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MDPV Megathread 8: The Girl Who Chased The Dragon's Tail

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I think that was a good "harm reduction" from my side.

Think about this. I have talked about my anorexia with my doctor, my shrink, and i have been hospitalized for a year in a clinic. I ate 3000 + calories each day and gained only 3 kgs in a year. No everyone has given up "helping" me because they "know" i have used something beginning with MD, that don't show up in urine tests. So because they can't prove it, they don't know if i use drugs. But hey, MDPV is not on any narcotic lists, drug lists or anything. And they only test for illegal substances in those tests. So why the hell do they think i'm doing illegal drugs when they test everything illegal? It's not my fault every substance isn't in their register. You can abuse whatever you want and it will be bad or good for you depending on your angel of sight.

MDPV is good for me because it makes me feel better, sharpen my reaction, i can stay up for as long as i want and watch out for things. I don't need that much food, and i don't need other things. I quit drinking, i quit smoking nicotine, i have managed to survive a BMI of 13 for 1,5 years with NOTHING bad on my blood tests. I take full body tests every month because of my weight, and it seems i'm super women. I'm still beautiful, my skin ain't itching anymore, i don't get psycosis anymore from it.

I could be the model on that cover on every magazine. I could be a doctor or a shrink. A movie star or a fireman, maybe a drug dealer or a normal housewife.

Maybe you have seen me on TV or I'm your girl next door.

Point is, i don't suffer from my PV use. I'm just feeling everything x100 than normal people. If i'm happy, I'm SO HAPPY, and vice versa. And it's all in our heads, just make it good and it will be ;)

Even mental clinics were fun on MDPV. Actually it was more fun in there than it is in real life.

Then again i can see the negatives... But i don't want to focus on them now.

Byebye, gonna go for a walk in the night in a snowstorm... :D
 
PS. messing with your head, it's called sunrise peev on a snow dance lined up powder snow magic hell in heaven. And I have been in heaven and hell, now i'm in a good place.

Creeping each other mindfucks up, just the way the mind works on PV. Belive me, it's only meant in a GOOD way.
I never do bad stuff, i'm the best little girl in the world :p

Just pretending to be crazy to drive you mad and confused. It's so much fun though.. ;)
 
Tell the shadow people I say "Hi." And if you see the robed dancing PV people figures out in the street ask them why they would never come and dance with me ;)
 
For my 50th post (yay bluelighter status!) (Edit: bummer, I guess that happens at post 51) I would like to reiterate Quasistones and i against i warnings of using a drug like mdpv to cope with ones problems. Its bad bad news.

MDPV is a hell of a drug. I've used everything under the sun at one point or another throughout my life. I've abused and been addicted to more drugs than most people (outside of internet drug forums) know exist. MDPV was the only drug that completely broke me. And it did so very quickly and violently. Multiple times. And I'm dumb enough over 5 years later to still be using it because I still have not found a coping method that doesn't come in the form of a pill or a powder.

My purpose here is not to glamorize mdpv use. I hope to be able to persuade others not to make the same mistakes I've made. If i can prevent one person from train wrecking the way I did with mdpv then I consider myself successful in my efforts. Stopping one person from falling into mdpv addiction just doesnt stop them from experiencing the hell I've been through. It also saves their friends and families from all the heartache and pain that I caused for my friends and family.

My inbox is open for anyone who is struggling and needs an understanding person to talk to. I don't have the answers. I haven't figured it out yet. But I do understand and consider myself a good listener/Soundboard and ive got years of heavy drug abuse to relate to.
 
Congrats :)

__________________________________________________

I said hello to three shadow people and made snow angels with them. Then i rode my unicorn to the plaza hotel and had sex with a prince who turned out to be a frog dressed as a monkey in porn style peevee suite. Turned out to be a dream, but i had multiple orgasms until he was a frog :p

Ok, so i took nitrazepam and fell asleep just for fun.

And i went crazy ordering 7 gr pv, 2 gr methylone, 250 mg amt, 1 gr 5-meo-dalt, 250 mg 5-mapb and 1 gr mdai...
I have friends who use over half of it though...

This is what benzo + pv does to you :p
 
There should be a MDPV forum so the topics would be seperated, this thread i so messy. And it's probably 30 % my fault.
PM me if you know one. Or ask for my mail so i can e-mail you, and you will get a reward of course :)
 
I feel you mdpv psychosis on mdpv being the only drug to break you.

I've had addictions to opiates in the past. Hell, at the time I discovered mdpv was shooting dope. Before I knew it mdpv was the only drug I cared about and it was causing so much more havoc than even IV heroin. I was a liar and a thief, it was ridiculous. All over 20 dollar gram bags of mdpv.

I remember my first gram of mdpv lasted me 3 weeks. 2nd one about as long, though that's when I tried smoking it. 3rd bag lasted 3 days and that's how it always invariably went from that point forward.

*edit*
By the way mdpv psychosis, you seem pretty put together for someone who uses a lot of pv. If nothing else you have that, you're not nearly so far out there as a lot of heavy pv users I've talked to.
 
Anatrica said:
No everyone has given up "helping" me because they "know" i have used something beginning with MD, that don't show up in urine tests. So because they can't prove it, they don't know if i use drugs. But hey, MDPV is not on any narcotic lists, drug lists or anything. And they only test for illegal substances in those tests. So why the hell do they think i'm doing illegal drugs when they test everything illegal? It's not my fault every substance isn't in their register. You can abuse whatever you want and it will be bad or good for you depending on your angel of sight.

MDPV is good for me because it makes me feel better, sharpen my reaction, i can stay up for as long as i want and watch out for things. I don't need that much food, and i don't need other things. I quit drinking, i quit smoking nicotine, i have managed to survive a BMI of 13 for 1,5 years with NOTHING bad on my blood tests. I take full body tests every month because of my weight, and it seems i'm super women. I'm still beautiful, my skin ain't itching anymore, i don't get psycosis anymore from it.

I could be the model on that cover on every magazine. I could be a doctor or a shrink. A movie star or a fireman, maybe a drug dealer or a normal housewife.

Maybe you have seen me on TV or I'm your girl next door.

Point is, i don't suffer from my PV use
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so you didn't even tell them you are using? jesus...why not? something that a lot of drug users (me included, for a while) is that it is super obvious when you are high. i mean, really. you might fool a couple of naive people, but anyone who you spend any length of time with will know there is something "off".

why the fuck do you want to "stay up...and watch out for things"? you do need food, and you're probably just living one big psychosis right now.

you don't suffer from it? don't kid yourself.
 
I'm not telling them because i do not get any help if i "use" something. I need to be drugfree to get into the clinic for eating disorders. And what I'm using is not illegal and they can't get me on that, what they have on me is to posetive amphetamine tests since september 2012...

I know i need nutrition, and i have these nutridrinks with all the stuff you need in them that i get for free, so i get my calories. I function well, i don't binge on PV, i'm not psycotic, and yeah i do need sleep. I'm just in a crises with bills everywhere, depression, obsessions and i hate and love everything. I have ADHD too, and I'm prescribed 3 different benzos, + zolpidem and imovane, and gabapentin, tramadol and codeine ++ weaker stuff, but no fucking way would they give me ritalin or dexedrine . So no wonder i'm up and down. Actually i barley touch any medicine, i'm saving them until crises.

I hate to eat because i get sick, the food comes up easy... And i hate being full... and i'm affraid of being big, and it's a mental illness, i can't just start eating again and gain weight. It's so much more than being thin. I was sick as hell when i was normal weight too. I threw up all my food and ate like a horse, bulimia is worse i would say. Therefor i need to go to this clinic to get well. There are only 4 of them in the country, so it's long waiting lists.
 
And you're wasting a precious spot at such clinic by getting high 24/7? Nice.
 
the precise reason so many mental health professionals refuse to work with people who are using drugs is because, as you know, treatments often fail.
 
QuasiStoned said:
By the way mdpv psychosis, you seem pretty put together for someone who uses a lot of pv. If nothing else you have that, you're not nearly so far out there as a lot of heavy pv users I've talked to.
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I've been told I am exceedingly intelligent. I don't necessary agree considering I've been trying to figure out my problems with substance abuse for half of my life and cannot figure out how to simply "just quit". So maybe I am not so bright after all?

I was a very shy and intellectual person growing up. I didn't really communicate well with others so my childhood wasnt spent playing with other kids. Instead I was a diligent school kid and spent my time alone taking things apart and teaching myself whatever it was I wanted to learn. I suffer from ocd so usually my posts are well groomed. Even when I am way out of my mind on drugs, I still find myself posting fairly well.

I first discovered mdpv back in the summer of 2007 and I got all of my partying with this demon of a drug out of the way within the first two years.

Those two years of my life are an embarrassing tale possibly worthy of writing a documentary about. I hit bottom (apparently not rock bottom because I never learned my lesson) several times. I was arrested. I was in and out of psychwards. I lost a business and a career. I almost lost my wife and kids. I nearly lost myself to suicide 3 times.

Lots of missing time during this period of my life which has left me with a dozen or so unanswered questions. I awoke from several of these blackouts to find myself in very strange situations/locations that still have me really really really questioning what the hell happened. So bizarre were some of these situations that I still have nightmares and personal insecurities over them. Some of these questions about what occurred during a few of my blackouts I don't ever want answers to. Far far too to personal to delve any further and let us just leave it at that.

These days I rarely loose control over my use. I sleep every night. I go to work every day. I eat a lot and I eat well. I look healthy. My use actually mirrors drug maintenance moreso than recreational drug use. I am also on opiate replacement therapy, and have been for a number of years, so I have experience "maintaining" if you will. The suboxone I take actually seems to help level off my desire to redose too often with mdpv and it definitely helps smooth the up and down roller coaster that is mdpv abuse.

MDPV is by no means a maintenance drug though. I would be foolish to suggest it as such and I would be even more foolish to try and tell you I have tamed mdpv by any stretch of the imagination. I am in, by no means, complete control of my use. I slip up and find myself twacked out and insanely paranoid from time to time. But for the most part those episodes are far and few between. I have a career, a home and a family so I have to force myself to remain as functional as possible. Most people i know don't know i am using anything. People really close to me suspect, or possibly even know, that i am using but i have pretty much explained to them that i am struggling. I hope they understand because I told them that i just don't want to talk about it. I just have some deep rooted problems that I haven't figured out how to deal with yet without drugs (and believe me I've tried and continue trying).
 
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thanks for that post MDPV_psy, interesting.

Out of interest what doses / ROA do you / did you use to dose? What other drugs do you take to combat MDPV negatives? (benzos / gbl etc?)
 
thanks for that post MDPV_psy, interesting.

Out of interest what doses / ROA do you / did you use to dose? What other drugs do you take to combat MDPV negatives? (benzos / gbl etc?)
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Its hard to say exactly how much I dose as I've been using so long now I haven't used a mg scale in ages. I would estimate that my day usually begins with 10 to 20mg and I usually continue throughout the day taking bumps of 3 to 5mg every 1 to 2hrs until bed. Sometimes i will take another 10 to 20mg dose mid afternoon if i feel overly exhausted. I usually take a final dose of about 10mg immediately before getting into bed as I usually can't fall asleep properly without it.

Every once in awhile I will vaporize a small bit off of foil but it always results in extreme anxiety coupled with visual and auditory hallucination of the psychotic kind so i hate this route nowadays. When I want to have fun I either IM or plug doses up to 30mg but i have to be careful doing so because its easy to slip and start using too much.

My first two years (party years) with mdpv was all strictly vaporization. Back then I could easily go through a gram in a week to as little as a day or two. Nowadays I am much more sensitive to the negative/side effects of pv which is why my dosing is moderate despite having been using for so long. Im actually trying to slowly use less and less as the days go by. I want to be sober and live happy and healthy but... I'm an addict. I hope to find a way to change that. Soon.

I don't take any other substances currently.
 
I see a lot of parallels between my life and yours mdpv psych.

I always was more of an "intellectual" type. I would spend more time playing around with computers when I was kid than going out and running around with the other kids. I was rather intelligent in school, I was told I was exceedingly intelligent by a lot of my teachers and I seemed to be well spoken and written.

I started to unravel in high school when I developed severe chronic pain as a result of flat feet and rapid progression of osteoarthritis in both of my feet. Walking was becoming difficult and I was depressed. I started smoking weed and drinking. I became withdrawn and depressed, I lost a lot of years of my life just being alone and doing drugs.

Today I have sorted out my pain problems to a degree, I still suffer but through constant stretching and muscle building I am able to be somewhat comfortable these days. The problems I have is that years of isolation and drug abuse seems to have left me with very coping skills and people skills. I have legal problems still haunting me from a bad car wreck I got from taking phenazepam. I have no girlfriend and am ridiculously lonely. I never even managed to get laid because while everyone else was out dating and fucking I just spent my time wallowing in a pool of self pity. I had a girlfriend or 2 but they just found me a bummer to be around and I can't blame them.

I thought mdpv was a way to pull me out of my funk but it eventually snowballed on me because I knew could never date and be a normal person high on peeves all the time.

I am constantly back and forth between binging and sobriety. I go on long benders with speed and cannabinoids, run out, then live sober for a week or two. I'm smart enough to know I need something more in my life but I can't seem to resist the temptations and demons that I have.

I feel quite certain that if I just get a girl I'd see another option in life but I don't want to subject anyone else to my problems. And I'm smart enough to know that if I get a junky binge girl into the same shit as myself we'll just end up going off the deep end together. It all sucks. I have been spending a lot of time sober but my next binge is scheduled for Wednesday :( I'm not even sure I like apvp anymore, the last 100 mg sample I had I vaped and it made me feel anxious and shitty, little more than that. The mam-2201 I got coming is another story entirely, I love my synth noids but I find them addictive on a level far beyond weed ever was for me.
 
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Actually i went to the hospital, as in an open clinic for depressed people and those with eating disorders. This was the first time i had PV, or my first batch of 5 gr. 5 gr was the least you could by, nothing smaller than 5 gr. I brought with me a lot of meds, herbal stuff, and and strange things. I was "pv high" and then they wanted to keep it for me and to check what herbs and supplements i could use of it. I got back the box with MDPV in it.

That afternoone i went for a walk in the rain and was snorting some pv out of box, and went inside. I painted flowers on the box and smiled, until i saw some black dot crawling on the bottle. I got scared and took pv with me into the toilet. I was thinking that probably some bugs from all the flowers outside had goyyen inside my box and was eating my 2 grams of mdpv. And i watched the wet pv get less and less powdery. I would not let anyone take my PV from me, i would rather take it all myself. So i snorted and messed up, licked the powder of the sink and shit. I consumed 2 grams if MDPV in 15 minutes my first month ever touching mdpv. The rest of the weekend i was still in the hospital running around like a maniac, seeing bugs everywhere and cleaning everything. LOL. Tey could not get me to calm down even with 10 valiums ++.

But i made me some kratom tea and then i was OK for a while... After that weekend i was given a shot that made me sleep for 4 days. But they never knew it was mdpv, i din't either,,, and i doubt that now, because nothing like that have happened again...
 
immad said:
And you're wasting a precious spot at such clinic by getting high 24/7? Nice.
Click to expand...

I'm not high 24/7. i still stick to 5-10 mgs doses and i still snort, i almost never vape and IV is like once a month. I have a gram of PV longer now than i did in the beginning. And noone sees it on me anymore, My family used to notce it within a second before, now they don't see a thing.

Why are you so rude to me? jelous?

I'm thin, i'm perfect and i can do whatever i want. So are probably you too :)
 
nope, but what does work is just getting up and walking around. I have a load of viagra but I recently found out that this only relaxes smooth muscle in the atria and penis...
 
Thank you for sharing your story too Quasi. I do believe we share a lot in common both our histories, our personalities and our addictions.'

Finding a woman may very well be what you need in your life. However, my drug addiction went beyond everything in my life. Marrying the woman of my dreams did nothing to deter my use. It didn't matter whether I was happy or sad, successful or failing, preoccupied with hobbies or bored out of my mind. I have continued to use throughout my life no matter what. Admitting this openly like this really makes me feel like a piece of shit. I am an addict of the worst kind, though fortunately I've never IVed and I've never resorted to stealing.

I had more to say but I'm sad now that I just put things more in perspective for myself....
 
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