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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Coping with homelessness without a family.

I know it's almost impossible to see people and situations for what they are when emotions are involved. How can they not be? Still anger, pain, lust, ect decrease your ability to see things for what they are, so given vision with glasses that distort depth, color, perception is like experiencing life through a sort of tunnel vision. That said, given the information you provided about your mom, drinking up to 12 beers or whatever a day, plus a history of volatile eruptions when consuming alcohol, the probability of a massive behavior change, while possible, is extremely unrealistic on your part to expect anything other than more drama, more blame, more abuse. Blood ties add even more toxicity to this unhealthy mix, as that gives them the leverage on you given they know what buttons to push and how to get whatever it is they're after from you. She knows how and will continue to manipulate you--if you let her. I would take this as a future lesson in giving what is fair---for example $400/month in rent plus providing your own food, transportation, but no more. Sure, 80% was a generous gesture--telling a manipulator you are fair game and please, feel free to use you as a doormat. I don't care if it's your mother, a hobo, or Santa Claus. It's tough as hell not having your own place, I'm in the same boat. I'm glad you got a short reprieve from the prior abuse you mentioned, but if you don't want to continue getting what you've always gotten, ranting and raving any hour of the night from an alcohol fueled woman, then your best bet is to think and behave differently. It's only a matter of time before the old behavior starts up again, so why not refuse to play the game? Remove yourself from that situation. I would definitely be looking up some Adult Children of Alcoholics or Al-Anon support groups for starters. Stick with same gender people that have made positive, lasting changes, in their lives, and ask them how they got through situations that were tough. Your "friends" from what you wrote sound more like passive associates, than friends to me, or maybe they only know how to get by with toxic families/relationships themselves. Or perhaps they simply are fairweather friends. Whatever the case, time to do a close look at what you don't need, & throw out, and then find newer, healthier soul food. The good thing about NYC, with so many people, you're likely to find these lesser common support groups like Al-Anon or ACA. Shelters while better than nothing, are a last resort, IMO because there are mostly whacked out, pissed off people coming down off drugs and alcohol, which you could do without right now. You should ask for temporary, emergency housing. The medical or social services agencies often times give out vouchers to stay in motels while you look for another job, then save some money, but don't allow yourself to be victimized by staying where you're at.
 
Thou said:
It seems we've made attained a bit of piece between us.

She probably is coming off worse than she is, but it's ok. I just went to get medicaid and not only are they going to expedite that shit but they're going to refund the 600 bucks I spend on meds these past two months.

Currently sitting around waiting to get tattooed again.

She's having surgery soon and we're getting along. I'm going to be leaving when I can - but things are alright for now. The surgery will give us a little bit of time to regroup and stop thinking about stupid nonsense.

Thanks guys.
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I'm glad things are working out for you. Things usually do work out.

You wrote about how you're getting $600 from medicade. Save this money and use it buy meds or to move out or even relocate away from your mother. Don't get the tattoos or spend it on stuff you don't need or that you want right now.

Also do not tell your mother about how you're getting money, don't give her any of your money, and it sounds mean but she's an adult and makes her own choices and decisions since it is her life.

Is there any way you could move out or go somewhere else besides a shelter that's not living with her? You wrote about treatment places are there sober living housing places near you?

Good luck.
 
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The meds are free.

I'm moving to North Carolina with a friend in May.

I might be in love with her - she's an oldschool bluelighter but I'm not dropping any names.

Much <3 and rachmunis to everyone in this thread - you're doing the work god would do were he real...

They're apprentice tattoos my friend practices on me and she's good so I get good simple work. And free.

I don't spend money on anything. Applying for SSI at the moment. PTSD and a history of job loss should do it.
 
Glad to hear you are making positve steps to rectify a rather negative situation.

I wish I had some advice for you my man, but I am unfortunately in the same boat. Fresh out of the joint, I now have no residence, no license, no job. My disability/medicare benefits were terminated due to my incarceration and parole is on my ass about somehow magically making my life all wonderful and 'normal'. And they don't help people find housing..

Hopefully I am not on the streets by Christmas. I have been with my mother for the last week since I came home but she lives in a retirement community and isn't allowed to have me stay here very long.

Meh.. sorry to hijack your thread man.. just venting I guess.
 
No dude hijack away I'm more than happy to have this become a support thread for people with little resources and family, a place for us to give tips to help.

I'm far too tired to give any advice right now but rest assured I'll be back in the morning and help brainstorm as much as I can to fix it so that you've a chance in this sick world of ours.

What state are you in? You should be able to apply for emergency medicaid now that you're out how could they just cut off your insurance like that its inhumane!
 
I live in New Jersey unfortunately.. I had big plans to leave the state again when I got out but parole has me tied up for a long minute out here.. All my friends who offered help live out of state so it's kind of fucked. I am seriously contemplating voluntarily terminating myself and just going back and making out my sentence so I'm completely done with this state when I get out.

They like to cancel my disability every time i get locked up, and now I owe them somuch from over payments because I would still get a few checks before they figured out I was lcked up. I have foodstamps at least but that's about it.

I really don't know waht to do.. social services gave me a motel for a few days but what the fuck good is that. I want to go to a long term program but parole doesn't do that unless I keep pissing dirty, but I'm clean.. And getting into someplace with no insurance/money/residence is nigh impossible.

There's got to be something; I just can't belive my life is literally so fucked up and i'm not even 24 yet. Not to mention my bi-polar and PTSD makes it very hard to find the motivation to get out and do anything, and with no inusrance that means no meds..

Where's the incentive to try and do the right thing?
 
Thou said:
Greensboro.

I've got to see about a girl. ;)
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Very happy for you, Thou! I think you will like NC....I am down at the beach, hit me up when you move if you and your lady want a day at the ocean. Tis three hours from Greensboro. Perfect road trip.

BP....i have been thinking about you, too. I really hope it works out for you, you deserve it!
 
Thanks guys!

The universe is kissing me in the face every moment - ghosts from the past who I'd just been ruminating about off-hand for the first time in over 7 years happen to pull out and give me a ride home! Shit like that.

There are no random acts in the universe and I think it's odd that the cocophany of suffering is ending in such a blaze of brilliantine so close to the solstice.

I'm no freak, but I'm in your head and know it. <3
 
hey Thou - real sorry to hear about all the bullshit you have been going through, only advice i can give (I've been homeless a couple times) is "This too will pass", nothing lasts bro, stay in the moment and never lose your sense of humour or your sense of wonder, if you were in oz I'd be offering you a place for xmas mate.
 
Stay strong, Thou. I know, to an extent, what you're going through. I've been dealing with my own similar struggles (homelessness, family issues - particularly with a parent, etc), have had a few setbacks, lately a bit of benzos to cope, but things are beginning to look up. I'm working hard, not drinking despite a messy weekend recently, am suddenly looking at a push forward at my job, and after being persistent and battling it out with these social workers, I should finally have a place by the end of the month. Two big interviews coming up this week that will change my life. But nonetheless, there are days I swear I could collapse. Like a storm in my head. There are innumerable sights I see that hurt like wounds, that I never get used to. But I'm feeling a change and even discovering this anonymous, random kind of faith.

Do your best, be strong, be safe, and it'll come back around for you. The ups and downs can seem rapid and unwavering from the day-to-day perspective, but I suspect once we point our spirit and our effort in the right direction, we rise up steadily along with it without always necessarily realizing it. Shit like this doesn't happen without having taught you something you need to know when it's all said and done.

Good luck with the SSI. I have some friends at my shelter who have had a hell of a tough time with the process. With PTSD and a past documenting your struggles, they ought to be able to help you. You deserve it. Good luck and keep us posted. Know that you're not alone, and also that we admire your courage in this hardship. Your positive vibes in these dark times have lifted my spirits.
 
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I had to leave N.Y. because it was impossible for me to get clean there.I moved to Massachusetts,not knowing a soul and was afraid to stay in shelters.I had been in one in N.Y. and was grabbed,molested whenever I had to use the bathroom.I stayed in different shelters for ten months.Some were better than others but I will state that my fear of shelters went away.I was also lucky to get a Section 8.At that time the only vouchers that were being given out were for homeless people.So being homeless helped me in the end.If I was ever homeless again,I would much rather live by a shelter's rules than a family members.For me,it is easier to listen to a government or organization rules than someone I know.I hope you do well and that your shelter stay winds up helping you as much as mine did me.

Geographical changes may not cure but in my case,it was needed.
 
Update: I got social security to re-instate my disability as well as my medicare. So that's certainly helpful. Unfortunately though I wont' get a check until February. But at least I can go back to my therapist/psych and try to get my bi-polar/ptsd stable again.

In other news i have an interview tomorrow to see if I can get into this 6 month residential treatment program that parole wnats me to go to. It is actually one of the best programs in the state, and I will be extremely happy if they accept me. So fingers crossed in regards to that.

How are you doin', Thou?
 
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