• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Girlfriend is clingy, what to do?

S

Slash5331

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 10, 2010
Messages
77
Hey everyone, I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year and a half now and I have noticed she is starting to get really clingy. It was never really that bad to start with, but it has now gotten quite bad.
First of all here is some background; we are both 16, and go to the same boarding school. We have been together 17 months as of yesterday (she counts the months and always makes sure to tell me when it is our "XX month anniversary"). About halfway through last year we broke up (only for about a week, haha), during that period she was refusing to eat and whatnot. Anyway, she has pretty much decided that we are getting married and having kids together in however many years time.
She tells me she "loves me so much" in probably half the text's she sends me (fair enough, she loves me, but isn't that a little excessive? and she sends me A LOT of text's.). She often won't let me off the phone and it has gotten to the point where I sometimes don't answer calls from her because I know I will never get off the phone. Even just small things like my status' on Facebook; for as long as I can remember she has liked every single one I have posted regardless of whether or not it means anything to her. For pretty much every gift-giving occasion she has bought me really expensive gifts (by 16 year old standards anyway, I don't have the first fucking clue where she gets the money as she doesn't work or anything) and she pretty much follows me everywhere and doesn't hang out with any of her friends.

You guys are most likely thinking that I'm just another 16 year old boy complaining about something he should appreciate or whatever but trust me, it's getting out of hand, pretty much everyone in my rowing crew, all my other mates, and even some of her mates have told me to do something about it or that she is always acting weird or w/e.

What do you guys think I should do? Should I talk to her about it? Should I just get the hell out before it's too late? I'm not that experienced you see, this is my first relatively long term relationship...



Also, kind of off topic, but:

One time a mate of mine was on the bus with a girl, this girl was borrowing my girlfriends phone and came across messages between her and some guy asking each other what they would do (sexually) if her and I weren't together. I kinda forgot about it as it was the holidays and we live a good 10 hours drive away from each other, but she later came up to visit and she said "sorry for texting ... and ...", actually mentioning two names (one was the guy I already knew about). I have also seen messages on Facebook where she is asking her ex if he still loves her and whatnot.
Should I be concerned about this? As far as I am aware it hasn't actually gone beyond messaging via Facebook and SMS, but I can't really be 100% sure.


So yeah, that's it really, pretty lengthy post, but hopefully you guys can all help me a lot.

Thanks.
 
She sounds incredibly insecure. You are both quite young also.

I think it would be best for her to focus on herself and sort out these issues - I don't think she is ready for a relationship at all. I also do not think that it is good for you to be in this position either.

Those messages to other guys are very inappropriate - I would be concerned. It seems as though she is terrified of being alone, and that she feels the need to reassure herself that there are others out there ready and waiting. She may very well love you, but a lot of her behaviour may stem from a fear of being alone.

I think it would be best for both of you to break up, do some growing and maturing and then perhaps enter into serious relationships at some point in the future.
 
I agree that she sounds extremely insecure. If you haven't discussed this with her yet I would definitely do that - but if you don't notice any improvement after a few weeks it might indeed be best to break it off so that she can learn to actually take care of herself. She doesn't sound like she's ready or in the right state of mind for a committed relationship.
That being said, her behavior isn't particularly uncommon considering her age.
 
Mel22 said:
^ Sounds like the opposite - the OP stated that they go to boarding school together.
Click to expand...

oh i read the last paragraph and assumed they lived miles apart

still drunk from last night. apologies

jesus- she sounds obsessive especially the whole not eating thing. oh dear.

if she's like that now maybe thats just her. either you stay with her or you dont. your choice
 
I'd break up with her, if I was you, telling her exactly why- this is KEY, otherwise she won't evolve in our emotional state anytime soon.

It's going to hurt her, but hopefully it will hurt less in the long run, if she is receptive to this observation, and wants to change for the better, into a confident truly attractive person - I hated my ex for dumping me, but it was best for me and both of us, we were quite co-dependent on each other - it was sickening.

Work out how you're going to tell her that doesn't sound like blame, just stating some hard truths. She MAY not be receptive, ie able to listen, but you have to do what's best for the pair of you.
 
Last edited:
Classic example of a future female who defines herself by having a man in her life. These pathetic souls annoy the shit out of me. These are the types of girls who are horrible friends because they won't do anything without their BFs and when they are with you can only talk about their BFs the whole time. Annoying to be around.

I had a clingy BF in high school. It got to the point where I would stop taking his calls so he would show up at my door. Best relief I had was breaking up with him.
 
Immaturely insecure from what I read. She needs to be let loose in the world and learn about people and at your age it's probably good advice for yourself. I would part company, if you or her have ideas that you can live happily ever after then you will be doomed in a few years.
 
i would kick her off your leg with force and find someone else. No need to deal with that shit when there are 3+ billion other women out there.

(I always picture a clingy person as someone who is holding on to your leg with desperation, just dragging you down lol)

i've had to deal with these types of girls in the past, the type who threaten suicide if they don't get what they want and your best bet is to get the fuck out of there. If you are a nice then let her know where she is going wrong so she can improve her life as b1to mentioned.
 
I've been in a similar position man, and I (hate to say) think you're better off breaking up with her now. ESPECIALLY if she's your 1st LT relationship. Because you're in the prime of your life, you have SO many other options out there, and one silver lining is that the next girl will most likely NOT be as clingy.

It will be hard and shitty for a while, and it will suck for her more so, but I say egress.
 
Lysis said:
Classic example of a future female who defines herself by having a man in her life. These pathetic souls annoy the shit out of me. These are the types of girls who are horrible friends because they won't do anything without their BFs and when they are with you can only talk about their BFs the whole time. Annoying to be around.
Click to expand...

Sooooo true!

I've had guys who have liked me who became clingy. As soon as they became clingy and all obsessive and stuff, I had to cut them out of my life. I felt bad but I could not stand it!

Anyway - I personally would break up with someone if they were clingy. But you can try talking to her about it and seeing if she changes. Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it?
 
I dunno. It wouldn't bother me. Indeed, similar situations in the past (and to some extent, my current one) I always liked it. I like to a) be around someone I love b) feel wanted/liked/desired. Like I go to my fiances lectures with her whenever I'm available, even though like I've already studied these subjects/or they are irrelevant to me. But I go because I want to spend time with her, and apparently she wants me to go with her too. Imagine that, wanting to be with someone you love and enjoying it immensely even if you're doing mundane shit. That sounds oh so terribly unhealthy and bad. You should only want to see them once a week for the sake of banging, right?

I don't find getting emails or texts or phone calls annoying. Shit, I bet she doesn't send you 1/4 of the number of messages I get per unit of time while I'm at work. I get so many because I'm important to my organization. She is sending you so many because you are important to her. You should like the fact you are important.
 
I am the last person to give advice about relationships but this sounds like you should move on. You are 16, and she is asking an ex if he still loves her (if I read that right).

You should pack as many relationships/flings as you can into your teenage years, you have your 20s to deal with long term relationships.
 
She's texting what to some guy? Jesus. Sounds like she has some self esteem issues, trying to base her self worth on your relationship and attention from other men. She may have had something happen that made her feel especially bad about herself or insecure, and is now overcompensating by flirting with other guys and holding on to you for dear life. She's looking for attention. You're young and still finding yourselves, that's a lot to deal with, I'd make a break from her.

Let her know you're concerned about her, but that her behavior is not okay. Be honest, but nice, tell her she's acting inappropriately, you care about her, but her behavior is making you unhappy and you're not willing to deal with it any more. She'll either be: A) super upset and crying, in which case just tell her that she's wonderful and doesn't need to try so hard, take time for herself, etc., then leave it; B) super angry, in which case you can just tell her you're sorry she's so upset, and walk away; C) be okay with it.

Best of luck! Let us know how it works out.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top