I'm looking for a serious conversation on the subject of addiction. Not looking to be flamed or start and angry thread. I will keep it as serious and intelligent as possible but as you will soon see I am having trouble, my sense of humour insists on being present and I genuinely have no control, if its possible to be addicted to saying something stupid or off topic to get a laugh I can't help it. To that I am genuinely addicted. Some things are easier said than done, but I am hoping more sober people who arent me or them will have something intelligent to say, even if it is negative. I hope at least You enjoying reading what will probably be just a few lines of my thread.
Feel free to skim over what might be nonsensical rambling
Ok. Currently I am on 125-130mg of very good, even if I do say so myslef, MDMA (It really is wonderful) and average canabis. I am such a lightweigt with cannabis since giving up for years and now trying not to make it a daily thing or a thing that i feel I must do or need etc. To clarify I am eating an empty garlic & herb tortilla wrap as food seems really complicated and swim only wants his tummy to stop aching so he can focus. I think that best explains swims mental state.
While in this hypothetical high swim has turned what right now feels like a thoughtful and logical if a little easily distracted eye to the subject of addiction. A powerful subject for any drug user.
My thoughts were:
1. How to spot addictive behaviour.
2. Risk taken to get to take drugs
3. Need for them, or whether if you couldnt take them would it be a problem
My current conclusion is that I am not addicted to drugs and am in a "safe zone" although there are a few warning bells ringing that should not be ignored. swim currently doesnt take big risks when taking drugs. my wife doesnt know I is a user, this is a fundamental disagreement and not something that is likely to change. She has the opinion all drugs are bad all of the time regardless. She doesnt like to take any medicines or drink or smoke. A position that is highly unlikely to ever change. No matter how hard I try.
My History To best explain swims drug history I will list major/favourite chemicals and experience with them. I feel this best to explain swims position.
Cannabis: From ages 13-18 used almost daily, daily if I could. Not being stoned felt weird. Definately psychologically addicted and it was horrible. Paranoid, depressed, lonely and suicidal were feeling swim would attribute mostly to overuse or misuse. I wished he had more help or was aware of bluelight, similar websites or government help was more realistic and actually aimed at helping. My teachers and friends were aware of swim smoking cannabis but nothing was ever done. I am genuinely angry about this as help is being denied or not being offered to the kind of people that need it most. Young people.
Opiates Not as much experience here as I would have like hehe. Probably my favourite type of drug. Plenty of use with codeine, dihydrocodeine, tramadol, slightly less with opium (hypothetically not an easy thing to find), not as much experience as swim would like with buprenorphine (Probably swims all time favourite, only 0.8mg needed and wonderfulness ensues). I tried smoking heroin, swims favourite ever christman present. Never really a problem for addiction, swim smoked heroin for a few days and loved it but never try desperately to get more. Only addiction problem with opiates came with buprenorphine as it was so much nicer than codeine and other opiates at the time it was hard to avoid while I was in supply. Also prescribed co-codamol for a slipped disc in swims back. I don't think it was ever addiction, but it was hard to tell as a lot of the time swim genuinely needed the painkillers for................................pain!
psychedelics A lot of experience with magic mushrooms, these tended to be the easiest to get psychedelic. I'm grouping ketamine in here, I have a lot of experience with it and with mixing it with other psychedelics. Some other psychedelics but none ever a problem for addiction.
I think that explains my position, 1000x more clearly than necessary. So we are good to move on.
My current use
Cannabis: Currently probably every other day, but sometimes everyday. This is where the warning bells ring hardest.
I has been unemployed for a while but now has a new job cleaning early in the mornings. This has made it very easy to make cannabis an everyday thing or thereabouts as swims wife works shifts and full time.
I however found that when visiting his dad not only did he not feel the need for cannabis he forgot all about it. Making me wonder if it is boredom that is the reason for current use. It will be interesting to see when swims cannabis runs out in a few days to see how quickly he resupplies and how strong the need is. I thinks I am okay at the moment, as before he would take risks to take cannabis and now it is something that is regimented and if the risk is seen as to great he will cancel getting stoned or smoking so as not to risk getting caught.
Co-codamol Current use not that much as I only have 6-8 30mgs left. I will hopefully go and renew his prescription on monday if I am not too lazy hehe. Currently not a problem, generally only used as a painkiller although occasionally take as a mood boost or to aid sleep. Use is currently infrequent, subject to change when swim has 100 tabs. It will be something keeps a close eye on and honestly feels wont be a problem.
RC's and other I recently plucked up the courage to something very dangerous. *Gasp* Give his bank details to somebody claiming to sell research chemicals online. I purchased 5-meo-dalt, etizolam and amt and has used only occasionally as stimulants arent really his thing mostly due to comedowns and crashes. Something you dont get from his more prefered opiates. Almost no risk of addiction.
When I realised the wrap he was eating was going stale he had been eating it for so long he realised a conclusion might be necessary.
For some strange an unexplainable reason I am finding it very hard to focus on this thread, and what it is I want to say. But I feel strongly that another 6-7 paragraphs with heavy use of bold and lists will be really helpful!
If you have any light to shed on the subject of addiction please let me know, I am genuinely interested and hopefully it will help somebody who isnt me!
Thank you for reading, you have too much time on your hands but hopefully you will have some sensible thoughts to contribute something. As The thread was originally about how to self diagnose addiction.
It seems I may have forgotten this was about swim and written I, or make gramatical errors that would make it seem like I deleted the word"I" and added swim in instead. This post is not related to anything I have done, or ever intend on doing or condone etc.
ModNote: Please, we do not use SWIM or any other third person when refering to ourselves on this forum. Thank you.
Feel free to skim over what might be nonsensical rambling
Ok. Currently I am on 125-130mg of very good, even if I do say so myslef, MDMA (It really is wonderful) and average canabis. I am such a lightweigt with cannabis since giving up for years and now trying not to make it a daily thing or a thing that i feel I must do or need etc. To clarify I am eating an empty garlic & herb tortilla wrap as food seems really complicated and swim only wants his tummy to stop aching so he can focus. I think that best explains swims mental state.
While in this hypothetical high swim has turned what right now feels like a thoughtful and logical if a little easily distracted eye to the subject of addiction. A powerful subject for any drug user.
My thoughts were:
1. How to spot addictive behaviour.
2. Risk taken to get to take drugs
3. Need for them, or whether if you couldnt take them would it be a problem
My current conclusion is that I am not addicted to drugs and am in a "safe zone" although there are a few warning bells ringing that should not be ignored. swim currently doesnt take big risks when taking drugs. my wife doesnt know I is a user, this is a fundamental disagreement and not something that is likely to change. She has the opinion all drugs are bad all of the time regardless. She doesnt like to take any medicines or drink or smoke. A position that is highly unlikely to ever change. No matter how hard I try.
My History To best explain swims drug history I will list major/favourite chemicals and experience with them. I feel this best to explain swims position.
Cannabis: From ages 13-18 used almost daily, daily if I could. Not being stoned felt weird. Definately psychologically addicted and it was horrible. Paranoid, depressed, lonely and suicidal were feeling swim would attribute mostly to overuse or misuse. I wished he had more help or was aware of bluelight, similar websites or government help was more realistic and actually aimed at helping. My teachers and friends were aware of swim smoking cannabis but nothing was ever done. I am genuinely angry about this as help is being denied or not being offered to the kind of people that need it most. Young people.
Opiates Not as much experience here as I would have like hehe. Probably my favourite type of drug. Plenty of use with codeine, dihydrocodeine, tramadol, slightly less with opium (hypothetically not an easy thing to find), not as much experience as swim would like with buprenorphine (Probably swims all time favourite, only 0.8mg needed and wonderfulness ensues). I tried smoking heroin, swims favourite ever christman present. Never really a problem for addiction, swim smoked heroin for a few days and loved it but never try desperately to get more. Only addiction problem with opiates came with buprenorphine as it was so much nicer than codeine and other opiates at the time it was hard to avoid while I was in supply. Also prescribed co-codamol for a slipped disc in swims back. I don't think it was ever addiction, but it was hard to tell as a lot of the time swim genuinely needed the painkillers for................................pain!
psychedelics A lot of experience with magic mushrooms, these tended to be the easiest to get psychedelic. I'm grouping ketamine in here, I have a lot of experience with it and with mixing it with other psychedelics. Some other psychedelics but none ever a problem for addiction.
I think that explains my position, 1000x more clearly than necessary. So we are good to move on.
My current use
Cannabis: Currently probably every other day, but sometimes everyday. This is where the warning bells ring hardest.
I has been unemployed for a while but now has a new job cleaning early in the mornings. This has made it very easy to make cannabis an everyday thing or thereabouts as swims wife works shifts and full time.
I however found that when visiting his dad not only did he not feel the need for cannabis he forgot all about it. Making me wonder if it is boredom that is the reason for current use. It will be interesting to see when swims cannabis runs out in a few days to see how quickly he resupplies and how strong the need is. I thinks I am okay at the moment, as before he would take risks to take cannabis and now it is something that is regimented and if the risk is seen as to great he will cancel getting stoned or smoking so as not to risk getting caught.
Co-codamol Current use not that much as I only have 6-8 30mgs left. I will hopefully go and renew his prescription on monday if I am not too lazy hehe. Currently not a problem, generally only used as a painkiller although occasionally take as a mood boost or to aid sleep. Use is currently infrequent, subject to change when swim has 100 tabs. It will be something keeps a close eye on and honestly feels wont be a problem.
RC's and other I recently plucked up the courage to something very dangerous. *Gasp* Give his bank details to somebody claiming to sell research chemicals online. I purchased 5-meo-dalt, etizolam and amt and has used only occasionally as stimulants arent really his thing mostly due to comedowns and crashes. Something you dont get from his more prefered opiates. Almost no risk of addiction.
When I realised the wrap he was eating was going stale he had been eating it for so long he realised a conclusion might be necessary.
For some strange an unexplainable reason I am finding it very hard to focus on this thread, and what it is I want to say. But I feel strongly that another 6-7 paragraphs with heavy use of bold and lists will be really helpful!
If you have any light to shed on the subject of addiction please let me know, I am genuinely interested and hopefully it will help somebody who isnt me!
Thank you for reading, you have too much time on your hands but hopefully you will have some sensible thoughts to contribute something. As The thread was originally about how to self diagnose addiction.
It seems I may have forgotten this was about swim and written I, or make gramatical errors that would make it seem like I deleted the word"I" and added swim in instead. This post is not related to anything I have done, or ever intend on doing or condone etc.
ModNote: Please, we do not use SWIM or any other third person when refering to ourselves on this forum. Thank you.
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