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FebNEWary

I've never come into these threads because the feeling is the same as going into an AA meeting if you still, say, smoke pot.
In the same way I have been comfortable with moderate use of alcohol. Until now.
I've committed myself to complete abstinence %)

Recent use
On NYE I got drunk on a date. 2 weeks later I saw him again, he brought wine to my home. He immaturely pressured me into drinking, so I did it but wasn't happy about it. That wasn't a true "use" of alcohol in my typical way. Now I have no desire, I made a COMMITMENT on January 17. I have never done that with alcohol before. It's going great. I never thought I would be at this point.
 
That's so awesome, Cohesion. I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself as well! :)
 
Today is my first day without my meds (opiates). So many things have changed in the past two months..my state of residence, my relationship status, my age, my daughters age...Starting a new chapter in my life and I really want to be clean and sober off my meds. They help with the pain in my wrist but they take so much away. They take my sex drive away, my desire for food away, my money away, my liver away...my ability to sleep and dream normally. And I just don't want to be dependent on something to feel normal and if I keep going down this path it's just going to get worse. Since I am in a new state by old doc can't refill my script and I don't have insurance so I've been putting off finding a new doc here. Took a stroll down to the local head shop here and inquired about Kratom, picked up two different types of strains long with two concentrates. Tried 6grams of the Bali strain this morning isntead of my usual 50mg of hydrocodone (or something equivalent..oxy, dillies, done, whatever I had..tired to switch it up occasionally). I only dosed once a day with my meds so I'm really hoping that the Kratom and cannabis will get me over my morning hump and maybe a bit at night to help sleep.

I'm not sure why I felt compelled to share that. Maybe I just needed to get it out there so I can be held accountable somewhere in my life. My addiction was very personal. Thanks for being here BL'ers!
 
stay strong ^^ it will pass. I promise.

I'm doing well myself. been super flirty lately and its been fun. life is going well. clean AND serene today. :D
 
Serotonin101 said:
you're doing well my dear pagey. keep it up! you're through the worst of it. I'm always here for ya :)

I'm doing well myself. I feel great mentally. just physically exhausted from stretching myself thin this week. graduating drug court in march. I can't wait. no porn in almost two weeks (fapped only twice) so im working on my other addictions currently to get a better mental state. medication I'm taking is affecting me physically though so working out is a bit rough :/ it is what it is.
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Great post man. I take it you are going to NA meetings? Those can be excellent. A lot more hugging and shit than AA meetings. I feel that if i shut down my drug and alcohol use, my sex drive (fapping, seeking out nsa relationships) goes through the roof. Are you the same way? Should I be feeling guilty about this?
 
Thanks Captain!

With the help of my SO and my daughter I was kept busy all day. Took myself to the mall and went full-on shopping for the first time in my 29 years. I'm really not a mall person; I loath it really but I did need new threads and I don't have motorized wheels so the one stop multi-store was the best bet. We were there all freakin day but by the time I got home and did the fashion show for them my SO looked over at me and congratulated me on my first day without meds. I hadn't even realized it or thought about it all day! I imagine the Kratom played a good role in this and tomorrow will be the real test as I had taken 20mg of methadone Saturday early afternoon (re-dosing again during the day was rare for me). I was really worried more about the PAWS aspect of getting clean...the wanting, the craving, the feel of a cigarette but I wasn't focused on that at all today. That was nice. I can't wait to not dwell on wanting to feel high. Okay :) I'm done getting it out for the day.

How is everybody else doing at the end of the day today?
 
Aporia said:
Thanks Captain!

With the help of my SO and my daughter I was kept busy all day. Took myself to the mall and went full-on shopping for the first time in my 29 years. I'm really not a mall person; I loath it really but I did need new threads and I don't have motorized wheels so the one stop multi-store was the best bet. We were there all freakin day but by the time I got home and did the fashion show for them my SO looked over at me and congratulated me on my first day without meds. I hadn't even realized it or thought about it all day! I imagine the Kratom played a good role in this and tomorrow will be the real test as I had taken 20mg of methadone Saturday early afternoon (re-dosing again during the day was rare for me). I was really worried more about the PAWS aspect of getting clean...the wanting, the craving, the feel of a cigarette but I wasn't focused on that at all today. That was nice. I can't wait to not dwell on wanting to feel high. Okay :) I'm done getting it out for the day.

How is everybody else doing at the end of the day today?
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Glad to hear it! :) It sounds like you have an amazing family.

I'm doing OK, I'm hungry and need to go get some food.
 
duanomatic said:
Great post man. I take it you are going to NA meetings? Those can be excellent. A lot more hugging and shit than AA meetings. I feel that if i shut down my drug and alcohol use, my sex drive (fapping, seeking out nsa relationships) goes through the roof. Are you the same way? Should I be feeling guilty about this?
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I'm an NA lover forreal. daily meetings pretty much and I got 13 months. but yes, my drive did skyrocket. I ended up pretty much fapping to porn 3-5x daily. had to cut that out after doing that for like 6 months. doing great though on my other addictions. :D
 
Serotonin101 said:
I'm an NA lover forreal. daily meetings pretty much and I got 13 months. but yes, my drive did skyrocket. I ended up pretty much fapping to porn 3-5x daily. had to cut that out after doing that for like 6 months. doing great though on my other addictions. :D
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I don't think masturbating to porn multiple times a day is a bad thing. Different strokes for different folks. ;)
 
I haven't done any Ketamine since the 4th of January. My plan is to quit for a whole year. A month and 9 days down. Kinda replaced it with a lot of weed and benzos, but I've stopped both those as of last week. A lot of boring moments to endure. I'm sure things will improve. In fact the weed cravings are much stronger than the K, which is good. I don't think I'm gonna be abstaining from weed as long. Just a tolerance break and to save money - it was eating away at my finances. Maybe a fortnight or so.

Just gotta remember, having a functioning bladder and/or kidneys is infinitely more important than a beautiful K-hole.
 
GodSpeedK

When I was in treatment I made friends with someone who had bladder issues from K... I'd say avoiding that is a great idea!

If your plans are to stop using all substances other than pot, then I suggest you come up with some sort of plan. Have a friend / support group to call, pick up a hobby, etc. In time I'm sure you will feel much healthier and have a sense of freedom that your not used to.

Good luck!
 
GodSpeedK: congrats on the time clean!! A whole year is a great idea and I agree with SkagKush. It would be awesome to have a friend to help keep you accountable, that way when the craving gets bad you could always lean on them. Or us if you don't have a confidant.

Today for me is really hard. Day 3 without my meds. The Kratom is helping wonderfully. I don't really have any physical withdraw symptoms, which is amazing! I am able to sleep fine, I can eat, I can work, I can take care of my kid and family duties. But this morning when I awoke all I could think about was taking the last four meds I have saved. Maybe it's the 8 mile bike ride home after work last night that's causing me to really want to get high. Maybe it's the fact that my wrist is hurting from taking the whole floor on solo last night at work and my whole body is sore from the bike ride home. Or maybe it's just because I'm an addict-through and through. I want them. Really bad. But I won't take them. I just took a new strain of Kratom, Maeng Da, because I am out of Bali and all the concentrates I had. This strain is suppose to be more "energizing". I need to get busy. I need to stop thinking about gettig high. I need to walk down and pick up some more bali. Maybe soon I'll be able to wake up and not have to reach for anything but my cannabis. Thanks TDS, I really really needed to get that out today. I don't want to burden my SO with all this, although 7 years ago I helped him kick his few year methadone habit, CT (man, that was ugy...methadone is a monster)
what I'm going through is cake compared to what he had to go through.

Hope the few of you have been staying strong!
 
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