Shrooms and depression & Acid question

[kamaree]

Swim has taken shrooms a few times and each time has been a really bad trip.. Swim gets stuck in their head, degrading and questioning everything about herself. The other people swim is around are having a good time and swim just sits there quiet and stuck in her mind putting herself down in every aspect of her life and every action she takes, even about things she says or do/don't do. It is the worst feeling swim has ever had, so now swim does not take shrooms anymore.

Swim has been depressed and has had low self esteem for the past few years but I guess swim is so used to it that she does not really notice, everyone else does though. Could this be why swim has such bad trips on shrooms? Swim is planning on taking acid New Years eve and is wondering if swim will have the same thing happen on acid.. Swim used to take acid quite a bit in her teen years and always had a blast but swim was much happier with her life and self esteem was good back then. Swim is afraid of being stuck in her mind like that again, and is hoping that acid will not do the same to her as shrooms do. Thoughts?

Also, swim has a laser light projector like this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUdzI8qNEw0 and is wondering if that is going to be to intense for an acid trip? Swim also has some fyrflyz light up toys and a loopz game (which swim thinks will be really fun!). It's been quite a few years since swim has dropped acid and swim never used laser/strobe lights when she did, can your mind get over stimulated from too much flashing lights?

 

[Jackeh]

Don't use SWIM, it's frowned upon here and doesn't give any legal protection.

Most psychedelic drugs are all about the setting, especially your current mind set. If you are in a negative mood then drugs like shrooms could amplify this and lead to a bad trip.

 

[kamaree]

Thank you, I didn't know about the swim thing here (sorry )

I was actually in a pretty good mood just a little nervous the second and third time because of how the shroom trip went the first time.. We were at a very close family members house, so I felt safe and comfortable.. I guess it's just the low self esteem and depression that does it to me.

I am hoping that I don't have the same experience with acid, if I do, any advice on how to snap myself out of it.. On shrooms I seem to get stuck in my mind and only snap out of it when I start coming down and feel great relief when I finally do start snapping out of it. I just don't want to be stuck there again especially while tripping on acid, it is the absolute worst feeling ever.

 

[Jackeh]

Well, maybe a way to help you is to first of all deal with the low self esteem and depression. Do you have any idea how long you've had it, like a rough idea of what age or how long ago it began?

Also, one thing that causes problems may be the way they deal with the trip. You have said you want advice on how to "snap out of it", this can sometimes be a problem. Not sure if this is true so it might be better to wait until someone else gives advice but a lot of people get problems when they try and snap out of a trip. This may be because instead of "going with the flow" they are trying to cling to reality during the trip which results in some people panicking and/or having a bad trip.

 

[kamaree]

TBH, I couldn't really say how long. I have actually fought with depression on and off since I was 14 (I am 34 now), so I think after so many years dealing with it, it's hard for me to realize when I am depressed. I can say by looking back at how I used to be and how I am now, it has been at least 4 or 5 years but it's hard to say how much of me changing is just me growing up lol. Though my family and husband would probably say longer. My self esteem has dropped because I have gained about 40 pounds and am not as fit as I was in my 20's, that bothers me tremendously! I set my mind to work out and get back into shape but I guess being depressed makes it hard to put into action, I suppose. My husband says I am crazy for letting the extra weight bring my self esteem down, but I honestly can't help it. I know the first thing I need to do is be comfortable in my own skin regardless of my weight, but I don't know how to do that. Losing the weight is only a temp solution because I know I should not base my self worth on my looks. I just don't know how to get there, and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and think about it a lot when I do shrooms.

You probably have something there.. I used to be carefree and not care about what people thought of me or my actions, but now when I am tripping I seem to always analyze everything I do or say, afraid of what people around me might think, which is silly because it is my husband and brother. lol That actually is probably my biggest problem. Eesh, I need to learn to let go and just be comfortable. You've given me a lot to think about because I don't think I realized I was doing that at the time, but looking back that's exactly what I was doing.

 

[Fire&Water]

Swim needs to wait until warm overnight weather is back - drive out to the middle of nowhere w/ a tent & they will figure it out
Swim will have epiphany...

 

[Jackeh]

Alright, well I'm not qualified to deal with these kinds of things, but when I was going to a counselor I was told about the ABC model.

A stands for "Activating event", basically you anticipate when you feel these feelings. You might feel a pattern. For example, every time you walk outside or walk past people you may feel particularly low self esteem, everyone is different. For me, I had anxiety that was triggered by walking past people on the street.

B stands for "Beliefs about the event". Once you notice the pattern of when your self esteem or depression seems worse try and understand why it was triggered in that situation. This may need a bit of thinking about sometimes. In your case, you said you have gained 40 pounds and it's affecting your self esteem, this might not be the only problem so if you think about it you may come up with more factors.

Once you come up with a set of beliefs about why you feel like that, you get to C - "Consequences". You know why you feel the way you do, but now that you know that, how do you feel. Is your reaction rational? Should you have to feel like that? Usually the problem is solvable, or it's not even necessarily a problem. For example, although you may get triggered by specific events, and you have come up with a reason for why your feelings are triggered, you may understand that your reaction isn't rational.

In this case, you have to make the change. Once you know what "triggers" you, you have to anticipate the feelings when you get into that situation and do the exact opposite of what you usually do. If you get your trigger and begin feeling negative, talk to yourself in your head and talk yourself out of those feelings.

The ABC model isn't for everyone though, something that works for nearly everyone though is exercise. This kills two birds with one stone. If you have low self esteem due to gaining 40 pounds, then go to the gym. You don't even need to lose any weight, but after only an hour in the gym you usually will feel better straight after. This webpage gives a brief explanation as to why exercise makes us feel happier:

http://www.f-i-t.com.au/articles/why-does-exercise-make-us-happy-.html

Sorry I can't be of more help than that though.

 

[GreenMachine]

if this seems to happen every time you trip maybe its just not for you anymore? however if you are willing to face these issues, psychedelics might be beneficial in catalyzing some changes in how you think about yourself. id say trip with a couple other people, 1-3 people that you do not feel any anxiety towards. save them for a while and one day you will wake up and it will feel like the perfect time to take it. also it might be worth trying to cut your normal dose in half and just try with babysteps. lower doses of mushrooms dont always mean the experience isnt as good, usually just more subtle and mellow.

 

[2002Tii]

stuff.

For what its worth from a quick glance it seems that all your problems are stemming from your weight gain. Even though you may have the same problems as before depression-wise your way of dealing with them is impacted because of your dropped self esteem due to weight. It's a circular problem that your weight gain is leading to your depression which in turn is leading to more weight gain/not cutting the weight you have. While it is definitely true, and a principle I live by personally, that external appearance isn't what your happiness should be based off of, such is the society we were raised in and as such it definitely does have an effect on your mental health.

I don't know how open you are to advice but what I feel you should do is set aside all the worries that you stated (knowing you should be comfortable regardless of weight, feeling bad for feeling bad that you're overweight, basing self worth on looks, etc.) and just focus on losing weight. This is where all the other problems are stemming from ("this" being the weight), regardless of whether you SHOULDN'T feel bad because of physical appearance etc. does not negate the fact that you ARE feeling bad, and sitting there depressed over that isn't going to help you in any way and in the end ends up causing great mental distress and confusion (where I think the negative headspace in your trips stems from).

You are extremely lucky to have a husband that loves you for you regardless and you should take that love as a driving force throughout your day. The main point I'm trying to make is that, regardless of how you "should" or "shouldn't" feel about your weight, set all those worries aside and focus on just losing the weight and then everything else will fall into place. I know this is way easier said than done but I feel that it's the best path for you. In the end we should all be grateful of the lives that we have, the fact that we get to experience life when exponentially more never do, is a humbling concept that has kicked me out of my worst ruts. Sorry for rambling and I hope this made sense (pretty hung over right now) and most of all I hope that this helps you/brightens your mood in any way.

 

[Ismene]

When you have a bad time on mushrooms it's very easy to get sucked into believing "Every time I take them I will have a bad time". You need to work on clearing your mind of the bad experience, learn to love and trust the mushroom to take care of you. The mushroom only has your best interests at heart, it has been helping mankind for centuries.