• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

University Graduation Ceremony

R

reggiee

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 12, 2010
Messages
33
Location
SoCal
I would definitely go for my family, but none of them can come. I posted here about 18 months ago when my mom died, and my dad died in 2007. I haven't spoken to my nearby sister in about 5 months, which is a long story but boils down to her caring more about her friends than me, and it finally came out that everyone (her and her friends) doesn't like me and only tolerated me out of pity. The reason was never given, just that I'm awkward/unusual. The only two sisters I'm close with live in Texas, which leaves only my teenage niece who lives nearby. But the extent of our relationship is her accepting my $100 gift cards each Xmas (I'm not the type that expects gifts in return, so I never asked why I never got a card). Besides, I can't ask her to come by herself. Also, I have literally no friends whatsoever, not even acquaintances, other than classmates I meet for group work.

I've read articles that say that no one should skip such an important event under any circumstances, and will certainly live to regret it. But it seems to me that it would be an unpleasant memory which I will regret participating in. I do not wish to try tagging along with a group or family of people I don't know, because that can turn out bad just as easily, if they agree that I'm "awkward." I'm not even planning to get a cap and gown, nor am I going to take pictures, because it seems like a big waste of money just to send them to my sisters in Texas. I'm honestly not looking for sympathy, I'm asking for advice because I'm surely missing something. But so far I can only conclude that I'm an exception to the widely given advice, do you agree? If not, what should I do?
 
Unfortunately none of us can tell you how that ceremony would go or how much you'd regret it if you skipped it reggiee. I do personally think you should go to it because it's a celebration of your accomplishment and it's something you should be proud of, a landmark in your life - but it's true that you do risk the possibility of just not having a good time. I do think, however, that the regret you risk having if you don't go would be much bigger than the regret you might have about going if you don't have a good time. Try to remember that even if it feels lonely and like people should be there supporting you, it's still a day where you should be happy with yourself no matter what :)
 
University graduation might be considere as rite of passage. That is true. Not the most important one, and probably not on the top ten, but I dont deny its importance. A couple of years ago, when I graduated, I was so happy everything was finally over, and I was proud of what I had accomplished. I had been living and studying in the US, but since I'm Italian, all my family and childhood friends were far away. There's no way I dare compare this to your situation, since you've been through your awful share of family tragedy, but nonetheless I didnt have close to me the people I'd have liked to share this accomplishment with. I did have new friends though, and my boyfriend, to be happy for me. I then realized that after all, what was important wasnt the Cerimony. Really not. It was to have people around me that could be proud of me, and to whom I could go and share my happiness with. So, I ditched the Cerimony and, on those days, I went on a cuise with my boyfriend and friends instead. That's was my way to celebrate.

What I'm trying to say is that you're kind of missing the real problem here. It's not the Cerimony to be the important event, but having someone to share your success with. Sure, if you've studied hard, as I did, it is a well earned honor to be there and proud of, and even if just to reward yourself, you should go. Even by yourself. But what I think you should do is to really get busy, starting right now, building a net of friends who care about you. Sure, I'm nice to have people who cheer for you at the cerimony, but what you need is to have friends who will be there cheering for you every day. And from what you say, you do not have any.

Maybe there is someone you have forgotten and that might be glad to be there with you, if you'd ask. Try and ask someone.
But cerimony aside, put yourself out there and make friends! THAT is what you should care about.
 
Pagey said:
Unfortunately none of us can tell you how that ceremony would go or how much you'd regret it if you skipped it reggiee. I do personally think you should go to it because it's a celebration of your accomplishment and it's something you should be proud of, a landmark in your life - but it's true that you do risk the possibility of just not having a good time. I do think, however, that the regret you risk having if you don't go would be much bigger than the regret you might have about going if you don't have a good time. Try to remember that even if it feels lonely and like people should be there supporting you, it's still a day where you should be happy with yourself no matter what :)
Click to expand...

I agree with this. I feel for u losing both your parents at such a young age but they'll be there looking down on u proud that there son graduated college. Try and go and enjoy the day. Its the only graduation u will ever have.
 
BlueRoyale said:
... if you've studied hard, as I did, it is a well earned honor to be there and proud of, and even if just to reward yourself, you should go. Even by yourself. But what I think you should do is to really get busy, starting right now, building a net of friends who care about you.

Maybe there is someone you have forgotten and that might be glad to be there with you, if you'd ask. Try and ask someone.
But ceremony aside, put yourself out there and make friends! THAT is what you should care about.
Click to expand...

Actually, the truth is that I didn't work hard. I have a 3.5 GPA, but only because I'm good at cramming, which unfortunately also means I dumped it right after exams, so I didn't learn much at all. In fact, I regret that I chose to major in finance, even though my school's business program is reputable (SDSU). I am not interested in it at all, so it's hard to be proud of it. I also don't have time to lollygag at age 32. I was previously an electronics technician in the navy, and did computer networks after. So now, I have no idea what I'm going to do.

Regarding friends, I thought about paying a visit to the few old friends I used to hang out with, but I hesitate because I'm realizing that they never really liked me either. I was oblivious before, but everything is becoming clear lately. So when faced with the alternatives, I prefer to keep to myself rather than try to earn the acceptance of people who are merely "tolerating" me. So the only option is to reevaluate and modify my personality to best I can, and go out and meet new friends. It will take finding a hobby and joining some kind of group, but my social anxiety is debilitating enough to make me stay alone, only with my cat (who might actually die soon, I just paid $4500 in vet bills, because I'd hate to lose my only friend I have left).

Anyway, thanks everyone, for your kind feedback. I have lots to think about, for sure.
 
I was sorely cut the other week when i found my wife can't attend mine, and my parents weren't too keen neither. after a whinge on fb about intending to cancel, i was encouraged to just do it for myself. i was swayed by the sentiment, and confirmed the clothing rentals.
 
^So I take it you graduate in May just like me? I think the same would happen if I posted on FB. People would even say that they will attend. But again, after learning that no one actually likes me, it would be out of pity. I simply can't have that.
 
I wish I never went to mine. My mum ruined the occasion for me as she suffers from Depression / Anxiety issues. The day became about her and my brother and my dad were expected to work around this including me. Then dinner came and she hated the place my brother chose which I liked and the whole time it was about leaving and her complaining. So we then went for round 2 of my graduation dinner with some other family members and this occasion was even worse. It was 5 hours of complaining by my mum and the rest of the family as the portion sizes at this fine cuisine place were too small etc.. Any how in the end something I looked forward to for many years became a disaster. Trust me it's not a big deal if you don't go, it's also not about the occasion but it's about you getting the paper and you did that so why milk it more ?
 
go to it, get your photo you have worked for it.:)

also why give someone big gifts if they haven't the manners to thank you for it?
 
reggiee said:
^So I take it you graduate in May just like me? I think the same would happen if I posted on FB. People would even say that they will attend. But again, after learning that no one actually likes me, it would be out of pity. I simply can't have that.
Click to expand...

nah mines in april, but hey, my folks are around, i'm the first uni graduate in my family and they're still not coming. i don't know if your situation or mine is worse.
 
L2R said:
nah mines in april, but hey, my folks are around, i'm the first uni graduate in my family and they're still not coming. i don't know if your situation or mine is worse.
Click to expand...

thats a bit lame of them. they could make the effort- how far away do they live though?
 
L2R said:
nah mines in april, but hey, my folks are around, i'm the first uni graduate in my family and they're still not coming. i don't know if your situation or mine is worse.
Click to expand...

I can totally relate. When my mom was around, she wouldn't want to go. I even bought her a $60 ticket for orientation, but she backed out in the end, so I had to go by myself. Same for when I graduated from high school. When I "graduated" from boot camp in the navy, I envied all the families who flew out to support their kids (which was surprisingly a LOT of them). That one hurt the most, because it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and emotions were quite strong at the time. The cost was a drop in the bucket, and she easily had the spare time. She had ~10 investment properties and over $1M in stocks (none of which was left to me. Step dad got everything, and he won't give me a dime, despite a lifetime of free materials and labor from me).

In the end, it actually eased some of the sadness and guilt, knowing that she totally neglected to leave me anything, and the fact that she was an awful mother in general. In fact, none of her kids really liked her but me (but we all "loved" her). I was always there for her, and we talked for hours all the time (though it often became a frustrating argument). I guess it helps explain my attitude about ceremonies, because I don't have any memories of them, so I can't really appreciate the value in it that everyone talks about. The same goes for my lack of friends. She kept to herself, and her own husband treated her like shit (so I don't get why she left him everything).

I'm finding that talking about it is the first step towards coming to terms with everything that is bothering me. I'm back in therapy after stopping for a few months, because I think I'm ready to get better this time. And it never ceases to amaze me the support I get from you fine people. You not only lend your ears, but helping hands to pull me out the ditches I keep falling in. It really means a lot to me, I can't thank you enough.
 
I'm glad you decided to start working on yourself. As I was saying in my other post, the graduation cerimony is only a bit (and not the most important one) of what seemed bothering you.
You sure didnt have any luck with family, and possibly your sisters are such insensitive jerks because of this sort of distorted sense of family they absorbed while growing up, so dont hold it agaist them THAT much (still they are bitches...). No comment about your stepfather. Wish he'll need the money to buy medications for his own health. I dont know about US, but even with a will, in most Countries a son has inalienable rights to a share of the estate.

Anyway, I'm glad you decided to work on your personality and put yourself out for making new friends and, above all, getting back on therapy, looking for answers with the help of a professional.
Good luck, really.
 
I skipped my college graduation. Not because of reasons like this but I just didn't want to go. I don't regret it. It really doesn't matter to me. I passed, I got my diploma. I saw pictures of it later on and I only kinda wish I had gone so I could have seen my classmates again. But that would have just been a social thing.

Honestly - it's the graduating part that actually matters. Not the ceremony. Unless you're doing something important in the ceremony (like saying a speech or something), then it really doesn't matter. If you want to go, then go. But if not - then don't go.
 
I didn't want to attend my high school or college graduation. I totally get what you're saying. I hate the ceremony. It's so boring. Plus if you don't have a big family or lots of friends it's weird and awkward. I wasn't going to go to my college ceremony because I only have my mother and my boyfriend living in the country. My mom was like so pissed cuz she wanted to take pictures. I went just for her and it was totally awkward cuz my mom was hellah late and my bf couldn't find me--so I was pretty much standing there for 30 minutes feeling like a total loser regretting the whole experience. I'm not very photogenic so I photographed HORRIBLY (the professional ones) and didn't buy any. My friends were all like, why didn't you invite me, blah, blah, blah. It's not something I guess I "regret" but I definitely would have been completely fine WITHOUT doing it.

Honestly, don't. It's just going to make you feel like a total loner--like I did. Thank god I have a bf. But I'm like you, my sister and father died in 2011. My brother ran away to Japan in 2010. My family in texas all hate me. My family in Japan are so far away. You're just going to be standing there--no friends surrounded by BIG happy families and HAPPY friends and people with ALL these leis and balloons and shit.
 
^Thanks everyone for sharing your personal experiences. Pagey made a good point that I might regret not going, more so than going. But I don't think I'm ready to appreciate the good aspect of it, particularly when I'm certain to be alone through it all. I still have plenty of time to decide (at least a month), so I'm very grateful for all perspectives that decide to post later, as well as the ones who did already, of course.
 
reggiee said:
^Thanks everyone for sharing your personal experiences. Pagey made a good point that I might regret not going, more so than going. But I don't think I'm ready to appreciate the good aspect of it, particularly when I'm certain to be alone through it all. I still have plenty of time to decide (at least a month), so I'm very grateful for all perspectives that decide to post later, as well as the ones who did already, of course.
Click to expand...

I think another thing is that it might make your graduation more real and more final. Like it'll help you realise that this really is a part of your life ending, which is definitely a good thing IMO. I'm only ending my first year at uni right now but I'm glad I went to my high school graduation just for the finality of it. It helps you move on I think.
Anyway, good luck with your decision!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top