I'm already a little apprehensive towards the idea of meeting strangers online, and without any current benzo Rx (I've only had emergency ones here recently and even then they weren't strong enough or the right one) treating my Panic Disorder, SAD, and mild agoraphobia, I don't think I could hang, lol. Not to mention, most of my panic attacks are set off by noise and large crowds (more than ~4 people). Hell, at my recent stay at an institution (went in for depression and anxiety), the doctor wouldn't write orders for benzos for maintenance OR even for panic attacks, and I had panic attacks 8 out of the 12 days I was there.
Perhaps I made the mistake of trying to find a unit that would take care of my pain, so they signed me up for the "Behavioral Pain Management" unit, which to me at first sounded like a psych unit for chronic pain patients; when, instead, it was a unit for pain patients with addiction problems that took their meds to get high (I will overtake my pain meds because they're not strong enough for my issues and the doctor won't listen to me, but not to get high) and was a suboxone initiating unit (hence why I was there for 12 days), so it did me no good. So now I'm on suboxone, and I'll be lucky if I can get anyone to treat me otherwise. Man that shit pissed me off. And even at the prescribed dose of 16mg it barely touches my pain. That shit pisses me off even more.
I try to get my depression and anxiety addressed and all they did in the groups there were ask your pain level, and your "feeling" word at that moment and say something good about yourself. Then they would give you a homework assignment in the morning group, which was normally "what can you do instead of drinking with your meds" or "what are 8 triggers of your poly-substanse abuse" then mine, and only mine was "what are your triggers for anxiety," then group would be over. Then we'd do some art therapy or something like that, followed by journaling and reflection time (which was the only period in the day rooms were unlocked), then we'd do relaxation time where you sat in your recliner and did nothing for an hour (mandatory). After this we'd have visitation "hour" which was really 45 minutes, followed by our 8 o'clock group, when they once again asked our pain level and our "feeling word" and then we all shared our homework with the group. That was literally all the therapy we got there, and it pissed me the fuck off. Especially considering they saw that all patients prescribed opioids for pain on a regular basis as addicts...even cancer fucking patients.
I guess I learned some progressive muscle relaxation that normally puts a cramp in my legs, but now I've wasted my time at that facility getting nothing out of it, and am now stuck going to class, freaking the fuck out and barely able to concentrate on the lessons, and freaking out about the upcoming group assignments and presentations in which I will probably shit my pants doing.
Sorry about the rant, I can only imagine how bad it would have been if I had taken my vyvanse today.
But...laC, CH, wiggi, Beach, ten, Hil, tri, opi, smoke, how are you all doing (I DIDN'T SAY Y'ALL, YAY! It's a work in progress...)?
edit: Mods, if you might could redirect questions concerning Psychiatric Disorder Medications (if they fit it) towards the thread I started to get it going, it would be greatly appreciated.
), tentram, beachcat, smokeymctoke, doug, opmaniac, The captain H, and LaCaster, of course the mods are welcome too!!! I mean we always bullshit hard in here, imagine the fun and antics if we were hanging in RL? now to figure out the legality of it all... haha Im buzzing hard off my new kratom shipment. How is everyones fucked up lives getting along???
i swear i had to do something today but it's skipped my memory so hopefully it's nothing!