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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 28 - my dealer told me that this was the last time

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^sorry to hear you got hurt. though sounds like something that could result in an opiate script.

what up, Mugz! congrats, synthetix!

it's saturday morning! i just did the prettiest lines. a little chip of a pink 10 fell off when i split it, so i set it to the side to add to my line. because i was taking a few 10s before my shower and then a bump of 30 after. i thought it was all gonna mix and turn purple. but it was two blue lines with pink tips. and the tips gradually went from pink to purple to the real blue line. pretty and pleasant.

hope you all are enjoying something pretty and pleasant as well!
 
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Nothing too fantastic but it's keeping the pain manageable. I just want my mobility back. Glad to hear you're having a pleasant morning!
 
IV morphine was had here about an hour ago. i've got 25mg valium sitting next to the pack of my cigarettes. however, i'm nodding hard enough it wouldn't make a difference whether i have them or not. there's a 85.34367% chance i will and just shit kick around until the sun starts peaking through reminding me i should go to sleep.

but fuck sleep, fuck the sun, fuck lung cancer. imma do all the damn drugz if i damn well want to!

chyeah boiya!
 
Thanks for the warm welcome back everyone, hope you are all doing fantastically

tentram said:
how's the furst draft of your BL book going? i'm sure you'da got a shitload of it done, right? did you complete any of the tasks you said you were going to do, leaving us with those as your last words before disconnecting yourself.
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Well the screen on my laptop kind of started to leak all over it making it almost impossible to work with and all the files were on that. I am now going to focus on writing, think of me as an out of work writer, but that book is not my first project. I found my old half written screenplay based on this trip report (Desoxypipradrol) + (2CI )+ (benzos) - First Time with desoxy - Psychosis (EPIC) on one of my old hard drives and now that I have a nice new shiny desktop computer I'm working on that as my only project.
 
Blergh I'm out of opiates for the weekend. I took like 10mg of lopermide, 40mg of Valium and 40mg of dexedrine to keep me awake, but I'm hating it. The lope has definitely taken a LOT of the w/d symptoms away, but hell on earth this is annoying. Just want to keep my opiate buzz going! Damn Royal Mail, they had severe delays because of the tiny amount of snow this weekend hence ill get my parcel on Monday. Balls.
 
Mugz said:
it's a website with a URL that isn't affiliated with bluelight. Your question is about as valid as asking how do you access google on a regular basis 8)
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it was in regards to your computer screen shitting itself.

relax, mon

images
 
that makes sense.

how's the new beast going? you haven't taken it apart and rebuilt it to get rid of the tracking and monitoring devices the gov't are using to keep up to date with your every move? ;)
 
Lmao^ if i was still a tweaker that would scare the fuck out of me. Luckily I'm a therapeutic tweaker now. But fuck me, opiate cravings are the worst. I'm not suffering from w/d becuse I ate a shit ton of lopermide, but still blerugh. Anger at Royal Mail!
 
tentram said:
that makes sense.

how's the new beast going? you haven't taken it apart and rebuilt it to get rid of the tracking and monitoring devices the gov't are using to keep up to date with your every move? ;)
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Haha, not quite yet, although I did accidently change the permissions the other day whilst on ethylphenidate and remove my permissions to view the C Drive, managed to get it back to normal now.
 
Mugz said:
Haha, not quite yet, although I did accidently change the permissions the other day whilst on ethylphenidate and remove my permissions to view the C Drive, managed to get it back to normal now.
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=D

I always do fucked up shit to my computer when im under the influence, and when im sober i try to use my computer and things are all mixed up/moved/deleted etc... Oh well i havent done that in a while fortunately as im 23 days clean of any Benzos and 14 days clean of any Opiates.

I have an extreme desire to use though..... :(
 
Well congrats pally, you're doing well keep it up. I hate that horrible desire to use so much. Words can't describe the agony. My oxy supply got held up because of bad weather conditions, so it will be here on Monday. Means that today and tomorrow I'm out, and I'm suffering badly. The cravings are absolutely awful. Bought a load of lopermide so maybe just maybe I can hang in.
 
What's up guys? I am not feeling awesome today. Trying to take a day off from bupre to maybe get a slight buzz tomorrow. Really thinking about getting off bupre and back on dope. If I had money I'd be shooting up right now but I don't. This has been such a shitty year, I just want to get high

Like it wasn't even my choice to get sober in the begginning, but I kind of just went with it to please my parents. What's the point of being on bupre if I'm not even trying to get sober. Sure its sooo much easier than dealing with drug dealers, and it is payed for thanks to my parents, but I'm just so over it. On one hand I want to get high and go back to junkie life, but on the other I hated that life and really hate being a slave to drugs. But it really seems that ill never be happy sober or high, I mean atleast using drugs allows me to enjoy happiness while I'm high. I can't even smoke weed either because I don't want to go to jail, but opiates only take a week at max to get out of my system. God dam I really don't know what to do. I just feel so hopeless like whatever I do I will never experience true happiness.
 
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all them modsticks look awesome on everyone. gotta love em.

and lacster, i knew it! you were messed up yesterday! what i would do for some oxycodone right now is unthinkable... its been a shitty year for me too pal. shitty 5 months really.
 
laCster how much consideration have you given to trying to tapper off and see how things go sober for a bit? I know it's no easy task, but if you could find some hobbies and such to fill the void maybe you'd be happier in the long run. I realize it takes a long time for brain chemistry to return to normal, but things like CBT might help. I'm not trying to preach, as advice is easier given than followed, but you're a good guy and I'd like to see good things for you. PM if you'd rather talk in private, just know we're here for you.
 
I haven't thought about it until now! You inspired me to really cut back on bupre and get off MT, but that doesn't mean ill be sober ;)

I'm going to taper down and stop taking bupre more than once a week so that I can use bupre recreationally and get high. Normally getting off bupre is very difficult because the end result is usually sobriety, but for me getting off bupre holds the reward of being able to gett high off bupre and boy, when I want to get high, nothing can stop me !

Hey, no pain no gain, right?
 
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