• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

i will not steal..

B

bbgirlclueless

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 2, 2012
Messages
140
my money is in my bank account,my cheque books' ended,my card cannot be activated,ive run out of drugs,i have work in the morning and social anxiety which becomes paranoia in benzo withrawal (i feel im repeating myself)

i experimented with an opiate for a month and became hooked,i definitely want to quit,i do really but i need the benzos in order to get through the first two weeks,
after that i need to decide about the benzos.

obviously no one can tell me how to get money,but if opiate wtw starts i'll feel an urge to steal from my parents,
i dont want to do that,i'll feel like a bitch later if i do,i cant hurt people who love me,but if i dont get some money i'll be overwhelmingly sick in the morning..

i could ask for some money,tell them ive run out,but i feel guilty because im misleading them,and half convinced that they might suspect why i want it,but thats part of my paranoia just now....

im so lost,dreading the morning just now..
it just feels so cold without that opiate,if i have a benzo i can take it and sleep off two weeks,sleep through the cold.... but without it i dont even want to think what might happen... how the heckk did i get here.

besides that my main motivation to quit is to learn to deal with my anxiety,my therapist says she'll help me cope if i quit,but she's a mercenary bitch (honestly) who cares more about advance payment and talks more than listening to what i might be feeling...no other therapists around...india rules really.
 
I'd say you should just ride this one out... I know withdrawals are a bitch, but think about what's best for you and your family life, and I can assure you that stealing would probably hurt that very much so. Like you said, no one is going to be able to tell you how to get your drugs, and I understand that this is true. You are the only one that can live your life for you, not anyone else. But simply, why do you nee the benzos if you want to get clean off the other drugs? In many experiences, I've noticed the benzos make things worse with my un-satisfying desire to do every possible thing that I was ever scared to do sober when I'm high on them. Just take this into consideration mate, you can always PM me if you need someone to talk to, I've been down that path not too long ago, and I can honestly say that I am much happier now than I was ever before, as a lot of my problems that I had when using have seemed to disappear, no more worry about dope, or benzos I have a clear head and am finally free to live my life for what it is. No matter how bad it may get some times.... Hope things get better for you. <3
 
I know they make things worse,make everything (opiates) seem harmless,i'll probably be just kidding myself,thinking thats its okay to take the opiate again.the thing is i dont believe i can manage two withrawals at once...

I was so paranoid in benzo wtw in the evening i thought id swallowed glass that id broken...it was awful.

I dont want to cheat myself and buy more opiate in the morning,but i know i will...

I wish i cud confide in my tgerapist and tell her ive done opiates too but she says she's obliged to tell my family abt any drug use.

My family knw about benzos but they would 'freak' abt opiates,it i c/t opiates i'll be sick enought fr them to realize...but wd benzos i xan take some loperamide and sleep off two weeks,then wtw frm benzos if i can...but benzos can trick u
 
bbgirlclueless said:
My family knw about benzos but they would 'freak' abt opiates,it i c/t opiates i'll be sick enought fr them to realize...but wd benzos i xan take some loperamide and sleep off two weeks,then wtw frm benzos if i can...but benzos can trick u
Click to expand...

You have it backwards loperamide will help opiate withdrawl. The benzos should be your priority for aquiring. Opiatre withdrawal sucks but benzo withdrawal can kill you.
 
It is my priority,u cn be sure of that,with my wonderful anxiety,i cant go 3 hours in their withrawal.whereas opiate withrawal (sp?) is awful,but i'll take it happily if i dont have to go through the benzo withrawal
 
I know theyll be,but i dont want them to see me in that state,they dont deserve that pain,,it was my mistake,my choice..hope i can stay strong..
 
With great pain and suffering comes great accomplishments. I'm sure your parents will be a lot more happy to know that they can help you get off the drugs than just know that you plan on continuing to do them behind their backs and they catch you. Regardless, you have help here... And if that doesn't help find a close friend that doesn't do drugs and have them help you through. I understand, a lot easier said than done, yes? But I have faith you can do it, as many people have said before me you can do anything you set your mind to, and I honestly believe this, no matter how much you or anyone else thinks otherwise.

Hope things are going better for you.

NBB
 
Its just very hard for me to make friends,having social anxiety and issues that make me feel ashamed of this stuff among my family,i would recover eventually but i couldnt go through it.thanks for the king words buggin,i ended up simply asking for cash and plan to return it when i can access my account
 
Oh man I don't miss opiate withdrawal one damn bit. I remember that feeling of waking up so cold and hopeless.

You sound a lot like me when I started getting hooked on opium poppy tea, thinking "how did I get here" and wanting to and knowing I should stop but not quite willing to take the plunge.

It gets worse with time, believe me. Eventually I didn't really want to quit anymore the deeper in I got.
 
It seems as though you have a lot of support (and welcome to BL, you'll find loads of support here). It isn't alright to steal for an addiction or for any other purpose. Loperamide will get you through the opiate w/d. As for benzos, how long have you been using them? I did not do it cold turkey but I will vouch that quitting benzos can be done.

I don't know how old you are, but your therapy sessions should be confidential from even your parents even if you are under 18 with the rarest of exceptions. You're entitled to your privacy regardless. I hope that you will make the choice to live a life free of addiction. Your future, regardless of your age, is up to you to make.
 
Just a question:

You said the shame makes the anxiety worse. And that you cannot tell your therapist or anyone about your drug problems b/c that'll make it worse. But dont you think the eventual thievery (which I can almost promise you will start when you become sick enough), and the shame that will bring, will long term make things way worse than just fessing up and getting help now?

We all tend to look at the short term. ESPECIALLY when we're doing drugs. I think if you look at the long term, big picture, you'll see this "I deserve to suffer on my own. I cannot ask anyone for help; they dont deserve it. And then they'll find out" giant attitude is going to do you a lot more harm than it will good.

But once again, its kinda hard to see that when youre doing drugs.

While we're all unique, simultaneously: you're not unique. You will not overcome drugs where others have failed. They will fuck your shit up. If you're already aware that you might steal, and scheme, and blah blah blah you've actually got one up on many other people. You're aware of whats starting. Do something with this knowledge. Get help.

As QUASISTONED said: It gets worse with time. Oh how it does get worse. Drugs wont make your life grow to be a beautiful rose; you are not special in this regard. Nip it in the bud.
 
if your not ready to do anything for the next high and to stay not sick that is a good thing get out while you still feel this way
 
QuasiStoned said:
Oh man I don't miss opiate withdrawal one damn bit. I remember that feeling of waking up so cold and hopeless.

You sound a lot like me when I started getting hooked on opium poppy tea, thinking "how did I get here" and wanting to and knowing I should stop but not quite willing to take the plunge.

It gets worse with time, believe me. Eventually I didn't really want to quit anymore the deeper in I got.
Click to expand...


That is exactly how i feel,procrastinating till end of month when 'will quit' but dont really want to
 
Mariposa said:
It seems as though you have a lot of support (and welcome to BL, you'll find loads of support here). It isn't alright to steal for an addiction or for any other purpose. Loperamide will get you through the opiate w/d. As for benzos, how long have you been using them? I did not do it cold turkey but I will vouch that quitting benzos can be done.

I don't know how old you are, but your therapy sessions should be confidential from even your parents even if you are under 18 with the rarest of exceptions. You're entitled to your privacy regardless. I hope that you will make the choice to live a life free of addiction. Your future, regardless of your age, is up to you to make.
Click to expand...
my therapist says she cannot hide my drug use from my parents were i to confide in her if id used again,my motivation to quit is to learn to deal without drugs.objectively i feel shes protecting herself since there arnt many people in my town willing to take their kids into therapy,by letting my parents kniw stuff and satisfying them so not to lose me as a customer.she talks more then listens and if she by her will talks 15mns above the alotted hour she will charge another half fee,or if my parents are talking to her after my session is over,she'l charge half of her original fee for that,i sit in the waiting room during these times.last week my parents called her to suggest that perhaps i was using again,talked fir maybe 45 mns at different intervals,she said let me talk to her later,we talked 10 mns,she considered this all a session and charged the usual fee. I emailed her telling i felt completely miserable,told stuff about this n that,she never replied,my parents say she must be a busy woman since she replies to sms a day or two later. I sms'ed her to tell her advance payment had been mailed to her account,she replied in a minute with thanks...is that common practice?
 
DooMMooD said:
Just a question:

While we're all unique, simultaneously: you're not unique. You will not overcome drugs where others have failed. They will fuck your shit up. If you're already aware that you might steal.
Click to expand...
i ended up just asking for money and feel like a bitch...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top