rez_runner
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2012
- Messages
- 55
I first started smoking in high school, and since then i've smoked for a number of years now although since like 3 years ago i've gotten to the point where i only smoke occasionally (like once a week or maybe a few times a month). I really kind of have a love/hate relationship with weed, as it has been great for relaxing and for parties at times especially when getting drunk, but i tend to have alot of negative effects as well. I overanalyze things, I look back at myself and certain situations and regret things often, I get really deep within myself, my personality, and my life in general and let alot of negative feelings and memories come up. Paranoia and/or nervousness happens as well, especially when i'm in situations i'm not used to. I guess I'm not too bad when i'm sober, I can have some negative feelings regardless but it seems as if its really amplified when i'm high.
I thought about it tonight and I've had this my whole life, and sometimes i blame the weed for this and in alot of situations I just refuse to smoke or don't inhale at all so i wont get high because I simply don't want these feelings to surface again. Granted, this doesn't happen 100% of the time, as sometimes I really enjoy it the whole time im high, but it does happen more often than i want- enough to have made me avoid it quite often.
I have had times though when i'm high when I learn alot from what I'm stressing about and going into deep thought about- I look at myself and my problems and realize maybe its not the weed at all but just the way i'm living and how I control my thoughts and emotions. I realize I have some deep problems emotionally and subconsciously, and I refuse to admit it to myself or I just pretend its not there hoping I don't have to deal with it. But its my fault I feel this way, and my fault I'm not figuring out in life the things I'm doing wrong and why I'm not at the state I want to be at. I have actually completely reversed my negative symptoms before after coming to some realizations and truths about myself and concentrating on not letting it control me anymore, which gave me complete peace. Maybe the weed is actually helping me see the real problem, and helping me to deal with it. I admit it. My decisions in life made me into the person I am today; I need to fix this and stop thinking its just the weed manipulating the chemicals in my brain to feel this way or that its just normal for some people to naturally have this happen. Maybe this is true for everbody? I don't know, but I really feel it is true for myself...
I thought about it tonight and I've had this my whole life, and sometimes i blame the weed for this and in alot of situations I just refuse to smoke or don't inhale at all so i wont get high because I simply don't want these feelings to surface again. Granted, this doesn't happen 100% of the time, as sometimes I really enjoy it the whole time im high, but it does happen more often than i want- enough to have made me avoid it quite often.
I have had times though when i'm high when I learn alot from what I'm stressing about and going into deep thought about- I look at myself and my problems and realize maybe its not the weed at all but just the way i'm living and how I control my thoughts and emotions. I realize I have some deep problems emotionally and subconsciously, and I refuse to admit it to myself or I just pretend its not there hoping I don't have to deal with it. But its my fault I feel this way, and my fault I'm not figuring out in life the things I'm doing wrong and why I'm not at the state I want to be at. I have actually completely reversed my negative symptoms before after coming to some realizations and truths about myself and concentrating on not letting it control me anymore, which gave me complete peace. Maybe the weed is actually helping me see the real problem, and helping me to deal with it. I admit it. My decisions in life made me into the person I am today; I need to fix this and stop thinking its just the weed manipulating the chemicals in my brain to feel this way or that its just normal for some people to naturally have this happen. Maybe this is true for everbody? I don't know, but I really feel it is true for myself...

)? I've never experienced negative side effects when consuming cannabis alone.