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TDS Help!! My girlfriend is a hardcore addict!!

L

lonewolf05

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 27, 2013
Messages
56
Ok, long story that I'm going to try and shorten.

So about a year ago I started hanging out with this girl who I knew was an intravenous user of 30mg oxycodone, dilaudids, etc. Anyway, she is in her early 20's, used for about 3-4 years and had been through the legal system at least once. I kept my distance at first, but other than the drug problem I really started to like her and saw how great of a person she was, she also was attracted to me and went out of her way to spend time with me. I expressed my concerns about her usage and how I eventually expected her to get clean if we were to be together long term.

Anyway, a few weeks after we officially started dating she loses her job. She tells me she's done with drugs because she can't afford it anymore. I believe her, but in the back of my mind I'm very suspicious. There are times when I notice her tiny pupils at night, her (high) voice over the phone, but for the most part I totally believe she's clean because without the job... how else would she get oxys?

Well this goes on for a few weeks until I finally look through her cell phone and discover she had been prostituting herself to her drug dealers for oxys. <snip--tempting advice to desperate addicts>. I immediately confronted her and this caused a huge argument between her, myself, her family, and her legitimate friends. She even attempted suicide, but that night I showed up, took her to someplace very quiet and we spoke for what seemed like several hours. She agreed to my proposal of getting a course of Vivitrol shots that I would pay for, because her family didn't have the money and she didn't have insurance. I did this basically because I figured if whoring herself out for her DOC wasn't rock bottom, then only death would be her rock bottom and I felt like I was saving her life by paying for her treatment.

Anyway, I make arrangements for her to start seeing a doctor and getting the vivitrol shot. Pay for her support meds so she can get through the initial seven-ten day sober period before the shot, to which she really went through with it and eventually did get the Vivitrol shot which completely blocks your opiate receptors.

From this point on, over the next few months, everything was completely fine. We became very close and did things that normal couples do together, going to movies, clubs, trips to theme parks, etc. Her family began speaking to her again, she found another job, she began exercising and putting healthy weight back on, EVERYTHING was looking up for her.

However, about a month ago I started noticing the old signs of opiate abuse. She began trying to keep her distance from me, she was always short on money, pupils constricted at night, etc. She denied she was using again to which I believed because she was on the Vivitrol shot. My suspicions were confirmed when I went through her cell phone again and saw text messages between her and her dealers setting up deals. I was crushed, upset, angry, but at least this time she was paying for them with cash instead of herself.

When confronted she denied everything and came up with a huge story about helping a friend who was a user get some and he would eventually pay her back. I continued to press her to go to a free inpatient rehab facility in the area, but she was totally against it. This was until about two weeks ago I again went through her phone and found her once again offering her "services" to a dealer because she blew her entire paycheck in 3 days. At this point I was over the relationship because she had become a full blown addict again. I called both of her dealers, threatened them and turned all of the information I had on them over to the police.

The next day when my gf (now ex at this point) found out she totally freaked out. She got extremely upset at me and told me she could no longer be around me.

My question to everyone is this, I'm well aware that opiates are extremely addictive, but after being clean for 3-4 months, getting your life back in order, what would compell someone to start using again after everything they had just been through, including stealing and prostitution? I would especially like female responses on this, but any response would be greatly appreciated.

Also, we went over a week without speaking but she is now texting me asking how life is going. I know deep down she cares about me, but after 3 or 4 years of IV usage, is there any hope she can live a normal life again?
 
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I understand your concern, but why did you turn that info over to police? Your getting the dealers in trouble then that other people rely on to feel well. Normally I wouldn't post something like this but somebody just snitched one of my good dealers and man that shit angers me now I gotta drive mad far and get fucked around for hours til I get my shit. Just be done with her man if your not a drug user/never were then why are you wasting your time and money on a lost cause? Especially if prostitution is involved; I would not risk contracting an std like that. Unless you really feel deep down that she can be saved but I'm telling you , this opiate bullshit can turn a clean soul into a wasted shell of a human being. It really is sad , I know. Good luck
 
First of all just ignore the dude above you...l would never call anyone a lost cause. It is really hard for someone who has never been addicted to opiates to understand the desperation that the cycle of opiate addiction causes. When you need your drugs there is almost nothing you wouldn't do to obtain them. Unfortunately at the end of a longer term addiction such as your girlfriends, you have already exhausted all of your resources, and stealing, crime and prostitution are the only remaining ways to support your habit. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, or that she is a bad person. Because opiate addiction destroys the lives of good people, and can cause them to do terrible things. You just need to decide if you can handle it...it is something she will have to deal with for the rest of her life. Good luck dude....
 
Hi Lonewolf, thanks for sharing your story.

What I am going to say is not something you to want to hear, but I feel is must be said. She has to want to get sober for herself, and sometimes that involves the person hitting really low spots. I have seen many relationships, including one I was in myself, where people try to get sober because they want to make their partner happy. This almost always ends up in resentment and failed relationships and failed sobriety. I can understand why you really want to help her, but if the drug use is to much for you to handle it might be best to step away. If you two are meant to be, when she sobers up you will be together.

This doesn't meant you cant have a real conversation with her, and see what she says. If she really wants to clean up, then support her in the ways you can. If she doesn't want to get clean, you can let her know that your always there for support.

I really feel for you, and I understand what your going through. Please remember to take care of yourself, Bl is always here for support.
 
The craving is always there because the cause of addiction is always there...You can help her as a friend,but I've always said...If you feel compelled to go through your girl/boyfriends phone...It is never going to work...Lack of trust=inevitable disappointment.
 
Solid words of wisdom from sick, Skag, and jasper above me.

lonewolf05:

Wow, you have been through the emotional wringer as it sounds. My heart goes out to you: I remember the pain of my relationship and it is very real and cutting.

Three to four months may be enough time for a normal person to turn their life around. However, for an addict, this is only the beginning to a painstaking process of self-discovery that will continue until the day we pass from this world, hopefully sober. I know with all of the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual damage I did to myself, three to four months wasn't even enough time to let all of it catch up to me.

With regards to starting again, I did what any good alcoholic and drug addict does: I drank hard and I used harder. I do not need a good reason to compel myself into an active addiction because everything is a good reason to use if I am in that state of mind. It may be that she is the same.

I have heard for years that women have often ran through the wringer harder than men due to what you mentioned: prostituting their bodies in the name of their addiction. Abusing one's temple (mind and body) is a great sacrifice and I cannot imagine the torment of your ex's mind with what she has done to continue her addiction.

Absolutely there is hope for a normal life for her. However, it isn't going to be found through you. You are not going to be her saving grace. You and I and her are simple sentient beings, just passing through. We know only of power in our own decisions, not that in decisions for others. We cannot play God. Just as powerless as she is to drugs, you are powerless over her.

I commend your efforts in trying to direct her in a positive direction. It shows how much you care and respect her. Unfortunately, this isn't about her. This is about you, my man. She isn't the one on here posting as you are. I understand that this post is for her, but I believe it is you who needs help. You are leading yourself deeper into a cave of despair as well.

I believe it would be best to cut yourself off from all contact with her. While the ship is sinking, there is a dingy attached and you have your eyes on it. To watch that dingy from the top of the water then from the bottom of the sea would be a conscious decision by you. To stay on that ship that is sinking with her would be your decision. She is in the midst of an active, decaying addiction. You cannot help her hit bottom, you cannot make her get sober, you cannot make decisions for her. However, the beautiful thing is that you can make decisions for yourself. Do not forget about yourself.

If she wants your help, she has your phone number. She knows you care. It may be enough someday, but it sounds like today it isn't and that is OK. I don't want to see you put yourself in situations where you are going to burn your mind, heart, and soul out as well.

As you are the conscious one with the lantern trying to lead her out of the dark forest, you cannot let your lantern burn out. At some point, waiting around long enough, that lantern will burn out, leaving both of you stranded in the dark. If you get out now, you can bask in the warmth of the new found sunlight and welcome her with open arms when she finally makes her way. There is always hope for the future. Now, however, I want you to find hope for yourself.

It will be OK.
 
My question to everyone is this, I'm well aware that opiates are extremely addictive, but after being clean for 3-4 months, getting your life back in order, what would compell someone to start using again after everything they had just been through, including stealing and prostitution? I would especially like female responses on this, but any response would be greatly appreciated.
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She gained more enjoyment out of being on opiates than she did having a normal, sober life. I think it's that simple.

You don't need to mentally traumatize yourself thinking about it. Some people want a clean life for themselves, and other people don't. It sounds like she didn't really want to be clean.

Find a girl who's on the same page as you are about being clean, and you will be a lot happier. This girl you described is bad news man, she's obviously got her mind set on a downward spiral.

Finally, I'm sorry what you went through and truly hope things work out for the best. Don't take it personally that any of this happened to you either. And never forget there's plenty of more girls out there, many of which are going to be much better for you than this girl was.
 
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As others have said, of course there is hope. But she has to come to the conclusion and understanding, how she is wasting and f*cking up her life. Not just knowing it, stating it and telling you she knows but understanding that. Huge difference. How she comes to that place is the question. Different people, different paths. Some get fed up, some have some sort of revelation, some gradually come to etc.. but hitting rock bottom and having to or because they need to quite, that is a dead end unfortunately in most cases. Its just not enough.
She needs to find meaning in life again, motivation, she needs to mature. Thats even more difficult in this day and age. Most drug addicts are completely emotionally immature and spiritually going in a circle. I dont know her, I dont know how you, if you, can help her. You might be or find the way if youre lucky.

And dont bother yourself too much on why she caved, its a relapse because she was missing the warm feeling or just found one of a thousand reasons she thought were good enough for her to relapse. Until she sees more of the dark side of it than the warm fuzzy one, shes not going to stop. Telling her its making her broke, shes destroying herself etc.. are usually useless reasons and dont really reach deep. Its more about what shes missing about life, the simple joys, the freedom and not being a slave to it, having someone love you, good friends, good food, movies, having a dog, traveling...

Its difficult to suggest what to try with her. But most basic is always really thinking, meditating on where you are in your life, if this is how you wish to spend it. I would suggest buddhism. Sadly most people associate that word with deities and religion and robes and whatnot but that is all created just to approach it to a normal lay person who was/is used to that. There is no belief system, no God in buddhism. Its pure psychology. Buddhist philosophy and psychological knowledge accumulated is hundreds of years ahead of any western knowledge. Id suggest reading some, it shows you clearly how you mind and cravings work.

All in all she might feel good with opiates but looking back the memories will be mostly always depressing. And it becomes just a blur. She needs to think about such thinks hard. About this one life. Mortality. What helps a lot of times, perhaps mostly temporary but for many it becomes the trigger to continue staying clean, is to go away somewhere. Somewhere where you get some objective perspective on where you are in life. But that can be expensive. I hope she gets well.
 
Thank you all for the responses. You can imagine this has been very hard watching someone you love get clean only to dive head first back into addiction. I'm keeping my distance right now. I live in Florida which is the epicenter of the prescription drug problem. I've seen so many lives ruined it's devastating.
 
you don't need to be with someone who will cheat on you for drugs but being an opioid addict i would do the same thing she did but not may chicks give dudes drug to fuck them i've had it happen but it's rare i'm and opioid and sex addict and her behavior sound very much like mine not someone you would want to date
 
I've been to prison, through 9 detoxes , 4-5 rehabs, on and off methadone and suboxone.....I've gottren my shit together only to fall right back into it after awhile 4-5 times....I'm sick of it, but I still love getting high....It's depressing....There's nothing that gives me the feeling that drugs do in "real life"....I know what it does to me but I still love the high....It sucks...It makes me queasy when I think about what me and the people I've gotten high with over the years have done for drugs...I don
t blame people for giving up on me because Ive been at it on and off for 16 years...wish I never found opiates back when I was 19(36 now)...its a depressing road to go down and it's hard as hell to turn back after a certain point...as hard as it is to go through the day to day of being an opiate addict, it becomes all you know, it sucks...sorry you have to be on the other end of it...It's not something you can really make and rational sense out of....addiction is fucked!
 
I'm not going to read anyone else's posts- because well- I don't want my response to be based off of a point someone else is trying to make. I'm just going to give
you my input.

First of all- regardless of WHAT she was doing to get drugs- that does NOT justify you going through her phone to find out what is REALLY going on.
The key to relationships is TRUST. And if you feel the need to violate her privacy, that's a whole other issue. You already had the feeling that something wasn't right- and I get it- you just needed that cold hard evidence- but, always be careful with that shit. If you go looking for something- do so with caution- because a lot of times, you don't want what you're about to find.

That being said, it's very nice that you want her to be clean and healthy- and want to help her by paying for treatment and yada yada. BUT- it's only going to be successful if that's what SHE wants. I understand that yeah, when she's flat broke and has no other options- to her, treatment might look like a godsend- but really, if it's not what she REALLY wants, not just because it's the only option currently, it's just not going to work. Period.

And lastly, I'm not going to babble on and on. Everyone is different. Could she lead, what you call, a normal life, again? Yeah, I guess so. But your definition of normal, and her definition of normal might be 2 totally different things.

You really have to understand something. You have to allow someone to BE WHO THEY ARE. Not who you WANT them to be. I get it, I understand the you care for her, and you want what you think is best for her. Addiction is HARD, for all parties involved, but if you can't just love her for who she is then it just won't work anyway; and maybe by that it just might mean that you have to move on from this.


Oh yeah- and that whole bullshit of you and the police and shit....
Eww.
That's just flat out bullshit dude. Seriously.
That's some fucked up shit.
People end up dead doing shit like that.
 
Ok I totally understand it is her choice but I told her time and time again before she started treatment if she wasn't serious to just be up front with me and I would leave her alone.
I know she was probably conflicted, because on one hand she had a drug she was addicted to and obsessed with and on the other she had a nice guy who treated her well and gave her the closest thing to a normal life she had in several years.

Believe it or not, I am an advocate of full scale drug legalization. NOT decriminalizing, but legalizing, taxing, and regulating drugs for recreational use.
 
man, she wants the best of both worlds. she wants some guy that cares about her, but she also wants to get high.

it should be pretty obvious to you by now. she DOES NOT want to be clean. your problem is that you are taking this personally. you can't. it has nothing to do with you. addiction is a selfish thing.
 
michael said:
man, she wants the best of both worlds. she wants some guy that cares about her, but she also wants to get high.

it should be pretty obvious to you by now. she DOES NOT want to be clean. your problem is that you are taking this personally. you can't. it has nothing to do with you. addiction is a selfish thing.
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^ this

She wanted to use you to enable her to use longer than she could have just being a prostitute for drugs.

Don't take it personally than she fucked you over, just know that this happens to a lot of people, and that there are literally millions of other women out there that would be better suited for you.
 
lonewolf05 said:
Believe it or not, I am an advocate of full scale drug legalization. NOT decriminalizing, but legalizing, taxing, and regulating drugs for recreational use.
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And yet you do this;
lonewolf05 said:
At this point I was over the relationship because she had become a full blown addict again. I called both of her dealers, threatened them and turned all of the information I had on them over to the police.
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Which suggests to me your actions were based on vindictiveness and spite. I think your actions were immature and shameful, and as other posters have suggested, are the result of you taking her addiction as a personal affront. I do understand your point of view; the emotions behind it make sense. But you are misguided, and you've done the wrong thing unless your aim was to make the world a bit worse for several people, including this girl you care about.

Addiction is not a simple thing, and I know the real heartache, pain and suffering it can cause to the people in the lives of addicts. I can fully understand your poition, and I do even believe you care about this girl. My response is so blunt because I think the misinformation spawned from years of propganda and the 'drug war' is so incredibly damaging when it comes to addiction and the suffering that accompanies it. This enculturation lends itself to the belief that it's ok to negatively affect someone's life as long as it makes them face the 'consequences' of their drug addiction - without recognising that many of these consequences wouldn't exist without this attitude - that drug use is morally wrong, and needs to be punished out of someone. As someone who claims to support legalisation, how can you possibly reconcile that with calling the cops and passing over those details to them?

I think the answer has been provided anyway - that you will both be better off to have the other out of your lives.
 
What would compell someone to do it again?

We live for pleasure and thats about it, Opiates are pleasure but a silly path to take. Your better off just finding a GF that isn't a fiend.
 
Thank you all again for all of the comments and support. Even those who are critical are still appreciated.
I do think drugs are horrible, especially opiates and amphetamines, but ultimately focusing on the demand side of the equation as opposed to the supply side will make our society better for both users and non-users alike. Legal, taxed, and regulated drugs are definitely the way to go.
I just think intravenous drug use can never be tolerated because it makes zombies out of otherwise normal people. That's what happened to my ex. She wouldn't do her DOC any other way. She's done it in front of me a few times early on in the relationship and she always had a strange smile on her face as she was preparing everything.
 
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