I thought I lost them all, but it seems someone still has my back

Obiez

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 6, 2013
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117
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Where you want to be
I'm not religious. I am not spiritually awaken. But, a lot of very coincidental stuff has happened to me, and the past 24 hours have been....

I always considered good friends guardian angels. They did their best, they gave me three strikes, they...They are wonderful people. But, they are not in my life anymore. So I have been on the straight path for a while, my confidence is up, I get a job interview. It was scheduled two weeks before new years for tomorrow.

I start getting anxious as time nears. I don't answer my phone, a friend I still have is trying to skype me for days, calling, even leaving texts. I don't reply to any of it. I find this place, questions get asked, people talk, my strength is at a all time high. Today, I made some very, very mild poppy seed tea just to relax. I know my doses with this tea and when I say mild, I mean I had to add other tea to make it have any taste. It relaxed me exactly like black tea does only milder(black albanian/turkish/pakistani tea. You drink a couple of those, you are physically impaired to move. Strange tea). So the day was going great, I was doing my usual thing, doing prep work for tomorrow. I get a phone call from a number I don't have stored as XXX ( dealer or ol' budddy dying in some form ) so I'm thinking, this could be the job place rescheduling or something, it was during working hours. So I pick up and on the other line - "Yoooooo wasssup bro, it's the kid"

FUCK!

Me: Sup man?
Him: Not much man, hows you?
Me: Good, good, so...err...I'm kind of busy man, cut to the chase
Him: I got promoted* bro
Me: Nice one man, so I'm guessing you are doing good then
Him:Yeah! And, best part is, because you helped me out so many times* I'm going to do you a solid man
Me:I don't need a solid man thanks.
Him: Dude, it's X for Y

The X for Y ratio was not enough for me to suspect him trying to set me up. It was a fairly standard package for a price low enough for me to use and sell a small bit to get a re-up. I said, man you are putting me on the spot, but I am strapped for cash (which was true, not just a way of me getting out of the deal, I was trying to fight the urge by this point) so I can't really do it. He said, hey if anything changes, just give me a call.

I am sitting next to the demon.

I start thinking, where can I get cash, what, where, who, family! While I am pacing like a caged tiger, a voice in my head goes "you have enough to buy enough valium to just chill out, go to the pharmacy and charm the pharmacist (done it a million times)". I get dressed I go to the first pharmacy where there was a female pharmacist and I completely mind fuck the two boxes of valium from her. I was out of there before she counted the cash, let alone ask for a script. I east an 150mg of valium, which for the record, without some weed, is like eating any smaller dose. But, it calms me down enough to where I can focus my mind on something else. The valium slowly starts wearing off...no anxiety, but like I said, nothing you would notice else is happening to me.

And I fucking start thinking about it again

I'm fucked now my friends. I gotta do something to get this shit rolling. So, I start looking for stashed cash (like I wouldn't fucking have known I had stashed cash around) and I dig under a pile of books and old boxes and I open this box aaaaaaaaaaaand xanax and a very tiny, but enough for the mix, of marijuana.

I'm high right now. But, I am not nearly as fucked up as I would have been had I not found the stuff. Because guess what? If I copped, I woulda got shitfaced to the NOD degree, would not have slept, probably burnt my fingers, and looked like [/b]death!.

Who ever the fuck you were, thanks! Number marked as XXX, can't know if it is him as there's a shitload of triple X's in my phone, and good fucking bye.

*promoted meaning he started getting the shit cheaper and distributing it to others, as opposed to being one of the guy that goes through a middle man for the middle man. He became the middle mans middle man.
 
I know it's so easy to get sucked back in right? I only have one person that l still maintain a friendship with that uses, l think its because l feel partly responsible for him beginning to use in the first place. But every time he calls and needs something l help him out...and usually end up fucking up myself. Sitting here kicking a little now after being clean for months...my arms are all fucked up.... So pissed at myself right now. I miss the hustle too...l was good at it...but l know l can't hustle and stay clean. You are doing the right thing, hang in there.
 
I know it's so easy to get sucked back in right?
They have you at hello.

I only have one person that l still maintain a friendship with that uses, l think its because l feel partly responsible for him beginning to use in the first place. But every time he calls and needs something l help him out...and usually end up fucking up myself. Sitting here kicking a little now after being clean for months...my arms are all fucked up.... So pissed at myself right now.
Don't be. Both responsible, or pissed. He wanted the stud bull, he got it. Got it from you sure, but he would have anyways.

I miss the hustle too...l was good at it...but l know l can't hustle and stay clean. You are doing the right thing, hang in there.

I don't. That is the one thing I don't miss one bit. The guy before "the kid" literally drove to me within 20 minutes of me calling him, regardless of where he was in the city. That was the best. Coping 5 grams at a time to stash, panicking when I don't have enough. Standing in the winter cold for fucking hours on end. Getting buddy, buddy with a motherfucker buying a car on my money. <snip>
 
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My last junkie friend just called me...needs a ride cause he has lost his car, house, job and is stuck at his parents house about fifteen minutes out of town. Since l said no he is going to strap a 50 pound amp on the back of a street bike he is taking without permission to get to town to cop...l had to laugh. That right there is what l don't miss...and l never even did anything that bad lol...
 
My last junkie friend just called me...needs a ride cause he has lost his car, house, job and is stuck at his parents house about fifteen minutes out of town. Since l said no he is going to strap a 50 pound amp on the back of a street bike he is taking without permission to get to town to cop...l had to laugh. That right there is what l don't miss...and l never even did anything that bad lol...

The visual made me laugh out loud.

Look after yourself first. Your friend has his own life to deal with, you can't babysit him espetially since that gets in the way of your goal.
 
Howd you charm the pharmacist to giving you valium? Im assuming your not in the USA ?
Regardless, nice job of not giving into the demon. I know it would have been hard for me.
 
Howd you charm the pharmacist to giving you valium? Im assuming your not in the USA ?
Regardless, nice job of not giving into the demon. I know it would have been hard for me.
Thanks for the nice job comment.

As for the charm part, years of practice. It's a magic trick really. I can do quite a few of those "read your mind" things. If you have ever watched what Darren Brown does, I can do some similar stuff, albeit not that well. It's just a lot of practice, confidence and being able to hold a straight face.
 
My last junkie friend just called me...needs a ride cause he has lost his car, house, job and is stuck at his parents house about fifteen minutes out of town. Since l said no he is going to strap a 50 pound amp on the back of a street bike he is taking without permission to get to town to cop...l had to laugh. That right there is what l don't miss...and l never even did anything that bad lol...

^ damn! I can't imagine that shit.

It always feels good to know you're not anywhere close to that anymore. :)
 
^ yeah but in the US valium is scheduled and there is no way to charm a chemist into giving you a scheduled drug as shed get fired, so i ask again your not in the US are you
 
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