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So I fell for another druggie, I guess

Ninae: you seem to be discounting the advice of pretty much everyone here.

You have known this guy for literally half an hour and you think you are in love. This is not normal or healthy. He is drug addicted, a dealer, broke, desperate and homeless. By the sounds of things he is setting you up to be taken advantage of. It is not hard to tell if someone is easily manipulated, particularly if he thinks you are attracted to him. I can almost guarantee that the first chance he gets he will take advantage of you.

On the other hand you have a man who is interested in you who sounds caring and has his life together and probably alot of things going for him. Certainly, compared to this other guy. If you don't feel any spark for him or don't want to have a serious relationship with him, fine - cut him loose. But this is type of man you should aspire for. Someone with their shit sorted and who is committed to you.

honestly, I think you need to take a good step back and see the reality of your feelings for this dealer guy. Your feelings are pretty displaced.
 
Lysis said:
^ Yeah but you're taking it to the extreme opposite: getting involved with a guy who admits to being bad, has no money, no house and is a drug dealer.
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Well, I know, that's why I said my heart is broken because I can't see any way to have a steady relationship with him. His ex was probably a similar addict who supported his Heroin addiction, etc. (which he's not switched to benzos). But I can't really be involved with such a heavy addict/criminal. Not saying my feelings couldn't get the better of me. Depends on this guy's actions, I guess. I mean, if he gets me to come down to make a deal and we end up in a private place how is that going to work out? (Not necessarily sex, I mean, but emotional bonding, etc.)
 
psytaco said:
He is drug addicted, a dealer, broke, desperate and homeless.
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True, these are all neon-red flags, especially as I'm none of those things, and really only want to get involved with a lighter or more recreational user who has his shit reasonably well together (no users have it all together).

But who's going to be there to help him though?
 
Well, can you help him without getting emotionally attached to him? Ask yourself this, truthfully answer. Write it down even. Then burn it.

Be a good person, but also don't take any shit, or let yourself be taken advantage of. Lay down some ground rules - just be a shoulder for him! Resist anything else - willpower test!
 
If you keep having to make excuses for this guy, to justify your feelings for him when everyone but you can see what bad news he is, how perceptive and streetwise can you really be? And BTW, anybody can be a con artist, no matter where they' re from, no matter how handsome, how blonde, etc. I' m sorry but these types of statements you' ve been making show you to be very naive and inexperienced, though you truly don' t think you are.
 
Nobody on this board wants to upset you. We just want to help. You asked for our various opinions, and the overwhelming concensus is that this guy is not some compassionate, caring, selfless drug dealer. He' s at the very least a bad choice, and worst case scenario a big mistake. I implore you again to please listen to our advice. To ask for it and then ignore it, well that' s on you. We certainly all tried to help.
 
Ninae said:
But who's going to be there to help him though?
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What makes you think this is your job? You hardly know him. It is not your responsibility to help him with his troubles.

The only way he is going to get help is by doing it himself. I've been addicted before (to benzos) and the person that gave me the strength, courage and resolve to beat it was myself and no one else.

If he needs extra support you have to ask, where are his friends and family? Now he might be one of the unlucky ones who had bad family and bad friends. but there is also a good likelihood that he has lied and cheated them so they cut him out. Ditto with the Fiance. There are two sides to a story.
 
as i am walking into my last final for the semester I didn't get to read all the other posts.
for me, there is something intimate and almost sexual about drug usage. whenever I find an attractive girl who uses, especially my drug of choice, and were high together its like an intimate moment. then when I use with the person the bonds get tighter. then if we "hit" eachother (iv heroin user) it was like having sex in a sense... so I can understand where your feelings come from OP. mind you, all these "relationships" ended poorly.
 
Serotonin101 said:
as i am walking into my last final for the semester I didn't get to read all the other posts.
for me, there is something intimate and almost sexual about drug usage. whenever I find an attractive girl who uses, especially my drug of choice, and were high together its like an intimate moment.
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For sure, it facilicates connection, love, intamacy, breaking down of barriers, and sharing something intensely pleasurable, personal, and important together. It being illegal and on the side of convention so having to keep it secret makes it even more so. Having said that, I have never consciously looked for it, but it doesn't take much imagination to see the appeal in it.

However, this could all be achieved with a much more viable person, so that's not what's really my attraction. My attraction is to him as a person/consciousness. Now how he lives or what he does but who he's inside and how we connect with each other.
 
Permanent Jones said:
Nobody on this board wants to upset you. We just want to help. You asked for our various opinions, and the overwhelming concensus is that this guy is not some compassionate, caring, selfless drug dealer. He' s at the very least a bad choice, and worst case scenario a big mistake. I implore you again to please listen to our advice. To ask for it and then ignore it, well that' s on you. We certainly all tried to help.
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I don't know why everyone keeps talking to me like I'm stupid and just turning a blind eye. I have stated numerous times I don't trust him with money any further than I can throw him and have no other plans but to send him the most minor amounts (what would account for nothing to me compared to what I lose buying drugs in other ways). The only way I would make a larger purchae (like $200) is by having it in hand first or having someone trustworthy like an old friend of him that makes sure he doesn't screw me over.

For myself, I'm just more worried about the emotional aspect of it, I don't know what to do with that. If only he was only 50% as bad as he is.
 
Why would you start a thread asking for advice... then ignore everyone's advice? Do you just want attention that badly?

I don't know why everyone keeps talking to me like I'm stupid and just turning a blind eye.
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Because you are turning a blind eye, and not only to this dude's (and your own) glaring emotional issues, but to the advice everyone has given you.
 
Ninae said:
Depends on this guy's actions, I guess. I mean, if he gets me to come down to make a deal and we end up in a private place how is that going to work out? (Not necessarily sex, I mean, but emotional bonding, etc.)
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So like..don't go and make a deal with him? You obviously know he is trouble. You sound like you don’t want to take responsibility for what might happen even though you know it’s a possibility either. “Depends on this guy's actions” …“ if he gets me to come down to make a deal” etc. If you know there is any chance he may take advantage of you in any way then you are responsible for making the decision NOT to go see him. If you cannot control yourself enough to make the decision not to go see someone that might take advantage of you then I truly fear for your well being and future.

I guess some people need to have their hand amputated before they realize the stove is hot and they shouldn't touch it. Whatever, go hang out with him, get taken advantage of and conned. Hopefully that's all he will do to you and hopefully you will learn your lesson then.
 
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