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intimacy after sex

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benny1994

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Joined
Dec 18, 2010
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18
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year, and i ive only just notice that when he cums the first thing that he wants to do is take a shower. I wouldnt mind this but when we are all dried he goes back to watching tv. After sex i like to lay there are cuddle or hold each other, not watch tv :p
Ive tried bringing this up before and he said its a catholic guilt thing, but i dont think his family were very strict catholics at all. Any suggestions on what i could do??
 
Have you asked if you guys could just cuddle after he's taken a shower? Not as good as immediately after sex I guess but better than nothing...
 
sex is very intimate itself? i'd feel weird without at least a little cuddle afterward, but i don't need much. a bit of a cuddle and some separation and a cigarette is nice...maybe he feels you are being clingy or maybe he is just a dick. or maybe he watches way too much fucking tv. 'always' goes back to watching tv?
 
It depends on the situation for me. Hookups= no cuddling Long term (as in your case)= cuddling. Honestly, I'd take his leaving as a sign that he isn't interested in being all cuddly afterwards, despite what he says about it being a guilt thing. His "guilt" never stops him from having sex with you in the first place. If you try to talk to him again and explain that physical contact is important to you and he still refuses, you may want to think about what you really want.
 
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I actually remember that the reasoning behind this is that two different chemicals (hormones I believe) are released post sex in men and women. The one in women causes them to want to snuggle and cuddle while the one in males completely turns them off. A prime example of this as weird as it is, is that sometimes when im masturbating and I ejaculate i instantly kinda get disgusted at the porn i'm watching.
 
^That's not weird, I think most men seem to have that. I think the male no-cuddling vs the female cuddling (this is in very general and obviously not always accurate terms of course) is probably very related to women's ability to have multiple orgasms whereas men get turned off after they have one - so they kind of want to distance themselves from the intimacy more. That's been my experience so far anyway, of course it mostly depends on the individual.
 
Actually vasopressin and oxytocin are released in both genders afaik And actually there is a theory as to why males are likely to become sleepy and uninterested in sex, the idea being if they're exhausted, they can't run off to find another mate.
 
benny1994 said:
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year, and i ive only just notice that when he cums the first thing that he wants to do is take a shower. I wouldnt mind this but when we are all dried he goes back to watching tv. After sex i like to lay there are cuddle or hold each other, not watch tv :p
Ive tried bringing this up before and he said its a catholic guilt thing, but i dont think his family were very strict catholics at all. Any suggestions on what i could do??
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lol @ his excuse. He's blowing you off with that one.

I don't think the shower thing is weird, although it would be abrupt. I've never really dated anyone who didn't cuddle afterward. Most men are pretty good about that.
 
My boyfriend LOVES to cuddle after sex!!! He could just lie there for hours! I personally can only cuddle for a bit. I do like to get up and clean up right after sex (it is messy and I'm slightly OCD about hygiene) but then we usually cuddle right after.

I would think that cuddling after a shower would work. What about showering together? Than *can* be sexy too?
 
I like to at least clean up after session of sex as I get sweaty and cum always is something I need to wash off my dick (hate the feeling of it being on me post sex). I do love the cuddle so I'll go back and cuddle after I'm good and clean.
 
Mass08 said:
I actually remember that the reasoning behind this is that two different chemicals (hormones I believe) are released post sex in men and women. The one in women causes them to want to snuggle and cuddle while the one in males completely turns them off. A prime example of this as weird as it is, is that sometimes when im masturbating and I ejaculate i instantly kinda get disgusted at the porn i'm watching.
Click to expand...

Oh man, I know that feel. Maybe we need to stop watching such crazy porn?

As for me, I like to have a shower after sex, preferably with the missus. After we get back to bed we'll sometimes cuddle, sometimes not - kinda just depends on how we're feeling that day. If my girl wants to cuddle but I'm not really thrilled at the idea, I'll do it anyway because I'm always grateful just to be having sex to begin with, lol. Anyway, OP won't find any answers here, she's gotta talk to her SO.
 
You say that you've tried to bring it up, but if this is seriously bothering you then you need to actually bring it up and have a proper conversation with him about it. Tell him how it makes you feel to be completely ignored after sex every time, and express the fact that this is something you would like to work towards changing. You need to try to establish how he feels after sex, and why post-coital intimacy is such an issue for him. It may simply be that he just didn't realise that it was important to you, so you need to let him know that it is. If he cares for you and the relationship, he should be willing to discuss it and at least attempt to sort it out.

Also take care to approach him without sounding as though you are attacking him - if you come across as confrontational, you probably won't get much out of the discussion.
 
zola99 said:
It depends on the situation for me. Hookups= no cuddling Long term (as in your case)= cuddling. Honestly, I'd take his leaving as a sign that he isn't interested in being all cuddly afterwards, despite what he says about it being a guilt thing. His "guilt" never stops him from having sex with you in the first place. If you try to talk to him again and explain that physical contact is important to you and he still refuses, you may want to think about what you really want.
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this

when i dont fancy someone or see them as a way to get off but i have no emotion towards them then i dont cuddle. the cuddle is a way of establishing emotional intimacy and i want to do it with people i still fancy/feel something towards after i cum. and i mostly hookup with randoms.

the fact you are bringing this up here suggests you find this behaviour of his unsettling.

its your choice how to deal with it. just be aware that people dont change on command. whatever drove the behaviour might still be there
 
When I was in my last LTR post sex was always a laugh. I would pop my clogs (after seeing to her needs of course!) & then roll over pull out 4 tissues & pass them over for her wiping duties. Then it was cuddle time or more usually I would have a ciggy & then hop in the shower where she would be cleaning up & depending on what happened it would be round 2 or sleep/cuddle time. I have a king size bed so the wet patch would be right in the middle unless we put a towel down first.

Then again I always liked sex when I would wake up & my ex liked it before bed but it always worked out OK.
 
"A Catholic guilt thing" means you need to question him more. Ask him if he still goes to church or if he feels like he's lying. He wants to do his business but doesn't feel comfortable even being near you after it. I sense he needs to pick one or the other. And if he chooses God, don't be mad.

Good luck.
 
I thought after having sex was just natural to cuddle after words? Or that just what me n gf did? Me personally I like the cuddles afterwords lay there for hours before even attempting to get cleaned up n also because I fond that after good sex and cuddles the 'smell' turns me on n makes me want more! Just being able to that's hard lol tell him.no sex if he can't have 5 minutes with you afterwards!
 
It depends. My last boyfriend thought it was weird when I got up right after sex to wipe myself off.....and my current boyfriend and I both get up and either clean up or get in the shower. Rarely do we ever stay in bed afterwards. BUT usually after we clean up or shower, we normally cuddle or do something initimate together, he doesn't avoid me or ignore me. It seems like he might be using you a bit for sex or giving you some sort of excuse to opt out of cuddling. I guess some guys really don't like it?
 
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