I hate social contact

[Pagey]

Hey guys. I feel like I've been starting way too many threads on here to basically repeat myself each time but I need to let this out and any advice and suggestions would really be welcome.
I've recently come to realize that I hate being with people. I sincerely hate everything about it. Whenever I've spent time with someone recently I've just felt bored and couldn't stop wondering 'why am I doing this? What's the point of this? How is this useful to me?'. I know social contact isn't supposed to have some sort of imminent 'use' but it's just been feeling plain pointless. I really didn't use to be like this, in fact a couple years ago I was an incredibly social person, I had tons of friends and went out all the time. I think I can say pretty assuredly that I've started disliking being around people as I've gotten more and more depressed, and it's gotten progressively worse this past year as I've been feeling worse as well. This does also coincide with my period of drug use, and I'm sure it's a bit related to that but I don't think it is completely either - back in march/april when I was using around 8mg of xanax a day (sometimes twice a day) I still enjoyed people's company way, way more than now. Same when I was taking lots of oxy a few months ago. I'm much closer to clean these days and yet now I just can't stand being around anyone.
I saw a new therapist yesterday who thinks I've got this destructive pattern when it comes to relationships (not just romantic relationships, just in general). I either hate the person from the start or I really, really like them, and in that second scenario I'll become attached extremely quickly but then eventually just get bored with the person and drift away. It's scary how much this is true. I've pushed all my friends and family away simply because, well, I'm bored with them. It sounds horrible but there you go. She wants me to try CBT. Spoke to a mod about this yesterday who was quite helpful but I'd be happy to have more opinions.
The thing is despite all this, I'm really lonely and I do want to be able to connect with people. When I connect with someone I really love spending time with them. That's what happened with one of the guys I've been hanging out with here, but our relationship got a bit complicated so it's different. We're in an awkward sort of limbo between friends and a couple so it's just a bit weird. But he's the only person I've actually enjoyed talking to since I've gotten here. There's a bunch of my hallmates hanging out in the room next door, I can hear them laughing and stuff but I just don't want to join...yet I don't want to be alone.
I don't really know what to do. People tend to like me. I know how to make friends. But I just don't want to - but I don't want to be alone either.
Anything would be appreciated. Thanks in advance everyone.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Depression can interfere with your ability to experience joy/pleasure from interpersonal connections. I don't think you legitimately hate social contact, I think your depression/anxiety is causing you to be averse to it, which is different.

 

[paranoid android]

I totally understand what it's like to be so bored with people that even the most simple conversations become a chore. There are not many people i know here where i live that i actually want to talk to. It's not that i am anti-social as i can be very social with people that i find interesting but rather that i get bored very easy. This happens to me alot when i run into old acquaintances/sort of past friends who i have not seen in some time. I really can't be bothered listen to someone blabber on and on about their new house in the suburbs, their fiance/wife, their well paying shitty job, etc. Even worse is when i run into old friends who won't shut up about the past and all the awesome times we had as i have to stop myself from saying that the "good old days" 8) where just as boring and shitty as the present.

Basically i have to find some common ground with people and click with them if i am going to have any contact with them at all. I usually form these opinions fairly early on because either i click with someone or i don't. Though the rare case does occur where it takes me awile to warm up to them and i end up completely changing my mind about them. That has happened to me maybe once in the past few yeas.

I agree with CH about depression/anxiety causing people to become averse to social contact. It's kind of hard to be social when you are fucking miserable after all . The other week for instance i was in a proper state of depression and i didn't talk to anyone beyond telling the shop clerk what brand of smokes i wanted or telling my friend how much ganja i wanted. I think everyone has bouts where they don't want to talk to anyone and that's normal but it becomes a problem if it becomes a regular occurrence.

Anyway i really hope things turn around for you soon. Being depressed sucks

 

[theartofwar]

I completely agree with CH and will run with depression. A little over a month ago I began on an SSRI (Paxil) my social anxiety was out of control and I was severely depressed (tho at the time I didn't believe i was). I had my own mistaken ideas of what depression was and what it looked like - being sad / always feeling sad (real complex but basically that's what i thought depression was).

two and half weeks into my meds I turn back into my old self , pre drug use pre ABUSE even. I have a stable life now and I look forward to going out with my friends. My social phobias are gone, I'm back to being that out going person who loves to hear his friends laugh. That hopeless feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me I would never achieve my goals, don't even bother - that feeling that portrayed me as a quitter and as lazy - that is gone. Replaced by my old self, driven and glad to even still be alive today.

For me I desp needed depression and anxiety medication for my specific symptoms and I found them in Paxil - I would talk with your (a) psychiatrist and explain the areas you are having the most trouble , see where he goes and give the meds a good shot. Like I said 2 1/2 weeks is when i started to notice the change in me - it may be sooner or later for others.

Regardless , best of luck hun , nobody deserves to be where you are at , especially someone as caring as you , hang in there - I'm always a PM away.
-john

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I completely agree with CH and will run with depression. A little over a month ago I began on an SSRI (Paxil) my social anxiety was out of control and I was severely depressed (tho at the time I didn't believe i was). I had my own mistaken ideas of what depression was and what it looked like - being sad / always feeling sad (real complex but basically that's what i thought depression was).

two and half weeks into my meds I turn back into my old self , pre drug use pre ABUSE even. I have a stable life now and I look forward to going out with my friends. My social phobias are gone, I'm back to being that out going person who loves to hear his friends laugh. That hopeless feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me I would never achieve my goals, don't even bother - that feeling that portrayed me as a quitter and as lazy - that is gone. Replaced by my old self, driven and glad to even still be alive today.

For me I desp needed depression and anxiety medication for my specific symptoms and I found them in Paxil - I would talk with your (a) psychiatrist and explain the areas you are having the most trouble , see where he goes and give the meds a good shot. Like I said 2 1/2 weeks is when i started to notice the change in me - it may be sooner or later for others.

Regardless , best of luck hun , nobody deserves to be where you are at , especially someone as caring as you , hang in there - I'm always a PM away.
-john

I'm so happy to hear how you're doing John. :D

You should write a success story now! %)

 

[herbavore]

Pagey, the first thing that I thought when I read your post was, "Yay! She got a good therapist." Seriously, I'm glad that you are seeing someone that you felt comfortable talking to and also that she had that insight. CBT sounds like a very good idea.

Even though I heartily agree with both taow and CH about depression being the most likely culprit for what you are experiencing (and think you should get it treated), I also want to support a healthy balance between socializing and not socializing. In university dorms there is almost an expectation to always be socializing. you are a writer among other things, and maybe periods of withdrawing are something to honor. In no way am I trying to minimize what is bothering you--and these feelings obviously are--just be sure to always explore feelings completely when they are bothersome.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Don't feel bad I have had times when I didn't want to socialize with people or even go out around them. CBT or just talking to someone can help.

Also just forcing yourself to go out and be around people in public like at a cafe, restaurant, bookstore, or in public can help a lot.

 

[Pagey]

paranoid android, you've described EXACTLY how I feel. How long has this been happening to you? Is there any way you've found to make it less annoying?
taow I'm glad to hear the meds helped you so much. I'm going to be put on anti-depressants so hopefully it'll do me as much good.
herby, I'm reassured to hear that. It's true most people here are literally going out for 5-6 hours, sometimes more, together every single night to a pub or club or something. I go with them maybe every two or three days but most of the time I'm bored enough as it is to consider doing it more. The thing is then I feel like they're all getting super close and I'm a bit excluded. I don't really know what to do because I seriously don't want to start forcing myself to go out that much.

Thanks for the answers everyone

 

[Beachcat]

Pagey - I know exactly how you feel..I have been there myself. I think two things are important.

First of all, it is OK to want to spend meaningful time with yourself rather than participate is somewhat meaningless interaction with others. I know you are at university, and often socializing there can mean getting together, drinking, going out, etc. this is not fun for me, only every once in a while, so I usually choose to do something else.

Secondly, though, you have to be able to gauge if this is your depression talking and messing up your interactions. If so, until therapy, meds, whatever kick in, it may be smart to force yourself to have some interactions.

You have had so much going on, going away to college is a huge adjustment in the middle of all of this. You are very obviously intelligent, compassionate, a nice person, and I have no doubt that in time you will find a person to connect with who shares these traits. Until then, it seems like you are heading in the right direction with CBT and just understanding that you might have a problem is a huge step in the right direction.

I will be thinking good thoughts for you!

 

[theartofwar]

I'm so happy to hear how you're doing John. :D

You should write a success story now! %)

In time bro - when I have like half a year of stable living and more to show for taking others advice and not my own stubborn head I will. That bein said, appartment, car, license, school, job are all back in my life after being clean for 7 months. And while I went on a lil run I have a much more stable program now that works charms for me, so we will see brother. Take care,
-john
ps - sorry to get off topic in here OP - I do pray and hope you are doing better

 

[Pagey]

Beachcat, thank you very much for your advice. I do think the depression is playing a gigantic role in this so I've been trying to push myself to see people but I'm getting so tired of it. I should really go to the common room eventually tonight and see if anyone's going out (well, people always are) but I probably won't in the end...I wish I had a good friend here who I could just ask what was happening and then just go with the flow or something; rather than just having to go and ask random people in my hall what they're doing, which I hate.
I just feel like it's been going so downhill recently. I don't think I've been considering suicide this closely since april when I attempted it. I'm just at the end