she keeps commenting on my tired looking and highly pinned eyes.

I need to tell someone to get it off my chest, I don't know anyone else who does it, it's my dirty little secret.

I jumped back on the Xanax and alcohol and meth and ketamine and everything when my father died, and she stood by me.
I am still going through those affects of tapering off today and not sure she can take anymore.

Has there ever been any recreational smack users like one week on one week off?

I do appreciate everyone's comments and have come to the conclusion that subby isn't the answer.

Tomorrow/ today I will be out after a 4/5 day binge, I think I will have minimal WD's.

Though my fondness of opiates has me on auto pilot buying various painkillers with paracetamol plus codeine, ibuprofen plus codeine and aspirin plus codeine. Just to feel normal and GOOD until the next ........comes.

Sorry for my verbal diarrhea

Many thanks
 
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