Haunted by a ghost

[zephyr]

I feel a bit of an asshole making fun of this guy in the lounge a while ago, a week before the event- but I did not see this coming...

A month ago, a 48 year old male neighbour of mine who had been stalking me for three months killed himself in front of me with a crossbow to his throat. He did it because that day we had had a final argument which ended in me telling him to fuck off, leave me alone, never come near me again.

Before that day, we had been semi- friends, he wanted more but did not seem to take any subtle hint that would never happen.

We met as we were neighbours in an apartment block which had a common courtyard and drunk together a few times. He knocked on my door day and night and became possessive. The more I withdrew from him ( he was annoying me), the more aggressive he became and made it clear he wanted to be with me every day, all day and night.

I tried to be nice but this did not work.

He said just before he pulled the trigger that he would see me on the other side.

He was dead before the ambulance came.

I had to move in a hurry as other neighbours blamed me for killing him and wanted me dead too.

I have a nice secure duplex now with one old lady next door but cant eat, sleep or do anything without images of this man sitting next to me, yrying ohold me, holding me by the neck pulling me down and not letting go.

I have seen dead people many times due to my job in the health industry but no one actually die in such a violent way. The amount of blood my friends and I had to clean up was unbelievsble.

I want this mental image and any memory of him GONE.

What should I do?

 

[T. Calderone]

Pray for his soul to find peace. I don't get why the neighbours blamed you. He was disturbed and obsessed with you, from how you explained.
If you cannot get those images out of your head, seeing a therapist that can help you get over this. The more you think about it, the more power
he has over you. In essense, he's getting what he wants even though he's dead.

 

[Pagey]

Wow...that's horrible. I think you should get yourself to a therapist asap as you may develop PTSD and even if you don't, you definitely need to talk about that because it sounds incredibly shocking.
Don't blame yourself for what happened. You couldn't have seen something like this coming, he was obviously extremely unstable and it's not your fault that it ended this way. Focus on yourself and getting your life back in place for now.

 

[privatestock1988]

damn thats intense

 

[spork]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this, L. I can only imagine how difficult and traumatic of an experience this has been.

As was said, definitely go to talk to someone about this as soon as you can. You don't deserve to be haunted by him or his actions any longer. This is in no way your fault. You just had the unfortunate luck of being neighbors with what sounds like a very disturbed man. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me. I have missed seeing you around Bluelight.

 

[herbavore]

I want to echo that in no way should you feel what this man wanted to force you to feel--responsible for his death. He was very obviously mentally unstable, using his obsession with you as a justification for his existence and it couldn't hold. If not you it would have been someone else. Maybe it would help to depersonalize that in your mind when the horrible images pop up. Getting some crisis therapy will definitely help and the sooner you can do that the better. Look for someone that has experience with PTSD.

I am so sorry that this happened. There will probably be many mental stages to go through as you integrate this horrific experience into your life. Try not to judge or fear any of your feelings--anger being the first one that comes to mind. Eventually forgiveness will be your task but for now, just be patient with every feeling that comes up. Our minds and bodies usually know what they need to heal. You will have to be very gentle with yourself as the experience itself was on par with what someone goes through in combat, but having the neighbors blame you compounds it even more.

Understanding the mental illness that this man dealt with may help you as well. NAMI is a good organization for that and has worldwide chapters and resources. They may also be able to help you get the appropriate kind of counseling services for your needs. Good luck and again I am so sorry. It is terrible to think of the mental prison that man lived in and heartbreaking that he pulled you into it by his final act.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Pray for his soul to find peace. I don't get why the neighbours blamed you. He was disturbed and obsessed with you, from how you explained.
If you cannot get those images out of your head, seeing a therapist that can help you get over this. The more you think about it, the more power
he has over you. In essense, he's getting what he wants even though he's dead.

I would do this. I am sorry that this guy killed himself in that way, and that he did it so violently in front of you.

I have had friends kill themselves, and yes talking to someone does help you get the images out of your head.

 

[Thou]

Correct. Only through love and compassion can you fight discord and angst.

Is his memory haunting you psychologically? Or is this a literal phantasm occupying your personal space? Sorry if this is a stupid question.

That's horrible and I'm so sorry you had to endure that, shouldn't have been.

 

[Kerrigan]

If I were you, I would try looking up "Infrasound": it's linked to ghost sightings and can explain them, however your case may involve the hell that can be PTSD, and I wish you a speedy recovery. Make sure there aren't any strange sources of potential infrasound, or spend a night in a different bed with no history of hauntings, to see whether there're any links to your new apartment. See, there are sounds produced even in nature beneath the spectrum of human hearing but at such a frequency as to cause a veritable cornucopia of symptoms, from bleeding-ears to vibrations that affect even the eyeballs, resulting in visual hallucinations as well as auditory ones. This is perhaps the reason why similar accounts of ghost-sightings can be given by people with zero connection to one another, nor any knowledge of the other experience(s); I think Chuck Palahniuk's 'Lullaby' contains a character who repeatedly sells houses filled with extremely un-subtle ghosts and strange, paranormal experiences for all involved...

Still, that doesn't mean that I take this to be a game at all, but you've tried to be reasonable with an individual who was completely in the wrong for following and attempting to abuse you—you could relay us a transcript of every conversation and interaction you've ever had with the man and it wouldn't change that: he killed himself because he was mentally sub-normal. You need not feel upset, but I would speak to a professional, because I imagine that witnessing someone lose their life in front of you, regardless of whether they were a stranger or someone you knew intimately, could elicit feelings of despair, of guilt, shame, and the sorts of symptoms young lads and lasses who sign up for war end up experiencing (not a great reward for fighting for your country I expect).

Please see a doctor, 'cause you'll need help getting through this, and I can say without irony or sarcasm that the entire Bluelight community is behind you here, and also that herbavore gives incredibly good advice!

Take care of yourself and just, well, be honest with the physician you speak to; death is a very big concept and not one I think human beings are particularly suited to swallowing. After all, we're all going to die sooner or later, but how often do we really think about it and what do such words mean? We'll all literally be extinguished into nothing and it could be tomorrow, for some of us. I hope that this isn't too blunt or cruel, but it's simple truth! The very fact that you tried to make friends with the man stalking you speaks to your personality and I'm sure you're a sweet, kind person who doesn't deserve this. But you can't avoid it: gotta face it and deal with it, coming to terms with the facts that you couldn't have saved or stopped him, that it wasn't your fault (chances are he'd have found someone else to stalk and then harm himself over) and why-oh-why would he use a crossbow, of all things? I must say it's not something I've heard of before, but that's not helpful either...

Good luck with everything and I sincerely hope that you're able to get past this as soon as possible—you may never be the same person again, but we're all a sum of our experiences and it's our outlook that really counts, I'd say: whether you're expecting misery, tedium, boredom or joyous fun-filled laughs from the day ahead largely depends upon how you've dealt with the tragedies in your life, along with your mood, of course. How have your moods been of late and what sort of thoughts have you been having? Have you thought about self-harm or have you been going through any of those thoughts and feelings symptomatic of people experiencing grief? It could very-well be that you're just going through something natural and normal, the stages of grief, and that you'll come to terms with it and accept that he had to die and that you're worse for it, but we forget that life hasn't been all-great all-the-time for everyone for very long, and we've been waging war with our fellow man for centuries; in other words, I wonder how people coped before the inventions of neuroleptic drugs like chlorpromazine, or various techniques employed by various psycho-something professionals who can help individuals with all sorts of problems from smoking addictions to paranoid hallucinations!

I want to echo that in no way should you feel what this man wanted to force you to feel--responsible for his death. He was very obviously mentally unstable, using his obsession with you as a justification for his existence and it couldn't hold. If not you it would have been someone else. Maybe it would help to depersonalize that in your mind when the horrible images pop up. Getting some crisis therapy will definitely help and the sooner you can do that the better. Look for someone that has experience with PTSD.

I am so sorry that this happened. There will probably be many mental stages to go through as you integrate this horrific experience into your life. Try not to judge or fear any of your feelings--anger being the first one that comes to mind. Eventually forgiveness will be your task but for now, just be patient with every feeling that comes up. Our minds and bodies usually know what they need to heal. You will have to be very gentle with yourself as the experience itself was on par with what someone goes through in combat, but having the neighbors blame you compounds it even more.

Understanding the mental illness that this man dealt with may help you as well. NAMI is a good organization for that and has worldwide chapters and resources. They may also be able to help you get the appropriate kind of counseling services for your needs. Good luck and again I am so sorry. It is terrible to think of the mental prison that man lived in and heartbreaking that he pulled you into it by his final act.

 

[Foreigner]

I would focus on imagining a gold mirror shield around you. Imagine the inside (facing you) is filled with gold light from the Source, and the outside is a mirror that deflects all negative influences.

You also need to use your voice and shout at this thing to go away. Ghosties can be tenacious but the commands of a living person often shoo them away.

 

[lady grey]

Shit zephyr, i'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm going to echo what herbavore said about him being clearly an unstable human being, using you as an excuse to commit the inevitable. That's not going to help get this image out of your head though. I can't imagine that is going to be an easy task. I wish you solace in the help you find. I wish i could offer some personal experience about types of therapy but i just don't know.

My best mate has a neighbour who's stalking her at the moment, he keeps making excuses to knock on her door to see her and would make threats at her boyfriend when he would go to and from his car to the house. The mum had to come over and explain that he is schizophrenic and thinks she is someone else and she is trying to get him taken away for psychiatric help. It's my worst nightmare something like this will happen. She thinks it is completely innocent and is not worried at all, her boyfriend and i on the other hand are completely worried. I'm going to share with her your story if you don't mind?

 

[ArtVandalay]

Damn, that's awful. Truly disturbing and sad. Not to sound cruel, but think of it this way- at least he shot himself and not you. He sounds unstable and who knows what terrible things he could have done to you. Get some therapy, you really should talk to someone.

 

[junkieman412]

Im sorry I've lost close friends to suicide. In most cases especially yours blame can't be placed on anyone else. He had serious issues.
Positivity you're way. Therapy is never a bad idea and time eases pain as well. Again; I'm sorry.

 

[zephyr]

I'm going to share with her your story if you don't mind?

Go for it mate.

Thanks for the thoughts gang, telling you guys here has helped a lot, not many people know what happened, I dont talk to anyone about things like this to anyone usually as the lees people know the shit that goes on the better imo.

Taling stock of the situation- I only really feel like there is still a presence around when I'm tired, had a few drinks or go anywhere near where I used to live so I'm trying to avoid those three factors- alcohol has become a comfort since giving up drugs a few years ago so maybe thats the problem, going teetotal is not on the cards but cutting back might do the trick.

I don't really associate with many people as I tend to attract nutters, and this guy was the nuttiest yet.

May he rest in peace, its hard to really mean that though as he wanted his death to fuck up my life, which it did, but hopefully not for too much longer.

Thanks again, I appreciate your time

 

[herbavore]

There are a lot of very helpful books out about the power of forgiveness in the role of healing. Forgiveness is not condoning or excusing or denying the harm done; it is acceptance of what happened and the desire to move on and heal rather than carrying the burden of the experience forever. I was trying to remember some titles and I can't but I got them all from my local Hospice counseling center. Do you have such a resource around you? If not, they are the kind of books that can be picked up used for pennies on Amazon. Sounds like you are already moving in that direction and I think that is very courageous and wise. Take good care.