My Binge

[rules]

Wow, I haven't been on here in awhile...I just realized that. It's probably because of the reasons I am going to now state. I know none of you can help me or anything and I've probably made this message before like a few months ago and not remember it..but anyways...I'm going to rant now and hope some one responds with something positive or influential, empowering maybe.

I feel as though my binge is coming to a close. Maybe that's a good thing. Looking at myself right now I am honestly utterly disgusted. I have the same shirt on that I had on like a week ago and I fucking smell. I need a shower but am not going to take one right now. I am currently withdrawing from 150+ mg of temazepam daily, and a pretty bad heroin habit. In the past week, I've gotten arrested for possession (heroin), gotten my car towed, had to post bail, had my phone taken away by the police "because it's evidence", ugh...the list goes on and on. I feel like there's just no hope for me. Tomorrow, (if i ever get to sleep) i'm just going to do what I do every day...try and con someone out of giving me some money to go score. This is pretty much what I do every fucking day. I'm a lowlife disgrace and I don't feel as though anything will ever change that. I will be a junkie forever. Does anyone else feel like this? I know I can just stop but I am fucking unable to....I am prescribed suboxone but instead of taking them I sell them and buy heroin. I abuse the temazepam I am prescribed like crazy. The label on the bottle says "one capsule at sleeptime". I fucking laugh when I see the label...how about a handful and some more? Okay...i think I'm done complaining now. I guess I'll try and get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow I'll take a shower and change my disgusting clothes that I got arrested with DAYS ago. Maybe I'll get my life together...probably not though.

 

[Mysterie]

i guess what this looks like to me is that you have underlying issues (depression/GAD who knows?) and to stop from feeling bored you feel you need to get high

the longer you use benzos and opiates to not face those problems the harder its going to be to face them

all i can say is i hope for the best for you, perhaps think back to what gave you that true euphoria before you started abusing drugs (for me i cant be sad when im playing sports with other people)

and reading this it does seem condescending but i only want the best for ya!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

You got to start with taking better care of yourself.

It's also not wise to abuse your sleep meds; they would come in handy when withdrawing.

My advice: stop selling your Suboxone, stick to using it. Only use your sleep meds when needed.

 

[debaser]

Hi. You say the word "shower" twice. You know it will be a very good thing to start with just that, imo. A shower and some fresh clothes will change your state of mind.

Then, as Captain.Heroin said, you can take care of the rest. One step at a time. Good luck.

 

[DeathDomokun]

And slicking your hair back.

 

[stardust.hero]

Hi. You say the word "shower" twice. You know it will be a very good thing to start with just that, imo. A shower and some fresh clothes will change your state of mind.

Then, as Captain.Heroin said, you can take care of the rest. One step at a time. Good luck.

I agree, I've been there and I know how backed into a corner you can feel when you have everything stacked on top of you. The binge itself is bad enough but having the charges, and your possessions (phone) gone now make it seem you're dug even deeper. Start with a shower, a hot one. I always liked laying on the bottom of the shower when I felt hopeless with no motivation or energy to even shower. A hot shower and fresh clothing do wonders. Get yourself a nice meal and work from there. Keep us updated, and continue to seek support.

 

[rules]

still sick as a dog...maybe a shower would help but my energy to just get up and do it is not there. in my mind, if i all of a sudden found a way to get high, the first thing i'd do is take a shower, but that's probably not even the case. the only thing i have energy to do is sit on fb trying to see if anyone wants to buy my subs, and periodically checking my bank account to see if money is "magically" there. not having a phone fucking sucks man...it really disconnects you from everything nowadays...

 

[stardust.hero]

What I used to do was lay in the bottom of the tub with the shower on. It requires no energy effort. Try that .

 

[sickofthisshiz]

Being a junky fucking sucks...l used to cry because l felt like l could never be normal again. Stay on here...these are all people who have been or are in the same situation that you are right now. My heroin addiction took everything away from me, but at least l still have my life. Be grateful that you have subs. You will know when you're ready to quit...it's just no way to live...until you get to that point be careful and hop on here more often, it's been an amazing experience for me, so many understanding people who actually care.

 

[rules]

it needs to be now. my family just had like...and intervention for me. tomorrow is my last day of heroin use...i'm going back on the subs. no looking back. thanks guys. i did take that shower and you're right...it felt wonderful, my self esteem is back now when i look in the mirror and i don't smell thanks guys. and as always, i'll stick around. i love this place, so many wonderful people all in one place is delightful.

 

[hthr007]

it needs to be now. my family just had like...and intervention for me. tomorrow is my last day of heroin use...i'm going back on the subs. no looking back. thanks guys. i did take that shower and you're right...it felt wonderful, my self esteem is back now when i look in the mirror and i don't smell thanks guys. and as always, i'll stick around. i love this place, so many wonderful people all in one place is delightful.

I'm happy to read that you are feeling better . When I'm withdrawing, I find that a shower, blanket, and the TV always help me.

As bad as withdrawals are, it's in a way a good thing your binge is ending. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise; blessing because it may be a step in the right direction, and disguise because w/d is fucking hell.

I wish I could help you more in the sense of giving advice to coming off drugs, but the cleanest I've been in the past 3 years is 7 fucking days. It makes me sick to think of myself.

"You never really know how fast you can run til someone lifts your feet off the ground"

xx

 

[rules]

I'm happy to read that you are feeling better . When I'm withdrawing, I find that a shower, blanket, and the TV always help me.

As bad as withdrawals are, it's in a way a good thing your binge is ending. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise; blessing because it may be a step in the right direction, and disguise because w/d is fucking hell.

I wish I could help you more in the sense of giving advice to coming off drugs, but the cleanest I've been in the past 3 years is 7 fucking days. It makes me sick to think of myself.

"You never really know how fast you can run til someone lifts your feet off the ground"

xx

although my drug use doesn't extend that far, i feel you...there's always the next time. just keep trying...even when you feel the lowest you've ever felt, you can still try again.

 

[herbavore]

Rules, be thankful for that family. I'm so glad that you are feeling more positive. sickofthisshiz is so right, you've still got your life.

 

[sickofthisshiz]

And l used to just have to laugh at myself frequently when l was detoxing just because l was so effing gross lol...that's all you can do sometimes! Matted hair, makeup from dayz ago, just disgusting! Being clean feels good, literally and figuratively.