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Relationship just got ended by my girlfriend

D

drfeelgood1

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 15, 2005
Messages
632
Hi everyone!

Yesterday my girlfriend showed up to my house telling me that our 3 months relationship is over.
But it was my fault. I did not spend enough time with her even during my 2 weeks of vacation from work.
But I said to her that I will change and I will show it to her that I will, and this did not work.
I met each other at work. Same office.

Ok, yes!!!! Its completely MY FAULT and this was very very naughty of me. We spent time together at her house and I even cooked for her, treated her to restaurants and stuff. But now its over thanks to me...

Is there any chance I can get her back?

Many online advises say that I should not be emotional esp. in front of her.

Last week before she got out of town, she was cleaning her house and I even helped her. At that point, I suspected something was wrong. And she got a new phone and new notebook, which tells me that she wanted a clean fresh start.

Anyways, I told her to give a chance and I will show it that Im a new person and will not treat the way that she was treated. But she refused.

Im very much in denial...And I should be. But is there a few tricks on winning her back at all?

Thx
 
If you want to try to win her back even after she's refused to give it another go, you should definitely take the advice you saw online - don't be emotional in front of her. It's a big turn-off and it'll make you seem desperate/clingy. My advice is to, first, not speak to her for a few weeks. This might be extremely difficult for you but if you want her to miss you and the relationship the two of you had, well...it's more likely she'll miss you if you're not in contact. If she hasn't contacted you after those few weeks you could contact her, be casual, just talking a bit once in a while - just be as fun as you can around her. If you guys had any sort of activities that you loved to do together you could mention them in passing, make her realize what she's missing out on now.

I do think you should consider whether or not it would actually be best to get this relationship back though? IME it often doesn't work out if there's already been a break-up...there are exceptions of course, but if you guys get back together and it ends again it'll hurt all the more, maybe it's best to end it when you haven't been together that long yet?
 
what do you mean you didn't spend enough time with her?

what reasons came out of her mouth for the break up?
 
She said, that I kept on cancelling our dates. And I told her that during the week, I get very very tired and wanted to spend my time alone. My work has great responsibilites and sometimes I had to work after hours and sometimes on weekends. And this is why I did not feel like going out with her during my vacationing days.

But before we broke apart, I promised her that I will take her on a road trip and will spend more time with her.

But let me get real here...Its all my fault. Shes not physically attractive, and she is very much overweight, but I liked her nice attitude and she is nice person. But maybe it was her looks that got me sort of apart from her...But now I came to my senses, because Im now realizing that its not the looks that count, it was her nice personality. And I miss that.

Cancelling dates to any girl is NOT at all fun. I feel very very guilty now. In denial. And we also work together in the same office.
 
drfeelgood1 said:
She said, that I kept on cancelling our dates. And I told her that during the week, I get very very tired and wanted to spend my time alone. My work has great responsibilites and sometimes I had to work after hours and sometimes on weekends. And this is why I did not feel like going out with her during my vacationing days.

But before we broke apart, I promised her that I will take her on a road trip and will spend more time with her.

But let me get real here...Its all my fault. Shes not physically attractive, and she is very much overweight, but I liked her nice attitude and she is nice person. But maybe it was her looks that got me sort of apart from her...But now I came to my senses, because Im now realizing that its not the looks that count, it was her nice personality. And I miss that.

Cancelling dates to any girl is NOT at all fun. I feel very very guilty now. In denial. And we also work together in the same office.
Click to expand...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you may not actually have been that happy with her - you didn't really want to see her, weren't attracted to her...are you sure you actually want this relationship to start up again?
Sometimes when a relationship ends we idealize it and remember it as much better than it actually was, forget all the negative aspects and that maybe we weren't so happy ourselves. She might have made the better decision for the both of you, give it some time to see how you feel, and don't pressure her - you should definitely respect her decision.
 
yeah if you keep cancelling on someone its a surefire way to piss them off and make them feel unimportant. if there's one thing i learned from watching cheaters its that women want someone who has time to spend with them.

it sounds like you weren't that into her because if you dont find someone attractive at the six week mark then thats not a good sign.

also if you always blow someone out because you have to work that not good either
 
yo 3 months is 3 months. you have shown you want to spend more time, and she has not responded positively to your negotiations.

Let go.

Shes not physically attractive, and she is very much overweight,
Click to expand...
right, so stay friends as this is not any kind of basis for a lasting relationship - not attractive...Negative on the ATTRACTion - why are you interested in this again? Is it just coz you don't like the feeling of getting dumped by someone fat and not terribly pretty?
 
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B1tO'RoughJack said:
yo 3 months is 3 months. you have shown you want to spend more time, and she has not responded positively to your negotiations.

Let go.

right, so stay friends as this is not any kind of basis for a lasting relationship - not attractive...Negative on the ATTRACTion - why are you interested in this again? Is it just coz you don't like the feeling of getting dumped by someone fat and not terribly pretty?
Click to expand...

while its harsh i too have to know- if you dont find her physically attractive is this an ego thing?
 
Are you possibly more upset you aren't in a relationship anymore than not being in a relationship with this particular person. You may just like being in a relationship which you rather not give up, which is why you aren't happy with the fact that it is over
 
^ especially if you are getting laid.

Even if you are not, I am sure you love the closeness. Who wouldn't?

However, considering these points, you might want to work on dealing with your emotions - you were not together very long and you are sounding a bit crushed even though you were not terribly attracted to her, holistically. This screams co-dependency to me, and my greatest suggestion would be that you make yourself happy with who you are, knowing who you truly are, and have a good plan for where you are going in life.
 
Yes indeed...U hit the nail on that one..I think it was more of an ego thing. I hadnt had sex for ages, and I was just desperate and I think she was too since she is quite overweight. I dont mean to sound harsh, but I think she was desparate as well like me.

I dont like to be in relationships in the first place, all I wanted to do the most with her is to "make out" cuddle, kissing, and getting "laid"

That was the fun part. But for long term, I did not think it was a great idea to be with her.

Im just the type of guy that does not like to "bend" for anyone, and dont want to be like a puppy dog following in someones elses shadows and entertain them....Thats just me.

Before she left out of town, we had sushi together and she grabbed my arm over her shoulders while she was sleeping. But few clues came that it was over, that she got herself a new phone and new notebook and she started cleaning the house. Im not no shrink, but that tells me that she wanted to start fresh and clean. And plus, our background pic was not on her wallpaper anymore. That gave me clues.

I personally think, that she wanted me for "show and tell" in front of all other colleagues of ours in the office so she can say to herself, even though Im not attractive, OHHH look at me!!!! Im with this attractive tall handsome guy....

But I can only blame myself and sure enough, it was the hard way. Girls DO NOT like guys who are dull and boring.

Heres the question, should I still send her an email wishing her a happy New Year?
 
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^I think you can wish her a happy New Year to show you'd like to stay on good terms - but my advice would be to keep it short.
 
Move on, be polite. Respect this woman's decision to end the romantic part of your relationship and leave it be. There are craploads of great looking women out there for you. You can ask ten ugly women for a date and ten babes, weirdly the ratio of success will be about the same. Do not fear the odd rejection, some women will not find you attractive, others will.
 
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Why would you want to wish her a happy new year? I mean, I'm sure you hope she has one, but do you email ALL of your friends to wish them a happy new year? If you do, then sure email her too. If you don't (I personally don't), then don't bother. Move on.

It was only three months, seems like you weren't attracted to her anyway, there are plenty of other women out there.
 
I was only attracted to her when we "performed" But, overall in general, I was not. It was kind of a on and off thing....as far as attraction went.
I think she and me were desparate on having sex. We were rushing into this. We should of just dated for a few weeks and then see what will happen.
 
its ok to b emotional, just not in front of her

yes its very possible to win her back, she broke up with u bc u werent spending enough time together? sounds to me like she wants to spend more time with u and is trying to give u a hint, or a jumpstart

i wouldnt stress it, when your around her show her ur better off without her, and thatll make her want u more
 
give her a week to cool off, try again, then do the same a week later.

If it is still no dice, accept it. You can learn to be physically attracted to her(in an organic not forced or attempted way...can just happen), what's important is you guys jam nice.

Unless this truly is about ego, then just suck it up - you got dumped by a fatty ;)
 
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