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How High Are You? v.Thisssssss hiighhhhggh.

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God a nice mild nod fron 1mg alprazolam sub-lingual, a 50 mg hydroxyzine and 45mg mg roxi plugged with .5 mg of xanax. Now i'm sippin on chamomile tea I swesr this stuff potentiates benzo's for me it also mildly inhibits CYP3A4 and I already take bupropion 300mg daily so I already have a very strong CY2D6 inhibitor in my daily.
 
Dope was wearing off and was sore as fuck from shoveling, so I popped 1mg of xanax, 10mg of flexeril and took a few tokes of some blue dream.

Then I walked (interspersed with some jogging) 3.5 miles to my friends where I picked up some benzos, 1.5 bags of dope, and some herb. I'm now feeling much better than before. :)
 
Carl Landrover said:
Dope was wearing off and was sore as fuck from shoveling, so I popped 1mg of xanax, 10mg of flexeril and took a few tokes of some blue dream.

Then I walked (interspersed with some jogging) 3.5 miles to my friends where I picked up some benzos, 1.5 bags of dope, and some herb. I'm now feeling much better than before. :)
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Blue dream and dope!!! Haha that's one fine combo you got there man. I remember a few months back when I had an ounce of Blue Dream and a gram of dope, that was one great fucking week lol. I fucking love that strain of weed.

I'm on 2mg suboxone, 2mg klonopin, 40mg MXE, and two bowls of some decent weed. Actually had a nice nod going earlier today...good too have sub around.
 
Was starting to think the AMT would just provide a moodlift with some stimulation. I then smoked two hits, 6mg each,carefully measured. 30 minutes more go by and I am feeling just mild pyschedelic effects, though with a really nice mood lift and feeling more energetic than I have in a long time.

I decided I'd just go all out - I tried to dissolve 26mg (again, carefully measured. Not eyeballing like when I was smoking small hits earlier) in hot water to inject. Could not get it dissolve without both increasing the temperature and adding some isopropyl alcohol (I estimate the IPA concentration in the solution at 4-6%, taking into consideration it was only 50% IPA that I added to the AMT+Water solution). That dissolved it good. I injected it into the right side of my right leg, 6 or 7 inches above knee level - the area that I usually inject ketamine into. There was slight pain and burning upon injection that subsided quickly.

20 or 30 minutes go by and I am having like a moderate +2 level trip with both mental and visual psychedelic effects. I assume it won't be much good for tripping, but I do think it could potentially be useful for depression, where all the normal antidepressants have failed to cause any long lasting improvement - For example, I became more suicidal, very angry, and barely able to sleep for a couple of weeks after starting Citalopram. Another week goes by, and I am feeling great! I think I've finally been cured. The psychiatrist thinks I may have been showing signs of hypomania, but I think it was just normal to feel really good after years of almost constant depression comes to an end. I think anyone would have been elated with that realization. Unfortunately, my depression came back just as bad as it was before I was put on citalopram after thinking it was working great for a couple of months. They added mirtazapine(Remeron) to my meds, and it seemed to help significantly, but I was still depressed. That eventually stopped working completely. I was in a constant terrible mood and I'd get pissed off for no reason and start screaming, injuring myself, or poisoning myself (usually with insecticides). Really wanting to die or do things that would shorten my lifespan. I had been asked before if I did those things for attention, but I usually hurt myself in ways that nobody could see so they would not know. The only times people see me hurt myself is when I lose control and start punching myself in the head and face, biting myself, or breaking glass and stabbing shards into myself before I can get away from people and during a period when I completely stopped caring and burnt my arms up with cigarettes. It pisses me off when people ask if I am doing things for attention even after I have told them my reasons or when they ask me that question in front of my peers - most of the visible evidence is in the form of cigarette burn scars that are mostly on the abdomen and upper legs, where it will not be seen. I tried to kill myself a couple of years ago by making very deep cuts in my arm - one where blood is drawn from and the other over what looked like a much bigger vein than the ones in the wrist - I chose those spots specifically because I thought it would be a faster death. The cuts were about half an inch deep and required staples because they were too deep for regular sutures. They did not bleed very much - maybe it was because I held ice to the area for like an hour before cutting or maybe I just somehow missed the veins. I did have very visible scars on my arms from cigarette burns(most are gone or just barely noticeable now). I was sent to an institution for attempted suicide due to the cuts and an admission that I intended to die. The workers at the institution kept asking if I was doing it for attention. Fair enough as long as they kept it as a private conversation - some people do cut themselves to make it look like a suicide attempt, typically as a cry for help (that in itself is very serious because there are often real serious attempts later on). It did not bother me for the workers to ask me that in private - it is their jobs to find out what is going through the patient's mind. I got really pissed off however when the guy who taught the music therapy class asked me out loud in front of everyone else in class what happened to my arms. He asked why I burned myself (I answered correctly that it temporarily alleviated severe emotional distress). He then asked about the staples - I correctly answered again that it was a suicide attempt but I must have missed the veins. He could clearly see that I tried in two separate places. He then asked me why I did not complete it - again, I was honest. I said it was really painful to do and that I started to feel afraid, so I could not try another cut - due to the pain and due to the fact that fear was getting worse. After I answer him truthfully (remember, this was him asking me these private questions in front of all the patients in this class - and he was asking these things from in front of the whole class, not just whispering the questions or asking in private - he was at the front and I was in the audience of maybe 20 patients) he asks, in front of everyone, if I did it because I wanted attention. I had already told him why I did it, and now I was having to tell everyone that it was a REAL suicide attempt and that most of the burn scars on my body were in places nobody would see unless I was shirtless or nude. He also clarified that he was referring to the cuts. I almost lost it right there and came very close to just blowing up on his ass. I then stated that if I just wanted attention, I would have made shallow cuts on the wrists like a normal person or seek professional help without resorting to that kind of behaviour, like when I had myself committed the first time because I could not cope with the depression and felt really suicidal, I would not choose to make really deep cuts in spots I believed would bleed more profusely than the wrists if I was trying to get attention and I stated something to that effect. I think he was very judgmental towards me and I am sure that this violates the morals of nearly anyone in the mental health profession. It likely was a violation of the law as well.(Doctor-patient confidentiality - you should never force a patient to either tell other patients about personal problems they have or you believe wrongly as a doctor that they have). I had to either explain to the other patients or keep my mouth shut so that I did not have a single patient ask me if I was doing anything for attention. The closest any patients came to that was when they asked about the burn scars (not knowing what those scars were. I told them the truth that I did it to myself because it provided temporary relief from the emotional pain, and they did not question it. One guy did state the obvious when I answered his questions(what made the scars and why I burned myself) by saying I must have really been bummed out to be doing that to myself. Another patient said I should get drunk or high when I felt like hurting myself because it would make me feel better without having to hurt myself like that. Two other patients who asked about it reported to me having done self injury (one guy by cutting and poisoning, the other a woman who did those things and also burned and rubbed things such as feces into wounds to cause infection and both of them self-injured because it relieved emotional pain. The woman who tried to infect her wounds also said she hoped she would have died from infection but was too afraid to kill herself outright(I have done similar things, including injecting water mixed with my own feces into my toes and feet in an attempt to cause septicemia and stabbed needles and glass shards that had been rubbed all around the toilet or wiped on dirty toilet paper or contaminated with animal feces - I did it many, many times and never had any significant infection from it). It was nice to finally be able to talk with another person who had been through it and understood firsthand how causing physical pain can relieve emotional distress and someone else who did things hoping it would lead to death while being to afraid to do something irreversible.

They tried to pin the Diagnosis as Biploar II disorder because I went from feeling severely depressed and socially withdrawn to feeling happy, energetic, and talkative within a week(I am sure the drastic improvement was induced by bupropion/Wellbutrin and that any normal person would just feel extremely good and happy after a multi-year depressive episode ended - unfortunately the Wellbutrin stopped working completely after about 3 months on it). They likewise tried to label me as having a cluster B personality disorder(the only one of thoes PDs that might describe me is Borderline Personality Disorder), but a personality disorder is supposed to be fairly constant. I only act like someone with Borderline Personality Disorder during periods when I am extremely depressed, angry, anxious, and generally not able to sleep well. This is usually accompanied by paranoia and sometimes delusions (typical ones for me are that I have brain parasites, that it is my fault that my mom has cancer, that I am to blame for various other things I had nothing to do with, that I have various diseases, and that other people know what I am thinking or are somehow getting into my mind to alter or control my thoughts and behaviour. On a couple of occasions, I was also hearing voices - usually telling me to hurt or kill myself or running a very negative dialogue through my mind of everything I was doing or thinking. The psychotic symptoms only occur when I am severely depressed and also agitated and unable to sleep. This seems consistent with psychotic depression as the psychotic like symptoms only occur with severe depression(very often the depression is accompanied by intense anxiety and severe, long lasting, treatment resistant insomnia. I have been awake for over two weeks straight without even caffeine during episodes of severe depression(usually the severe depression when I get like that is accompanied by lots of anger, which can turn to full-blown rage). Sleep deprivation that severe (a week, two weeks, or even more without ANY sleep) can cause symptoms of psychosis in persons without any pre-existing mental/psychiatric disorders. Maybe they tried to pin me as a Cluster B because I was doing what I thought was right (letting everybody use my cell phone and borrow my music, books, and nintendo DS) even though the employees did not want me to do that and eventually told me I had to stop. I did not listen to them and continued sharing my shit, though I tried not to do it in front of the wrong people. They may have considered that to be an Antisocial trait because I was disregarding their authority to do what I thought was right - sharing with others who did not have cellphones or music. One young woman, 19y/o had not been in touch with their mother in over two years. Doing the right thing when told not to is not an antisocial trait in my opinion, it is actually the opposite. Could have also been because I got caught giving a guy a blowjob. I consider myself asexual as sex seems disgusting to me most of the time. At that moment, I did not give a fuck what I did. I was bored out of my mind and tired of their dehumanizing treatment(they did not single me out, they had that attitude and desire to control with everyone). I was also still feeling self-destructive at that point and the thought of getting an STD was appealing to me at that moment. I mainly did it because I knew it was against the rules and it was obvious to me that the staff(with a few exceptions) felt superior to the patients and acted like control freaks. So I intentionally broke one of their biggest rules. I'm not gay either, though I would be happy to have a non-sexual romantic relationship with someone I am compatible with, regardless of their gender.

I balk at the idea that I could have Antisocial Personality Disorder as I feel extreme guilt and sadness if I hurt anyone intentionally or by accident. I can't even stand to squash bugs. And I actually do try to help others as much as I am able to. I've also been donating 25% of my own personal income to charity - mostly to Animals Asia and the rest to UNICEF. Just knowing about horrible things (if you have never heard of bear bile farming, go to google images and search for that. Then check animalsasia.org and the Wikipedia article on bear bile farming. I can't fathom any animal abuse that is so severe and prolonged for the animals. Just do the search I told you about, I don't want to describe it in words to you. I've cried for hours on end thinking about that. I've also done lots of crying over atrocities done to and deprivation suffered by my fellow man. I've blamed myself for the suffering of family members even when I had nothing to do with it and I'd just feel really torn up inside over it. Someone with Antisocial personality disorder not only violates the rights of others, they do so with little or no remorse and some derive pleasure from hurting others. Another Cluster B personality disorder is hystrionic PD, characterized by a strong desire for attention and to be the center of attention. I am usually the opposite. I find it really embarrassing to be the center of attention, whether the attention is positive or negative The other cluster B PD is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I generally have low self esteem and feel insignificant or worthless. I find any kind of praise embarrassing and tend to think people are just trying to make me feel better. I've usually attributed my good grades in university to low expectations and sometimes I feel a sort of paranoia that my professors are giving me special treatment. On the other hand, I do also believe that I have a high IQ and that I am more intelligent than most people - perhaps that is narcissistic and I only have those beliefs when I am not severely depressed. It may not be true narcissism, as evidence seems to support that I actually am unusually intelligent (I was going to be put in a special ED program in second grade but when they did some kind of IQ test, they said they had never seen a score that high. My poor grades were easily explained because I could not see the chalkboard and I just covered up my vision problem by squinting long enough to remember a low line on vision tests and I'd just go by memory when they told me not to squint). I consistently have made almost all As in school (since getting glasses in fourth grade - on the 20/20 scale, one eye was 20/100 and the other was 20/120 without them - I had never known that human faces were not supposed to look like a nearly featureless blob from across the room and it seemed normal to not see leaves and smaller branches without being damn near under the tree) and college (except for when my depression was extreme and I turned in less than half of my homework and lab reports - got 2 Cs, a D, and an F for that. It would have been four As or three As and a B if I had turned in most of the homework and lab reports. IIRC, I was taking University Physics, Calculus II, and Machine Language(computer programming) at the time. The F was in technical writing and I did not turn in any assignments for that class. There is also the semester when I just stopped going to class due to the depression. It was shortly after I stopped going to class that I decided to drop out temporarily and my mom was urging/begging me to get professional help. I ended up having myself committed to a mental hospital for extreme suicidal ideation and plans, as well as non-suicidal self injury and poisonings. I consider myself very intelligent but I believe that my depression will prevent me from making good use of my abilities. I don't think I would come close to the diagnostic requirements for Narcissistic Personality Disorder but if I did, I would probably believe that I really was something special, not that my personality was flawed. I guess for someone with that personality disorder, the patient believes that they are superior and that nothing is wrong with them. I do agree that I have a personality disorder but I think they were right the first time when they called it Not Otherwise Specified. I could understand them thinking I might have Borderline Personality Disorder because of my behavior and extreme mood swings. During my first stay, I was an asshole to all the employees, letting them know how much I hated them. I'd call my mom and tell her I wanted to rape her, kill her, and dump the body in a ditch(along with similarly harsh words). I would call her just to talk about suicide and how I was going to do it when I got out, or just have long conversations about death and the pointlessness of staying alive - the talk about suicide and death was not intended to cause her any emotional distress - I just could not think of much else. The second stay(after the cuttings), I was usually respectful to everyone and the few times that I said hurtful things to others, I would apologize profusely as soon as my anger subsided and I realized what an asshole I was being. I was having lots of moodswings, sometimes severe this second time - I'd be happy and joking or just seem calm and peaceful, then out of nowhere I would start crying uncontrollably and sometimes got mean at or snapped at employees who were trying to help. I had a couple of conversations with my mom on the phone where I lost it and told her she should have dumped me in a dumpster or talked my biological mother into having an abortion and I'd tell her I knew exactly how she and the rest of the family felt about me, even though she has never been bad to me (my sister thinks depression is just feeling sorry for yourself or is a symptom of demonic possession, seriously). The brother I grew up with says that I can't be very depressed because I was treated much better than him growing up. He was right about my being treated better. I also always blamed myself for that. I was constantly in fear that my dad would kill my mom or my brother and I - I remember him yelling and screaming at my mom while she was trying to get me to sleep when I was maybe 4y/o and he told her if she went to sleep that he'd set the house on fire (not those exact words, but he did say she'd wake up on fire - I was sleeping with her, so obviously he knew that I'd be afraid. I continued thinking that I, my brother, and most likely of all, my mom would die at his hands until I was maybe 10 years old and had the presence of mind to know that these were just the same baseless threats, and I became less afraid. I continued feeling as though I'd be murdered in my sleep but by some stranger who would climb in through my window to kill me instead of my dad. I know it is irrational, but I still have that thought sometimes. While I was close to my brother growing up, he clearly had no understanding of my fear and hopelessness, nor did he understand that I blamed myself for how he was treated. When I tried to kill myself twice at age 14, I believed that my parents would be able to live happily together and my brother would be treated better after I was gone. Now my brother believes that I would be happy if I moved away from home. I'd actually end up as a suicide if not for the encouragement of my mom and her belief in me. I would not be able to continue my education if I moved out now and I would not be able to hold down a full time job to support myself as long as the depression is bad/keeps coming back. I am only holding down my 12-14 hour/week job because the hours are extremely flexible, allowing me to work at times that the depression is not crushingly severe. My mom and the older of my two nephews who live with us are the only people who understand me and what I am going through. I wish my nephew did not understand me, but he has had severe episodes of depression where he self-injured and was suicidal - the shrink thinks he may be bipolar - I haven't noticed any type of mania in him, just severe depression and anger, and rage to the point he has physically attacked family members on many occasions (not my mom or I, because I would lay his ass in the floor and my mom has told him that if he attacked her, they'd both be in jail - him for abusing an elderly late-stage cancer patient and her for beating his ass and making sure he wouldn't be able to get up and try it again. She does not spank him and hasn't for years but she did have to call the cops on me to keep me from hurting myself one time- I had bitten myself bloody, broke my glasses in half, cut myself with them, then climbed on top of the house. I was threatening to electrocute myself. I was up there when the cops arrived. I dropped my pants and pissed on the power lines connected to the top of my house after the cops arrived and were trying to get me to come down. I can only assume that the piss stream was too broken by the time it hit the wires to conduct electricity to my body. I almost ended up in the nut house for that one. The only reason I was allowed to remain at home was because my brother and his then girlfriend moved in with us, they both agreed to watch out for me and not allow me to be at home alone and I would little time alone to hurt or kill myself. They would not have allowed me to stay at home if my mother was the only one too look out for me because of her cancer and age, and because one person would not be able to keep an eye on me most of the time. The cops told me that they would charge me with public nudity and disorderly conduct if I did not go to an institution unless I was at a home environment where I could be supervised constantly. My brother, his girlfriend, my mom, and the depressed or bipolar nephew all said they'd watch out for me. It was my brother and his girlfriend who were living in the household that allowed me to stay at home. The police did make it clear that they did not want to charge me with anything but they would do it "for my own safety" if they felt that I would be in "any place without constant supervision by other adults because I could not be allowed to just go home and hurt or kill myself." They wanted me to be institutionalized but accepted my staying at home since I would not be alone at any time.

Don't know why I went on that long mental health rant - maybe because I am hoping that I'll have success treating my depression with sub-psychedelic/non-intoxicating doses of AMT. Antidepressants I have previously used either never worked or resulted in drastic decrease or elimination of depression but later completely stopped working. I hope AMT will be the answer I have been looking for. The effects got much stronger as I typed. It is now clear that I was expecting it to take full effect much more quickly than it really does. About that mental health rant: another reason would be that the memory of what that music therapy teacher did came on so strong that it was almost like reliving it.



While typing that out, I went from moderate +2 to a fairly strong +3. The visuals are quite unique and powerful. And my mood is very good.

I am not even certain that it has fully kicked in yet. It probably has, but I don't know for sure.
This substance has at most small effects on blood pressure and heart rate - 144/93 pulse 83. That is a little higher than typical but I get similar or even higher readings when I've only used hydrocodone and benzos or ambien. I feel too hot but I checked my temperature and it was 98.2. I got moderately nauseated as I was coming up, but those symptoms are gone now. I know some people get a heavy bodyload from AMT but for me, this feels fairly benign physically. It is about average for nausea - I've felt much stronger nausea with mushrooms, 2c-e, DOC, and 2c-p. I've vomited from mescaline, DOI, and 5-meo-amt(only at doses exceeding 13mg for the latter and most often with doses above 16mg)..Vomiting almost always occurs with HBWR seeds, which in general have very severe physical side effects every time I use more than 3 or 4 seeds.

It may seem like my mind is clear when you read what I wrote(I think it is pretty clear after going over it, but I spent a lot of time writing it and correcting mistakes and have had moments way too mind bending to type anything coherent or even try to use the computer. I spent ten minutes trying to remember or understand how to play music on my computer and even knowing what to listen to when I figured it out. AMT seems it can be just as mind blowing as 2C-E or mushrooms, but sort of in a different style of psychedelia and with unique visuals. I was thinking this substance mediocre when I started writing but it has grown very intense and complex by now.

Edit/Update: It had not quite peaked through ever but I think it is now - AMT is much better as a psychedelic than I expected it would be and I do think it is very capable of producing mystical/+4 level states if you are in a receptive mindstate to experience that. Did not get it this time, but it is a small percentage of trips that produce that. None of my six LSD trips and one of my 20 or so mushroom only trips did it. It was also acomplished by 4 out of at least 40 HBWR seed trips, once on mushrooms+DXM, twice by 4-ho-mipt+DXM, twice by 5-meo-amt(one of those only stayed like that for 5-10 minutes), once by DPT, once with DOI, once with DOC, twice with 2C-E, and once from 2C-P. Also once on a mushroom+cactus trip. Maybe one in fifty trips produces those mystical states with HBWR seeds being the far most likely to produce them, followed by mushrooms/psilocin analogues combined with DXM. I somehow experienced the mystical during an MDMA experience and twice from combos of MDPV and large amounts of synthetic cannabinoids I am now at a strong+3 and unable to function anywhere close to normally. It took lots of time and effort for this short update. It would be obvious to anyone that I am very high. I could not drive a car even if I could get it started and figure out how to use the gearshift and other shit. If I did figure that out, I would surely crash the thing within 5-10 minutes.

It is very hard to read due to the visuals. Words tear apart and letters float on plates with lava between them and words blend together/transform. It makes me think of plate tectonics.

This is so beautiful, peaceful, and wonderful.
 
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Wow, buprenorphine and hydroxyzine has me feeling surprisingly niiiicely opiated, and the 300mg lyrica, 0.75mg clonazepam, and 5mg diazepam I took earlier has me "calm as hindu cows."I have plenty of Norcos and beer, but no urge to take any whatsoever; carefully (conservatively; start low, gow slow) dosed pharmaceutical combos are far more effective and less damaging than the traditional alcohol and hydrocodone usage, for example the lack of rebound pain (hydrocodone) experienced through bupe usage due to its longer half life.

Long acting opioids/long acting benzos FTW if you are using them daily as medicine. Diazepam, Clonazepam, Buprenorphine, Tramadol, and Hydroxyzine are a few of my favorites.

I took 1 mg of suboxone sublingually (SL) 8 hours ago, 240 mcg bupe SL 3 hours ago, and 320 mcg bupe intranasal (waterlined with a syringe, 40 units of sub/water solution), and 90mg DXM 8 hours ago for tolerance prevention.

Also, I've been microdosing mirtazapine (1.5 mg) and lexapro (0.6-0.8mg) for a couple of months and I've had positive results for anxiety/OCD/insomnia with absolutely no side effects, other than minor somnolence due to the mirtazapine.

I use 12-16mg of bupe spread out over 2-4 weeks (sublingually) here and there, for the intention of stabilizing on a long acting opioid from a hydrocodone prescribed mini-binge to slowly taper/transition back to my once daily Kratom routine.
 
Now I want amt eff you tryptamine dreamer eff you

Iv wanted to do amt since reading Kesey

Pretty buzzed on oxy and beers atm
 
Bigfanofthemdrugs said:
lol i remember that, its the thing on the bridge in cerulean right? i should find my old red version, those games were so fun.
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totally man, respect. i had never used that glitch in particular, instead taking advantage of the one later in the game using fly TM.

tonight i visited my good buddy and we played some video games. we also wached being human and lost girl on syfy before switching over to top gear and pawn stars. syfy has some good shows.

we also smoked a couple spliffs and he gave me a bump of bupe, being the nice guy he is. my mood is better than it's been all day now, understandably.
 
I can't tell you how or where I got it, It is illegal in the USA but there is at least one vendor from the UK who accepts US orders. There is also at least one from the UK that is a known scammer.
That may be more than I am allowed to say already and actually telling you where to get it would definitely violate the rules. But it is easy to get if you find the right place and it is fairly inexpensive

If you can find it, I doubt you could be too disappointed about it and most likely you'd be happy with it. I know I am.
 
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