curioushat
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2011
- Messages
- 150
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I was simply an experiment that is expected to terminate at age 20. Honestly, I watch people with so little make so much of themselves, and then people with so much to make so little of themselves. It's depressing and I wake up every single day counting off reasons why I am a pathetic failure unworthy of the body that I inhabit.
Every time I try to make a positive change in my life I end up sabotaging myself and kill even more hope for the future. I said I would stop using all drugs fora little while last week, and LOL what a joke that was. Instead of quitting for a week, I found myself vaping heroin, smoking tobacco and drinking Everclear for the first time in my life, and this happened after just six days! What a joke! Everybody point and stare at this loser!
I mean, what's the point of even trying if I'm going to fuck up so predictably? I try to avoid setting myself up for failure, but even when I set small basic easy goals like this I end up making a complete fool of myself. It's embarrassing, disheartening, and frankly at this point it's a running joke with the people inside my head about how much of a complete full blown failure that I am.
I'm making fun of myself while I sock myself in the face over and over and over whilst laughing at the hilarity of just how pathetic I am. I'm doomed to one of two outcomes: keep on lying to myself and pretending that I am worth more than a warm bucket of spit, or just giving up and ending this sadistic comedy routine. But option one only works if there's a popcorn station in the hallway, in the form of pools of blood and gobs of pus.
It's like sending a mentally retarded six year old to Harvard to study for his PhD. For a typical sadist, it would be quite hilarious to trick the gullible little boy to believe in himself, just to watch his pain and suffering when he fails absolutely miserably over and over again. Even though his exam average is a solid 0%, you still tell the boy to "never give up! You can do it!" while you're bursting into laughter so hard that you can hardly keep a straight face.
Seriously, who up in 'heaven' is getting off to this and how soon is she going to climax? I'm tired of being someone's sadistic sexual fantasy; the only way I can get back at her is to kill myself before she cums. At least that way she knows that I figured out what was going on and decided to screw her by quitting before the game was over.
I clearly, conclusively deserve to die by a painful, tortuous gory self inflicted suicide in the next week or two. All that is left is planning what day to do it. I'm thinking a week from Monday, who else thinks that's the best time and day? I can at least go absolute ham over the weekend, using a needle the first time to shoot up coke, heroin, and ecstasy. Why not enjoy life for a change, the few days before you're going to violently murder yourself?
Every time I try to make a positive change in my life I end up sabotaging myself and kill even more hope for the future. I said I would stop using all drugs fora little while last week, and LOL what a joke that was. Instead of quitting for a week, I found myself vaping heroin, smoking tobacco and drinking Everclear for the first time in my life, and this happened after just six days! What a joke! Everybody point and stare at this loser!
I mean, what's the point of even trying if I'm going to fuck up so predictably? I try to avoid setting myself up for failure, but even when I set small basic easy goals like this I end up making a complete fool of myself. It's embarrassing, disheartening, and frankly at this point it's a running joke with the people inside my head about how much of a complete full blown failure that I am.
I'm making fun of myself while I sock myself in the face over and over and over whilst laughing at the hilarity of just how pathetic I am. I'm doomed to one of two outcomes: keep on lying to myself and pretending that I am worth more than a warm bucket of spit, or just giving up and ending this sadistic comedy routine. But option one only works if there's a popcorn station in the hallway, in the form of pools of blood and gobs of pus.
It's like sending a mentally retarded six year old to Harvard to study for his PhD. For a typical sadist, it would be quite hilarious to trick the gullible little boy to believe in himself, just to watch his pain and suffering when he fails absolutely miserably over and over again. Even though his exam average is a solid 0%, you still tell the boy to "never give up! You can do it!" while you're bursting into laughter so hard that you can hardly keep a straight face.
Seriously, who up in 'heaven' is getting off to this and how soon is she going to climax? I'm tired of being someone's sadistic sexual fantasy; the only way I can get back at her is to kill myself before she cums. At least that way she knows that I figured out what was going on and decided to screw her by quitting before the game was over.
I clearly, conclusively deserve to die by a painful, tortuous gory self inflicted suicide in the next week or two. All that is left is planning what day to do it. I'm thinking a week from Monday, who else thinks that's the best time and day? I can at least go absolute ham over the weekend, using a needle the first time to shoot up coke, heroin, and ecstasy. Why not enjoy life for a change, the few days before you're going to violently murder yourself?
