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How do you react when the one you love rejects you?

If you're rejected and you seek revenge, then erm, you need to seek professional help with your emotional problems.
Nobody can emotionally hurt you, but yourself - you choose how you react to a situation. If this is how you react to rejection, then you need to get a hold of your emotional responses to things, clearly - your achilles heel sounds like you don't think enough before you act.

I'm the same too myself up til now, but plotting revenge after being rejected? That's some bunny boiler shit right there.

The only thing to do if I'm rejected is move on.

|The only way I'll take something as a rejection is if they tell me in words, that they are not interested in me, in "that way", or whatever - otherwise it is fair to wait and try again, or persist at a suitable pace.
Illyria99 said:
Do you become self-destructive? Or do you plot revenge? Or, are you so highly evolved that you can let that person go and move on with your life?

To be honest, when I've been utterly rejected by someone I adore, I do start plotting revenge. Of course, I give him a chance to make things right...but if he fails to comply, then I immediately go into revenge mode. And God help him if he ditched me for another girl...even more seriously, God help her if she decides to rub it in my face.

I've never claimed to be mentally stable. You hurt me, you fucking pay. That's how it is.

How about you?
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pofacedhoe said:
i cant be bothered wasting my energy on negativity

if i cant have what i want i'm pissed off but i don't take it out on the person because its changes nothing

revenge is why bad things never end
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Hear hear...
 
I was enraged at first, but right now, I'm feeling really depressed and teary. The guy I've been in love with (no, we never dated) is being confirmed as a Mormon today...and he's made it clear he's not interested in me. I'm not in a vengeful mood because it's not HIS fault I fell for him. Still, beneath the depression is demonic rage.
I need to go for a walk or something.
 
^I'd say it is. What does he owe you?

A few times I've reacted w/ anger, but that's never resulted in more than a whiny email or text. Mostly there is just a wealth of hurt and sorrow which manifests in an accumulation of drinking, drugging, promiscuous sex, and Joy Division.
 
He doesn't owe me anything at all. Not his fault I fell for him. But I'm still a bit disappointed.

I am moving on now.
 
It's normal to be disappointed when a guy you have a crush on, or have feelings for (however you want to say it) is interested in someone else or just doesn't want to date you. This has happened many times for me in high school, before I started dating. This one guy, I had a crush on him for a couple years in high school, and he kept dating other girls. Every time he broke up with one of them, I'd be like "hmm maybe this is my chance" but he'd have another girlfriend soon enough. I was sad ... each time. Just make sure it doesn't take over your life. Being sad because he can't be with you is normal, just make sure you're keeping busy, etc., and looking for a new guy ... not necessarily to date ... but at least someone else to focus your attention on :)
 
Usually a needle to the forearm followed by a pathetic nodding-bawling sesh about however many months of sobriety down the drain finishing with a rambling self-pitying monologue running through my head convincing me everyone else is evil and incapable of real emotion

Good thing I've only ever had 2 serious relationships

As far as a "fling" or "crush" rejecting me.... Welp, welcome to the crowd ladies. Big whoop.
 
This actually happened to me fairly recently. The girl who I thought I was going to marry and was living with ending up cheating on me and starting a relationship with the guy she cheated with.

The first couple of weeks: I was an absolute mess. I was a mixture of shock, anger and devastation. I couldn't sleep (still can't too well) and could hardly eat (I lost about 8kgs over this time). I somehow managed to go to work every day but I felt like I was going to break down all the time. As soon as I got home and was away from people I spent most of the time crying.

2nd month; Anger. I was so fucking angry. Angry with the other guy, angry with myself, angry with my ex. I couldn't believe she could do this too me.

3rd month: depression. i didn't really do anything. I still thought about it all the time. had dreams that we'd get back together and then wake up and remember everything that happened. i spent alot of time moping around.

Current; still kind of depressed, but now I genuinely want to go out and meet other women (though getting back into the dating game is a pain in the arse). I still think about her each day but I don't get anywhere near as upset, angry or depressed about it. I can think about things alot more objectively and have come to the important realisation that I treated her very well and I deserved better and that she was not right for me. I'm hoping things will continue to get better and I can enjoy being single. I've gotten used to not having someone else around all the time and not having some next to me in bed each night.

As per the revenge thing. Yeah, I've thought about it but realised that actually carrying it out would only get me in trouble. It doesn't change anything and to be honest would only bring shit upon myself and probably make me feel worse. Also, I have always tried to live my life as a good person, one that is not petty. I see no reason to change that now.
 
The greatest vengeance for a broken heart is by pushing yourself beyond them, beyond the damage.
 
psytaco said:
This actually happened to me fairly recently. The girl who I thought I was going to marry and was living with ending up cheating on me and starting a relationship with the guy she cheated with.

The first couple of weeks: I was an absolute mess. I was a mixture of shock, anger and devastation. I couldn't sleep (still can't too well) and could hardly eat (I lost about 8kgs over this time). I somehow managed to go to work every day but I felt like I was going to break down all the time. As soon as I got home and was away from people I spent most of the time crying.

2nd month; Anger. I was so fucking angry. Angry with the other guy, angry with myself, angry with my ex. I couldn't believe she could do this too me.

3rd month: depression. i didn't really do anything. I still thought about it all the time. had dreams that we'd get back together and then wake up and remember everything that happened. i spent alot of time moping around.

Current; still kind of depressed, but now I genuinely want to go out and meet other women (though getting back into the dating game is a pain in the arse). I still think about her each day but I don't get anywhere near as upset, angry or depressed about it. I can think about things alot more objectively and have come to the important realisation that I treated her very well and I deserved better and that she was not right for me. I'm hoping things will continue to get better and I can enjoy being single. I've gotten used to not having someone else around all the time and not having some next to me in bed each night.

As per the revenge thing. Yeah, I've thought about it but realised that actually carrying it out would only get me in trouble. It doesn't change anything and to be honest would only bring shit upon myself and probably make me feel worse. Also, I have always tried to live my life as a good person, one that is not petty. I see no reason to change that now.
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Yeah, this is me pretty much. I get really sad and I know my work is affected. I try not to let it affect work, but it's hard when all you want to do is avoid people and cry. Sucks so hard. And then I get angry. Having someone cheat on you and then leave you for that person is rough. I would have a really hard time seeing it.

I've done the dreams too. It sucks and makes it even harder to get over. I used to think dreams meant something, but now I'm a little more clear in my thoughts. Man, bad times. I do think my experiences have helped shape me into a stronger person, but I look back on some of the shit I've been through relationship-wise and I feel like I walked around depressed for years.
 
I once gave a girl a valentines day card when I was younger... She ripped it up in front of me and got her friend to give me the shreds. It crushed me.
Until I met my currant girlfriend I've not let anyone close enough to inflict that kind of rejection on me.

When my first real girlfriend cheated on me, all her friends turned against her and started hanging out with me. Nothing to do with me, but it felt kinda good to know that she had destroyed her own social life through her actions. I hope I wouldn't attempt to replicate that.

I don't know how I'd react now if my girlfriend rejected me. I trust that she wont which is why I've let her get close. Previously I've not really cared enough about the people I've been with or let them get close enough, so when it's ended or they cheated it just kinda washed over me. A couple of days feeling down and then back to normal life.
I doubt I would do that now mind. I hope I never have to find out.
 
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how old were you? that is some fucked up shit...to be fair if you're going to give a gal a valentine's card, when someone's younger I'd think to suggest to that person to give it to them privately - as you saw here, because of peer pressure the girl in question acted viciously as part of a pack, instead of an individual - I reckon she would've reacted a little differently on her own. Cheers for sharing - Something to tell the kids when we have them aye?
 
Man oh man, there are some vicious folks on here! Whatever happened to the ole' "I would never want to be with someone who didn't want me"? Sure it would hurt but at the end of the day, I'm not going to push myself on someone. Lessons of life, oh well.
 
i have had some bad situations of unrequited love as well as love that was never going to go where i wanted it. i kind of cauterised myself emotionally as i have always done that when people hurt me. its a simple strategy and it probably relates to childhood loss. i digress.

my beef is that i can sense the desire for a baby in myself and others and i think, where will this go? (as a gay man)

the broody man who like both sides always flips to the woman when baby time comes along.

if i had that orientational luxury i'd be like that too

so for now i am all about increasing my financial capacity and getting a house.

i want kids and anyone who comes along will have to fit into that picture
 
BeachBum4u said:
Man oh man, there are some vicious folks on here! Whatever happened to the ole' "I would never want to be with someone who didn't want me"? Sure it would hurt but at the end of the day, I'm not going to push myself on someone. Lessons of life, oh well.
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I'm only vicious when my feelings are hurt. And sure, I could let it go and move on...but it's far more enjoyable to torment the one who caused me pain.
 
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