Gaz_hmmmm
Bluelighter
Last week I was prescribed Prozac for anxiety as I've having the occasional anxiety attack (I used to have them really bad from the age of 16 to 18 and was prescribed Citalopram when I was 18, it gave me hypo-mania which I thought was great and eventually wore off.)
Anyway I've never told a doctor I've felt depressed, even though since the age of 11 I've attempted suicide. I've only told 3, maybe 4 people this.
The doc's know it's there but I've never said anything and they've not said anything, the reason being is because in Dec' 2009 I took 30 ibuprofen, around 15 10mg Valium's, about 600mg methadone and 100mg propranolol and went to bed. I thought if the ibuprofen didn't kill me, I'd either stop my heart or stop breathing. At some point in the night I got out of bed, obviously mashed and slipped and banged my head, I wasn't found for 3 days and when I was I had pneumonia and was in a coma as you'd expect. Thankfully my parent's at the time didn't and still don't know it was a suicide attempt, they think it was an accidental phenazepam OD.
The second time was 7 months later. I been with friends out at a local festival and with this girl who I'd known for a few months and was close to (People were saying to me leave it, it's not gonna happen and one friend had even told her I later found out to stop fucking me about and messing with my head.)
Anyway the festival finished and we'd planned (The girl and I, as we'd traveled there together to meet our friends) after the music fest' to either go back to her's and we'd split the taxi money.. Anyway the music finished and she jumped in a taxi with other mates without saying bye to me and I didn't have enough money to get home (Over an hour's walk.) I was really pissed off at this time and also I was drunk (Alcohol generally make me suicidal) and had taken Valium.
One of my closest friends could see straight away I was upset and was telling me "I told you she's not worth it!", anyway I said fuck it, I'm going home and she knew (My friend) what I was gonna do, she followed me about 3/4 mile but I ran off. I got home and spoke to my friends gf on the phone, told her goodbye and sorry and what I was doing. I took 30 paracetamol/apap, I washed them down with whiskey and cola, took about 15 Valium and around 600mg methadone.
The next day I woke up in bed, surprised I was alive. I decided to take a shit load of Milk Thistle (Very good for the liver). I felt fine all Saturday, but on the night my friend phoned and was begging me to go to hospital, I told her I felt fine and what I'd taken, she said she'd taken less paracetamol/apap in an OD attempt before and the hospital told her that if she had gotten there later she would have died. Because my friend was crying on the phone I said ok, I'll phone NHS Direct and see if I have to go to hospital.
They said yes, I told'em I'd walk as the hospital is a 10min' walk from mine but they said don't you may not make it and got me an ambulance. This was around midnight.
I got to the hospital and because I'd hardly drank any fluids they had a hard time getting a vein and I even over heard them questioning whether the lolly I had was a fentanyl lolly (I laughed at that and told them it wasn't!). It took over an hour and half for them to get a vein, that was 3 nurse's and 1 doc'. Within the hour and half I started to feel pain in my abdomen and began to throw up. When I first went in I told them I felt fine and they said "It'll be the painkiller's!", they were all surprised at the dose of Meth' I'd taken.
Anyway they put me on that NAC which is an anti-dote to apap toxicity and once again I had to see 4 people, a nurse, a psychiatrist, social worker and someone else. They were asking why I did it, I said it was the alcohol (Which it was!) and they recommended that I go back on daily pick up so I couldn't take all my meth' at once, I'd actually bought the meth' so daily pick-up was just a fucking inconvenience. I saw the girl a few times after that but never once went to her house and only saw her at other people's, she thought I was being funny with her. My friend and her gf never told her I'd tried to kill myself because of her!
Anyway back to now and I've been given Prozac for 'anxiety' but for the last few months I have been having suicidal thoughts and I'm scared to take them cause I know that in the first few weeks there's the possibility of suicide. I'd rather just have some MXE, at least that works straight away but I can't afford it right now.
I don't know why I'm posting this, if it's a rant or a question as to whether or not I should take the Prozac.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Anyway now
Anyway I've never told a doctor I've felt depressed, even though since the age of 11 I've attempted suicide. I've only told 3, maybe 4 people this.
The doc's know it's there but I've never said anything and they've not said anything, the reason being is because in Dec' 2009 I took 30 ibuprofen, around 15 10mg Valium's, about 600mg methadone and 100mg propranolol and went to bed. I thought if the ibuprofen didn't kill me, I'd either stop my heart or stop breathing. At some point in the night I got out of bed, obviously mashed and slipped and banged my head, I wasn't found for 3 days and when I was I had pneumonia and was in a coma as you'd expect. Thankfully my parent's at the time didn't and still don't know it was a suicide attempt, they think it was an accidental phenazepam OD.
The second time was 7 months later. I been with friends out at a local festival and with this girl who I'd known for a few months and was close to (People were saying to me leave it, it's not gonna happen and one friend had even told her I later found out to stop fucking me about and messing with my head.)
Anyway the festival finished and we'd planned (The girl and I, as we'd traveled there together to meet our friends) after the music fest' to either go back to her's and we'd split the taxi money.. Anyway the music finished and she jumped in a taxi with other mates without saying bye to me and I didn't have enough money to get home (Over an hour's walk.) I was really pissed off at this time and also I was drunk (Alcohol generally make me suicidal) and had taken Valium.
One of my closest friends could see straight away I was upset and was telling me "I told you she's not worth it!", anyway I said fuck it, I'm going home and she knew (My friend) what I was gonna do, she followed me about 3/4 mile but I ran off. I got home and spoke to my friends gf on the phone, told her goodbye and sorry and what I was doing. I took 30 paracetamol/apap, I washed them down with whiskey and cola, took about 15 Valium and around 600mg methadone.
The next day I woke up in bed, surprised I was alive. I decided to take a shit load of Milk Thistle (Very good for the liver). I felt fine all Saturday, but on the night my friend phoned and was begging me to go to hospital, I told her I felt fine and what I'd taken, she said she'd taken less paracetamol/apap in an OD attempt before and the hospital told her that if she had gotten there later she would have died. Because my friend was crying on the phone I said ok, I'll phone NHS Direct and see if I have to go to hospital.
They said yes, I told'em I'd walk as the hospital is a 10min' walk from mine but they said don't you may not make it and got me an ambulance. This was around midnight.
I got to the hospital and because I'd hardly drank any fluids they had a hard time getting a vein and I even over heard them questioning whether the lolly I had was a fentanyl lolly (I laughed at that and told them it wasn't!). It took over an hour and half for them to get a vein, that was 3 nurse's and 1 doc'. Within the hour and half I started to feel pain in my abdomen and began to throw up. When I first went in I told them I felt fine and they said "It'll be the painkiller's!", they were all surprised at the dose of Meth' I'd taken.
Anyway they put me on that NAC which is an anti-dote to apap toxicity and once again I had to see 4 people, a nurse, a psychiatrist, social worker and someone else. They were asking why I did it, I said it was the alcohol (Which it was!) and they recommended that I go back on daily pick up so I couldn't take all my meth' at once, I'd actually bought the meth' so daily pick-up was just a fucking inconvenience. I saw the girl a few times after that but never once went to her house and only saw her at other people's, she thought I was being funny with her. My friend and her gf never told her I'd tried to kill myself because of her!
Anyway back to now and I've been given Prozac for 'anxiety' but for the last few months I have been having suicidal thoughts and I'm scared to take them cause I know that in the first few weeks there's the possibility of suicide. I'd rather just have some MXE, at least that works straight away but I can't afford it right now.
I don't know why I'm posting this, if it's a rant or a question as to whether or not I should take the Prozac.
Anyway now
