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just found out my ex girlfriend has married the man she cheated on me with

It's unfortunate that you've been going through a depressive spell- and even at times, feeling suicidal.
You really need to confide in someone you totally trust, and someone who is currently there for you.
In a time like that, you deserve to have support.

I mean this the most gentle way possible- but it is really unfair of you to put your suicidal issues in her direction. I understand that she has been there for you before- but she has decided to move on now- and even though she did- it might not mean that she still doesn't have feelings for you somehow- therefore, that's just putting her in a really awkward position.

It is hard, but really you have to accept the fact that she has moved on.
And start to focus your energy in moving on as well.
 
llama112 said:
I understand that you want to tell her how much she hurt you, etc. but that is NOT going to help. What WILL help is getting away from it all. Don't check her facebook, don't skype with her, don't communicate with her at all. Leave it alone. Leave her alone. She has moved on, and you need to too. Obsessing over her is not going to help you.

It doesn't mean you weren't good enough. It just means you aren't the right person for her. I'm sure you're a great person, but things just didn't work out with her. You WILL find someone else!

You've got to keep busy and stop thinking about her. In time, you will move on, and you will find someone!
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excellent advice. cauterize!!!!!!!!!!!
 
im sure it hurts man,

i recently lost my fiance, n i have also been in a bad depressive episode as of late

but try n think bout it this way man, whats done is done, n if they are married atleast you lost to the winner n not some random fling,

like my girl left me for a co worker too, she didnt cheat but we went on a break n they slept together within 24 hours so technicalities n whatnot but it hurts just the same n part of me wants to be bitter n hope they split up but honeslty part of me wants them to succeed cuz if she is happy that makes me happy n if they go the distance then i lost to the winner n that kinda makes me feel better in a way

sucks she lied to you bout wantin to be single, my ex did that too but it was obvious she wasnt gonna be single n they were gonna start up a relationship

hopefully he isnt just using her, only time will tell. if you care about her, be there for her if he does use her or if she reaches out but its a tight rope to walk wantin to be there for someone who hurt you but not wantin to be used yourself or walked on

best of luck with the new job n the situation
 
You should really be glad that you aren't still with this girl.
Imagine when she's going to cheat on this guy to go with another man. haha.
 
HighonLife said:
im sure it hurts man,

i recently lost my fiance, n i have also been in a bad depressive episode as of late

but try n think bout it this way man, whats done is done, n if they are married atleast you lost to the winner n not some random fling,

like my girl left me for a co worker too, she didnt cheat but we went on a break n they slept together within 24 hours so technicalities n whatnot but it hurts just the same n part of me wants to be bitter n hope they split up but honeslty part of me wants them to succeed cuz if she is happy that makes me happy n if they go the distance then i lost to the winner n that kinda makes me feel better in a way

sucks she lied to you bout wantin to be single, my ex did that too but it was obvious she wasnt gonna be single n they were gonna start up a relationship

hopefully he isnt just using her, only time will tell. if you care about her, be there for her if he does use her or if she reaches out but its a tight rope to walk wantin to be there for someone who hurt you but not wantin to be used yourself or walked on

best of luck with the new job n the situation
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Honestly, I can't see myself being happy for either of them. I was lied to and cheated on, despite being a good boyfriend. If the relationship had ended under more respectful circumstances then yeah I could see myself being happy for her. But it didn't and the way she left me put me through an emotional hell. The reality of the situation was that she was probably involved with him long before I found out, as we worked different hours and she would have had plenty of opportunities. further, the fact that she was probably engaged to him a month after leaving me (and leaving Australia) would point to that too.

In terms of my headspace now, I am alot happier. Things are working out well for me. In the grand scheme of things her leaving me was a good thing. She wasn't a mentally healthy person (neither was I to be honest) and there were alot of red flags about her that would make marrying her a huge mistake. I am pretty happy bieng single and working on things like myself and my career. Staying with her would have meant a huge financial sacrafice to move to the US and I doubt I could have gotten a decent job there either. Not to mention being stuck with someone who is very insecure, depressed and immensly untrusting of people. She is now his problem and no doubt when she begins to reveal herself to him and the honey moon period is over, he will realise that she carries can immense amount of baggage. I highly doubt their relationship will work.

in terms of being friends with her. Nope, can't do it. I tried initially and was far too hurt to do so. She also let slip early on that the only reason she had for staying in contact with me was so she could get part her of the bond back when I leave my apartment. She recently said I could keep it and has since not responding to any contact from me nor made any contact to me. so fuck her.
 
In my mind, her getting married to him is an act that should lead to forgiveness. The fact that they got married means she felt he was the right one for her, where she wasn't feeling that same feeling with you. That doesn't make it hurt any less at this moment, but she owes it to herself to be with the right person, just as you owe it to yourself to find the right person. It takes two committed people to make a marriage work. There have been plenty of times in my own marriage where I would have left my wife (and she, me) if I weren't with her and I were with someone else. I have dated some great women - beautiful, intelligent, sexy, capable - who were just not the right ones for me. Your ex may have admired you in many ways but not felt you were the one for her.

The same principle applies in another common scenario that's discussed here: when one's best friend gets together with one's (ex-) gf or bf in a violation of trust. If they get married, then that justifies their actions. We all only get one go around in life, and for the big decisions we have to make them count.
 
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What happens if they divorce a couple years later. ;)

But, I'm sure he will get over it in time. It's not good to stay bitter or pissed although I totally understand why he feels that way right now. I was married a long time ago, we divorced and even 10 years later we have dinner some time and send a happy birthday to each other. That isn't to say we were super friendly those first couple of years, but it's healthy to move on and really easy to be friends after all that hurt is gone. As a matter of fact, my brother in law is staying with my ex-husband while he transitions to a new position at his job. lol I seriously think I had the easiest divorce ever.
 
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