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I'm gonna disapper

TheSpade said:
Evidently but he doesn't listen to anyone on here anyway so there's no point in us giving him advice time and time again for him just to ignore it.
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That's fine.. but if you've nothing constuctive to say while the bloke is obviously in crisis, I think it would be better if you could just reign in your (clearly weapon-grade as per usual) banter.
 
There has been no 'banter' even attempted from me in this thread and I'd certainly never claim I had 'weapon grade' banter either. Mugz has ideas about running away into the wild every month even when sober, the only difference now is that he's clearly mashed on drugs. He's probably sitting in the cupboard with his phone turned off and will come back online tomorrow.
 
TheSpade said:
There has been no 'banter' even attempted from me in this thread and I'd certainly never claim I had 'weapon grade' banter either
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Yeah.. banter was a poor choice of word - I was more referring a different thread from last night.. Still think it's a situation where if you've nothing good to say..
 
kate said:
If you're a member here can you PM me or one of the other eadd mods? please.

We've tried, but we're lost and its not angelsmoke's responsibility.
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I would if I could, but I don't live anywhere near Mugz to be able to do it. I know this puts angelsmoke in an awful position and she has her own life to be getting on with, but I think Martin has made sure there is no one within arms reach who could help him even if deep down he really wants it. I keep reading that he wants to stay in Cambridge, but what for? To keep a job he doesn't attend or for that matter even enjoy? To sit in a room on his own taking shit drugs while he flushes his precious mental health down the drain? I really have no idea what is going on with him. He has clearly always been eccentric and prone to behaving like this as far as I can tell, but the gaps where he is 'normal' and 'happy' are getting shorter and further between, and this will not end well.

Martin is clearly a sensitive soul, and I think he is trying to plaster over issues that would make any of us break down by using any drugs he can get his hands on. He needs some respite, then he needs to go and be with his mum and sister in America.
 
I spoke to him for half an hour on the phone before I read this.

He's pretty drunk.

He's having a hard time with the fact that he may be losing his job, and is unsure if he should hang on and hope for the best (potentially losing the deposit for his new place if he loses his job) or give up and go back to Portsmouth or somewhere else, as this life clearly isn't working for him.

I don't buy that he's mentally ill. I don't know if he believes what he's saying about "entities" and "hacking" but to me this is an obvious attempt to avoid his very real problems, and a result of his frustrating tendancy to romaticise mental illness. I wouldn't be coping well under the amount of stress he is clearly under.

I for one would feel a lot better if he was back in Portsmouth under his family's care.

I told him he has to make the choice - stay or go, when SOBER, be happy with the choice and stick by it.

He only very briefly mentioned the idea of legging it off to parts unknown, it's really between staying, Portmouth, and trying to stay with friends somewhere.

I know you're probably all thinking that if I claim to be his friend, I should be offering to put a roof over his head. I can't: I am not able to handle him any more than his flatmates are. I just can't.

He does have a new number, PM me if you want it. I'd be happy for someone to try to talk to him.
 
angelsmoke said:
I spoke to him for half an hour on the phone before I read this.

He's pretty drunk.

He's having a hard time with the fact that he may be losing his job, and is unsure if he should hang on and hope for the best (potentially losing the deposit for his new place if he loses his job) or give up and go back to Portsmouth or somewhere else, as this life clearly isn't working for him.

I don't buy that he's mentally ill. I don't know if he believes what he's saying about "entities" and "hacking" but to me this is an obvious attempt to avoid his very real problems, and a result of his frustrating tendancy to romaticise mental illness. I wouldn't be coping well under the amount of stress he is clearly under.

I for one would feel a lot better if he was back in Portsmouth under his family's care.

I told him he has to make the choice - stay or go, when SOBER, be happy with the choice and stick by it.

He only very briefly mentioned the idea of legging it off to parts unknown, it's really between staying, Portmouth, and trying to stay with friends somewhere.

I know you're probably all thinking that if I claim to be his friend, I should be offering to put a roof over his head. I can't: I am not able to handle him any more than his flatmates are. I just can't.

He does have a new number, PM me if you want it. I'd be happy for someone to try to talk to him.
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Sorry to place such pressure on you. I have noticed his tendency to romantacise mental health issues. The trouble here is that he is clearly depressed. Very depressed. He also keeps pushing himself into psychosis, and I think most people on here know that each and every time you go into psychosis you lower the bar for the next time you go into it and it becomes deeper and longer in duration. The crisis support team is there precisely because there is no one there who can cope with him. You aren't a trained professional, you have your own life, and it is very time consuming. He needs a few months off of drugs completely (if not the rest of his life). The gaps he leaves between these binges isn't long enough to get his shit together at all.
 
you can fuck off you antagonistic twat, stay out of my affairs and just fuck the hell off, you are of no use to bluelight at all apart from your own "banter" which is not banter but just fucking twisted fucking shite.

TheSpade said:
Probably just attention seeking again. He's even said at the end he's leaving his phone on for a couple of hours so someone can call and convince him not to. 8)
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thank god you're alright, I panicked when your phone was off.

Wanna call me some names too? That'd be ok. That'd be great - since I probably deserve it. I'm just really feeling the pressure and I don't know what to do.

I also want to know who your concerned friend is!
 
He really needs help. I had problems with work a while back. Meetings about time off leading to meetings about capability. It is a big burden to have on your head, especially knowing that directly or indirectly it all has something to do with your drug use,

I was under loads of work pressure this time 2 years ago, coupled with some problems my son had. The h drought hit and i was exposed to all the problems without a cushion. For 2 - 3 months i raced around coping with everything until i had a bad report at a capability review in the january. Realising i was at my limit, i got a sick note from the docs and asked my family to have my son for the evening. long story short, my son got annoyed over something stupid and made his way home. i was too stressed to have him round me so asked for them to pick him up. they didn't, i wouldn't let him in, telling him to go back to his grandads.

screaming and shouting down the phone clearly wound up and stressed , i tried to explain to my family that all i needed was a little bit of a break and a good sleep. (i was disproportionately upset about the work thing). of course bro and sis know more about my head than me which lead them to tell me they knew what was in my head. But all i want is a break to myself for 1 evening.
i'm at home attempting to get on with whatever, possibly sleeping, can't remember. next: either my dad arrives, an ambulance arrives, or i get a call from my sister telling me she's rang an ambulance for me and my dads there to make sure that i get in it :?:?:?
i'm screaming and shouting a lot, but quite clearly coherent and able to make my own decisions. I'm not going in an ambulance, the paramedics had a chat with me. they too decided that i was not in need of hospitalisation .

now, my sister lives a 10min drive from my house. my father was enjoying a night out with friends in town. my sister had rang him during his evening out to tell him to come to make sure that i got in an ambulance that i didn't need. the woman hadn't even seen me- no, she had only spoken to me on the phone and come to the conclusion that i was suicidal and needed an ambulance. :?:?:?:?:?:?:?
i would love to have a conversation with her. not the drugs, about everyday stuff. problem is either "I can't talk to you because looking at you makes me angry" "I can't talk to you because you're boring" "I'm going to talk at you" I could go on. it's a few comments on here resemble things she's said about me cutting myself off...which i did do in the early days of my use...now i am more cut off through embarrassment and shame...perhaps that's how mugz is.. the more embarrassed the more drug use....i'm not mkaing sense..will touch this up later- have already burnt the yorkshire puds

mugz, you probably need some time off, i mean proper time off. i decided i needed at least a month off work to get my head straight again. phew, it was horrible the explosion of pressure even though i knew the signs and the remedy and took them i shudder at the mere thought of experiencing anything like that again. (sister was out of order though)
 
angelsmoke said:
thank god you're alright, I panicked when your phone was off.

Wanna call me some names too? That'd be ok. That'd be great - since I probably deserve it. I'm just really feeling the pressure and I don't know what to do.

I also want to know who your concerned friend is!
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No need to call you names, thought I'd have a bit more support but I guess not, you wont even take my DVDs off my hands for free so I don't have as much to take back to portsmouth with me, even though I know you want quite a few of them.

Can't call you names other than, Angel though, I love you, know you that. This all fucking spirallyed downwards after "I left you" and you never let me back in until it was too late, whatever you say we could have worked it out and we could be happy now. We were living a happy live then and I was happy, I just had niggling doubts, mainly about travelling, and then it was all gone with no way back.

Glad to have you as a friend but it's really not enough, unless you are willing to drive me back to portsmouth with all of the stuff that I want to take then I think we wont be seeing each other for a very long time, I'd paid you for petrol and time out of my last pay packet. You are the only person that I know that would be willing to do this for me too(unless I have misjudged this) My dad wont be at home to judge, he's on a business trip for 2 weeks so there is no problem there.

If you can't do that then that's fair enough, I'll try and figure out a way to DUMP some of my stuff without giving it away to people that actually want it(you) and figure out a way to get a train down a couple of time. Not even got a fucking suitcase to pack stuff in which is fuckign annoying.

If you can't drive me to portsmouth, any chance you could lend me a suitcase??
 
you can fuck off you antagonistic twat, stay out of my affairs and just fuck the hell off, you are of no use to bluelight at all apart from your own "banter" which is not banter but just fucking twisted fucking shite.
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You're suddenly very coherent Mugz.
 
Martin.

I can see why you'd have expected more support from me, and I'm sorry that I've let you down. Really sorry. I hope you can understand that this isn't easy for me -- I feel a lot of pressure to make things alright for you somehow and I just don't have any way to do that.

As I said on the phone, helping someone suicidal rid themselves of their worldy possessions is not something I am going to get involved with. I know you think they mean nothing to you - but speaking from experience over the last few weeks, dismantling your life even for a positive reason can have a profoundly BAD mental impact. I don't want to make things worse for you if I can avoid it.

If Portsmouth is where you want to go then I'll take you there. Yes you can borrow my suitcase.

But I'd ask you again to make this decision sober. Like you said, you have no reason to stay in Cambridge. This life is destroying you. I think going home is a very sensible course of action for you, and I am 100% sure your family will support you and help you get on your feet. I know it feels like a long way back from here to being ok -- but a month or two of proper downtime with no stress about living conditions or work, and NO DRUG ABUSE, will help you get there. Then maybe you can go travelling like you've always dreamed, or try again to settle somewhere, or stay with your friends and your family.

I just want you to be ok, and as you've found out tonight, it's not enough to have only one person in range who can help you, because if they fail you you're alone and fucked.
 
If you're in Cambridge, you can pick up a suitcase for a couple of quid from the Thoday St charity shop...if you lack £2, there are usually unwanted cases discarded in the yard outside that are adequate for purpose you can take away for free.
 
Hey Mugz... you've got so much: you are young, bright, witty, without major physical health problems, and have the fortune live in a lovely country where 1/2 the whole world would love to move to, with no war ... get the substance issue right and you'll be fine. The thing at work is tough to deal with I understand but you'll ride it out one way or another, if you want to. Try to give your body and brain a rest, eat well, get back to a normal routine and you might even end up enjoying sobriety for a while, while you take back control of your life :)
 
Originally Posted by Concerned Friend
You have deliberately segregated yourself from almost all your friends and all your family. I have lost count of the number of mentally ill people I know who have done this. I have also lost count of the amount of times the police, the hospital, or both, have had to intervene in your life Martin. Everyone on here has been telling you time and again to get help for your own good, but you just won't listen. If angel smoke is reading this, I suggest that you ring the crisis line for Martin ASAP because he is well past the point he was a danger to himself - 0800 052 2252. If you have to, show them his posts about his delusions and his posts contemplating suicide too. You are the only person left in his life that actually knows the full story here. I am usually against sectioning, but it has it's place in these situations and I don't want it to happen when he is found on top of a multistory car park. He may hate you forever for it, but he needs to be sectioned, at least temporarily, or we are going to be reading an RIP Mugz thread very shortly. Martin, you are not beyond the point at which you can get better, but you will not heed this advice. You need an intervention by trained professionals, and you need a reasonably large group of people around you who aren't e-friends who will look after you. It is time for the Mugz show to end right now.

Understand that this comes from a place of love, and the self medication with entirely the wrong drugs isn't working and never will.
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I can tell straight off who this is, the only person who I'd have expected to post who hasn't yet. That said I would strongly say don't phone the men in white coats just yet, despite what anyone says I don't really see it helping.

Mugz, PLEASE, quit with taking ANYTHING at all, booze, benzos, stims, dissociatives, anything. None of it is going to do you any good. Phone your dad, mum or whoever else. You are at a stage where this can all be fixed. Fuck work, physical and mental health are far more important.

Has anyone spoke to him today?
 
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