Artificial Emotion
Bluelighter
I've had this problem with my chest for the last few months. It started off as a pain which I thought might have been something to do with the my heart, but when it escalated to the point where I had to call an ambulance a few times, the tests showed that my heart was fine. They just said it was a pulled muscle and I forgot about it. However it didn't go away, and eventually it changed into just a tight feeling. Two weeks ago I had to call the ambulance again but they didn't know what the cause was at the hospital. Finally however I decided to go the GP a few days ago and she finally gave me a firm diagnosis of 'costochondritis' which is an inflammation of the cartilage in the chest. The problem is I'm having to call an ambulance on a daily basis now because this tight feeling is getting so bad I have a lot of trouble breathing and I feel as if I'm going to pass out. If it was just a one off thing it wouldn't be so bad but I'm having this every day.
I'm getting to the point where I just can't hack it anymore. The panic it causes is ruining my life at the moment and the doctors are unwilling to prescribe me anything to calm me down. So I'd lie if I said I haven't contemplated ending it all. I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I just need to vent and ask for any advice you guys can give me, especially if you've been through something similar. I'm not one to wallow in self pity but it's really making life so hard I don't know what to do. I worry that even though in theory this condition doesn't go on forever for most people I will have it for years or the rest of my life because I've aggravated it so much by arching my shoulders back to 'pop' it out of it's position to make the pain go away. If that's the case then I really would probably try and end it but even in the short term I'm feeling so desperate I don't know what to do with myself! I guess it helps me to be more sympathetic to people with serious pain and other medical conditions. I don't know how these people stay sane.
I can understand why the doctors won't give me even a short term prescription for benzos but honestly it makes me angry that there are people out there that persuade their doctors to prescribe them these drugs for 'anxiety' when they don't really need it when I need it genuinely but can't get it. It doesn't feel fair but that's life I guess. If there's one piece of advice I can give other people it would be to never to admit to any sort of drug use to your doctor unless you're in diar need because you never know, one day you might actually need narcotics or sedatives and get refused because years ago when you were young you didn't know any better. Substance misuse doctors themselves have even confided to me that they've seen ER doctors give opiate-dependent accident victims lower doses of morphine in an almost cruel, self righteous way. As if the addict is not being punished enough already! Anyway I'm digress but this is not a good situation to be in, it really isn't!
I'm getting to the point where I just can't hack it anymore. The panic it causes is ruining my life at the moment and the doctors are unwilling to prescribe me anything to calm me down. So I'd lie if I said I haven't contemplated ending it all. I don't know why I'm posting this, I guess I just need to vent and ask for any advice you guys can give me, especially if you've been through something similar. I'm not one to wallow in self pity but it's really making life so hard I don't know what to do. I worry that even though in theory this condition doesn't go on forever for most people I will have it for years or the rest of my life because I've aggravated it so much by arching my shoulders back to 'pop' it out of it's position to make the pain go away. If that's the case then I really would probably try and end it but even in the short term I'm feeling so desperate I don't know what to do with myself! I guess it helps me to be more sympathetic to people with serious pain and other medical conditions. I don't know how these people stay sane.
I can understand why the doctors won't give me even a short term prescription for benzos but honestly it makes me angry that there are people out there that persuade their doctors to prescribe them these drugs for 'anxiety' when they don't really need it when I need it genuinely but can't get it. It doesn't feel fair but that's life I guess. If there's one piece of advice I can give other people it would be to never to admit to any sort of drug use to your doctor unless you're in diar need because you never know, one day you might actually need narcotics or sedatives and get refused because years ago when you were young you didn't know any better. Substance misuse doctors themselves have even confided to me that they've seen ER doctors give opiate-dependent accident victims lower doses of morphine in an almost cruel, self righteous way. As if the addict is not being punished enough already! Anyway I'm digress but this is not a good situation to be in, it really isn't!
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