Psychedelic Insights Seem Pointless/Alienating

[PsychonautRyan]

I just had my eighth acid trip, it was a fairly mild dose, enough to place me in an introspective, thoughtful state for most of last night, with only a few subtle visuals (brightened colors, waviness of my visual field and seeing symbolic patterns occasionally), I doubt it was much more than fifty micrograms. I also took LSD, a somewhat stronger dose three weeks beforehand, and I had one of my most intense trips a few days before I started the semester in early January, and a mild trip on Christmas morning, so I've tripped four times in the past two months. Anyway, the dominating thought process in my last trips was probing my insecurities and I became paranoid of my own newfound-awareness: I thought about how I was bullied in adolescence, my sexual naivete, my introverted personality as well as how my Aspergian-eccentricities affect the outlook of my existence as well. My own solitude and loneliness, and underachievement in schoolwork also was a source of mental torment.

On the one hand, it seems that I have a greater awareness and meta-cognition of myself, but part of me wonders if ignorance is bliss and I'd be better off without probing my own insecurities. I've abstained from drinking since my last tripping experiences, because I know that I'm using alcohol as an opiate to anaesthetize my emotions, I'm looking into meditation and practicing mindfulness, and as well as immersing my mind in the present moment instead of being absorbed in the past and future. But now, it feels like psychedelics in general have lost their appeal, and I'm taking an indefinite hiatus (probably at least two or three months) from using psychedelics/entheogens. So at this point, I'm wondering what do I do now? How do I learn from the experiences and apply it to my life so I don't feel alienated?

 

[Synaesthesia242]

They may provide insights to issues but not necessarily heal them. It's good to learn about your vulnerable side too, especially if you don't often look at that side of yourself. Sure it may not have been pleasant, but I'm sure you learned something.

Now the best way to truly learn and apply yourself is to discuss it with someone close with whom you can be open. Even this is beneficial. I find that my mind is far more closed off and unstimulated by myself. The best trips I've ever had have been with my girlfriend.

Lately I wish to recommend the therapeutic aspects of MDMA to you. It's not just a party drug. Try it in a calm, quiet setting with a good friend or two. You will be astonished at the level on insight you get, and it's not like LSD, you have no fear and actually think of solutions.

Remember to be positive, be a source of joy for others. It's the only way you will be happy yourself. Do stuff. Exercise. Web you do fuck-all you start hating yourself, and fall into an abyss of depression. I've been there. When you achieve something you have pride and energy. Positivity, not negativity.

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

On the one hand, it seems that I have a greater awareness and meta-cognition of myself, but part of me wonders if ignorance is bliss and I'd be better off without probing my own insecurities

This is a substantial part of what psychedelics are about, if you don't want uncomfortable insight into yourself, stay away from them henceforth.

I'm taking an indefinite hiatus (probably at least two or three months) from using psychedelics/entheogens

If you feel like you've got a good handle on your issues that need working through, you might benefit from an even longer break than this. 6 months - year perhaps, depending on how well you address (solve, or simply come to terms with) the problem aspects of yourself.

So at this point, I'm wondering what do I do now? How do I learn from the experiences and apply it to my life so I don't feel alienated?

Hypocritical of me to give advice here, but volunteering as a source of community involvement, or maybe getting into a hobby (that you could share with other like-minded folk) will do a good job easing your solitude. Heck, it doesn't even have to be something as productive as that, though positive involvement will have other boons. You're young (at least it sounds like it, if not, hey no better time to start than now), it's very common to be having the difficulties you are at this point in life, do what you love or do random ass shit until you find what you love. And no matter what do not let your fears/insecurities define who you are. You'll be able to build a decent life, but patience and long-suffering (to borrow from thoughts of St. Paul) may be necessary.

 

[Psych-o-delic]

wow after reading this it reminds me of the first time i took mush rooms. It was the 6th trip in total. when they took full effect i felt very guilty and almost afraid at once. I saw my self from the perspective of someone else. like what it would be like if someone found me dead overdosed on drugs. these visions scared me. i didnt trip for a year and a half before i did mescaline. after high school. if i were you i would take a long break from psychedelics. just smoke some good old reefer, you know that green kind. not the brown kind you will know when the time is right.

 

[Crashing]

You've already learned and gained so much just in the fact that you stopped using alcohol. Knowing that, how can you say the insight is pointless? Psychedelics will show you what you need to be shown at the time, and not much else. It brings your deep seated thoughts forward, so that you become aware of what is present in your subconscious. This is subjectively the greatest gift man could ever get. Be aware of what hurts you, come to terms with it and live happier and healthier. Ignorance is bliss, but there are enough idiots out there already.

 

[Foreigner]

OP I've dealt with what you are talking about. Honestly, only after I took a long break from tripping did I start to integrate the experiences and improve my relations with people. If you do psychedelics too often you are going to relate to the world in ways that are very different than the average joe - and there's nothing wrong with that, but because you are still dealing with the afterglow you might say or do things that seem natural to you but strange to others.

After you wait a long time, you return more to your "ground state", and it lets you get back in touch with how to connect to others in a way they will understand, while still honouring the psychedelic experiences you had. That's when the real wisdom of your journey will crystalize.

 

[malakaix]

OP I've dealt with what you are talking about. Honestly, only after I took a long break from tripping did I start to integrate the experiences and improve my relations with people. If you do psychedelics too often you are going to relate to the world in ways that are very different than the average joe - and there's nothing wrong with that, but because you are still dealing with the afterglow you might say or do things that seem natural to you but strange to others.

After you wait a long time, you return more to your "ground state", and it lets you get back in touch with how to connect to others in a way they will understand, while still honouring the psychedelic experiences you had. That's when the real wisdom of your journey will crystalize.

Hit the nail on the head.

I went through the same process of alienation, the issue is if your caught up in a continuous state of fragmentation through the deconstructive process of psychedelics; you are going to interact with the world in a different way, especially one that is heavily defined by established structures and systems because you haven't allowed ample time for integration.

I can't agree more with Foreigner that only when you allow for long-term integration through taking a break does the real wisdom begin to cultivate. It's been almost a year and a half for me; i have no real desire to use psychedelics again, but i value the role they played in redefining my understanding of my self and the world around me.

 

[Ismene]

But now, it feels like psychedelics in general have lost their appeal, and I'm taking an indefinite hiatus (probably at least two or three months) from using psychedelics/entheogens. So at this point, I'm wondering what do I do now? How do I learn from the experiences and apply it to my life so I don't feel alienated?

I've never been a big believer in "applying lessons learned from psychedelics to everyday life". That only goes so far. If everyday life consists of getting up every morning at 4am in the pissing rain to go to a shitty job, then it's going to be hard applying the lessons learned. I prefer to see psychedelics as a few hours of immense pleasure and a balm for the soul. Those few hours keep you going through the rest of the shit in life.

If you arn't getting that pleasure and are thinking psychedelics will somehow make your entire life wonderful I think you're looking in the wrong place. Give them a break for a while.

 

[webbykevin]

I've never been a big believer in "applying lessons learned from psychedelics to everyday life". That only goes so far. If everyday life consists of getting up every morning at 4am in the pissing rain to go to a shitty job, then it's going to be hard applying the lessons learned. I prefer to see psychedelics as a few hours of immense pleasure and a balm for the soul. Those few hours keep you going through the rest of the shit in life.

i took a different approach, psychedelics convinced me that no more would I be prepared to do shitty jobs, I resolved deep within myself that I would not waste my life just going through the motions and conforming to cultural conditioning and boundaries but would do my damndest to break out of all that crap. I knuckled down and decided to work really really hard for 5 years and save as much money as I could, I didn't waste any of it on crappy plastic shit from china, or cable TV, in fact i didn't even bother to have a TV, I got by with a cheap ass 4 cylinder car to save on fuel costs and did everything I could to cut down my outgoing expenses to as little as possible, always with the drive in the back of my mind that I was doing all this to enable me to get off the capitalist bandwagon as soon as possible.

it actually took closer to 10 years of working like a dog 80 hours a week but the end result was by age 40 being able to live in a beautiful place, no rent, no debts, no credit cards, a fantastic organic veggie garden, a modest but cosy little house and most importantly ... NO JOB, no schedules, no bullshit consumer fetishism, no distractions.

Then I was able to go back to exploring psychedelics and consciousness without having every experience tainted by mundane reality after the comedown.