Yeah xanax/alpraz can be a bitch. Whenever I get some now Im so much more disciplined than I used to be. Ill give myself a buffer for guilt free self indulgence then split the rest into halves. As an example say I have 30 1mg tablets I mentally designate 15 for splitting into halves and using responsibly and the other 15 for being a benzo abusing mother fucker. Obviously the first 15 may only last 3, 4 or 5 days.... because lets face it, the fun of drugs is the "fuck it" attitude that we (us folks who enjoy drugs

) have that allow us to purge our bullshit instantly with an impulsive decision to have 2mg instead of 1 and the excitement that impulsive decisions like that make allow you to forget about your own bullshit.
Because impulsive decisions are fun. but planned out deliberate and responsible decisions arent fun.
But anyway talking alpraz specifically even after a week of maybe 3 or 4mg a day even 0.5mg can still have a positive effect on mood and anxiety alleviation. For instance, you know that shitty feeling in the morning where you wake up, take a piss, go back to bed and snooze for a bit, then essentially youre internal dialog is awake in your head and it starts doing its circular bullshit, seemingly on autopilot, and you can feel the anxiety rising inside you..... etc etc.
Well Ive found instead of going through this bullshit routine every morning just because I dont wanna get up and desperately want to get another hours sleep..... well forcing yourself to get up before the merry-go-round in your head starts up...... make yourself a coffee.... and drop a 0.5mg alpraz. It fuckin works. It really does because youre not thinking of having fun or getting high, you just wanna wake up and feel strong and comfortable within yourself and ready to tackle the day. Well I swear I could be doing 5 or 6mg a day in 1 or 2mg doses, yet despite this calmly easing yourself into the day with 0.5mg can absolutely work and is a great way to start the day off on a positive note.
.... then I might give myself a 2mg per day limit and have the other 0.5mgs and various times during the day. The shit works mother fucker. The shit works.
Basically my point is totally have fun with it because it can be super fun, but used responsibly with discipline and a sense of purpose the shit can work wonders. Its taken me a while to get to this point but I feel like Im finally starting to 'get it'.