Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
haha of course! A little self confidence and optimism go a long way.
I hope things work out for the best.
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
I think I need to tell her to go
- Thread starter justsayknow
- Start date
haha of course! A little self confidence and optimism go a long way.
I hope things work out for the best.
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
He shouldn't get married if he doesn't want to. My whole post is that he should WANT to get married FOR HER. I just don't believe in "I don't believe in marriage" crap. You would do whatever it takes to be with the person that you love. Saying that you love someone but don't want to marry them is a joke.
KoreyS
Bluelighter
You're not old ar 33 idiot. Dump her and fuck various bitches
cyberius
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2013
- Messages
- 1,571
Don't break up with her. I had a problem just like this, I broke up with her and it made both our lives so much worse.
You may feel like breaking up would be best, but you will not know how much you love her until shes gone. She obviously needs you, I'd recommend taking a vacation, doing something special with her, or surprising her with something romantic. You said shes a lovely girl, and you just can't make her happy, if that's the only problem, than that's not a good reason to break up with her at all.
You may feel like breaking up would be best, but you will not know how much you love her until shes gone. She obviously needs you, I'd recommend taking a vacation, doing something special with her, or surprising her with something romantic. You said shes a lovely girl, and you just can't make her happy, if that's the only problem, than that's not a good reason to break up with her at all.
justsayknow
Bluelighter
So if I don't that means I don't love her?
Z3R0S
Bluelighter
this is some depressing shit
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
I'm sure you do.. in your own way. We create our own meanings for words like love.
I guess the question is, how far would you go to please the person you love?
How much would you sacrifice?
How badly do you really want to be with her?
I just can think of so much more horrible things than.. marriage. I would literally do anything for someone I loved to be with them. Life's too short to not want to enjoy every single moment. People don't realize that until it's too late and they're gone.
Sure you might love her. But to not marry her because you "don't believe in it" or are "scared of crowds" just seems selfish, tbh. It also seems like you don't really want to be with her because you aren't willing to set that aside to make her happy.
justsayknow
Bluelighter
I don't think I have ever felt love like that for any one.
I've been in two other long term relationships and never once felt the urge to get married.
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
Even if she really wanted to get married and your relationship was falling apart because you didn't want to?
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
aha yes. what i'm saying is that a lot men probably dont want the ceremony especially people who hate public displays of affection/speeches with big crowds. but they get married because they want the relationship for life and thats called a compromise. but its only ok if you intend to stick to your promise...
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
...What?
I quite like your posts usually but way to be open-minded...
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Can't you imagine that some people just don't share the same views?
Lysis
Bluelighter
If you pressure someone to do something they don't want to do you're asking to ruin your relationship over it. If you really want to get married and he doesn't I can see saying you want that but if you put an ultimatum like that on it then you should be ready to walk away.
I've been married so I am not against being married again but I would totally be ok with just being happy living with someone.
Personally, I think if being married is a complete deal breaker even if you've been together for a really long time then you should let the guy know in the beginning of the relationship.
Tude
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2011
- Messages
- 11,204
This argument goes both ways. Why can't she set aside her desire to get married to make him happy? She could be deemed selfish as well. I believe this is one of the few times a compromise can't be made. Both parties must be in agreement. Oh, and what Lysis said ^.
justsayknow
Bluelighter
You're right about her thinking its an excuse. Also I would have been happy to stay with her for life if it still was the way it was 3 or 4 years ago. Its just really hard to stay positive when every week or so there's a big emotional blow up and crying for hours and sleepless nights.
Also we have discussed how we would do it and the sticking point seems to be the proposal. She is the only one that wants to do it but she wont do it unless I ask her to. I think its bullshit so its going to come across as insincere and be generally terrible...
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
I know people don't believe in marriage. Like I said, it two people don't believe in marriage and are happily in love--good for them. The tricky part is when one does and the other doesn't. I just don't understand what the big deal is for someone to just get married to make the other person happy. All you're doing is signing a piece of paper and gaining marital rights and benefits....What?
I quite like your posts usually but way to be open-minded...
Can't you imagine that some people just don't share the same views?
Like I said, I don't see what the big deal is to get married. It's not pressure--it should be the desire to make your partner happy. The girlfriend isn't even giving him an ultimatum... she's just unhappy because she probably feel like he doesn't want to go all the way and be completely committed to her. She probably feels insecure in the relationship.
I agree with this. There are definitely major issues that need to be discussed such as marriage, babies, abortion/adoption. Unfortunately, most couples don't..
She is setting it aside as we speak. Like I said, I don't think signing a piece of paper and gaining these extra rights/benefits is really that bad of a thing. Ok, "don't believe in it" but it's not like he's really sacrificing much.
Lysis
Bluelighter
Marriage is a huge deal. It binds you to someone indefinitely. It's much easier to cut ties without marriage, although there are some divorces that are really easy, but no one wants to put up with the BS of splitting assets and attorneys and all that. I got really lucky. I dated the guy since I was 17 and we were married until I was 27. We did not argue and did not get malicious at all, but we are like the .00000000001% of most marriages. Most are pretty malicious.
Pretty_Diamonds
Bluelight Crew
I don't know. Marriage is a big deal to people who care about marriage. If you don't "believe in marriage" then I'm assuming that you don't value it/don't care for it. To those type of people I would imagine it wouldn't be a big deal. It's a big deal for the gf to want to get married because she highly values it. It shouldn't be a big deal for the bf because he doesn't really believe in it/care for it. I don't believe in God but I wouldn't mind going to church if someone dragged me. If someone believed in god (and were really religious about it), they would NEED to go to church. Do you kind of get what I'm trying to say? If someone absolutely HATED god then it would be probably hard to get them to go to a church. But OP doesn't HATE married, he just.. "doesn't believe in it".
justsayknow
Bluelighter
I do really hate the ceremony part yes and the church part. The staying together part I don't mind unless its horrible and then you leave regardless of marriage or not hence my view that the whole thing is pointless...
Lysis
Bluelighter
The only reason to have a wedding is the party. My wedding was tons of fun, and I told the preacher not to make the vow part long, because that's the boring part. lol I think he hated me so much. I also told him not to put "obey" in my vows, and then the asshole went on for like 10 mins saying how women are the homemakers and take care of kids and the house and even my husband looked at him like "wtf Uhhhh you don't know this girl at alllll." lol
But if you hate going to church, you just stop going. No harm no foul. You get married and you can't get out if you realize it was a mistake. It's a huge commitment and not always easy to get out of.
I understand if you're female and want the experience of walking down the aisle. It's an experience most girls want to have, but you don't want to tie yourself to someone if you aren't entirely sure. I totally understand why you would want to get married, but pressuring someone is no bueno.
But if you hate going to church, you just stop going. No harm no foul. You get married and you can't get out if you realize it was a mistake. It's a huge commitment and not always easy to get out of.
I understand if you're female and want the experience of walking down the aisle. It's an experience most girls want to have, but you don't want to tie yourself to someone if you aren't entirely sure. I totally understand why you would want to get married, but pressuring someone is no bueno.