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I have cancer.

Eyes On the Roll

Eyes On the Roll

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2010
Messages
692
Location
Heaven
I have stage 3 melanoma.
Ever since I was 13, my parents have made it pertinent that I see a dermatologist at least twice a year. Since I stopped talking to my father about 2 years ago, he dropped me from his health insurance and I have been without health insurance for quite a while, so I haven't been going to the dermatologist. I've had several biopsy's in my short life time that have shown up as cancerous. I haven't gone in quite a while. I'm half Irish, half Italian, living in south Florida. Recently, I paid complete cash to see a dermatologist at my sisters urgings.. had a few suspicious spots removed and sent for biopsy. Got a call today saying I have stage 3 melanoma (ther's more to it than that but I don't care to elaborate). I'm 21. I don't really care to be honest. It's a bout time karma caught up with me.. I've done so much fucked up shit in my day and have gotten away scott free. Whatever happens next, I don't care. I have no health insurance, I have a rich father whom I don't like and don't talk to. I won't be able to afford the treatment, so I'd rather just pass on. I'm indifferent to it all, really. If I come out of it fully heaed, that would just be cruel. There is no possible way I would be able to afford the bills without my dad, and I will not ever accept my fathers money ever again.
 
I'm very sorry to hear you are dealing with that. I can't believe that at age 21 you have accumulated enough bad karma that you deserve this. Many young people have done things their parents don't approve of, it does not mean they are bad people. There is much for you to live for. I think there are options for persons that can't affort treatment, you should check into available services. Also, it sounds like your sister cares a lot about you, maybe she could help.
 
Oh, no. EotR, I had to read this and read this and read this all the while having my head just saying, NO

This is not karma. This is the random lottery of life and even if you don't agree with me, I think it sucks. All I can say is that I do not want this to be true. I care about you very much.
 
really sorry to hear that. You may feel like you deserve it but you don't. Whatever you have done in your past, you should come to terms with it and accept it as being in the past, don't let it define you. It's probably a relief to just give in the towel and let yourself die but this experience could also reawaken you and give you drive to change your life. I really don't think there is some force in the universe that is going to punish or reward anyone for any action. Life is what it is and inherently there is no right or wrong, all is one.

The financial aspect sucks, but what do other people do? just die? I'm not sure how things work over there but i don't think that's the case. It would not be cruel for you to get treatment and be fully healed. You do not need to be punished or tortured or destroyed. I think it would help to get rid of all this guilt, it must be a lot to carry around, whatever you have done, you can face it and move on. You are only 21. I've thought that my life was completely fucked and over plenty of times and i'm still going.
 
2hwgs3c.jpg

well there it is. A sample was taken from the top layer for testing. As you can see it's kinda spreading, and more extensive than what appears on top. Just looking at the size of it you coud probably understand that I've known what it was all along, expecially since I've been going to the dermatologist forever and I have learned to spot irregularities myself. I guess I just didn't care. I'm indifferent to it all really. We're gonna try to remove all of it, but most likely it's going to grow back of course. Probably can't even remove it all cause it's spread so deep and infected my lymph nodes. Which would lead to isolated limb perfusion with chemotherapy. Radiation will be used with removal surgery.
 
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You're young and I'm sure your prognosis is encouraging.

Karma has nothing to do with cancer. You'll get through this, grow up and be a better person in the end.
 
there is a lot of hope for you with this, there are many methods of treatment that are accepted and encouraged, but still in trial.

"Curcumin, an active ingredient in turmeric, is an antioxidant. Antioxidants are compounds that can protect the body’s cells from damage caused by activated oxygen molecules known as free radicals. Laboratory studies have also shown that curcumin interferes with several important molecular pathways involved in cancer development, growth, and spread."
American Cancer Society

"Laboratory tests of both animal and human cells have shown that citrus limonoids (found in lime and other citrus fruits) can help fight cancers of the mouth, skin, lung, breast, stomach, and colon. Limonen works on the body to increase the levels of liver enzymes involved in detoxifying carcinogens.

New research at the Agricultural Research Service in northern California, has shown that humans can easily use the limonoid called limonin, and therefore enjoy all its health benefits, simply by biting into citrus fruit. One of its main features is that it can stay in the body for up to 24 hours after consumption, making it an effective way to reduce the growth of cancer cells."
Elements4Life

"These studies outline several functionally important classes of genes, which are associated with immune response, signal transduction, cell signaling, transcriptional regulation, apoptosis and cell cycle regulation and provide insight into the molecular signaling mechanisms that are modulated by Ashwagandha, thereby highlighting the use of this bioflavanoid as effective chemopreventive agent relevant to prostate cancer progression."
US National Library Of Medicine

_________
there is much more information out there, and amongst all these things, hope and love do also heal by allowing your cells to feel peace too. a harmony between health and happiness does a lot for us all.
 
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thanks for all the love herbavore, panic and cyc. Although I must admit I kinda deserve it. I've fucked so many people over who were close to me for my own benefit and have not felt bad or thought twice.Melanoma is not really that serious, but this has spread to my lymph nodes and it will be quite a daunting task to eradicate it all together if it is possible at this stage. I'd rather just be taken out to be honest. There is no way I want to live the rest of my life piled under enormous hospital bills. My sister wants me to go forth with treatment and I guess I'll do it for her, since we're really one in the same. I haven't met anyone as cut throat as her, and I've always felt that we have related a lot. And for her to be reaching out for me, out of everyone, and showing love, I'll ride it out in honor of her expressions of love that I thought she was otherwise incapable of. Her new found feelings of empathy have shown me that there is always hope,
 
I wouldn't worry about the hospital bills. Don't they have an obligation to treat you even if you are uninsured? Just let them pile up and focus on your health and getting better. I just wouldn't worry about it. To tell you the truth I'd probably never pay them either.
 
to eyes on the roll.........

you sir, are an inspiration, keep on doing what you are doing and the world will be a better place for it.
 
Eyes buddy, I don't mean any offense toward your views on karma, but I think they could stand to be reviewed. If at all, if you really truly have bad karma coming your way, it's probably going to be in the realm of being fucked over, not cancer. Imo, karma stays in the same domain as it was created in. Ie, punch a random stranger in the face and get hit in the face with something else, an eye for an eye if you will.

Second off, )>*.*)>

It'll be alright, but now is not the time to be negative. You've got enough on your plate, it would probably be best if you did some serious meditation or prayer, whatever it is that gets you centered and serene.

If you smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol, now would probably be the time to at least cut back. A revision in diet might make things work out better for you as well, if not make you feel better alone.

Lastly dude, thanks for telling us about this, it must be hard to pick and choose who to tell things like this. A strong support system will help you get through this <3

Ps-I'll send up a prayer for you myself, hope it helps <3
 
Yes there are quite a few people that swear by cannabis oil to help with skin cancer. Sorry for the lack of info but dude do some research and check it out and see what you can find. I know it sounds far fetched but apparently there is some proof cannabis oil helps.

All the very best dude, good luck!
 
I'm so sorry EotR. I guess the 'positive' side to all this is that skin cancer isn't a death sentence. My 83 year old grandfather got it and is now cured. Don't give up :( <3
 
herbavore said:
Oh, no. EotR, I had to read this and read this and read this all the while having my head just saying, NO

This is not karma. This is the random lottery of life and even if you don't agree with me, I think it sucks. All I can say is that I do not want this to be true. I care about you very much.
Click to expand...

Sums up my thoughts. Nobody deserves this. I'm sorry EotR, I really am. I have nothing more that I can think of saying because Herbavore summed it all up. I hope you don't decide to give up, I know I'd miss your presence on TDS and there are people who'd miss your presence in real life.
 
I'm sorry to hear this what did the dermatologist say? I know people who have had skin cancer and they got treatment for it, and are now cancer free.

I know it's easy to beat yourself up but you didn't deserve to get cancer and feeling this way about yourself won't help.
 
Memeito said:
<snip> bad advice- badfish
Click to expand...

... My advice is don't do this.

Honestly, though, this is something that is treatable with a good doctor. Unfortunately healthcare isn't all inclusive in this country and sometimes simply getting well can set you back many thousands of dollars. On the other hand, there are options and they're worth pursuing. I've had the experience of being pretty close to death, and having been through that and come out the other side, I can honestly say that I'm grateful for a second chance, and it changes you. Here's hoping that you do what you need to do to get better.
 
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Eyes On the Roll said:
I have stage 3 melanoma.
Ever since I was 13, my parents have made it pertinent that I see a dermatologist at least twice a year. Since I stopped talking to my father about 2 years ago, he dropped me from his health insurance and I have been without health insurance for quite a while, so I haven't been going to the dermatologist. I've had several biopsy's in my short life time that have shown up as cancerous. I haven't gone in quite a while. I'm half Irish, half Italian, living in south Florida. Recently, I paid complete cash to see a dermatologist at my sisters urgings.. had a few suspicious spots removed and sent for biopsy. Got a call today saying I have stage 3 melanoma (ther's more to it than that but I don't care to elaborate). I'm 21. I don't really care to be honest. It's a bout time karma caught up with me.. I've done so much fucked up shit in my day and have gotten away scott free. Whatever happens next, I don't care. I have no health insurance, I have a rich father whom I don't like and don't talk to. I won't be able to afford the treatment, so I'd rather just pass on. I'm indifferent to it all, really. If I come out of it fully heaed, that would just be cruel. There is no possible way I would be able to afford the bills without my dad, and I will not ever accept my fathers money ever again.
Click to expand...

I developed stage 2 cancer at the ripe age of 19 and it certainly wasn't karma related. I'm not sure what your financial situation is but look into medicare/medicaid. They literally covered every bill of mine 100%. Alot of people end up filing bankruptcy due to medical bills. Its actually quite common and should be used as an option if you absolutely have to. Beating cancer will probably be the hardest thing you've ever gone through but I promise you'll feel like a completely new person when you do.
 
All I can do is send all my love as I'm reading through this crying. I turn 21 in November. I would feel like i deserved it too. But reading this no, no, no please no. Don't give up. I haven't spoke much to you, if at all but you are a fellow BLer that has all my love. <3
 
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