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Holy shit- a ketamine trip has caused me to lose the desire to use speed

H

Horton-Scorton

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I've been heavily abusing amphetamine and meth for years now. Of course, I've experienced horrors that made me desire cessation of using without the wherewithal to go through with things. I used ketamine two days ago, for the third time. There is a direct correlation between this trip and a radical perspective change. I do not doubt this. This in fact is one of the big changes. I do not doubt as much. I am less conflicted in a noticeable ways. What I think and do are seeming to line up. I feel like I have heightened awareness of the effects of my addiction on my mind body and the minds and bodies of others. This is not to say I suffer the delusion that I am "cured."

Far from it. I am acutely aware that sometimes what needs to be done will be uncomfortable, and sometimes very sad. Regardless, it has become important to me to take action, small steps, to ensure that the inner and outer become united. I feel as though the basis of suffering is separation into inner and outer. When the two do not match you are not whole, or at least not aware. There are two options. Either I make the apparent outer world conform to my arbitrary desires, or I surrender my spirit to the great flow of creation. I feel like the world is recreated every moment and I can appreciate immense joy and sorrow without having to use hard drugs. I know urge will return, but I believe I can deal with them more objectively and dispassionately now. I will open my mouth and ask for help. I am not the me I play in the dress rehearsal...I am the me that knows no me, but only that.

I am grateful and forgive myself. I choose to not wallow in misery and filth. As the incredible string band said, the natural cards revolve ever changing. I want to embrace the cycle, to swim with the current. Not the current of a diseased social system, the current of, I guess I shall say, my soul. I want to help people. I want to love and look fears right in the goddamn eyes. As Julian cope said, when I walk through the land of fear, I don't look to my left, I don' t look to my rear. And finally, I must remind myself of what Arthur brown said, lest I backslide: when you see a fire burning inside your minds eye, grasp the meaning of the flames before you let them die. I hope this flame will illuminate and guide. And I hope this had helped someone, or perhaps reminded someone of a truth they forgot- the kingdom of heaven is within.

I don't desire more ketamine,either, by the way.
 
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I am currently doing a low dose ketamine regimen for mental health and I am finding similar results to what you just said.
 
And the unrelenting psychoanalysis of tryptamines was absent. The change seems to have resulted not from a conscious process of revision, but from a moment of neural union with the observed, a physiological shift that tuned the receptor to the frequency of the signals known as the world, without too many tears. I feel like if it's there, I'm more likely to pick it up now.
 
I feel that on ketamine it is impossible to be dishonest. LSD and it's friends are humane, and despite their radical ability to change the filters, these classic drugs are biased towards organic life and in particular man. I feel like ketamine is not biased towards anything, not even being. A glimpse into the binary computation of a now everything now nothing reality lends appreciation towards the constraints and impositions of consensus reality, or it has for me. I am a human doing the human dance and i must enjoy every hug and every meal for the human is transitional and finite.
 
Thats the afterglow of Ketamin. Wait until 2 weeks later and see if you feel like doing ketamin. It makes you feel great the next few days and then 2 weeks later you feel like taking it again. The addiction crawls slowly towards you be carefull and safe bro :)

I remember reading a story about a guy who took dxm and it made him stop with all the other drugs he did. But he got terribly addicted to dxm wasn't and still Ibsen able to stop. He updates his thread ever few months. He he has 2 children and a wonderfully loving wife. But he just can't stop. Horrible story be carefull.

Ketamin it close to dxm like LSD and shrooms :)
 
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Yeah prettig much what Lars says, be wary of replacing one drug with the other.
 
Horton-Scorton said:
I feel like ketamine is not biased towards anything, not even being. A glimpse into the binary computation of a now everything now nothing reality lends appreciation towards the constraints and impositions of consensus reality, or it has for me.
Click to expand...
Holy fuck.
 
Yea some of this is quite familiar, other dissociatives like 3-MeO-PCP also had this quality for me of being very tao. There was no more doubt, I don't mean that in a dogmatic sense but more like things were running more smoothly on proper logic rather than fuzzy logic.

Other than your bearing becoming more stable and less sensitive to influences in a figurative sense, it is also for me like actual bodily balance can improve a lot with certain dissociatives (though not all of them, some can create too much vertigo for that to happen), and it makes it easier to do t'ai chi or yoga or martial arts exercises...

I think that is a great metaphor for what can happen to your thoughts and feelings as well: you can apparently be partially or wholly cut off from certain outside fluctuations and this can create a matter-of-factly sense of things as they are or are not - which is indeed quite honest.
 
Thanks to everyone for the feedback- especially the warnings. To be clear, I have not craved ketamine nor have I done any drugs since the trip. I do not, at the moment, wish to do ketamine or any other drug.

I do have concerns after reflection. In particular, I am concerned of making a drug into a God, something which I did with speed, and many people do with LSD, ketamine, marijuana, MDMA, DMT etc. The map is not the territory. It is dangerous to think of a chemical as more than a very special tool and believe it to be the only avenue to "real" reality. I will be watchful, though, of what several of you have warned.
 
Congratulations my man, you had a true moment of clarity. I'm glad you can reflect upon yourself and realize both the need for change and the volition to make the change. I hope that you can impliment what you have learned about yourself and make changes in your life so that you can be proud of who you are, what you do, and how you live. Best of luck.
 
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