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coming home to BL...

burntserkits

burntserkits

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 24, 2006
Messages
1,560
Location
Arkanslovia
Hello everyone. Its been quite sometime since i have been on here. I found BL to be a trigger for my opiate dependence but i have been on suboxone successfully for a year now and am managing my problems finally. I just want other addicts there is hope and various means of treatment. I feel i can be back here with no worries so yall will be seeingme on again fulltime. If i can help or you just need someone to talk to, pm me and i will be there for you. I have many friends on here thst i would like to reconnect with....especially you n3o. Yall holler at me!
 
Hi burn :) I wasn't here when you had your last round on BL, but I'm here this time =D. It's good to see you back with some promising and hopegiving news :) <3.
 
Wow, that is good news, burntserkits.:) TDS is wonderful because it is a place you can come when everything is crumbling and a place where you can come to celebrate finding the ways to put it all back together and either way, you'll find love. Besides being on subs for a year (which is fantastic--congratulations!) what else has changed in your life? From reading so many people's journeys into quitting opiates here in TDS, one of the things that always stands out to me is that the struggle to stay off is often harder than the struggle to quit. People have to come up with their own strategies for that and I learn a lot from hearing what each person comes up with.

I'm really happy that you are back to posting. I think the absolute worst thing that can happen in life is to lose hope. Addiction robs people of hope at the deepest level. When people who have lost hope themselves can come back and share the strength they have found it helps us all.<3
 
Thanks so much you guys! I've always felt at home and peaceful in this forum. It's some of the other forums that are the dark side for me :( I still occasionally take benzos but only as needed and my doc rx's them and I don't abuse them by any means. The cravings for opiates have subsided luckily. I guess it's just been so long I don't even think about and know that I litterally can not take them because of the bupe. The desire to use hasn't crossed my mind in quite some time now. It's a wonderful feeling and I feel alive again instead of like the walking dead. I was using a lot of meth as well and haven't done that in at least 6-8 months or so. I tried it a few times but it just wasn't the same as taking it with full agonist opiates and the couple experiments I tried with taking it alone/with bupe, turned out to be horrible experiences so that doesn't appeal to me anymore either. The speedballing was literally killing me and I was wasting away. I've put on A LOT of weight since quitting but that's a fair trade for saving my life. I'm exercising too so I know that will help both physically and mentally. Anyway, that's my story. Thanks for taking the time to respond to my posts. This is truly a great place to recover or whatever else one needs to be here for...
 
Hey burntserkits, congrats! I am in the same boat, been on suboxone for a year, clean. I too struggled with meth and had a short relapse while on bupe. It isn't quite the same, which is a good thing. For me, things have been going so well, then and old drug buddy hit me up saying he has adderall. I just ignored his text. Feels like the universe is testing me- this girl who is bad news- alcoholic- fucks with my head, also randomly texted me. Plus my car broke down and my money is a little low at the moment. But fuck it, I'm staying strong, continuing my healthy routine, working hard, and I know things will be better in a few weeks time. Being clean gives perspective, not as impulsive as I used to be.
 
^glad to hear things are going well (or at least better) for you! That's terrific. Time is the key. It takes quite sometime to get over all the psychological aspects but that comes...in time friend :)
 
Man I'm in about the same boat. I haven't been on bluelight for like a year but I've decided to pop by again.

Hey ArtVandalay, I swear I remember you from when I posted here. Were you another Poppy addict? I think that's why I remember you.

Good to see that you guys are staying clean. I use a lot of 'noids these days but I am 100% clean from opiates. For me, I pretty much went cold turkey after a year or so of regular poppy tea use. I had 2 suboxones to cushion the landing and it helped very little since I didn't have much to taper with. I was ill for a few days, then miserable anxious and depressed for quite a while, I think a few weeks at least before I felt more like myself. I was constantly binging and withdrawing and it was really hard not to relapse. Probably the only thing that kept me clean back in the beginning was a huge blow to the poppy market, lol. I couldn't afford it, prices went sky high and all the product turned to shit, it was like a lost cause.

I guess it's been about a year though now. Goodbye opiates.
 
Hey Quasi, yeah man, I was a poppy pod tea addict. I remember you from back in the day. I left for awhile and came back to the dark side, now that I'm on the other side of things.
 
Hey Art that's awesome to hear man. Life is so much easier without opiates.

Thanks for the kind words burntserkits :) I intend to stay far from opiates and at this point it's not even on my mind anymore. Posting here to discuss getting clean was the first time I really thought about opiates in months. It's hard to believe I was once so dependent on poppy tea.

Then again, I had one HELLUVA BAD run with MDPV after I quit opiates. That was really an addiction at an all new level, pushed me to all new lows I never thought I'd reach. Honestly mdpv is probably responsible for me not thinking about opiates because before that was banned mdpv was about all I could think about. Man if I only knew how deep the rabbit hole went with that stuff, I was literally manically insane half the time I had it and the other half I was a fucking trainwreck from the comedown.
 
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QuasiStoned said:
Then again, I had one HELLUVA BAD run with MDPV after I quit opiates. That was really an addiction at an all new level, pushed me to all new lows I never thought I'd reach. Honestly mdpv is probably responsible for me not thinking about opiates because before that was banned mdpv was about all I could think about. Man if I only knew how deep the rabbit hole went with that stuff, I was literally manically insane half the time I had it and the other half I was a fucking trainwreck from the comedown.
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MDVP was the drug that led to the end of my son's life. His addiction to it scared the hell out of him and the drug itself made him psychotic. I have to say that I hate that drug--wish it had never been invented. :(
 
Qusai- that stuff is notorious for causing psychosis and several other dangerous health issues. Glad to see you doing good :)
 
Herbavore-i am so saddened to hear of your loss. Ihad no idea my friend. I lost my eldest sister to mrsa in her lungs after wreaking her liver with apap from hydro's....in the tens of thousands mgs in around 5 days. It was a big reason i have gotten my act together
 
QuasiStoned said:
Hey Art that's awesome to hear man. Life is so much easier without opiates.

Thanks for the kind words burntserkits :) I intend to stay far from opiates and at this point it's not even on my mind anymore. Posting here to discuss getting clean was the first time I really thought about opiates in months. It's hard to believe I was once so dependent on poppy tea.

Then again, I had one HELLUVA BAD run with MDPV after I quit opiates. That was really an addiction at an all new level, pushed me to all new lows I never thought I'd reach. Honestly mdpv is probably responsible for me not thinking about opiates because before that was banned mdpv was about all I could think about. Man if I only knew how deep the rabbit hole went with that stuff, I was literally manically insane half the time I had it and the other half I was a fucking trainwreck from the comedown.
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Man, Quasi we have a lot in common. I went on a wicked MDPV binge a year ago and became totally psychotic. I was trying to kick pods, using kratom and MDPV. Started smoking it, staying up for days, going bat shit crazy. And I still crave it, even though it destroyed my life. So glad to be done with that shit.
 
Yeah mdpv psychosis was no joke. I really seemed to enjoy the process of going bonkers for some reason on that shit. I was often seeing figures dancing around outside, construction workers working outside at 4am. I pushed it too far once and completely lost contact with reality.

I was wandering around my room for hours talking to coworkers, friends, various people who weren't there. I always thought it was fun but once I hit true psychosis it wasn't fun at all. Just scary. I had a freakout where I realized I was Completely gone and went out for a smoke. I was at the tail end of a 4 day IV binge and I looked like death walking.

Out of curiosity Artvandalay, was mdpv more addictive than meth? I never tried meth but mdpv was so stupidly addictive, I'm curious if there are any parallels.

I don't want to derail this thread too much though. Remaining in a state of dopamine neutrality makes the magic of life return. Staying off garbage like opes and stims is the only way for me to grow and progress in this world.
 
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