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How High Are You? v.Thisssssss hiighhhhggh.

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i just noticed that my pupils are almost always huge. this isn't just a recent thing. i think someone said this when i was twelve and not on drugs. but basically i have big green eyes with big black pupils.

anyway i am agitated because i only got one bag of this REALLY GREAT poppy seed company brand and i swear to god i was nodding like a junkie and eating twix like it was gold during my high. i am strongly considering ordering more bags of these online as its hard to come across many stores that carry it here.

i'm on my normal meds + a little bit of whiskey drank out of a batman-headed juice container.
watching a film so i don't want to get wasted.
also my (recently united) ex and i seem to be playing "will you freak about this" ballet on facebook and i don't want to get full on smashed and post ten babes in toyland songs
 
Had a bad migraine and pain from a condition that is affecting my trigeminal nerve. I took a large amount of hydrocodone and a combination of temazepam, clonazepam, and alprazolam - also cyclobenzaprine and pregabalin/Lyrica
Was feeling damn comfortable and good as the pain faded away.

For some inexplicable reason, I then plugged a combo of 70mg 4-aco-dmt, 30mg 2c-e, and 12mg JWH-210
Now my mind is going wild but it seems extremely good even though I am kind of confused and starting to disintegrate
 
I feel like I don't exist anymore but it feels really good...
This probably isn't really happening.
None of this is even real.
I am losing control over what my body does, or I think I am about to
nothing is real - I think I may have caused the universe to collapse on itself except for your memories
 
20mg morphine + 5mg diazepam rectal, my friend who works in a hospital brought over a few goodies (morphine and diazepam ampules), which he traded me for a cup of San Pedro Tea.

On the verge of a powerful nod.
 
I don't know why they made me take all these drugs

There is a chance that I am going to die or be permanently brain damaged.
I may have serotonin syndrome and neuroleptic malignant syndrome
My brain is going through ischemic hypoxic damage and I just destroyed all my hopes and dreams in an instant

And I still feel very happy
 
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.9g cocaine IV (seperate shots of course) I've done alot of powder, and this shit is so damn close to pure im shocked. The smell through the bag burns your nostrils. Didn't think I was ever going to get any better than before. But DAMN.

Have .5g left, and 1.5g of some heroin. Trying to decide if i should load another shot of cola or start heading downwards. Suggestions?!
 
I am still very happy. My blood pressure is 121/90. It has been as high as 163/112 and as low as 99/78. It has been more stable the last amount of time that has elapsed since then. It may have been a minute or an hour - I really do not know. It feels like it could have been just a few seconds or several days. The facts seem to be telling me that it has been about 8 minutes since then unless I am somehow being deceived or the device that gives the data is malfunctioning.
My mom told me my blood pressure was fine and I am not going to be brain damaged from this.
.
 
She went back to bed and I think she is asleep now but I still keep seeing her spirit in my room as if she was dead but I looked to see and her body is still breathing or making false movements that look like breathing without taking in any air. I don't think what I am doing will make her die but she might die from something else beyond my control.
 
I was doing good things because I thought I was a fairly decent person. Doing these things made me feel good and I enjoyed it. I can see that I was only doing good things out of pure selfishness. My blood pressure is 139/81 and my pulse is 76. It seems to be swinging so rapidly that it gives error readings. I think it might be too low to be detedted or maybe no blood is going to my arm. There is still enough blood pressure that my brain has not been dying or anything but I could lapse into a coma at any moment.

This is really bizarre, but I am not concerned at all and I feel extremely happy.
I thought I had gained some insight into what I am really like but it was all a delusional trance. It is like my sense of self has completely dissolved and I am not really sure of my identity now.

I thought I was being a good person but my actions were motivated by selfishness and narcissistic psychopathic traits. I probably would not do anything good if it did not make me feel good or I did not enjoy it. What lies at the center of my heart is a wicked narcissistic delusional psychopath. My actions might have been good and possibly gave others a false impression that I am a nice person or that I really care. If that is the case, it is not my intention, it just turned out like that. I am an egotistical self destructive psychopath - just a self absorbed egomaniacal monster and any feelings I might have and delusional thoughts that I really do care about things are driven by an evil monster who thinks he cares and has compassion but it is just egomaniacal evil and self destructive nihilism. I feel like I really do care and it makes me feel good when I do things that I think are nice and altruistic but I guess I only do those things for self gratification narcissistic delusions that I am a compassionate person but I really am not like that at all. Everything I do is motivated by the good feelings I get out of it. At the core, I am a self absorbed egomaniac and I probably only really care about myself and how I feel.

If I do not die from this, I will let you know I am still alive after this wears tomorrow or later today I guess unless I am in the hospital or a mental institution. If I don't do anything in the next few months you can be assured that it is because I died or I am permanently insane.

For some reason, it showed my pulse was 32 but i rechecked it and it was up to 72 and in the next time segment it was up to 81. I wish I would have went down a different part of the fractal branch. I wish I could tunnel through time and set myself on the fractal branch I really wish I would have gone down. The fractal branch is still expanding and I guess it is possible that I will go down a good path as it unfolds. I feel like an alien

I don't understand this at all. I am completely lost like a formless nullified egomaniac

I was making positive changes in my life and the future had some brightness. All of the possibilities I may have had have been destroyed. It is like an endless moment of bliss on the edge of death. This moment of death will slowly fade out to nothing but I really don't feel bad about it.

I hope that nobody feels bad or sad because of my death, but I know they will. My mom will be devastated when she finds my body in the morning.

I hope that somebody gets some amusement from hearing about this bizarre predicament I am now in.
I guess this is all totally insignificant and it does not really matter.

I think I am badly brain damaged. All of my intellectual abilities have been destroyed. I am like an empty null void now.

It feels like my mind is a flowing stream of particles. Part of my mind is separated from the stream of massless dust. The part that is still connected to me flows like a stream to nowhere or oblivion.That other part seems to be intact but I don't know how to get it back as part of myself. It seems to be in the top of my closet where the blankets are folded up. I could see myself lying on my bed through that fragments eyes from its position in the top of my closet. Most of my mind is gone. My body is still alive though.

I guess I am like a nullified inverted light or something.
 
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Tryptamine*Dreamer said:
I was doing good things because I thought I was a fairly decent person. Doing these things made me feel good and I enjoyed it. I can see that I was only doing good things out of pure selfishness. My blood pressure is 139/81 and my pulse is 76. It seems to be swinging so rapidly that it gives error readings. I think it might be too low to be detedted or maybe no blood is going to my arm. There is still enough blood pressure that my brain has not been dying or anything but I could lapse into a coma at any moment.

This is really bizarre, but I am not concerned at all and I feel extremely happy.
I thought I had gained some insight into what I am really like but it was all a delusional trance. It is like my sense of self has completely dissolved and I am not really sure of my identity now.

I thought I was being a good person but my actions were motivated by selfishness and narcissistic psychopathic traits. I probably would not do anything good if it did not make me feel good or I did not enjoy it. What lies at the center of my heart is a wicked narcissistic delusional psychopath. My actions might have been good and possibly gave others a false impression that I am a nice person or that I really care. If that is the case, it is not my intention, it just turned out like that. I am an egotistical self destructive psychopath - just a self absorbed egomaniacal monster and any feelings I might have and delusional thoughts that I really do care about things are driven by an evil monster who thinks he cares and has compassion but it is just egomaniacal evil and self destructive nihilism. I feel like I really do care and it makes me feel good when I do things that I think are nice and altruistic but I guess I only do those things for self gratification narcissistic delusions that I am a compassionate person but I really am not like that at all. Everything I do is motivated by the good feelings I get out of it. At the core, I am a self absorbed egomaniac and I probably only really care about myself and how I feel.

If I do not die from this, I will let you know I am still alive after this wears tomorrow or later today I guess unless I am in the hospital or a mental institution. If I don't do anything in the next few months you can be assured that it is because I died or I am permanently insane.

For some reason, it showed my pulse was 32 but i rechecked it and it was up to 72 and in the next time segment it was up to 81. I wish I would have went down a different part of the fractal branch. I wish I could tunnel through time and set myself on the fractal branch I really wish I would have gone down. The fractal branch is still expanding and I guess it is possible that I will go down a good path as it unfolds. I feel like an alien

I don't understand this at all. I am completely lost like a formless nullified egomaniac

I was making positive changes in my life and the future had some brightness. All of the possibilities I may have had have been destroyed. It is like an endless moment of bliss on the edge of death. This moment of death will slowly fade out to nothing but I really don't feel bad about it.

I hope that nobody feels bad or sad because of my death, but I know they will. My mom will be devastated when she finds my body in the morning.

I hope that somebody gets some amusement from hearing about this bizarre predicament I am now in.
I guess this is all totally insignificant and it does not really matter.

I think I am badly brain damaged. All of my intellectual abilities have been destroyed. I am like an empty null void now.

It feels like my mind is a flowing stream of particles. Part of my mind is separated from the stream of massless dust. The part that is still connected to me flows like a stream to nowhere or oblivion.That other part seems to be intact but I don't know how to get it back as part of myself. It seems to be in the top of my closet where the blankets are folded up. I could see myself lying on my bed through that fragments eyes from its position in the top of my closet. Most of my mind is gone. My body is still alive though.

I guess I am like a nullified inverted light or something.
Click to expand...

so how you feeling the day after?
 
Oh Jesus fucking Christ I am really high right now.
I was trying to quit, I was on day 3 and just gave in to a massive shot of heroin/coke. I felt immediately awful and flushed the rest down the toilet so hopefully this won't set me back too much, but in the meantime I'm gonna enjoy this. Wow.
 
i was bored and amped up on coffee and decided to try snorting piracetam. whats going on with my life

and wow. not gonna lie, i kinda admire the balls it must take to IV a speedball. i'd never do it but its nice to dream
 
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