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Vent/Rant Thread vs. 2 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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^Childhood can be created, fukin needs to be, when needed-seriously.<3

*positive rant*
I cant find the grateful thread, and am seriously grateful. Hee

Feel like ranting about it. Am on holiday and am on an SNRI that has helped my mood bigtime. Am fucking grateful. ;)
REALLY grateful. So much better than the zombified mood state I was in. Nowt has changed with me thank heavens, just that my joviality has come back IRL, and I needed that so bad..just to be able to get out of bed with some sense of looking forward to the shower-that is all I aspire to. ;) That is ok.
 
Asclepius said:
^Childhood can be created, fukin needs to be, when needed-seriously.<3

*positive rant*
I cant find the grateful thread, and am seriously grateful. Hee

Feel like ranting about it. Am on holiday and am on an SNRI that has helped my mood bigtime. Am fucking grateful. ;)
REALLY grateful. So much better than the zombified mood state I was in. Nowt has changed with me thank heavens, just that my joviality has come back IRL, and I needed that so bad..just to be able to get out of bed with some sense of looking forward to the shower-that is all I aspire to. ;) That is ok.
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dude i felt the exact same way once i started paxil and it finally kicked in. i dont getup depressed anymore and its great not to deal with that burden of feeling like wanting to die all the time.
 
Just need to vent.

Life is confusing me as of lately. Things have been great for my mental state of mind. I've come to a lot of realizations about myself and my life that has allowed me to feel a sense of relaxation. Past few days have been a dipping point though. I can't help but feel I'm doing something wrong, or perhaps I messed up somewhere along the line. This uncertainty is getting to me, it's causing me to tread through life with a sense of caution, one that is preventing me from feeling my complete happiness, the wholeness I know I am capable of feeling.

Part of me thinks a lot of these feelings are my own insecurities. I'm unsure of if my actions are right or wrong, thus I am freaking. I feel senses of paranoia go off, as though my friends are not real friends at all, it's a sense of questioning everything around me. I know it's just natural to feel this. Perhaps it's my own way of protecting myself. Who knows, though. I'd very much like to finish this transition though and get back to the me I was a few days ago, free and open and happy with the way things are.

I'll get there, just need to pass the time till I reach my destination.
 
Asclepius said:
^Childhood can be created, fukin needs to be, when needed-seriously.<3

*positive rant*
I cant find the grateful thread, and am seriously grateful. Hee

Feel like ranting about it. Am on holiday and am on an SNRI that has helped my mood bigtime. Am fucking grateful. ;)
REALLY grateful. So much better than the zombified mood state I was in. Nowt has changed with me thank heavens, just that my joviality has come back IRL, and I needed that so bad..just to be able to get out of bed with some sense of looking forward to the shower-that is all I aspire to. ;) That is ok.
Click to expand...

I am sooooo happy to hear this! What a relief for you. :)<3
 
The golden age is over.
The money is old.
There are too many opinions.
There are too many thoughts.
The thoughts and opinions just wind up and make a tangled knot; a mess.
His voice, her voice. I am done hearing it. I've heard it all.
Opinions are here to confuse us from fact.
At this time. I wish the philosophers would quiet down.
The world is too complicated for one man to understand.
So find a niche and hope it's the loose end that will unravel all the secrets.
Because I know the true intellectuals are the ones keeping quiet.
If you stop and listen rather than speak.
They might whisper the truth occasionally.
 
ever feel like life's just giving you one test after another except they don't feel like tests it feels like you're being fucked on for no reason and nothing can ever just go right no matter how hard you try?

No matter what i do something comes up that costs me something. I just don't know what i did to deserve it.
 
lady grey said:
ever feel like life's just giving you one test after another except they don't feel like tests it feels like you're being fucked on for no reason and nothing can ever just go right no matter how hard you try?

No matter what i do something comes up that costs me something. I just don't know what i did to deserve it.
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Yes. I feel like life is 85% tests, and the other 15% is reward. I constantly struggle to achieve what I desire, I go through so much mental angst trying to get things right, that I often overlook the moments when everything is just right.

Everyone has these moments of bliss, perfection almost. We just need to take our focus off the negatives, as hard as it can be it's certainly possible.
 
J.Wallace said:
Everyone has these moments of bliss, perfection almost. We just need to take our focus off the negatives, as hard as it can be it's certainly possible.
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So true, thanks for reminding me. Giving into this shit just makes it worse, really am trying to build those bridges as fast as i can. Just feels like once things are good i need to build another one, becomes disheartening but i am alive and grateful.
 
lady grey said:
So true, thanks for reminding me. Giving into this shit just makes it worse, really am trying to build those bridges as fast as i can. Just feels like once things are good i need to build another one, becomes disheartening but i am alive and grateful.
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I believe what you are describing is a part of everyone's life. Do not try to escape it, instead embrace it. These constant challenges, constant building of bridges as you describe it, is life's way of constantly changing who we are, improving us if you will.

I'm currently reading a Pocket edition of Pema Chodron passages. In it, she writes short passages of little teachings, things we can read and put to use in our own life. One of the passages suits what you are describing. Allow me to share it with you.

Moving beyond self protection - "We think that by protecting ourselves from suffering we are being kind to ourselves. The truth is, we only become more fearful, more hardened, and more alienated. We experience ourselves as being separate from the whole. This separateness becomes like a prison for us, a prison that restricts us to our personal hopes and fears and to caring only for the people nearest to us. Curiously enough, if we primarily try to shield ourselves from discomfort, we suffer. Yet when we don't close off and let our hearts break, we discover our kinship with all beings" - Pema Chodron
 
What a beautiful passage, thank you for sharing it with me. I'm writing it down and putting it on a post it note to remind me. Just this second i was thinking, cut myself off, stop being so open and trusting, that's the only way you will stop this from happening again. But i have tried to change this about myself, god knows i have tried but i can't. I will always be open, honest, forgiving and too trusting for my own good. I know these sound like qualities i should be proud of but i so often wish i could change them. Other words are maybe gutless and gullible, maybe if i were stronger i could stand up for myself and see when things were happening rather than kicking myself once they have happened....
 
ughh this shit never ends. I finally got my application in for school, but now they want to make sure that I have residency status and are asking for when my vehicle was registered and my employment for the last two years. I already told them my place of employment for the last 7 years in the application and I haven't had a car for like 9 years now. This shit is so fucking frustrating. :X
 
I'm so screwed. I can't work anymore. I've just lost everything. I just want to lie in my bed and do nothing and cry. Actually no, what I want right now is heroin. I really, really want heroin. I'm going to fail this year so much. I've lost any kind of motivation to work and a week in I'm already going to be late on stuff. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want to get out of bed. There's just no point, nothing to look forward to. I hate this. I want some fucking drugs. I don't know hwo else to feel better
 
I've been getting so sick of hearing people bashing beneficiaries (people who receive welfare payments from the government). I read the opinions section in the newspaper, and it's been getting worse and worse lately. Stupid comments like "why don't they get a job?" when there are no jobs out there, especially for someone like me who has no work experience, a mental illness, and a criminal record. Or "why should my taxes pay for people to sit on their asses all day?" when their taxes get wasted on far more pointless things than welfare, and the majority of people receiving benefits would actually love to work and not "sit on their asses". I receive a sickness benefit because I'm unable to hold down a job due to mental illness, but society doesn't seem to understand that. What's the alternative? Stopping all benefits and instead have an even higher crime rate? People have to feed themselves somehow! I know I'm lucky that New Zealand has a good welfare system, but society still considers me a leper for being on it.
 
I'm pretty useless, idiotic, and a pro at making things worse for myself. The best thing that could ever happen to me is that I could disappear and quit being a burden to everyone.
 
i dont know what the fuck I am doing seriously! it like total oblivion to the fact that i and using methamphetamine daily and it is like my conscious is totally fine with it, i have delt with several addictions (cocaine,opiate pills and heroin, amphetamine pills) and none of them well so psychologically debilitating...
 
my brother has a diagnosis of bipolar.

i think he hides behind his diagnosis sometimes to throw a temper tantrum if he feels like it.

i understand and empathize with the fact that he probably feels out of control about a lot of things in his life. less so when i catch him yelling at the dogs.

sigh. serenity now.
 
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