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Am I possibly bi-polar?

^ suffering anxiety? Sweetness in your food and your life. More sweetness(initial and post-digestive), more breathing control, and working out what your triggers are, and breaking the cycles (CBT), and use of NLP (positive affirmation etc) for it all in general.

DexterMeth said:
She jumped out of a moving car on the freeway.
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You didn't read me properly if you think I'm saying she's not got a massive problem.
 
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Ya that one just jumped out at me a lot. Sounds more schizo-effective or whatever you want to call it or not call it.
BlueHues said:
Once you get officially diagnosed with something like bi-polar, it makes you wonder if you question yourself a lot more....I was diagnosed bi-polar I, and I did have a manic episode but it was after a months long drug binge...I had another one last winter and it was the same situation.

I have been through a lot of traumatic things in my life that the memory of triggers extreme anxiety sometimes and this could be diagnosed as Post traumatic stress disorder, which shares a lot of overlapping symptoms with bi-polar....

They're just measuring your "behaviors" against a "list" of disorders and basically just matching you to the closest disorder....
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^have you ever talked to your psych or therapist about whatever caused your PTSD? Wouldn't the lows and highs with PTSD be associated with obvious & observable triggers?
 
DexterMeth said:
Ya that one just jumped out at me a lot. Sounds more schizo-effective or whatever you want to call it or not call it.

^have you ever talked to your psych or therapist about whatever caused your PTSD? Wouldn't the lows and highs with PTSD be associated with obvious & observable triggers?
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Yeah, I have and it is associated with certain triggers, I was sent to some pretty militant rehabs in the '90s and constantly harassed and questioned and forced to do all kinds of things....I was court ordered and HAD to finish a program....I hate being confined and being in any situation where I feel like I'm not free to go and I'm being judged and criticized. It fills me with rage and makes me feel like I'm going crazy....Also had a lot of bullshit in my childhood as well....

Maybe the OP has some things to work through....

I know as long as I take care of myself and live a healthy life, and avoid working stressful jobs or people who trigger me, I'm okay......

The last manic episode I had was triggered by a rehab I couldn't leave because I was court-ordered....they were literally on my ass all day long for the most minor things.....It made me extremely angry and paranoid and I just left and moved halfway across the country, but I was already starting to go manic....The charges were dropped because it was my parents holding something over my head to keep me in rehab...

It ended with me not really sleeping and becoming very grandiose, thinking I was a "good, true" person and that all the problems in my life stemmed from "jealous, evil, selfish" people purposely trying to fuck me up! All this anger came up.....I never physically lashed out but it wasn't hard to trigger me....Also became obsessed with chanting to hindu deities and meditating....lol

So that's what mania is kind of like for me, not to mention you feel like you're high on the best speed/mdma/cocaine you ever did for days at a time....but it sucks afterwards....

Of course, I've been drinking and in a major-depression for the last three or four months, which if I could stop drinking and start living healthy, I know I could snap out of....but I get so anxious when I don't drink now...I don't know...sorry to jack the thread..
 
^that last part. I'm not drinking though now, but I think about it all the time (as well as smack) because of how bad it is. Do you exercise, to help calm the body and mind? Make sure you're getting enough sun too, or at least 20-30 minutes a day on some ..shit I think it's 40 (could be 60 :\ ) percent of your body, OR at least dose enough D-3 from vitamins. Fish oil is an obvious must, not to make this a HL post.
 
Not to get too off track here but this has gotten to be a pretty interesting discussion. B1t0- how did you come to understand what you do about this? Ive gotten a lot from your posts.. helps me understand even a bit more than I did. Have you ever heard of something called Reality Therapy?Although CBT is my favorite I also liked Reality Therapy because as far as how Reality Therapy explains mental illness, from what I remember it kind of takes the same stance. =D

Blue Hues, I'm sorry you went through such a bad experience in rehab. Don't feel bad because I just recently finished an internship at a very militant rehab facility as well where they even broke ME. They also were constantly driving the patients just as nuts and called it therapy.Let me just say this.. I have a history of addiction and went into that internship having been sober for five years and came out using again.. so what does that say!

From what I have seen I can most def see how that kind of treatment could cause someone in an already fragile state to have a manic episode. I even had to fight to maintain control in there as well, it was totally ridiculous the way they treated people; they were nothing more than bullies. I think there's a lot of changes that need to be made in most of those places. What I saw was more like of bunch of hypocrites who got their thrill off of breaking people down more than anything else.They didn't like me because I wouldn't join the game, but hey at least I could say that I left having treated people with dignity.

Oh yea, I had to get back on here and edit this cause I forgot to mention, lets say you get a script from the psyche and have horrible side effects and decide not to take them anymore. Well, the second you tell a psyche your not taking the meds for WHATEVER reason, they can then stick us in yet ANOTHER box called "Non Compliance with Treatment Disorder"... now take note of that last word word DISORDER...This actually happened to me. Now suddenly because I wasn't a good little girl and quit taking my pills (even though it was making my hair fall out) this made me mentally ill as well.... and now that I do feel is kind of laughable!
 
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^ I mean, I understand holding people accountable and helping them break bad habits, but it gets downright abusive.....Of course, the therapists and counselors were great, but they weren't the problem...It was the goons charged with watching the "inmates" that really fucked with me...thanks for validating that!
 
there are degrees of bipolar. some people have it way more intense than others. i have had a genuine manic episode and it was nothing like hypomania. its the most euphoria i have ever had and it was wayyy better than even mdma. because i was god (in my mind)

also people with depression need to look into their perception of life and create thought patterns that have realistic positive expectations and to learn to appreciate things more.

example.
depressed mindstate- so and so didn't talk to me- they must hate me

Reasonable mindstate- so and so didn't talk to me- they must be busy/ have lots on their mind/who cares anyway, there are more people in the world

when i'm drunk i get paranoia but for the most part i can keep these feelings in a mild state. you always have to question your thoughts and examine them logically. one of my problems is when i get to a certain stage of drunk i start thinking people want to kill me and construct elaborate fantasies. when i'm sober its not a problem.

you can break the cycle with bipolar. its possible

labels can hold you down
 
Bluehues- going after people obviously gives them thrills or something. I was actually in there with a bunch of women.Us interns had to take the abuse because we had to get the grade, and the residents had to take the abuse cause they were all facing jail time( which btw, some STILL even left facing jail time, it was that negative of a place).Their main goal was to break EVERYONE down including the interns and then try to I guess build us all back up.Problem is, I didn't know that and by the time they got to building me back up again I thought they just absolutely hated me and was already popping pills and smoking again.Something about what I experienced just wasn't right :\

po faced- Very good point about the mind states.I hope you dont mind me asking,did medication help you or were you able to control things without medication?
 
BlueHues said:
Yeah, I have and it is associated with certain triggers, I was sent to some pretty militant rehabs in the '90s and constantly harassed and questioned and forced to do all kinds of things....I was court ordered and HAD to finish a program....I hate being confined and being in any situation where I feel like I'm not free to go and I'm being judged and criticized. It fills me with rage and makes me feel like I'm going crazy....Also had a lot of bullshit in my childhood as well....

Maybe the OP has some things to work through....

I know as long as I take care of myself and live a healthy life, and avoid working stressful jobs or people who trigger me, I'm okay......

The last manic episode I had was triggered by a rehab I couldn't leave because I was court-ordered....they were literally on my ass all day long for the most minor things.....It made me extremely angry and paranoid and I just left and moved halfway across the country, but I was already starting to go manic....The charges were dropped because it was my parents holding something over my head to keep me in rehab...

It ended with me not really sleeping and becoming very grandiose, thinking I was a "good, true" person and that all the problems in my life stemmed from "jealous, evil, selfish" people purposely trying to fuck me up! All this anger came up.....I never physically lashed out but it wasn't hard to trigger me....Also became obsessed with chanting to hindu deities and meditating....lol

So that's what mania is kind of like for me, not to mention you feel like you're high on the best speed/mdma/cocaine you ever did for days at a time....but it sucks afterwards....

Of course, I've been drinking and in a major-depression for the last three or four months, which if I could stop drinking and start living healthy, I know I could snap out of....but I get so anxious when I don't drink now...I don't know...sorry to jack the thread..
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the anxiety of mania/hypomania often leads to drinking/opiate use. your mania sounds about right. weirdly religious, incredibly euphoric angry sleep deprived experience with a sense of persecution and ego overload.

medication didn't help me apart from a year i spent taking tramadol in the morning once a day. cutting out caffeine/ tobacco (look up the maoi effects of tobacco smoke) was essential to regaining my sanity. if you have bipolar dont rev it up with 5 coffee's a day lol. not wise

also b vitamin complex with LOTS of b6. without that i would be back to square one within a week or two. might not work for everyone but once i could sleep properly the cycling calmed down.

a job with normal sleeping patterns. crazy shifts (starting at 4am, i.e wake up at 3am) will make you crazy
 
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it would fit the description of bipolar but in reality this is probably the result of recently finding out that you are gay. it has probably weighed a lot on you. rather than taking meds you should come to terms with being gay
 
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