Is forgiveness necessary to move on?

[Belisarius]

Though this isn't quite forgiveness, I like to keep this old adage in mind: "The best revenge is living well."

 

[neversickanymore]

Yep, its really difficult to get anywhere carrying baggage.. And who really like to hang out with someone that carries baggage around all the time. They are always worried about their luggage, constantly lugging all those suitcases (trailers 8( ocean liners) around tends to make someone tired, sweaty, cranky, suspicious, angry, depressed, self conscious, sometimes they forget who they are hanging out with and treat them as if they were the last person they were hanging around.. they can become so paranoid that they build a huge fortress around all that junk and keep everybody out. Forgive everybody all you loose is what you don't want. Forgiveness is for US not the scumbags that we are forgiving.

"The best revenge is living well."

Quite true and the way to live good is to forgive the poor wretch. Ever notice that so many time a person spend so much time trying to win someone else back and gets no where until magically as soon as they finally are over that person they suddenly decide they have made the mistake of their lives and come running back with their tale between their legs trying to win an unwinnable battle they couldn't have lost a couple days ago.

 

[Lysis]

No, the worst ones are the bitter ones. The ones who can't even talk about their exes without getting pissed and going on a rant. You just kinda sit there not knowing what to say. lol

 

[velmwend]

Lots of new sex and new experiences!!! especially the sex.

 

[China Rider]

we've all been talking forgiveness....

is it in terms where 'we forgive them' or we taking about personal apologies in person,phone,text,etc?
personally, i apologized probably too much at first, was only counter productive cause i didn't mean it and kept her fresh on my thoughts, it sucked

the first month where i had zero desire to send texts, or even think about her at all, THAT'S WHEN I KNEW i could apologize to her and mean it with all my heart and become a better person when it's over

although, the only thing i was genuinely apologetic over is things i said to her when i wanted to 'test' my nastyness, lol at those few times i unleashed hell, just to see what it felt like, had no idea how evil i could be

only tiny thing that still frustrates me is that when we text(like once every 3 months) i'll basically just fluff her ego up and tell her how awesome she is and how happy she deserves to be, how proud i am of her career.... i say it cause i mean it, i've accepted there's no chance round 2, i was KO'ed in round 1....but she'll just respond with a simple thanks, i dunno, i'm not asking for equal PLUR but at least something funny or inspiring, than again it's probably best that she not say anything nice to me ever again lol

 

[Pariahprose]

I have been thinking about this alot lately. If you were hurt badly by someone, say a lover or a friend, is it necessary to forgive them in order for you to be able to move on with your life?

As some of you may know due to my posts here, my ex cheated on me and then ran off with the guy. It broke my heart. Now I am in a much better place mentally (after 6 months) but still think about it each day with a degree of hurt and bitterness.

Forgiveness is often spoken about in order to heal. Alot of religions also talk about it (particularly Christianity). I'm not religious but I don't discount some of the moral and life teachings.

So is forgiveness necessary? And if so, how does one begin to forgive? I am at the point now where I feel alot better about the whole situation and am enjoying my life to a degree, but the painful experience is still something I think about each day. If you feel that someone did something to you that is unforgiveable, and you don't feel like you can forgive them, then is it possible to forgive them? Does it take time for you wounds to heal completely before you can do it?

Feel free to share your stories. for those of you that have forgiven, has it made your life better or at least let you get past that difficult part of your life? For those of you haven't forgiven, do you think it has held you back or doesn't forgiveness really matter?

Well, why do u feel like you even have the obligation to forgive them? Depending on the things you are feeling at this point in time is whether or not forgiveness is needed. Do you feel like she deserves forgiveness and would she be the same to extend it to you if the shoe was on the other foot? Could it possibly be that maybe she isnt the one who deserves forgiveness from you,that in actuality you need to forgive yourself for feeling like you were the cause of her cheating ways? I know in similar relationship experiences of my own that I needed to forgive myself more so than the other party.

Also,to what extent are you willing to forgive her? Many people say forgive and forget,but to me this is a method that neglects to account for evidence that history seems to repeat itself more often than not.

Based on this, IMO, it would be counter intuitive to Forgive and Forget since the odds are against you,especially since those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it,how can you learn from the past if you forget it? I feel it is better to Forgive But Not Forget so you may take the steps to learn and not be doomed to repeat history over and over,falling into an oblivion of insanity.

This lesson goes for you forgiving her and also for you forgiving yourself. If you do end up coming to the conclusion that you need to forgive yourself as well, which is something that nobody but yourself can answer,I would recomend tackling the issue of self-forgiveness first as it will be the most difficult.If you cannot forgive yourself,then how can you truly forgive anyone else?

 

[psytaco]

Well, why do u feel like you even have the obligation to forgive them? Depending on the things you are feeling at this point in time is whether or not forgiveness is needed. Do you feel like she deserves forgiveness and would she be the same to extend it to you if the shoe was on the other foot? Could it possibly be that maybe she isnt the one who deserves forgiveness from you,that in actuality you need to forgive yourself for feeling like you were the cause of her cheating ways? I know in similar relationship experiences of my own that I needed to forgive myself more so than the other party.

Also,to what extent are you willing to forgive her? Many people say forgive and forget,but to me this is a method that neglects to account for evidence that history seems to repeat itself more often than not.

To be honest, no I don't think she is deserving of forgiveness. I just thought that it might be necessary for me to get over it completly and hence something that maybe I should aiming for. I am definately not capable of forgiving her at the moment.

All I want is to stop thinking about it, to stop caring about it, and to stop having these negative thoughts and feelings intruding on my life. It happened ages ago and I have no contact with her anymore, so it would be good if I could forget.

In terms for forgiving myself, I have never really blamed myself for her cheating. Those were her actions, and I have asked her plenty of times if I did anything to drive her away or anything wrong and she has said no. Sure, she could be lying to save my feelings but as time went on she had less reason to lie. Other than that all I can blame myself for is trusting her too much, not seeing obvious signs and maybe not trying hard enough to fix things when the relationship was on the way down (but that is a two way street). So I really don't have much that I feel I need to forgive myself for.